What's next step?????

[Ruedo]

I have been talking to a man from work on the phone(not in same office) for about 2 years. I feel like we got to know each other fairly well. I was married at the time and we talked as friends about work and some personal issues. He is single. We did not talk that often. My husband left me and I was going through a rough time. He called me every day and checked on me and gave me advice and support. Months later I went on business trip with him. Had a fun time. We laughed alot, always did when we were on phone. He continued to call me at work and started calling me at home every night. We laughed alot every time he called.

[Tony T]

There are many next steps.

 

1. Invite him over for dinner.

 

2. Invite him to go to dinner with you.

 

3. Invite him to have a drink with you after work one day.

 

4. Invite him to walk or run with you as part of involving him in your exercise regimen.

 

Invite him to anything that will get the two of you together, other than on the phone, so you can get to know each other better. I'm shocked that he hasn't asked you out yet. What's with this guy?

[Ruedo]

I got lost last night when I was posting so I am starting over.

How do you see the situation???

I have been talking on the phone to a man at work( different office) for about 2 years and I feel I know him fairly well. I did not talk to him often but when we did talk we talked about work and some personal , about our life etc. I was married at the time, he is single. We always had a good time and he and I laugh so much and enjoy talking to each other.

My husband left me for another woman and he would call me everyday at work to check on me and support me. He started calling me at home at night. All in all I would say at least 6 calls a day if just to say how are you.

I went on a business trip with him and we had a great time. We laughed most of the time and really enjoyed each other's company. He came to the office and took me to lunch a couple of times after that. He took me out to eat one night and we had soooo much fun. We laughed so much everyone was looking at us. He held my hand and talked about things we would do later. He told me that he had fun with me. He kissed me some and kissed me some more.

He did not call for a couple of days after that. His voice sounded different when he did. Then he did not call except for every 3 or 4 days and did not talk long. I called him and ask him if I did something to make him mad. He said not at all ,that he had been really busy. Calls got less. I called him and told him that I did not expect him to call me all the time when he was calling but that he did and when he stopped, I felt rejection. He said he was sorry that he had hurt my feelings that he just had not had time lately.

He started calling me at work again but not at home at night. He called and left me a message on New Years to see what I was doing and did not follow up. He was coming forward and backing up.

He has taken me out a couple of times lately and he came to the office on Valentine and brought me a card. The card gave no hint of anything........just a happy card. The fact is he drove a long way out of his way to do it. My gut feeling is that he liked me more than he wanted to and he is a free spirit . I think he wants to stay that way or is afraid of being hurt. When he is with me I can tell he really likes me and we laugh so much. He even said that we have so much fun together.

I have lived alot and I like this man more than I have ever liked anyone. He is brilliant, well educated, well travled, funny and very much a gentleman. His laughter makes me feel so good. He just does not call and ask me out enough for anything further to develope.

What do I do here???????? Do I call him and ask him out every once in a while. I know there is interest but how much???? I do not want to push him away and if I don't call there will be more distance.

How do you see it?????????

[Tony T]

I gave you some very excellent ideas when you posted this yesterday so I won't repeat them here.

 

However, I will say that you need to take some of the initiative here in asking him to do things...and I suggested things you could ask him to do in my previous post.

 

Don't crowd this guy too much but do show some interest....but not too much interest. It may take quite a bit of time to win this guy's heart because I agree with you...he obviously does like his freedom.

 

What you have to do is get him to a point where he like YOU more than he enjoys FREEDOM and, even better, give him the opportunity to enjoy both in the context of a nice relationship.

 

Don't always be available to him, present a bit of a challenge. That's the only way you're going to win this guy. Men don't like women who just throw themselves at them.

 

Good luck and I strongly encourage others go give their ideas here as well. I want you to get this guy for yourself because it does sound like he is fond of you.

[Ruedo]

Thanks so much for your advice. I will go slow and I can only hope he comes around without my calling. I really like this man an awful lot and I would treat him like a king, but not let him walk on me. Don't men like to be taken care of and have someone they know really cares for them no matter what??? Would they rather have a bitch that is hard to get and sassy?????????

I never know where I stand with him. I have no idea if he is going to ask me out or if he is waiting for me to ask him????????? WHo knows??? I ask him the last time so I guess i will wait on him this time. I have to fight with myself all the time to keep from calling him but I guess it makes me stronger each time I don't pick up the phone. He knows how I feel about him because I have told him too many times. He laughs and says that he is going to get a nose bleed because I hold him in such high esteem. He may feel pressure to try to live up to the wonderful man I tell him he is........ I know he is not perfect but I am in love with his mind........ we communicate so well together and laugh all the time..........