Who know's what she needs

[ME]

Well, the other day I noticed things were strange between my g/f and I. Suddenly it seemed as though she was uncomfortable when I was around. I noticed right away, but she was reluctant to tell me why she was acting this way.

 

When she finally did speak up she told me that she didn't know what was wrong, but that there was something wrong. She threw out so many ideas; she thought she was treating me badly, she said she had felt smothered at times, she asked if I had ever wondered if we would have made better friends, than bf/gf, she also wondered if we were too different for each other.

 

After telling me all that, what could I say. I have no desire to keep her in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in. When i told her that, she asked me if we could just ignore the problems, forget they were there at all, just move on.

 

I don't get it......first of all she tells me all these problems that she thinks may be happening, then tells me she just wants to forget about them, try to ignore them.

 

We've decided that she needs to figure things out, but I really don't like the thought of losing her. We went through a lot to get into this relationship, and have dealt with so major issues, and remained strong. I am new to all this, as this is the first serious realtionship i have had, and i really don't know what to do.

 

Is there something I can say to her, something I can do.......anything, anything at all that may help her see that I really want to be with her, ,and maybe show her, that she does want to be with me??????

 

Someone help......I really don't like this situation at all.

[Tony T]

Just listen to her, that's all. Don't try to change yourself. Woman have their chemical moments when they say things they don't necessarily mean....sometimes they do. But just be the best guy you can and that's all.

 

It sounds like perhaps she has her own personal problems but don't pry. Communication is very important...but even more important is that you don't get all bent out of shape like a little puppy dog everytime she makes these sorts of weird pronouncements. That may happen all the days you are with her.

 

Keep a life of your own and do things without her. That's very important. Give her some space to be who she wants...and love her just the same.

 

Don't go nuts about this right now. If she says it one more time, sit her down and talk it out. But, again, don't go nuts when she says goofy things and takes it back...especially if they don't make sense in the context of how things have been going.

 

If she's unhappy with you or the relationship, that information will come out eventually and you can deal with it. She's probably just fine, though...just being herself. Maybe in just one of those moods.

[bhug82]

Ask her out for this weekend and maybe do something completely different than the usual if she's interested. Check the local newspaper to see what's happening. Try something new together. Sometimes a change in scenery can rejuvinate and jump start a relationship. Maybe you'll both feel refreshed in the relationship. Feel confident and try not to look sad. Put on your best happy face and stay positive. Good luck. Give us an update.

And notice the earrings she's wearing or the perfume or her hair. Women spend loads of time preparing themselves for the day, a date, work, school, etc. Not all, but many. Hey I know, not many women can resist a date to the mall to shop. Just an idea, but many women love going shopping and if your having fun watching her shop and holding the clothes she might want to try on, them Bam! it might be a fun date and might add spark to the both of you. They love it when they ask you what you think of an outfit so try to be pleasant and interested. The added fun is having them come out of the dressing room to model what they tried on. If she does model the clothes, you need to say, "that dress looks good on you," not "you look good in that dress." There's a difference to a woman. If it doesn't look good on her, you can say, "It doesn't look right on you" and not "you don't look good in it." Just an idea that really works .

[Reckless]

I beg to differ from Bhug, you gave no indication in your post that your girlfriend was feeling neglected, and I think taking her shopping or planning a special date (nice as that stuff is) is irrelavant at the moment.

 

It seems that she's just dealing with stuff, stuff that's on the inside, looking at how she feels about the place you've both got to and she's thinking out loud - and giving you a headache while she's at it methinks.

 

Let's look at what you said, she was reluctant to tell you what was bothering her. Why? Probably because she was scared what she had to say would hurt you. Why? Because she wasn't feeling very positive at that moment. Big problem? Like Tony said, not necessarily, I can feel 'un-positive' (I know unpositive is negative but you know what I mean) at breakfast and be fine by lunchtime. But if she has been harbouring this and had problems spitting it out, it's probably not a passing 'mood' she's having doubts and wanted to air them.

 

Big problem? Not necessarily, doubts are part of the scenery, no relationship is perfect, you fleetingly wonder if the grass is greener, if you're really right for each other, if you have a future together... you have no IDEA how much goes on in a woman's head - and I mean ALL the time. A man would go stark raving mad if he had so much stuff going on in his head - I can guarantee that what you heard was not even 50% of what she was thinking and look at what it did to you!

 

She said that she didn't know what's wrong, believe her. Sometimes I say somethings 'wrong' when in fact something's just new. You reach a new place and wonder if you're feeling the way your 'suppose' to feel and start to worry. You reach a new place and wonder if you want to go to the 'new place' after the new place.... Of course she could not be telling the truth. Maybe she does know what's 'wrong', maybe she doesn't love you anymore, maybe there's someone else and want's out but I don't think so - so don't jump the gun! If there's something big, she'll tell you eventually or you'll see it too but don't presume that just because she's analyzing the relationship - that's what we DO, we analyze our relationships then we go on to analyze everyone elses - why do you think I'm here?

 

She said she felt smothered sometimes and wondered if you'd both have been better of just being friends. Well, sounds as if she needs a little space and yes, needs to come to terms with the fact that in relationships, the 'electricity' changes into something calmer and less 'intense'. Does she want out? Doesn't look like it but she's not sure if she wants "in" - confused? This is a woman talking, of course you are!

 

Bottom line - what can you say? Tell her you love her and want to keep the relationship strong and healthy. What can you do? Stay calm, make it clear she can air all her worries without you showing her the door or loosing it. How can you help? Encourage her to speak if she needs to and reassure her that you think you have something good worth working at. You can't as you put it "show her that she does want to be with [you]" she'll have to sees that herself but she probably has to go through this phase to see it. You don't 'like' this situation but I feel it's just part of the earlier stages of settling in, you know like dogs run round and round but eventually settle down and curl up?

 

Be patient, don't take it to heart, we usually only freak when we feel comfortable and secure enough to do so.