Is there any Validity to my concerns? or just am I just trippin?

[witty35]

Do I attempt to mend it? or LIG?

My bbf and I have been dating 4 10 months. He's the father of 2 boys (10 & 12 years old) and I have an 11 year old daughter. We don't live 2gether. 2 make a long s2ry short:We have the kids every other weekend, and on those weekends his ex-girlfriend's son (not the mother of his boys) is with us. He's always in communication with this ex, mainly because of the fact her son is with us a lot (she has a 11 yr daughter as well). My boyfriend claims that her boy and his boys are really best friends. He even picks her son up from practices at times and takes care of him when she needs a sitter (mind you, she has a man). I feel there's more going on here, like he wants 2 keep ties with her and still has feelings 4 her. It's just bizarre. He keeps ties with all of his ex-girlfriends. Another incident: he lent a different ex a few hundred dollars (she also has boyfriend). On 5/28 he gets a text from another ex which read "Happy holidays, always on my mind, your friend- xyz", and she's married. We also take care of his ex's (the mother of his sons) 2yr old son (from a different man) when she needs a sitter. He's very good 2 me, but it seems he cannot let go of old ties. There has 2 be boundaries, but obviously he doesn't have any. I have discussed my concerns with him and he brushes them off as being my problem, that I need 2 get over it, that i am insecure. I 2tally question the intentions of these relationships he's maintaining. Are they friends with benefits, or just friends? I'm trying 2 be patient and open minded, but I question whether I have jealousy issues or if my concerns are valid and his relationships with his exs are a little bizarre.

 

Another & last incident, we just recently went on a road trip a couple or weeks ago w/ our kids (his boys and my daughter) 2 LA a couple of weeks ago. while on our trip my BF (no ex) son recieves a phone call from his ex inquirirng about whether her son (the one that’s always with us, who's not his) was supposed 2 spend the night. mY BF tells her no, that he is on vacation in LA. I thought it bizarre that she would track him down on his son't phone. she obviously tried 2 call him at home and his cell and didn't get a call back and should of left it at that. A day or so later she leaves my ex a couple of messages inquiring about an IPOD he som might of left over his house b4 we went on our trip. He then immediatley calls her back 2 respond. On our vacation? this was not an emergency nor did we have her son. I feel my BF should have ingnored her calls and let it be that. She is not his GF or ex wife, or father of her child. he does not owe her anything. the whole situation made me very uncom4table. I said nothing during our trip . I didn't want 2 ruin it 4 the kids or us & addressed it when we got back. We got in an arguement & didn't speek 4 a couple of days. He relentlessy defeneded his actions & feels it wasn't a big deal, I felt it was disrespectful 2 me as I am his GF, we were on vacation & the call did not warrant a c/b. It was not an emergency. He still sticks 2 the "we're just friends" bit & I'm trippin. We've argued about the same issue on & off 4 10 months now. We finally had a talk & he felt were not a good fit, we're not on the same page, we don't see eye 2 eye on this issue, he starting 2 feel diffntly about us & what not. I thought it was BS as up til then we were happy as can be, which leads me 2 believe that he still has feelings 4 her or just does not want 2 sever or set bnderies on the relationship w/ his ex & her son. As I see it He's still emotionally attached. he says he's not, but needless 2 say we broke up, & now I'm heartbroken bcz I really loved him and I thought what we had was good, but I had to stand up for myself, to some degree I've felt disrespected. I've been really patiend and open minded throughout all this. It's been two weeks and he hasn’t called & I’m defiantly not going 2 call. I feel if I don't stand for something I'll fall for anything. I don't think he will and I guess I'll have to move on. Do I cut my losses and move or do I try hang in there? I could really use some advise, especially from the men. I could use your truthful insight. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[simple_life_a]

I'll try to help here if I can....some words of wisdom I've learned. First off you seem like you know what to do, and your doing the right thing by accepting that it just was not working. So often I think we get caught up in trying to make things better, or forcing a relationship that just isn't right for us because our feelings get in the way. Be strong, remember that when one door of happiness closes, another opens. But we often look so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one which has just opened for us. As yourself, where you really happy worrying all the time about issues that you could not change? You have done everything you could to try to be understanding, and you cannot make him act a certain way or change. With that being said, if you want to be happy you need to do this for yourself and accept that his actions where not respectful to you and be strong enough to walk away. I know it's always easier said than done, but I feel God wants us to meet a few wrong pepple before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be gretful for that gift. It also teaches us as individuals to be stronger. Remember what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Keep you head up, know you did the right thing, don't give in just for the sake of comfort and not wanting to be alone. In the meantime, better yourself by learning something from the relationship. Have hope, trust that God has a plan for you and wants you to be happy, all things that are meant to be, will be.

[Topper]

Wow a guy that likes kids thinks of his kids and others before his own selfish needs. he actually gets along with his exs. Sounds like a pretty good guy to me.

He is right, does not sound like you two were a good fit. I'm sure he has been thinking your jealous mistrusting attitude was not conducive to a healthy relationship. On one hand you said you were happy and on the other you said you were fighting over his relationships with the Kids in his life and his exs. Would you rather he be an uninvolved deadbeat Dad?