Should I Have Left Him For This?

[luv3sji]

Ok Heres Da Deal:

Ive Been With My Boyfriend For 6yrs Now...we Started Dating Since Highschool And Have Had Our Ups And Downs Just Like Any Normal Couple..well It Seems To Be That Since Our 1st Born Was Born Back In 2005 Our Relationship Was Heading Down Hill..we Were Constantly Arguing And Getting Aggrevated With Each Other!.. Well Come To Find Out On My Sons 1st Birthday He Left That Same Night Stating I Was To "drunk" And He Just Could Not Stand Seeing Me Like That So He Left And Did Not Return Until The Next Day...yes! He Was Cheating He Had Been With This Other Girl For About 3-5months They Would See Each Other During And After Work He Had Took All The Forms Of Communication With Him So Obviously I Never Knew!... But As A Women I Felt It!... Thats Why He Would Pick Fights! He Stated That He Cheated Because I Was A Bitch With Him But Come On Our First Born Was Born Ill Unable To Swallow Any Foods And I Was In And Out Of The Hospital With Him So It Was Not That I Was A Bitch I Just Wanted Some More Help Around The House And With Our Sons Hospital Bills And Visits..well I Found Out He Cheated And Now Had The Girl Pregnant, Thanks To Myspace! If Not I Would Have Never Found Out.. Well The Girl Messaged Me And Told Me She Was Pregnant With His Child I Cried And Felt As If My Whole World Crumbled I Mean Had I Been That Much Of A Bitch To Deserve Him Cheating Lying And Now Bringing Another Child To This World, I Dont Think So! Well I Kicked Him Out And Let Him Back In 2weeks Later For Our Sons Sake Well Its Now Been 11mo And I Still Dont Feel The Same I Used To See Him As My Best Friend The One Who I Confined In But Now I See Him As Just My Babby Daddy And I Catch Myself Being Mean To Him Telling Him How Nasty He Is And At Times I Even Feel Disgusted But Only For A Couple Secs And Then I Snap Out Of It..when He Tells Me That He Loves Me I Just Say Yah I Luv Yah Too But I Really Dont Mean It Like I Used To I Dont Love Him Like I Used Too Not That I Miss U So Much When U Leave My Side, Tingles In My Belly, I Love You With A Passion Type Of Love. Now Its More Likewords Thats It!..as For The Girl Well She Ended Up Having An Abortion And She Is Out Of His Life But Just A Couple Of Days Ago She Messaged Me On Myspace Telling Me How Ugly I Was...ok Like That Hurt My Feelings But Anyways I Was The Bigger Person And Didnt Write Her Back I Left It Alone And Reassured With My Boyfriend That He Was Not Seeing Her Anymore He Stated No So I Believed Him(he Has Been Trying To Make This All Better Even Da Sex;)) I Try To Get Over It But I Just Cant I Dont Even Think Its The Whole Sex Part Its More The Lying And Betraying My Trust I Mean Did I Deserve It That Bad To Lye And Have Me Worried All Night Thinking He Was At Work?...by The Way All His Friends Knew And They Stated He Just Couldnt Find The Way To Tell Me And That Girl Is A Pyscho So She Wanted To Break Us Up She Wanted Him To Buy Her A Car And Give Her Money Keep In Mind She Was Only 18yr And Supposibly Been Around The Neightboorhood And Kept Trying To Get With Him Because She Thought He Had Money To Give Her When All He Wanted To Do Was **** (basically) Well I Guess My Question Is Should I Keep Trying To Make Myself Love Him Again And Try To Trust Him Again Or Should I Just Give Up And Say Hey I Tried? Its So Hard But I Think I Really Dont Love Him Anymore As The Father Of My Child Always He Is A Really Good Father Now Of Course At The Begging He Wasnt But He Has Worked On It And I Cant Complain As The Man Of The House Its Also The Same He Is Now Bringing Home More Money Taking Lil Family Vacations With Us And We Actually Started To Go To Church After All This Happend And We Have Been Going Every Sunday Since! Im Just Confused And Scared That If I Leave I Will Not Find Anyone To Treat My Son And I With That Same Type Of Love (the Good Part)..plus Its Hard To Trust Anyone These Days Everyones Out To Get Pussy Not Commitment! I Would Really Love Some Advice And Things That Can Help Me Out ,please Help! Oh And This Was Not The First Time He Lied About Antoher Women He Was Speaking To His Ex About 1-2months B4 This Girl She Was Also Another Myspace Thing I Came To Find Out He Was Talking To Her Because She Wrote Me To Say Hey Lets Meet Up When U Come Into Town Next Time Then I Look At Her Comments And Someone Is Telling Her That They Cant Believe He Is With Me So I Go And Look Into There Page And Shes Over There Writing To Them Saying "yeah I Know I Cant Belive That Either Do U Know They Hve A Kid And He Asked Me To Get Back With Him" So I Confronted Him About The Whole Situation And He Showed Me The Messages That Followed:

 

She Wrote: -"i Wanna See U I Cant Believe Its Been So Long --his Name-- I Still Have Feelings For You Lets Meet Up Chill And See What Happens **** --myname--- She Wont Find Out Plus It Would B Nice To Catch Up Where We Left Off Dont B Scared I Wont Tell Her Plus I Added Her As Afriend To Take Any Suspicions Off Of Her..."

 

He Wrote Back "your A Crazy Bitch And U Need To Stop Writing To Her And Me Because There Is And Never Will B Anything Between Us Move Around I Love My Family And I Dont Want U Saying **** That Isnt True"

 

She Wrote: " Why? Do U Think She Would Leave U If I Say That We Meet Up And Just Hung Out :)"

 

He Wrote: "look Stop Writing I Told U B4 I Dont Want This To Seem Like We Are Doing Anything I Dont Love U Or Want Anything To Do With U I Wrote U To See How U And Your Family Were Doing Why Do U Think I Did Not Add U As A Friend U Are Nothing To Me Nothing Just Stop B4 My Wife Thinks Other Wise..im Sorry I Ever Wrote U But I Didnt Not Mean Anything By It"

 

She Wrote: "whatever You ****ing Retard Im Giving U The Oppurtunity To Have Sex With Me And U Dont Take It Well **** U And Ur Dumb Ass Family Watch Me Destroy Your Precious Family Dumb ****!"

 

He Wrote: Stop Writing Me Im Gonna Delete U Now

 

And That Was That So Yeah I Believed Him Now Someone Please Help And Give Me Guidance !

[Enema]

Hey check this out:

 

http://www.englishclub.com/writing/caps0.htm

 

"When to use capital letters"

 

Thank me later.

[London Girl]

Luv3sji, your post is so hard to read.

 

What Enema wrote made me giggle.

[luv3sji]

:DOk! ENEMA I know when and how to use capital letters. I was on here to find advice not to get critisized on my spelling or punctuation. This was my first time posting something and it took me so long to do so...sorry if it does not fit your standards, but this is not a grammer course!

 

As for London Girl whats its so hard to understand because its someone letting out something that is personal and hard to write...

 

Its crazy because people on here talk about helping others and how its nice to have someone to help you out.Yet theres people like you two that make it impossible.

[London Girl]

Luv3sji, apologies if my email offended you - it was not mean't to. I tried to read you post a few times to give you advice but found it hard to read.

 

Your ex sounds like a jerk and not worth you worrying. Hope you are feeling better.

[Enema]

I also tried to read it, but I think it gave me cancer.

 

 

 

We're not trying to be mean. But, if you make your post easier to read you'll get more responses.

[norajane]

Some people do manage to get past an affair and their relationship ends up being stronger. It takes a lot of commitment to the relationship - on both your part and his - to get through the period where the betrayal feels like too much to handle, and where you've lost respect for him as a man.

 

Since you say things have been good, then you might want to give more time and see if you can get beyond the betrayal and disgust with him to rekindle some of the love you felt for him. Ask him for whatever you need - get access to all his passwords for email and cell phone and whatever, so you can go out and check what he's up to whenever you feel any anxiety. Tell him to stop communicating with his exes and whoever he's emailing. If he doesn't contact or reply to these women, that's better than going back and forth on email to get the message across that he wants nothing to do with them. Make whatever rules you need to.

 

If he's willing to do what you need, then maybe you can get past the post-affair negative feelings in a while. If he's not willing, then you probably will end up carrying around the hurt and resentment.

 

And yes, I think reading your post did give me brain cancer. Capital letters and huge blocks of text with no paragraphs and an appalling lack of punctuation make it so hard to read that no one will go through the effort.

[Citizen Erased]

Okay, here's the deal:

 

I've been with my boyfriend for 6yrs now. We started dating since highschool and have had our ups and downs, just like any normal couple. Well it seems to be that since our 1st born was born back in 2005, our relationship was heading down hill. We were constantly arguing and getting aggrevated with each other!.

 

Well I came to find out on my son's 1st birthday he left that same night, stating I was too "drunk", and he just could not stand seeing me like that. So he left and did not return until the next day... Yes! He was cheating, he had been with this other girl for about 3-5 months. They would see each other during and after work.He had taken all all the forms of communication away with him so obviously I never knew. But as a woman I felt it!

 

That's why he would pick fights. He stated that he cheated because I was a bitch with him. But come on, our first born was born ill, unable to swallow any foods. I was in and out of hospital with him. So it was not that I was a bitch, I just wanted some more help around the house, and with our son's hospital bills and visits.

 

Well I found out that he cheated and now had the girl pregnant, all thanks to Myspace. If not I would never have found out. Well the girl messaged me and told me she was pregnant with his child. I cried and felt as if my whole world had crumbled. I mean, had I been that much of a bitch to deserve him cheating, lying and now bringing another child to this world. I don't think so! Well I kicked him out and let him back in 2 weeks later for our sons' sake. Well it's now been 11 months and I still don't feel the same. I used to see him as my best friend, the one who I confided in, but now see him as just the father of my child.

 

I catch myself being mean to him, telling him how nasty he is. At times I even feel disgusted. But only for a couple seconds, and then I snap out of it. When he tells me he loves me I just say yeah I love you too, but I really don't mean it like I used to. I don't love him like I used to. Not thatI miss you so much when you leave my side, tingles in my belly, I love you with a passion type of love. Now it's more like words, that's it.

 

As for the girl, she ended up having an abortion and she is out of his life. But just a couple of days ago she messaged me on myspace telling me how ugly I was. Okay like that hurt my feelings, but I was the bigger person and didn't write her back. I left it alone and re-affirmed with my boyfriend that he was not seeing her anymore. He stated no so I believed him (he has been trying to make this all better, even the sex). I try to get over it but I just can't. I don't even think it's the whole sex part. It's more the lying and betraying my trust. I mean, did I deserve it that bad? To lie and have me worried all night, thinking he was at work?

 

By the way, all his friends knew and they all stated he just couldn't find the way to tell me. And that the girl is a psycho, so she wanted to break us up. She wanted him to buy her a car and give her money. Keep in mind she was only 18, and supposedly had been around the neighborhood She kept trying to get with him because she thought he had money to give her. When all he wanted was **** (Basically).

 

Well I guess my question is should I keep trying to make myself love him again, and try to trust him, or should I just give up and say "Hey, I tried"? It's so hard but I think I really don't love him anymore. He is a good father. Not at the beginning, but he has worked on it and I can't complain. A man of the house, it's always the same. He is now bringing home more money, taking little family vacations with is. We actually started going to church after all of this happened. We have been going every Sunday since!

 

I'm confused, and scared that if I leave him I will not find anyone to treat my son and I with the same type of love (the good part). Plus it's hard to trust anyone these-days,Everyone goes out to get pussy, not commitment. I would really love some advice and things to help me out. PLease help!

 

Oh and this was not the first time he lied to me about another woman. He was speaking to his ex about 1-2 months before this girl. She was also another myspace thing I came to find out about. He was talking to her because she wrote me saying let's met up next time you're in town. I looked at her comments and someone is telling her that they can't believe he is with me. So I go and look into their page and she wrote to them saying "yeah I know, I can't believe that either. Do you know they have a kid and that he asked me to get back with him?" So I confronted him about the whole situation and he showed me the messages that followed:

 

She wrote: "I wanna see you, I can't believe it's been so long - his name- I still have feelings for you, let's meet yp. Chill, see what happens. - my name - she won't find out. Plus it would be nice to catch up from where we left off. Don't be scared, I won't tell her. Plus I added her as a friend to take any suspicions off of her."

 

He wrote back "you're a crazy bitch and you need to stop writing to her and me because there is, and never will be anything between us. Move on, I love my family and I don't want you saying **** that isn't true".

 

She wrote "Why? Do you think she would leave you if you say that we meet up and just hung out"

 

He wrote "Look, stop writing, I told you before. I don't want this to seem like we are doing anything. I don't love you or want anything to do with you. I wrote you to see how you and your family are doing. Why do you think I didn't add you as a friend, you are nothing to me. Nothing. Just stop before my wife think otherwise. I'm sorry I ever wrote you but I didn't mean anything by it."

 

She wrote: "Whatever you ****ing retard. I'm giving you the opportunity to have sex with me and you don't take it well. Well **** you and your dumb ass family. Watch me destroy your precious family dumb ****!"

 

He wrote "Stop writing me, I'm going to delete you now".

 

And that was that. So, yeah I believed him. Now someone please help and give me guidance!

 

There we go now no-one can complain about not understanding it

[luv3sji]

norajoane, Thank you for your response! The thing is that we actually have been trying new things out and I am starting to feel some what how I used to. He actually told me almost everything that you advised me, he feels that will help us get thru this too.

 

Last night I stumbled across this letter that he wrote me while we were seperated. In the letter he kept telling me how sorry, disgusted,and dissapointed he was to hurt his one and only true love. And I want to believe it, but something deep inside of me still hasn't gotten over the whole lying part. Have any suggestions on how to get thru that part? I would love to hear it.

 

He tells me his every moves. Sometimes going into so many details that I wonder is he REALLY telling me the truth? Or just a front to make me fall in love with him again?

 

 

 

In the letter he kept telling me how sorry,sad,disgusted,and dissapointed he was to hurt his one and only true love.

[luv3sji]

darlin coco....all I can say is Thank You!