does he deserve another shot?

[simple_life_a]

:confused:So, I'm new to this all, but feel like a rock stuck in a hard spot trying to figure out what do to. Maybe your experiences can help with my situation.

 

I've been dating a guy for a few months, we get along great and really seem to connect on all levels and have great chemistry. Everything feels so right with him, and being through many relationships I never felt this way before.

 

But there's one problem: his ex. A month into the relationship his ex came back into the picture and now wants him back because he is finally happy with someone else. The ex has stopped at nothing, with phone calls all the time, stopping by in the middle of the night when we are asleep, and just being a crazy person to try to win him back. I was trying to be understanding, but it got to a point where I thought enough was enough. He said he was confused and needed some time to think, and I said thats fine that I was done with the drama he was infusing in my life.

 

So that was three weeks ago, and we both took some time not speaking to each other. He's since starting calling and saying he misses me and the situation will get better, that he needed sometime to make sure he still didn't want to be with her because that wasn't fair to me, and now knows that I am the one he wants to be with. He's admitted he hasn't dealt with the situation right and has since told her to stop calling and really want another shot to make things right between us.

 

I'm torn, because I don't usually put myself in drama filled situations, but I really feel something toward this guy like no one else before..do i give him another shot, or am I setting myself up to get hurt?

 

[Jasmine8719]

i think you should. He told you he needed time to make sure that you were what he wants, which is great he didn't cheat and was being honest with you, you admitted that he could have handled the situation better and reasures you that everything will get better, I think thats a great start and him being honest, i think he deserves a second chance. Now if he does it again, then maybe you need to re-think your relationship with him. Good Luck!

-Jasmine

[Walk]

I don't know if taking him back is all that smart. You said you've been dating him for a "few months", and you didn't say how long ago his previous relationship ended.

 

Just seems really strange to me... he's been finished with the relationship with that ex for at least 3 months (since "few" is more than 2. ) But suddenly she comes screaming and acting like psycho woman and that's what triggers him to wonder if he still has feelings for her?? Weird.

 

I think you need to talk to him more indepth about this before you re-commit your heart to him. How does he feel about her? What caused him to want to go back? What has changed since then? How did he come to the decision that he came to, and what are the reasons? What did he learn from the situation? He can promise you that he wants you, but see if you can get him to articulate his thought processes and feelings more, instead of just accepting blind promises and quick statements.

 

Talk to him... that's my advice. And do so with as open a mind/heart (and non-judgemental language) as you can possibly convey. Let him know he's free to speak the truth and it won't be used against him. Then decide together if you two should fight to make it work, or part ways.

[simple_life_a]

Thanks for your feedback, it definitely helps to see the sides from others. We have recently talked openly and he has agreed to do what it takes to make things work between us. I still have my guard up because I've been hurt, so I'm giving it a few weeks to see if things work themselves out....I was very clear on stating if things do not get better that it's in my best interest to walk away. Again, if its meant to be I guess it will.