Psycho/sociopath/NPD...? Or is it just me...?

[Chinook]

Hi..

 

I'm sitting here still feeling like I have been hit by a tornado. Don't mind me, I just need to write this down some place.

 

My ex-partner/bf dumped me 2 weeks ago without thought or feeling. We were having some problems but not anything I didn't think we would be able to sort out. My problem is, I don't know whether I'm just rationalizing his behavior because I was dumped - or whether I'm actually really lucky to be away from him. I feel like dirt. My confidence is through the floor and I have no idea how to pick up the pieces. But I feel like I can see everything clearly for the first time in months. My only problem is the relationships I have been in so far, the guys have been good guys and the relationships ended for usually amicable reasons. With this, I'm kinda traumatized because I just have no idea how it happened and what the hell I did to cause it. Like I said we had some problems but nothing that I didn't think was able to get sorted out. But that was before I started seeing things as they are, not as I thought they were. It's crazy but it feels like the person I knew and fell for, doesn't exist anymore, if he ever did.

 

I met him 8 months ago. When I met him he was charming, polite, caring, thoughtful and kind. But something didn't ever feel right. I could never work out what it was. I could never understand why my gut never felt right because he did the right things and said the right things. In the end, I thought it was just me being cynical and burned by life - and over the last couple of years I'd had a long history of running away from commitment in relationships because I was so scared of getting hurt. It took me a long time to trust him. But basically, over time I actually did trust him and let my walls down. Then things began to change and right the way along, he has turned things around on me and said it's my fault.

 

He's 34 and lives alone now. He did have a house with his ex-w but he said he left and moved back into his own place (which he had kept and rented out whilst with her). That kinda makes me think he wasn't ever committed to that relationship anyhow. He has 2 children with 2 different women. Both of these children he says he was 'tricked' into getting the women pregnant. The younger child he told me initially that the child was on the way and that was why he got married and then later told me that the child was two years old at the wedding. He has also demonized both women to me as being bitches/manipulators. Dysfunctional childhood issues (so he says). He's also called his kids derogatory names. I refused to meet the kids because he made comments about me taking care of them whilst he carries on working, so he wouldn't have to pay out for childcare during the holidays.

 

He says he has had some issues as an adolescent with the law, where he would get into trouble for fighting when going out to his local clubs and bars. I don't know whether he had a criminal record or not. I don't think so. But I'll never know.

 

No empathy/caring for people or others around him. Like I said, originally I had felt he was walking the walk and talking the talk. It didn't feel right. Then over time there have been instances where he has shown absolutely no empathy for my thoughts or feelings. In Feb I had a hospital appointment and I was really scared that cancer would be found (having had it previously). The fear was huge inside me and I explained it. But he dismissed it. Then a short while ago I was in a 4 car pile up. I wasn't injured but I was severely traumatized by it. My confidence was zero in the car. The day it happened, he complained I'd had the accident too far away for him to come pick me up (he did come to pick me up in the end because I couldn't drive) and later he told me to make sure the next time I had an accident to ensure my will was written leaving everything to him.

 

One of our very first arguments a couple of months ago was because he called me a whore. I kicked him out the house at the time. But he turned it around on me and said he was joking and I over-reacted - whilst for me, I was appalled that anyone I cared about could see me in that manner. He's also called me other names and belittled me in front of my friends whilst out socially.

 

Speaking of friends, he has more or less either tried to befriend my friends and so isolating me from sources of confidential advice... or he has spoken about them in a derogatory manner. When I first met him I was supposed to go to a gig with him but couldn't make it. He actually asked my best friend to go in my place. I was fine with it because there was no way she was going to entertain his charm (she wasn't ever keen on him and couldn't work out why). At that time, I couldn't work out what it was that was so odd about it - then it hit me, why didn't he take any of HIS friends...? In 8 months I never met a single one of his friends.

 

Speaking mentally, I feel like I've been run over by a truck. It's like none of my thoughts or feelings mattered. I don't know when the veneer started to slip but I certainly felt manipulated and unheard. But when I asked him about it right at the start, he said he felt exactly the same way... that the relationship was all about me and my needs. I kinda changed after that and never really voiced my opinions about things. I felt sad and unhappy because the person I had fallen for was disappearing. I found myself apologizing for things he had done and their impact on me. I found myself giving in for things which I didn't think were right (i.e. the whore incident, I ended up apologizing for over-reacting when I actually hadn't at all).

 

Then there are the physical things. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. But my physical wants and needs are pretty much normal. I came to realize pretty quickly that the physicalness of sex didn't really turn him on. The emotional closeness to someone didn't really do anything for him. He even admitted that he didn't drink alcohol because he knows he gets rough with a partner. That really shocked me. Then one night we talked about sexual fantasies. I'm used to hearing from my guypals about the two-women scenario etc. But this guy talked about more than that. He talked about being talked dirty to and doing anal sex...which I wasn't comfortable with at all. Then one time during sex he slapped me. I don't just mean a light hearted smack on the backside, I mean a really heavy handed slap. I was bruised for days. It hurt me so much, I actually cried...and stopped. He laughed and said I was being a baby because it was a bit of fun. I felt so stupid. I knew then what was happening. Then later that evening, I was at his computer and accidentally clicked an address that came up on the drop down menu. I wanted one thing and clicked something else. When the page came up, it was a hardcore porn site. I don't really have too much of a problem with guys using porn because I know it's a visual thing. But this stuff was just sick stuff. I asked him about it and he said 'I pay for it, so what..?' Like it was a challenge for me to do something about it. I dropped the subject because I knew somehow it was going to work out to be my fault.

 

There are other minor things which make me think he's scary. His book shelves are stuffed full of serial killer biogs, criminal investigation biogs and the psychology behind the nazi war criminals etc. I know that's not extraordinary - but for someone who doesn't have patience with people or time for reading, I just find it odd that he'd read that kind of stuff. It makes me wonder whether he was trying to learn about the type of person he is. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he's a SK! Not saying that at all. Just that he's learning what makes him tick. He told me his oldest child fits the profile of a SK. A loner, cruel to animals and other things. It just amazes me that a parent would say this about their own kid. I can't get my head around it.

 

I think the thing which I'm most worried about is that when he dumped me, he did so unceremoniously. It feels very much like 'I'm done with you' and I've been discarded. That's fine because like I said, I'm not sure that I haven't had a lucky escape. But it was that which brought home the complete lack of compassion for another's pain - and this was a guy who said he loved me. My problem now is it has left my confidence in tatters and my trust in people is hugely affected. I've got a friend I've known for 4 years and just this week now, I find myself not trusting what he's saying because I've heard so many lies. It's not just him I'm like that with either. One of my girlfriends was asked by a member of our running club what happened with the relationship and I was really angry because I felt they were gossiping (when they were probably concerned). I have no idea how to recover from this person's toxic influence. The worst thing is, as everyone else has stated in other threads, I feel like it's me that's crazy because if I said 'he did this, he did that, he's crazy' then it would make me look like neurotic-ex-bitch-from-hell...because he's such a nice guy.

 

I'm thinking about counselling but it's so costly here. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to read and write as much as I can. I know I haven't been as badly affected by this person as some people have but it's still left me feeling traumatized because I felt it at the start and didn't do anything about it.

 

[quankanne]

I'm thinking about counselling but it's so costly here. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to read and write as much as I can.

 

 

check with the local women's shelter and see what kinds of resources they have access to. You might also call an abuse hotline in your area for the same information. There are all kinds of places who work with women in your situation, and they often have a sliding scale for payment because they understand that victims usually don't have a lot of money.

 

I know I haven't been as badly affected by this person as some people have but it's still left me feeling traumatized because I felt it at the start and didn't do anything about it.

 

don't kid yourself – this guy did a number on you emotionally and mentally, and that's still abuse even though there is no "evidence" or proof. That kind of shxt wears down a victim to a point where self-esteem is low or non-existent, and it takes a lot of guts to leave or seek help – according to a friend of mine who works with abused non-citizens here in my part of the state says that it takes a woman in an abusive relationship seven attempts before she leaves ... and some of those women only get out through a body bag.

 

so yes, get some kind of counselling, whether it's through a public agency or a church whose ministers are equipped to deal with this kind of situation, because you'll be on the path to healing with a good support system in place.

[nittygritty]

 

He has also demonized both women to me as being bitches/manipulators. Dysfunctional childhood issues (so he says). He's also called his kids derogatory names.

 

He says he has had some issues as an adolescent with the law, where he would get into trouble for fighting when going out to his local clubs and bars.

 

No empathy/caring for people or others around him.

 

Then over time there have been instances where he has shown absolutely no empathy for my thoughts or feelings.

 

One of our very first arguments a couple of months ago was because he called me a whore.

 

He's also called me other names and belittled me in front of my friends whilst out socially.

 

Then one time during sex he slapped me. I don't just mean a light hearted smack on the backside, I mean a really heavy handed slap. I was bruised for days. It hurt me so much, I actually cried...and stopped. He laughed and said I was being a baby because it was a bit of fun.

 

He told me his oldest child fits the profile of a SK. A loner, cruel to animals and other things.

 

 

 

He is an abusive misogynist. He may have more than one personality and character disorders.

 

If you really want to understand why he may be the way he is his childhood may offer more clues. His parents relationship with each other and his relationship with his mom and dad. The way he was disciplined and any abusive or significant events that happened to him or that he witnessed.

 

His oldest child fits the profile of an abused child.

 

I think counseling will help you recover from this and deal with the trauma that you have been through. An abusive relationship does a lot of damage to the self esteem. It makes you question your judgement and examine the why's of what has happened. A good mental health professional can help you recover from this ordeal. You also need to get your boundary fences up so that this doesn't ever happen again.

 

Be thankful that your no longer in this situation and be prepared for him to come and try to either win you back or pay you back for leaving.

 

Take Care of Yourself

[Chinook]

Quankanne -- Thankyou. I hadn't thought about the local church groups. I'm not particularly religious per se, but my Mom and Dad are. My Dad is a lay minister for the sick, so maybe he knows a priest or counsellor I can talk with. Of course, that means discussing the way things were with my parents. Neither of them met my b/f in all the 8 months we were together and I realize now it's probably because he didn't want them to see he was a fraud towards me.

 

Nittygritty -- you know, when I first met him and mentioned to one of my girlfriends about the 2 kids with 2 different women and his attitude towards them, she said back then 'he has a respect-for-women issue'. I didn't really think about it...but since then I have heard him have a full-on row with his ex-w on the phone in my presence, in my house! He made no excuse for his behavior. Also, we went away on holiday and whilst away, his youngest broke her leg. I fully expected him to say he wanted to go home because the kid was in hospital - he refused. He called the ex-w about it and that was it! Also I notice that he has a special affinity for the girl child (younger) than the boy. Don't forget they have different mothers...but I found it odd that he would call the girl every evening and not once did I hear him call the little boy. I did ask him about it and he refused to comment and said something about his (the child's) mother not allowing it.

 

As for boundary fences. I'm afraid that they're going to be impenetrable now. I found it hard to trust anyone to start with due to previous experiences with a partner deserting me during cancer treatment (he didn't deal with it very well and carried on working when his employer offered him time off to care for me). Following the break up of the last LTR - I had dumped 4 guys over the course of the following 4 years because I became very afraid of being too close to someone. With this guy I consciously took a chance. Plus, he did the angelic-charm thing at the start. My sadness at the moment in part revolves around the fact that it took me a long time to learn to trust anyone and now, I can barely talk to anyone (male and female alike) without wondering what their motives are.

 

I am thankful I am no longer in the situation. He dumped me unceremoniously and I can see now how that would be with an NPD person. He has said that when this happened previously, he walked away without looking back (classic) and moved on. I sincerely think he was cheating on me or he was already back on relatively good terms with his ex-w. She is welcome to him. As long as it keeps him away from me. As it is though, he lives 160 miles from me (we were LDR for part of the week) and I have blocked his email, MSN and Yahoo. I have also sent him the mobile phone back which he gave me. The only way he can contact me is by coming here or getting my new cell number from a friend. I really don't think he's going to try to come back. That said, he's already in payback mode. We're in the same running club and he's already started alienating my friends - and they (especially the guys) are susceptible to it because they have no clue...!!!

[Jasmine8719]

wow!...your really lucky you got out of a that situation, most people dont. Its easy to see why you could'nt trust people and why your confidence is low....mine definantly would be too....I would say to try to start finding yourself, do things that you love talk to your friends more...try to pick one of your friends you feel most confident about building a strong relationship so you can trust other people...but i think counciling would be well worth the money for your case....you were in an abusive situation and you definantly realize that...and all you can do is take one step at a time..good luck and dont look back to him.

-Jasmine

[Chinook]

wow!...your really lucky you got out of a that situation, most people dont.

I know. One of my over-riding emotions at the moment was how it was so easy. I'm normally a mentally tough person and I can't see how I fell so far. I know we're not perfect as human beings - but I came through so much already, this is the last thing I was looking out for really!

 

Its easy to see why you could'nt trust people and why your confidence is low....mine definantly would be too....I would say to try to start finding yourself, do things that you love talk to your friends more...try to pick one of your friends you feel most confident about building a strong relationship so you can trust other people.

Yeah, I have a couple of really close friends who have been really good. I am on the 'processing it all' rollercoaster at the moment and each time I see or hear things, it's triggering other memories I'd blocked or initial thoughts I had ignored. But I'm not allowing myself to shy away from it. I'm facing it - so that I can become that tough independent person again. Actually looking back, the thing which made him end the relationship was what he saw as being a very harsh email I had sent. In the days up to the break up, I had caught him in several lies. He tried to say that he was lying to protect me. That was the final wake up call for me. I told him that I was a professional, I had seen and done many things, I had broken my back and learned to walk again and then I had cancer too. I had lost my partner in that previous life (pre-cancer) and I had learned to hope, trust and give again. I didn't NEED protecting from anything or anyone...least of all his lies. I explained that when it came down to it, he lied and that was the one thing which was a dealbreaker for me. His reply was "Goodbye". So it was almost like he knew there was no point then in trying to carry on manipulating and causing me pain because he wouldn't break me. For me, after the initial pain of the break-up, I realized it was best this way because that clash of personality and his need to be right, central and dominant, would lead us down the path to verbal and physical abuse (which actually had already started). So I kinda know I'm lucky. Right now, I have an uneasy feeling in my guts that Nittygritty is right and I really haven't seen or heard the last of him. I hope I have, but I'm not sure.

 

but i think counciling would be well worth the money for your case....you were in an abusive situation and you definantly realize that...and all you can do is take one step at a time..good luck and dont look back to him -Jasmine

I don't intend to. I intend to be guarded and vigilant because I have no doubt that if he wanted to be, he could be dangerous and he's a largely built, tall guy. I'm only a slight thing. There is no way I would win in any physical altercations. As for counselling, I'm away from work this week on leave so I'm going to try to look into it now rather than later.

 

:sigh:

[nittygritty]

Nittygritty -- you know, when I first met him and mentioned to one of my girlfriends about the 2 kids with 2 different women and his attitude towards them, she said back then 'he has a respect-for-women issue'. I didn't really think about it...but since then I have heard him have a full-on row with his ex-w on the phone in my presence, in my house! He made no excuse for his behavior. Also, we went away on holiday and whilst away, his youngest broke her leg. I fully expected him to say he wanted to go home because the kid was in hospital - he refused. He called the ex-w about it and that was it! Also I notice that he has a special affinity for the girl child (younger) than the boy. Don't forget they have different mothers...but I found it odd that he would call the girl every evening and not once did I hear him call the little boy. I did ask him about it and he refused to comment and said something about his (the child's) mother not allowing it.

 

I didn't mention it earlier but his oldest son being cruel to animals is usually a symptom of sexual abuse in children. Did he say anything about his son having a fascination with fire or burning things?

[Chinook]

I didn't mention it earlier but his oldest son being cruel to animals is usually a symptom of sexual abuse in children. Did he say anything about his son having a fascination with fire or burning things?

He didn't say anything. But then to be honest, he said he had never been present in the child's life as a constant parental figure. He said the boy's mother had 'tricked' him by getting him drunk and getting her pregnant - because he had already ended the relationship. Apparently he fought the mother in court for parental rights to see his son on a regular basis... and sees him every other weekend (whilst the girl he sees every weekend). His excuse for not seeing them equally was the boy had never been used to him there, whereas the girl had. The more I think about it, the odder it seems. He says the boy has autism but I'm not sure, as I say...I never met them.

[nittygritty]

He didn't say anything. But then to be honest, he said he had never been present in the child's life as a constant parental figure. He said the boy's mother had 'tricked' him by getting him drunk and getting her pregnant - because he had already ended the relationship. Apparently he fought the mother in court for parental rights to see his son on a regular basis... and sees him every other weekend (whilst the girl he sees every weekend). His excuse for not seeing them equally was the boy had never been used to him there, whereas the girl had. The more I think about it, the odder it seems. He says the boy has autism but I'm not sure, as I say...I never met them.

 

I asked because my best friend is a Psychologist and she used to counsel abused kids.

 

I don't know if your ex ever used your computer but if he did you need to make sure that he did not download anything illegal on it.

 

I'm not trying to scare you with that or what I said earlier about him possibly trying to pay you back. I just think in these types of situations it is better to be safe than sorry.

 

Don't contact his ex's or anything like that to find out more about this guy. Just do what you need to do to move on and don't allow him access into your life anymore.

[Windwalker]

Thank God this guy's outta your life, C! Bad, bad news.

 

And it sounds like you're learning the hard way to trust your gut, which takes some trial and error.

 

Do get some counseling to avoid being attracted to these kinds of guys. You deserve someone who'll love you and be there for you.

 

Sorry this has happened to you. But maybe now you'll pay attention to whatever needs attention so you'll quit letting such garbage into your life.

[Chinook]

I don't know if your ex ever used your computer but if he did you need to make sure that he did not download anything illegal on it.

 

I'm not trying to scare you with that or what I said earlier about him possibly trying to pay you back. I just think in these types of situations it is better to be safe than sorry.

I understand what you're saying. That said, I was pretty careful with my computer and my security for it - he knew that from the start. I'm pretty savvy with PC maintenance & security and he knew that. I've done regular sweeps and updates with adware, virus ware and interrogation tools. I've never found anything. But then I did tell him that I had installed a keylogger on my Mom's machine (which I had so I knew where she goes wrong when her PC is messing her around). So he knew I had the capability to check. It would have logged stuff as being downloaded when I wasn't here - so I could prove I was at work because all my work is logged on an online calendar and my employer tracks when people log-in and out for work and whether that's from home or from their desks in the parent building.

 

Don't contact his ex's or anything like that to find out more about this guy. Just do what you need to do to move on and don't allow him access into your life anymore.

You know, I did see his ex-w has a facebook account. But I'm not the vindictive type and I realized that it would just throw up more trouble than it is worth. So I closed my facebook account as I didn't want him to get wind of the fact that I had one (assuming he does go back to her).

[Chinook]

Thank God this guy's outta your life, C! Bad, bad news.

 

And it sounds like you're learning the hard way to trust your gut, which takes some trial and error.

 

Do get some counseling to avoid being attracted to these kinds of guys. You deserve someone who'll love you and be there for you.

 

Sorry this has happened to you. But maybe now you'll pay attention to whatever needs attention so you'll quit letting such garbage into your life.

Windwalker, I think I need to give an explanation. Normally, I wouldn't dream of ignoring my gut feelings about anyone or anything for the simple reason, my gut instinct is rarely wrong. I had alot of experience in my line of work being able to trust what people say and do.

 

The problem was, five years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was an aggressive cancer and my onc couldn't tell me whether my treatment would work. I was 32 at the time. The way younger people deal with a cancer diagnosis is alot different from the way older people deal with it and this area is poorly understood. As a result I received very little support and emotional help for what effectively was, the end of my life. When you receive a cancer diagnosis as a younger person, it completely obliterates your world. You are pushed so far outside of yourself, outside of life that you cannot relate to anyone or anything in it. You don't trust yourself or anyone around you. You have to grieve for the life that you lost and the life you have been handed often feels like a poor substitute. Along with losing my partner due to the effects of the diagnosis, I had no clue who I was anymore. Over the following four years it took me a long time to come to terms with losing so much (especially my partner) and it took a long time to trust myself. What happened last year in getting involved with this guy was a steep learning curve that I will never put myself through again. I KNEW something was wrong but I had not yet grown to the place where I could trust my instincts again. So, instead I went on the logical "if it walks like a duck, it looks like a duck... so it must be a duck". I hadn't realized just what a good show some people can instigate. I hadn't realized because of my being sheltered by a very good long term relationship, how much people can damage you. Now, I can trust my instincts without question. This has been a severe lesson in that and I'm thankful that I have not been more damaged in the process.

[Chinook]

I spent a lot of time last night reading Sam Vaknin's page. I'm still on the rollercoaster of 'did this really happen to me and why didn't I see it' thing. Alot of what is there on Sam's site has settled how I felt. Alot of damage was done to trusting myself and my instincts and I need to give that chance to come back. As it is, I've got two very good friends who are being careful with me. Fortunately for me, one of them is a guy and he's being really careful with what he says and how because he's realized how important it is that my trust in anyone else isn't shattered right now, so that's helping a little.

[underpants]

Chinook,

 

I am so sorry that you got involved with an unstable person like this.

 

The relationship that sent me here was with someone with so many issues that it did a number on me. In our time together he called me a whore in front of strangers, often put me down in public, or raged when we were alone. I still have a long list of things that he did to remind myself of his true character. He even choked me once during sex, so bad I gouged at his neck in an attempt to leave dna, yes I drew blood. I am sure he suffers from something, gosh 2 immediate members of his family are permanately institutionalized and his father is kind of the town idiot (an arrogant recluse that rages at people from time to time). At the very least my ex is also an arrogant man who thrives on manipulation and deception and provactivity. His friend once told me that he has 7 faces, I can see that analogy.

 

He had/has a wall of ex girlfriends' pictures. He makes it a point to check in regularly on any that will have anything to do with him, just to make sure he is desired on some level. It does not matter that they are married or have children or in a relationship. It is just sad and weird and sickening.

 

Yes, he too had a talent for turning my words around to make any question I had my issue and to deflect any intimate conversation. Yes, I should have left him on a number of occasions (funny his was most bad during holidays or the day after being awesome). Classic abuse cycle (kind, mean, nice, rage...sometimes within hours). I laugh now, but not then that I must have spent most of those months with my mouth open in shock.

 

I spent months reading thoses Sam V sites as well as some others. Faq farm was a good thing to read through. The problem I had was that once he was done with me, and I was tossed aside for someone else, someone who it was pretty obvious (in hindsight) he was dating during our relationship. Also the revelation that I was used to get her to jealous enough to want him back, she has since dumped him and I believe she may have even cheated on him (karma). He would simply not leave me alone, all the while while dating this other woman and after. Emails, surprise visits, leaving presents, letters, gifts, small animals, doing surpise chores around my house when I was not at home. The thing is that I do not have a set schedule so he had to be stalking to see me leave. It was crazy making behavior.

 

So many of his friends and peers quietly offered me support and a few tried to warn me. Of course no one wants to piss off a crazy person so I too felt for a while that I was the only one that knew about this dark side. I wasn't it is just that for a time I tried to make him see how hurtful he was, especially to himself, this was an excercise in futility. For a while I kept the emails (in case). I even tested some of the therories of NPD on him since NC seemed to be impossible and was more dissappointed when he did or said exactly what some of those sites said the unstable person would do.

 

I finally (for now) have been ex free for around 5 months, and am so glad. I had to do the whole rage back thing and punch big truthful holes in his ego so any contact with me was consistantly unpleasant. I also had to make up a boyfriend (only lie I ever told him), but it did suceed in stopping the surprise visits. I really no longer care what he tells people about me, I don't have to be right, I just have to be safe, sane and away.

 

I spent a long time being mad at myself for trying to care about someone who treated me badly then expected me to be his best friend in the face of unacknowledged deception. I was angry with myself for not standing up for myself sooner. However, I finally did and realized that I dodged a serious bullet.

 

I guess I realized it does not matter why they do this or that. It is as simple as the fact that they are capable of it and that we are capable of walking away when it becomes too much.

 

Don't be afraid to trust people, then he still has some power. I am too stubborn to let a dysfunctional person have power over me. It just takes time sweetie. Don't contact him and pray he does not contact you. Let him play his games and you just be your awesome self. People have a way of seeing through game players and not everyone has to call people on their bs, they just know and distance themselves.

 

For a time it just felt like I was in a big thick fog of confusion. Time and distance is the only medicine for this. It does clear up and ultimatly you realize that it really was not you, it was him.

 

Being alone is better then being mistreated. People do not usually change, especially arrogant people who blame circumstance or anything else for their behavior. Be thankful you got out of a bad relationship and gain wisdom from it. At least now you can recognize flags, listen to your gut (I had a bad gut feeling alot and did not act on it). Not all people are like this. I have had much better boyfriends before that dude, and I am confident I will find someone again. I know if anything I am wiser, but I still trust and I am still hopeful, I would never let someone take me away from me.

 

Sorry for the rant,

Unders

[Chinook]

Thanks Underpants. Your post kinda adds to the validation I felt I needed to stop me feeling like I was crazy. You're right too, I won't let anyone take me away from me again either.