LoveLace Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 The talk went better than I could have imagined with my roommate. I went to a hotel again last night after work...by 8:30pm my roommate tried to call me 3 times...it was 10:30pm before I had the nerve to call him back...my last text must have made him click...I have enough reasons to want outta here, don't feel like you should give me more... He said "I do ignorant s*t sometimes, and I won't do it anymore." And he said sorry over and over...I told him how the kids piss me off when he isn't there sometimes and how frustrated they can make me. He said we are all going to sit down and talk to the kids about how things are supposed to go...cuz I told him if he isn't there, that I should be the boss, but they don't seem to grasp that. He agreed. He also said he is going to do whatever he can to keep my stress at a minimum, and he said that he will take care of me...that I have been such a good friend to him...he even threw in there I'm beautiful... I told him I need to know that if eventually, I feel like I won't last there, I can give him a couple months advance to replace me, he said that's fine. Then I went home and he hugged me, said welcome home, and he had cleaned the entire place, fixed stuff, dishes, etc...was very sweet to me the rest of the night...but we had a couple friends over, so when I said good night to go to bed...I held back on any affection since he had a couple buddies + plus his son there....but god knows I just want to kiss him.... All I know is, he said what I hoped to hear, and it sounds as though he really wants to work to keep me...I don't know what it means, but it feels like this friendship has finally some kind of new level...after a year as roommates...I feel so much better.. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Hang on, he is only your room-mate and you look after his kids when he isn't there? wtf. Unless he mentioned the word relationship I don't think you should have moved back in. You have had feelings for him for how long? If he isn't in the same place as you then there is no point in you waiting around for even longer, it is pointless. Sorry, I hate to burst your bubble but it would be a shame if you spent any more time hoping for a relationship when he doesn't want one. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 The only good news at this stage would have been if he said that he is hopelesly in love with you. Everything else is just prolonging the agony. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgurl Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Hi Lace, I've been following your threads, and I'm happy to hear that the waters are calmer and you and your roommate are smoothing things out, but was I mistaken, or wasn't the talk supposed to be about your potential relationship, as in taking things to a different level? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 DarlinCoco-- I never moved out in the 1st place...and the kids are teenagers and pretty self-sufficient...it's really just the one daughter that aggravates me with her smart mouth sometimes...regardless he says we are going to sit down with them as a family..just to be clear on how their behavior should be if I'm there and he's not...but I don't have to stay there with them..they are old enough that I can leave if I want...and weather I'm there or not he constantly calls to check on them... This conversation, for us, was a big step. It took us a year just to get to this point, it took me a year to express my concerns and open up to him (I mean I was crying on the phone with him last night...that was a 1st)...and maybe it's taken a year of total confusion and head games -- but I'm pretty secure in feeling it can only get better from here on out. Last night, we agreed we have both been hard-headed. For him to tell me he wants to make me as content as possible (in so many words) living there and to tell me he will "take care of me" -- in my eyes this is very much to a different level for us...I feel like a potential relationship could just be getting started...we have known each other and been friends so long -- that's something to be cautious about. And as roommates, of course that's something to extra cautious with. I think he might be just coming to terms with feelings here...I've always been told guys take a while to "catch up" with a woman in a relationship. If we do this, it has to be done slowly...and I think now that we are communicating better, and now that he's paying more attention to some needs I have, as well as making efforts to meet them...Plus, almost everyone here has agreed that he knows I have feelings....I even clearly stated I love him recently...but at the same time I made it clear that it doesn't mean I"m going to stay. He is realizing that he has to change some things and think of me more. I'm happy with this, I didn't expect or necessarily want him to confess he is madly in love with me. That seems unrealistic to me, for one thing, people don't just get on a horse and ride off into the sunset! And if he would have said something like that -- I'd be more likely to think he's desperately using me. I also told him last night, that I want to be able to move anytime I ever feel like I need to -- look he's a smarter guy than it probably appears here. The man has to be perfectly aware that my needs won't stop here. He is definitly aware that I won't hesitate to bolt because I even still have an apt. lined up from when I was supposed to move in August. He knows that keeping me around is going to take work. After our phone conversation last night, when I got home he was looking at me differently...I can't expain it...our friend Sam was there and he was looking at me differently, too -- smiling -- as thought to think "this girl doesn't just take crap after all". I believe him that he is going to do his best in doing what he promised...and now, he knows I'm not a doormat. Bottom line though...I don't even know for sure that we should or want to end up together...so I just feel that things are moving along realistically. Maybe I hope it develops more...but I am also scared, you know. So from now on I think I'll be ok with just being patient and seeing what happens. In the mean time, I am going to enjoy his new attitude towards me...I might as well because I don't have the means to move anytime soon yet anyway...he is also about to begin a new job making TONS more money....so I already feel more secure about our financial status.... I am sure that more talk will come in regards to our relationship...but, why would we even have to necessarily say the word "relationship", when we are just now getting to the point we are? To me, that is still too serious of a word for where we are. And I'm dealing with a guy who got badly burnt just a couple years ago here....why label anything right now? Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 He's probably saying those things out of guilt but I think he doesn't really love you. I'm like this with girls that I consider close friends that need my help. When I'm in love with a girl, I buzz around her like a bee around honey and I don't think he's any different. You definitely don't want a guy who settles for you because it's not fair to you or him. Hoping is also not very good either. Link to post Share on other sites
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I'm glad you're happy, that's all that matters....and I hope things work out because it sounds like you really care for him..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 So far he's surely doing what he said he would...he's been calling for no reason really, cooked dinner for me last night..being sweet. There's been problems with me and his one daughter, and he wants all 3 of us to sit and talk about it together...but on the same day we are discussing sex and he says he "DEFINITELY does not want a girlfriend"....and claimed that the girls calling him just bug him. I assumed this discludes me? But then he happily cooks and hangs out with me all night...I talked his head off and he hung on to every word...there was a "Friends" episode on with Ross and Rachel talking about "sympathy sex"...when an hour earlier we both claimed we were crabby from not getting any... After watching TV/talking/eating, I went to bed and had to pleasure myself...then I sord of caught him doing the same thing (not to his knowledge though)...it just seems ridiculous when I'm sure he finds me attractive. then again we are not a couple, right, so to have sex might be just as ridiculous..right? The 1 time I attempted more closeness, he turned me down but his daughter was also here...we were alone last night, but I was nervous and just didn't know what to do, even though I did get some flirting in there...I could never pretend that sex wouldn't change things between us, all I'd do then is hope for him to change his mind about having a "girlfriend". Even if his being nice to me is out of guilt...it still looks and seems as though he cares about me, and likes to do things for me. When he said I'm "beautiful" the other night, it sounded very sincere and it was the 1st time he'd ever told me anything like that. It's like as* backwards -- usually girls have sex and THEN claim to want more....I already have the "more", and just want sex! Even if all out of guilt...he's actually showing some real attempt to make me happy. At the same time he said it's OK if I ever feel the need to move, just to let him know in advance. But it appears that in the mean time, he wants to work to keep me here...could he really be working this hard just for someone to share bills with? So yes I'm happy but only half-as*. I'll feel miserable again when I know he's out with a girl or something...or am I supposed to be glad when he says that he "doesn't want a girlfriend"? After opening up a little more to him the other day and seeing the way he's treating me now...I don't believe he's ever intended to lead me on, and still doesn't intend to. He's been in a very serious, long-term relationship, so he's not dumb enough to miss the fact that one need will lead to another...am I right? Does he just feel bad that he can't give me ALL of him instead of just some? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 LoveLace, I mean this with the best of intentions... I really think you're stuck in a fantasy land. If your ROOMMATE was romantically interested at all, he would have made those feelings known. He hasn't. He has not. Don't fool yourself here. You are a roommate to him, and a good friend for sure...but nothing more. For him to tell me he wants to make me as content as possible (in so many words) living there and to tell me he will "take care of me" -- in my eyes this is very much to a different level for us... I've had two guy roommates, neither of them were interested in me (one was gay, another engaged) and both of them said nearly the same exact words to me. One said it right as I was gearing up for the Bar Exam, he was the engaged one: "I will do whatever it takes to make this the easiest summer ever for you, I want you to be happy, I want you to succeed, let me take on more work to take care of things, let me be there fore you..." He cooked me dinner, cleaned more, let me have to parking spot in the garage, avoided coming home drunk and loud when he knew I was studying, was considerate and sweet and understanding and let me b*tch and moan about my worries... He looked at me with eyes of admiration because I inspired him to be better and succeed himself. But he wasn't interested in me. He was being a good roommate, not a potential-BF. Unless you're telling him how you feel about him on a romantic level, a passionate level, an "OMG-I-want-to-kiss-you-and-rip-your-clothes-off" level (which, from reading your posts I'm assuming is NOT happening), these "talks" you have with your roommate mean nothing more than two people working out the day-to-day drama that goes along with having a roommate so as to not have to move out and find a new roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Your correct Stargazer...we've made a lot of improvement as roommates, also as friends...since I've opened up a little more to him about things that bother me...he's been non-stop attentive since a talk we had last week...it's taken a year to get here though...he was nothing near as sweet as this before...there was a gap of a few years the we weren't in touch as friends; during that time I changed and grew a lot, and I'm so different than the person I was when we were close long ago...Now that i've opened up more, I finally feel like I can really be myself around him; I've caught myself talking his head off lately, and it seems like he hangs on to every word....things just weren't like this before...it doesn't mean he's romantically interested, but I'm enjoying every minute of it. We hung out all weekend and had a great time...now he wants to go camping this weekend...but before, he was usually pretty apprehensive about making plans to do things with me...again it doesn't mean anything necessarily but I'm enjoying it. If my roommate was gay or engaged, everything would be obvious from the start. You didn't question your roommates for being good to you, because why would you, if your already aware that these guys are absolutely not an option for you. Things are not so obvious when it's two heterosexual, single, attractive, sexually frustrated people with a sexual past already. It sets the stage for confusion. Now he's telling me I'm beautiful and calling more, wanting to hang out more, that was definitely the 1st time he's ever complimented me that way...and I shouldn't be confused? I have known the guy 10 yrs. and know him well enough that, he isn't the type to just come out and tell women exactly how he feels about them....this is all new effort to make me happy and at the same time says he would never try to make me stay there, and it's ok to just give him enough notice if I ever need to move. Not saying it means he's interested or that it means anything at all, but it's not as cut and dry as living with a gay guy, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Ok, If my roommate was gay or engaged, everything would be obvious from the start... Now he's telling me I'm beautiful and calling more, wanting to hang out more... I swear I hate her. If I were that guy I'd get alllllllllll creeped out. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 Ok, If my roommate was gay or engaged, everything would be obvious from the start... Now he's telling me I'm beautiful and calling more, wanting to hang out more... I swear I hate her. If I were that guy I'd get alllllllllll creeped out. Ariadne Hate who? What guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 It's pretty ignorant to say you hate someone here, we don't even really know each other, that makes it all the more childish to say it. If you were my roommate you'd be creeped out, is that it? Oh, because I've turned to this place as a way to vent, and get my feelings out? And if I'm being accused of obsession, that doesn't make sense, considering I'm the one who has told him more than once that I should move out, and he's the one who keeps working harder to keep me there, keeps giving me reasons to stay, confuses the hell outta me. All I know is, he's making me happy for the time being, and I'm happy with the way things have changed between us. For now I'm just hanging back to let see if things happen naturally and they are starting to, so in the mean time I'm just concentrating on the other parts of my life, just as I should. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 With all due respect lovelace, the part you need to work on most is to get away from this guy. Whether there's hope or not, he's not ready to settle down so you are wasting potential time which could be better used to find someone who has the same goals in life and is in the same place as you. If I understand correctly, you are at the place in life where you do want to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 No. Because you keep it all inside and play the "nice girl" crap. Because you want the guy and don't dare to say a thing... for ages and ages and ages and ages... Because you are all afraid, you want him, but yet, you play like everything is ok. Because all you do is spy on that guy day and night and wait up for him and all the rest. Because it is all undermined and creepy! Because even when the guy is naked right in front of you and you are in panties you still act like, ups, sorry, and then "go please yourself" (eeeeeeewwww) Then when every time someone tells you something you come up with like a million long post "explaining" how things are "going in the right direction" (OMG) Because you can't stand the guys children and get on your nerves but you don't "say anything" because you are afraid he is going to think you are not this "nice girl" Because every time the guy either does drugs, or goes out at night, or spends a dime, you get pissed because oh, it's not good for him you know, why is he seeing that girl if he "went to the pool with me" (or you joined him in the pool), and how can he spend a dime when he "owes me money" I mean... I think that guy must be some desperate to have you in there. You are the most phony thing ever. And you keep at it and keep at it and keep at it. Oh, and now, tops, you go to a hotel to try and "wake him up" you know, that you are the perfect wife for him. And how he should "address your needs" Yeah yeah... and now you are going to write anothe huuuuuuuuuge post to me telling me how I'm wrong in every count and you'll have your reasons why. I mean, is entertaining and all and I keep reading but omg, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 Here's your huge f*cking post b*tch. Here's an idea, if you don't like someone here, or don't like what they say, DON"T F*CKING READ IT....DUH..... You know I don't really give 2 sh*ts of anyone's opinion here anymore...More than anything I've just used it for therapy. If it entertains people though, cool. You've missed a lot. You've also misinterpreted a lot. And if anything I say grosses you out, don't f*cking read it. I didn't leave home that night to prove I'd be a good f*cking wife, I left cuz I was too pissed off to stay there that particular night. I don't need to do anything to prove to anybody I'd be a good wife. I already know I would. That same night, the "nice girl" sh*t was over, I went off on him, and told him why I get pissed. I expected him to argue till he was blue in the face. All I know is, ever since then, the tables have turned and he's the one playing Mr. Nice guy and we've talked about the drugs, he admitted to some usage and since then, I can tell he hasn't used, cuz I know exactly how he is when he does. All I know, since I finally blew up, he wants nothing to do with these chicks anymore, nothing to do with his buddy that party's too much, he just hung out with me and only me the last 3 nights in a row and he hasn't tried anything sexual, nor have I. Things are just changing for the better, I don't know what it means if anything, I just know that I'm happier than I was before. One reason for that is because I know I still have the option to move anytime I want, which he is aware of. He's also been offering me money and turning me down when I ask if he wants anything from the store, etc. It's as though he prefers being the one to do nice things for me now. I also gave him every reason his daughter has pissed me off, which she does everybody, but he's insisting on doing whatever it takes to make every complaint I've had disappear. Roommates don't just adore each other all the time and things still happen, but our friendship feels a lot more real than it ever has before now, I know that. I've held back from real communication with him for years, but now that I've finally broke the ice, I'm not afraid of anything anymore, when it comes to him. And technically, pretty soon, he won't even really need me to share bills with anymore. He's going back to an old job making double money. But it seems the last thing he wants is for me to move. And he feels his kids are old enough to be home alone sometimes (sometimes-- they are actually very self-sufficient), even if he wanted to use me for a "babysitter", I"m not home enough to do it because I only get 4 free days a month without work or school. I don't cook for him (I don't even f*cking know how to cook)...he just cooked for ME 2 nights ago. And again, I'm not home enough to be Mrs. Clean either, which is why I get aggravated at kids for leaving dirty dishes around. HE"s the one who cleans from corner to corner. I'm not here to convince anyone what kind of person I am, or what kind of person he is. Only I know that. I could type here till my fingers fall off and it still isn't enough to paint the exact picture. But for the 1st time I honestly feel happy with him as a roommate, that's all that really matters to me, because you certainly don't matter to me. Go f*ck yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 By the way I won't be coming back to this thread so don't bother to respond with your sh*tty attitude B.S. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 She was just trying to wake you up. You seem oblivious to what people are saying and get mad when they give you advice that doesn't affirm your desires. You love a man that likes you as a friend. Period. No matter how you want things to turn out different that is the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Well, Here's an idea, if you don't like someone here, or don't like what they say, DON"T F*CKING READ IT....DUH..... You asked me some questions, and I replied to you. I can see some true colors starting to show now. That's what happens when you are not true to yourself and live repressed. It all comes out at some point or another.. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 For the 1st time I honestly feel happy with him as a roommate, that's all that really matters to me... With all due respect, LL...you're IN LOVE with your roommate. A man who doesn't love you back. You are wasting precious time here... Link to post Share on other sites
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