Does the river of tears ever stop?

[Windwalker]

I've been in therapy now for a little over 2 years battling with all the repressed rage, sadness, etc., of years of childhood abuse and neglect.

 

All these feelings are so HUGE that they scare me, and I feel like a ninny for not having them under control. I try to deal with them on my own and rationally solve the problem, which is a way I have of keeping the feelings at bay and not altogether helpful.

 

Therapy has helped some, but, honestly, it's been two years now! Do these huge feelings ever go away? Or will I always have to talk myself down in trigger situations?

 

My spouse, who came from an Ozzie and Harriet household, isn't much help, and I need so much care that I try to hide because I know I shouldn't need this much, but this continues to keep me reliving some of the same crap as my childhood.

 

I'll never be better, right? But will the river of tears dry up? It seems endless.

[italianchica]

It's such an internal struggle that it's different for everyone, I suppose. For me, I haven't been able to get over any of it, but I'm working on improving my way of thinking. I try not to think about it often but when I'm feeling low, it seems to surface more. I once heard that the best way to get these feelings under control is to reach out and help someone in a similar situation. I've been looking into the idea, and maybe it could help you too. Therapy hasn't helped me much. For me, it was knowing I had let go of any blame and try to live by the fact that whatever makes you weak, will make you stronger. Easy said than done though, I know.

 

I had a boyfriend of the "ozzy/harriet" childhood, I always felt like he never could possibly understand what I was feeling. I had envy about it and perhaps blocked out any type of emotional help he would try to give. My best advice is to see that just because a person doesn't walk in your shoes, doesn't mean that this person wouldn't be able to understanding where you're coming from. It's easy to feel alone and block out others, but it's the hardest thing living with that struggle alone. If all else fails, maybe a support group will help.