Am being logical? Or am I being stalker.

[Glyde693]

Due to limited replies and additional imformations and thoughts, I decided to update my currect status. I know this thread is capable of intelligent answers, and thats why I'm here.

 

Our relationship started when i was 18, she was 29. She was married at the time (she stayed married for her son). She was unhappy in her relationship and we hit it off. We continued to hide our relationship but she kept moving forward, starting with the declaration of the divorce, him moving out, her getting a new house etc etc.

 

Around november last year (18 months into the relationship) she wanted to get high with me, and i obliged. Then i started getting depressed, but i ignored it, as i typically have seasonal depression. This was different because instead of dealing with it, i pushed it away with smoking more. On top of it i had some family issues and made a big deal about an old ex emailing her and lost trust in her as well as my family. I closed myself off from the world till i got clean in march, when i realized that i wasn't with what actually made me happy (her and her son). It took a couple of months for me to actually become rational, and stable again.

 

I went back to her and things hit it off again, and when we were together everything was still there. Her ex then demands i stay away because of their child, but I didn't get the actually reason for a week and a half. This was were I made the biggest mistake and tried to find out via calling daily. Eventually she talked to me about it, and it was nice actually knowing what was going on and what i could do to be able to be with her, not for me, but because the time we (all three of us) had, even recently, made us all happy. Thats the what actually matters to me. My relationship, although I want it because of how it makes me feel, isn't the concern. But anyway... we slowly talk, eventually it gets daily, and she agrees to spend some time with me (sat night since her ex has her son). That saturday, we layed around, talked, and then we both started getting physical and at that point i stopped. Simply because of the fact the prior time this happened, i was gone 2 days later and couldn't deal with the same thing happening. She thought it was more me manipulating the situation but understood. We layed back down cuddled up and talked for a while, but eventually it happened.

 

She called me Sunday night, along with Monday night after work. Then tuesday came and nothing. Let down, Wednesday night I brought it up. She said she was simpley out. Due to previous things (which I'll talk about down farther) I brought up another relationship. her answer was simply IDK. So i ask about her relationship with her ex. Again IDK, but it seemed as if it was I don't want to talk about this. She claims she has to go, but with me feeling about to get shafted once again, i persist to talk about it. Slowly i get information from her.

 

The first thing she tells me is that her house is being sold in two weeks because she can't pay for it. Seeking more she actually opens up about her younger son, and is extremely concerned that hes going to also leave her to be with the dad, who spoils them rediculously. Now i know this isn't going to happy because hes (not to be prude) a piss poor father. He honestly doesn't care about his child. He was consistantly late getting him when he would have time with him. He would bring him back instead of taking him home when he could. On top if it all the time he spends with him is at places where there are other things to entertain his son. Basically he gets no actuall attention and, just materials.

 

Thats basically what I had for an answer as to why someone who when we spent time together, and sincerely had feelings for me, leaves. Her ex is one of my states top car salesmen and is extremely manipulative. Hes used it to keep me away, and hes used money to keep her close to him. I didn't really start realizing this specificly till i started thinking about it, which is why i need more opinions cuz i don't want to be seeking out answers that are ridiculous. The financial situation was actually brought upon by her ex. she had a lot of previous debt from their relationship and was goign to declare bankruptcy but, her ex decided to consolidate a credit card and make ONE payment on it. This made it so she would have to wait another 6 months before she could declare, and she couldn't make it that long. On top of that he was only paying his portion of the child support for his child. basically 2/3rds of it. now 800 bucks to someone who is making over 20k a month doesn't matter. Hes good at making people think what he wants, and likes to get what he wants.

 

And thats where it sits. She is having a relationship with him simply for the money (i do believe) and for fear of loosign her child. Am i thinking wrongly here? Im simply basing my thoughts on what i know, and have been told. Im also adding the relationship that we had, not only prior me leaving, but the one when i came back as to well. Simply put, i know she isn't happy where she is, even with lack of contact. She never was. This is my biggest concern, even though i do care about our relationship and would love her back. What to do now. . .

[blind_otter]

Leave her alone and move on. So what if she's unhappy. She's an adult and it is therefore her responsibility to take action to make herself happy. She's made her bed. Let her lie in it and for your sake, move on. This drama does not involve you any more.

[Glyde693]

Because you obviously haven't actually cared for another person. . . Thanks for a reply and your opinion but to be honest it doesn't seem to be one of logic. Things tell me that shes basically being forced in a way into something that doesn't make her happy. Thats my view on it. Now the thing is how can i actually find out, when her ex cancels her part of the cell phone, and i have no real way to contact her? basically the only thing ive thought of was to talk to one of her friends about it, because really i doubt i can talk to her about it.