Should I Have Left Him For This?

[luv3sji]

Ok Heres Da Deal:

Ive Been With My Boyfriend For 6yrs Now...we Started Dating Since Highschool And Have Had Our Ups And Downs Just Like Any Normal Couple..well It Seems To Be That Since Our 1st Born Was Born Back In 2005 Our Relationship Was Heading Down Hill..we Were Constantly Arguing And Getting Aggrevated With Each Other!.. Well Come To Find Out On My Sons 1st Birthday He Left That Same Night Stating I Was To "drunk" And He Just Could Not Stand Seeing Me Like That So He Left And Did Not Return Until The Next Day...yes! He Was Cheating He Had Been With This Other Girl For About 3-5months They Would See Each Other During And After Work He Had Took All The Forms Of Communication With Him So Obviously I Never Knew!... But As A Women I Felt It!... Thats Why He Would Pick Fights! He Stated That He Cheated Because I Was A Bitch With Him But Come On Our First Born Was Born Ill Unable To Swallow Any Foods And I Was In And Out Of The Hospital With Him So It Was Not That I Was A Bitch I Just Wanted Some More Help Around The House And With Our Sons Hospital Bills And Visits..well I Found Out He Cheated And Now Had The Girl Pregnant, Thanks To Myspace! If Not I Would Have Never Found Out.. Well The Girl Messaged Me And Told Me She Was Pregnant With His Child I Cried And Felt As If My Whole World Crumbled I Mean Had I Been That Much Of A Bitch To Deserve Him Cheating Lying And Now Bringing Another Child To This World, I Dont Think So! Well I Kicked Him Out And Let Him Back In 2weeks Later For Our Sons Sake Well Its Now Been 11mo And I Still Dont Feel The Same I Used To See Him As My Best Friend The One Who I Confined In But Now I See Him As Just My Babby Daddy And I Catch Myself Being Mean To Him Telling Him How Nasty He Is And At Times I Even Feel Disgusted But Only For A Couple Secs And Then I Snap Out Of It..when He Tells Me That He Loves Me I Just Say Yah I Luv Yah Too But I Really Dont Mean It Like I Used To I Dont Love Him Like I Used Too Not That I Miss U So Much When U Leave My Side, Tingles In My Belly, I Love You With A Passion Type Of Love. Now Its More Likewords Thats It!..as For The Girl Well She Ended Up Having An Abortion And She Is Out Of His Life But Just A Couple Of Days Ago She Messaged Me On Myspace Telling Me How Ugly I Was...ok Like That Hurt My Feelings But Anyways I Was The Bigger Person And Didnt Write Her Back I Left It Alone And Reassured With My Boyfriend That He Was Not Seeing Her Anymore He Stated No So I Believed Him(he Has Been Trying To Make This All Better Even Da Sex;)) I Try To Get Over It But I Just Cant I Dont Even Think Its The Whole Sex Part Its More The Lying And Betraying My Trust I Mean Did I Deserve It That Bad To Lye And Have Me Worried All Night Thinking He Was At Work?...by The Way All His Friends Knew And They Stated He Just Couldnt Find The Way To Tell Me And That Girl Is A Pyscho So She Wanted To Break Us Up She Wanted Him To Buy Her A Car And Give Her Money Keep In Mind She Was Only 18yr And Supposibly Been Around The Neightboorhood And Kept Trying To Get With Him Because She Thought He Had Money To Give Her When All He Wanted To Do Was **** (basically) Well I Guess My Question Is Should I Keep Trying To Make Myself Love Him Again And Try To Trust Him Again Or Should I Just Give Up And Say Hey I Tried? Its So Hard But I Think I Really Dont Love Him Anymore As The Father Of My Child Always He Is A Really Good Father Now Of Course At The Begging He Wasnt But He Has Worked On It And I Cant Complain As The Man Of The House Its Also The Same He Is Now Bringing Home More Money Taking Lil Family Vacations With Us And We Actually Started To Go To Church After All This Happend And We Have Been Going Every Sunday Since! Im Just Confused And Scared That If I Leave I Will Not Find Anyone To Treat My Son And I With That Same Type Of Love (the Good Part)..plus Its Hard To Trust Anyone These Days Everyones Out To Get Pussy Not Commitment! I Would Really Love Some Advice And Things That Can Help Me Out ,please Help! Oh And This Was Not The First Time He Lied About Antoher Women He Was Speaking To His Ex About 1-2months B4 This Girl She Was Also Another Myspace Thing I Came To Find Out He Was Talking To Her Because She Wrote Me To Say Hey Lets Meet Up When U Come Into Town Next Time Then I Look At Her Comments And Someone Is Telling Her That They Cant Believe He Is With Me So I Go And Look Into There Page And Shes Over There Writing To Them Saying "yeah I Know I Cant Belive That Either Do U Know They Hve A Kid And He Asked Me To Get Back With Him" So I Confronted Him About The Whole Situation And He Showed Me The Messages That Followed:

 

She Wrote: -"i Wanna See U I Cant Believe Its Been So Long --his Name-- I Still Have Feelings For You Lets Meet Up Chill And See What Happens **** --myname--- She Wont Find Out Plus It Would B Nice To Catch Up Where We Left Off Dont B Scared I Wont Tell Her Plus I Added Her As Afriend To Take Any Suspicions Off Of Her..."

 

He Wrote Back "your A Crazy Bitch And U Need To Stop Writing To Her And Me Because There Is And Never Will B Anything Between Us Move Around I Love My Family And I Dont Want U Saying **** That Isnt True"

 

She Wrote: " Why? Do U Think She Would Leave U If I Say That We Meet Up And Just Hung Out :)"

 

He Wrote: "look Stop Writing I Told U B4 I Dont Want This To Seem Like We Are Doing Anything I Dont Love U Or Want Anything To Do With U I Wrote U To See How U And Your Family Were Doing Why Do U Think I Did Not Add U As A Friend U Are Nothing To Me Nothing Just Stop B4 My Wife Thinks Other Wise..im Sorry I Ever Wrote U But I Didnt Not Mean Anything By It"

 

She Wrote: "whatever You ****ing Retard Im Giving U The Oppurtunity To Have Sex With Me And U Dont Take It Well **** U And Ur Dumb Ass Family Watch Me Destroy Your Precious Family Dumb ****!"

 

He Wrote: Stop Writing Me Im Gonna Delete U Now

 

And That Was That So Yeah I Believed Him Now Someone Please Help And Give Me Guidance !