i have a hard time keeping friends

[dvsxx6]

if you were to meet me, you would think i have a really upbeat and sociable personality. and i do. i have an easy time making small talk about things here and there but i have one huuge problem.

 

after the first time i meet someone, i feel like i don't know how to interact. there's really no substance in the friendships. it's easy to make small talk in the beginning. sure, i can comment on what we're doing at the time, observe the surroundings, genuinely compliment the person, or just small things here and there. but it's not enough.

 

there's a weak foundation to my friendships, and i think the only things i have going for me are my looks and my small talk. and it's getting really frustrating

 

i used to be a really funny person, but for some reason because i feel that i'm not funny anymore, i put a lot of pressure on myself to make others laugh and have a good time. but it actually happens about 5% of the time i'm out.. i'm too self conscious about making others laugh and also about what to say about beyond small talk.

 

this is reaally putting a strain on my friendships, and though im a risk-taker most of the times, the pressure i put on myself makes me not want to talk to people after meeting them the first time. the rejection is just unbearable at times.

 

i've read the dr. phil books, i do a lot of reading and i write in a journal but that doesn't seem to be enough. i'm tired of going through this trial and error crap, and it's pretty discouraging when it's been happening for a couple of years. it's been tough and i want someone to call true friends.. though i know that realistically, it will take time and it won't happen over nite. i'm still a work in progress

 

any suggestions? thanks

[beautifulearth83]

These types of things are actually going on with more people than you think. It's good to care about what you offer others in friendships. You mentioned not feeling as funny a person as you used to. That may be a good time to maybe really pay attention to somebody whom you know that is funny. Tell them how funny they are. Learn from their flow. Sometimes that sort of thing helps you with your own flow.

 

I'm not saying put anybody on a pedestal and/or cut yourself short. I just mean continuing to learn from others while working on who you are. See how people relate. Then you'll have more to respond to, and jokes will come off your tongue, because you'll mean them, not because you're forcing it with your brain. I think that makes sense. Take what you need from this response and leave what you don't.

 

Good Luck

[dvsxx6]

These types of things are actually going on with more people than you think. It's good to care about what you offer others in friendships. You mentioned not feeling as funny a person as you used to. That may be a good time to maybe really pay attention to somebody whom you know that is funny. Tell them how funny they are. Learn from their flow. Sometimes that sort of thing helps you with your own flow.

 

I'm not saying put anybody on a pedestal and/or cut yourself short. I just mean continuing to learn from others while working on who you are. See how people relate. Then you'll have more to respond to, and jokes will come off your tongue, because you'll mean them, not because you're forcing it with your brain. I think that makes sense. Take what you need from this response and leave what you don't.

 

Good Luck

 

I looove to watch family guy, which makes me laugh and I also try to emulate my parents cause they are soo funny, but of course everyone has their own style. I've even looked up books to try to better my sense of humor. . but books can't help me, I know it's through experience. I'm still a work in progress. I'm trying to think of women celebrities who I think are funny, and I really can't think of any. And besides, they probably have someone feeding them what to say anyhow.. hm. I'll have to do some searching. lol. Well I'm going to take your advice, [all of it] and not dwell on this too much. I just gota go w/ things and not let it bother me while I'm out..

 

Thanks again for your advice. I think we share a lot of the same ideas and it's great to know that someone understands what I mean! Aloha

[McFadden]

You don't have to be funny and entertaining all the time for people to like you. I always have friends that have at least one main interest or life thing in common. Such as a hobby or working together and from there it is easier to build a friendship because there's always that topic of conversation to fall back on. Then before you know it youre friends and youre comfortable around each other whether that one interest stays in common or not.