alcohol abuser

[dvsxx6]

just as my title says, i'm an abuser of alcohol. i don't drink alcohol everyday, anymore.. but when i do have alcohol around, it's like the devil is posessing me and i don't know when to stop.

 

At 15, I already hoped that I'd live to see my 18th birthday. That's how much of a disregard I had for my life. I knew I made bad choices with drugs and alchol, but I still continued to turn to them because that was the only thing I felt was working for me at the time. They never rejected me, and it was my soft place to fall. Sure I could've died many times, but I didn't care. My sister tells me that people would kill to look like me, be like me blah blah blah, but I never did feel that way. I felt ugly inside and I just didn't care about myself at all

 

Today, after 2 years of regularly using drugs [not including alcohol], I can say that I'm 100% clean. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, but drugs were an even BIGGER problem. Weed, coke, prescription drugs, I used to take them all simultaneously all day everyday.

 

The grip alcohol has on me is unbelievable. I need to get more willpower. There have been many times before I go to sleep at nite, and I just pray to God that he lets me wake up in the morning. I tell him that I'm sorry for making such stupid decisions, and please give me a chance to do better. Help me find my way because I don't know what I'm doing right now. Please guide me and help me help myself to become a better person. I'm not a bad person. I just need to learn the healthy way to live and this is not who I want to be..

 

The amount I drink shocks me. I'm 5'1 and 105 Lbs and my fave drinks are tequila 1800 [at least 6 shots], crown [i can drink the entire bottle by myself], any bacardi, vodka, beer [any beer]. I'm scared because it's not as easy as just not picking up the alcohol. I have been working on my self-esteem for a long time and I have to acknowledge what I've been doing wrong so I can face it head on and change.

 

I'm only 20 and I already have a DUI. I got it in Sept of 06' and it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I don't wish that experience on anyone, and I feel so ashamed and stupid that I got it. I'm just glad I didn't hurt anyone by my foolish actions

 

The thing is, that I turn 21 next month. There are many people tellin me "let's go out! we're gona get you drunk and party it up!'.. but the thing is, i don't want to. I wanted to quit drinking almost a year ago, but I can't seem to tell myself no, even though I know this is destroying me. I don't want to let people down, yet i have to take care of myself.

 

I was thinking of checking myself into AA or something but then what am I going to say to those who want to take me out for my 21st bday? You're supposed to be looking forward to turning 21, not dreading it. and that's how i feel. I'm scared of having that freedom of being able to buy my own alcohol because I want to live past 25. I want to live a Lonnng life with children and lots of grandchildren.. I have a lot of hope for my future and there is no future for me if alcohol is involved. I don't even think I'd be able to handle drinking in moderation. There's too much temptation and I'd just revert back to my old ways

 

Has anyone ever quit drinking? and if so, how did you do it? I'm just afraid that in social situations, I'll be left out and then maybe I'll be seen as the D2 [designated driver]. or that girl who doesn't drink. or what a square. I actually admire those who don't drink because I wish I could do that. Even if they aren't confident people who NEED to drink, I still admire that they rely on themselves to deal with their problems. Not alcohol or drugs.

 

I know it's possible to quit drinking, but I don't feel strong enough or feel that i have the necessary resources or support group that I need. All my friends drink, and it's hard for me to make/keep friends either because they're ill-intentioned or I just give up cause I don't believe in myself very much..

 

Has anyone here been to AA? I'm seriously considering going to AA before my 21st birthday.

 

Thank you in advance. And thank you to those who took the time to read this

[PoshPrincess]

At 15, I already hoped that I'd live to see my 18th birthday. That's how much of a disregard I had for my life. I knew I made bad choices with drugs and alchol, but I still continued to turn to them because that was the only thing I felt was working for me at the time. They never rejected me, and it was my soft place to fall. Sure I could've died many times, but I didn't care. My sister tells me that people would kill to look like me, be like me blah blah blah, but I never did feel that way. I felt ugly inside and I just didn't care about myself at all

 

I get the same things from friends and relatives about how I look but, as you say, it's how you feel inside. I KNOW that my feelings are irrational and that I have some sort of body dysmorphic disorder and my counsellor told me that the fact I can see that means I am some way to sorting myself out but I know how difficult it must be for you. With me, drinking has always given me the confidence I don't have when I am sober. I often feel I need a drink to deal with difficult situations.

 

Today, after 2 years of regularly using drugs [not including alcohol], I can say that I'm 100% clean. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, but drugs were an even BIGGER problem. Weed, coke, prescription drugs, I used to take them all simultaneously all day everyday.

 

Well done you for getting off the drugs. That must've been SO hard for you. I am lucky in that although I have used recreational drugs from time to time I have never become addicted. I am a lot older than you and I was lucky that when I was a teenager I didn't really know people who took drugs so I guess I avoided that scene pretty much. I never took coke until I was in my late 20s and, although I enjoyed the high, I really couldn't handle the come-down so don't tend to do it very often!

 

The grip alcohol has on me is unbelievable. I need to get more willpower. There have been many times before I go to sleep at nite, and I just pray to God that he lets me wake up in the morning. I tell him that I'm sorry for making such stupid decisions, and please give me a chance to do better. Help me find my way because I don't know what I'm doing right now. Please guide me and help me help myself to become a better person. I'm not a bad person. I just need to learn the healthy way to live and this is not who I want to be..

 

I think you are being very brave recognising that you need to deal with your relationship with alcohol. You are already half way there.

 

The amount I drink shocks me. I'm 5'1 and 105 Lbs and my fave drinks are tequila 1800 [at least 6 shots], crown [i can drink the entire bottle by myself], any bacardi, vodka, beer [any beer]. I'm scared because it's not as easy as just not picking up the alcohol. I have been working on my self-esteem for a long time and I have to acknowledge what I've been doing wrong so I can face it head on and change.

 

I haven't got the type of drink problem where I drink constantly but I AM a binge drinker (although trying to sort myself out now). You sound like you mix your drinks a lot more than I do (although I did the same at your age!)

 

I'm only 20 and I already have a DUI. I got it in Sept of 06' and it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I don't wish that experience on anyone, and I feel so ashamed and stupid that I got it. I'm just glad I didn't hurt anyone by my foolish actions

 

Sorry, you will have to explain to me what a DUI is as I am from the UK. Is it something to do with you being caught underage drinking? I believe the age limit is higher in the States than the UK. You can buy alcohol here once you are 18.

 

The thing is, that I turn 21 next month. There are many people tellin me "let's go out! we're gona get you drunk and party it up!'.. but the thing is, i don't want to. I wanted to quit drinking almost a year ago, but I can't seem to tell myself no, even though I know this is destroying me. I don't want to let people down, yet i have to take care of myself.

 

I was thinking of checking myself into AA or something but then what am I going to say to those who want to take me out for my 21st bday? You're supposed to be looking forward to turning 21, not dreading it. and that's how i feel. I'm scared of having that freedom of being able to buy my own alcohol because I want to live past 25. I want to live a Lonnng life with children and lots of grandchildren.. I have a lot of hope for my future and there is no future for me if alcohol is involved. I don't even think I'd be able to handle drinking in moderation. There's too much temptation and I'd just revert back to my old ways

 

You sound like you are being very mature about this whole thing but I can totally see where you're coming from re your 21st birthday. I know I would feel totally out of things if I went out and didn't drink. I can't relate to the 'you don't need a drink to enjoy yourself' attitude that some people have. I DO! But they're right in a way. This is what you have to get to grips with. If your friends are good friends then they will understand that you don't want to drink alcohol. Discuss with them how you are feeling if you can and tell them you think you have a problem and that you need their help and understanding. I know this must be more difficult at your age as there is still probably that need to feel 'part of the crowd' but I reckon you can do it! Join in AA if that's what it takes. I am sure you can get advice there on how to deal with the whole '21st' thing.

 

Has anyone ever quit drinking? and if so, how did you do it? I'm just afraid that in social situations, I'll be left out and then maybe I'll be seen as the D2 [designated driver]. or that girl who doesn't drink. or what a square. I actually admire those who don't drink because I wish I could do that. Even if they aren't confident people who NEED to drink, I still admire that they rely on themselves to deal with their problems. Not alcohol or drugs.

 

I know someone who was in rehab for alcoholism. He can never drink again obviously but it has really turned his life around. They did say to him that if you have an addictive personally (which everyone suffering from an addiction has) then you are likely to have more than one addiction (ie your was drugs but you have overcome that). I don't know how much AA deals with but maybe get some other independent counselling, such as cognitive behaviour therapy, to build your self-esteem. That way you will learn not to worry what other people think about you if you're not drinking! If they think you're boring, square, or whatever, that's their problem. Half of them probably feel like you do and wish they could go out and enjoy themselves without alcohol!

 

I know it's possible to quit drinking, but I don't feel strong enough or feel that i have the necessary resources or support group that I need. All my friends drink, and it's hard for me to make/keep friends either because they're ill-intentioned or I just give up cause I don't believe in myself very much..

 

Has anyone here been to AA? I'm seriously considering going to AA before my 21st birthday.

 

Thank you in advance. And thank you to those who took the time to read this

 

I wish you the very best of luck and hope that you can sort yourself out. I know you will be able to if you really put your mind to it. Please don't be alone though, ask your friends and family for support and come here whenever you need to vent! Just think how much more fantastic you will look when you get to my age without all the drink and drugs!

[dvsxx6]

PoshPrincess: Thank you SO much for your reply. It really means a lot to me that you took the time to reach out to me.

 

Well done you for getting off the drugs. That must've been SO hard for you. I am lucky in that although I have used recreational drugs from time to time I have never become addicted. I am a lot older than you and I was lucky that when I was a teenager I didn't really know people who took drugs so I guess I avoided that scene pretty much. I never took coke until I was in my late 20s and, although I enjoyed the high, I really couldn't handle the come-down so don't tend to do it very often!

 

The reason why I quit drugs, mainly is because I OD-ed on coke. And because of my drug use, I now have a heart condition. It's benign, but it's something I'll always have to live with. and it could get worse in the future. That was my reality check and I immediately stopped doing drugs. So if you do coke, please consider not doing it. It's fun.. but after awhile, it consumes you. Just be careful, okay?

 

Alcohol seemed like NOTHING compared to the things I used to do. But it's to the point where this IS a lot more harmful than I initially thought. It DOES kill, and I don't want to harm myself or anyone else.

 

Oh and a DUI = Driving under the influence [of alcohol/drugs/ or both]. I was just drinking that nite. I got arrested in Sept 2006, I had to take 3 sobriety tests, and they measured my BAC [blood alcohol content] with a breathilizer test. In Hawaii, [where I live] if you have a BAC of .08, you're considered legally drunk. That nite I only started out with a couple of beers and my BAC was .123. I borrowed my mom's car that nite cause my sister came from out of town & used my car so I had a bad feeling about that nite. So yeah, I was booked and put in jail for 3 hours before my parents bailed me out. I was soo scared cause I thought someone was going to beat me up or rape me & if my parents hadn't come to bail me out when they did, I would've been in the main prison with all the transvestite prostitutes/druggies/god knows who else. Because of alcohol and my mistakes, I spent a lot of money on legal fees and all this crap, and now I'm left with a dirty mark on my once spotless record. And I don't want anything more to happen to me, and that's why I'm going to enroll in AA next week.

 

I will enroll in AA classes next week. It'll be scary but I will do it. And the whole 21st birthday thing... well, I'm going to have to let people know that I'll just be drinkin diet coke or maybe a shirley temple that nite. hehe.

 

Thanks again for your reply and I wish the best for you as well. Take care and Aloha

[doiask42much]

dvsxx6,

 

I got a DUI four years ago and blew a .11. I spent the whole night in jail, and boy did it suck. I put up a brave front though. I feel a lot in common with you as I am your same height and build and get good feedback on my looks but I don't care about myself (or I didn't before) and made some very reckless choices, not caring if I lived or died. I also have a chronic health condition, lupus, so I have definitely been asking for trouble.

 

I don't feel confident when I don't drink, and I don't have fun and I feel very irritated by most people, especially drunk ones. But that all turns into happiness and laughter and a feeling of power once I do start drinking.

 

I am older than you, but I feel like I've followed a similar trajectory. I just started later (college), so now at 31, I'm where you are at 21. I don't want to die, I don't want to ruin my health, I sort of want to get a handle on my drinking (I don't yet want to stop), but the thought of having nothing to fall back on is daunting. I've gone to AA because of my DUI (required) and because I have a friend who is deep into the program. Her life was literally falling apart because she was doing coke pretty often, so it was necessary for her. Because I am functional and on top of my finances and have had no consequences other than the DUI (which was more bad luck than anything), it's been hard admitting to myself that I have any sort of problem. I don't drink as much as I used to but I do drink regularly; I don't have any weekends with no drinking at all. I just can't seem to do it. So I guess I must have a problem. I used to do a lot of drugs as well, so in a way I feel like this is a lot better than how I used to be.

 

My friend has been sober for over a year now. It's been pretty hard going for her, and even for me. She's very emotional and tense a lot, since she has no outlet (a lot of crying and freaking out), but she had to do the AA thing because really she had no choice. She goes to meetings most days (about six a week) and social activities as well. I cannot say I really agree with everything they preach (they will tell you to distance yourself from your old friends and hang out with AA people only, and they will tell you you can't do it alone and are powerless and you have to turn yourself over to a "higher power"; if you are working the steps, they will also force you to do a lot of things and give up a lot of your time), but I accept that she's in a better place now than she was before AA. And really, I can't offer her a better way than they can. I will say that hanging out with her is less fun, but if and when we go out, she is able to fake it pretty well (ginger ale) and everyone else is busy doing their thing and they don't even notice she is not drinking, 9 times out of 10. (I guess this will be harder on your bday when people are trying to buy you drinks.) I bet if you tried it you would find the same. Just do it quietly without any fanfare. But I do imagine it would be tempting to drink and I know I'd have a hard time acting lively when I wasn't feeling it. Good luck, and happy birthday! Keep us posted on how you're doing.

[doiask42much]

I've given away drinks or accidentally "spilled" unwanted shots too. Most people are too schnockered to notice.

[dvsxx6]

doiask42much [cool s/n btw]:

 

thank you for sharing your story!. a lot of what you said really hit home for me. i can completely identify with you when it comes to wanting to drink around others to feel more confident [they don't call alcohol liquid courage for nothin], the DUI.. [ah..we're party animals [jk], and just having alcohol be our friend. not a very nice friend though.. she makes me feel like shi.t almost every weekend & she's just suuch a nag.

 

she's callin me right now but i don't know if i should answer. i'm tryin to ignore her but she's just bugging the cr.aaaaap outa me.

 

i want to drink but i don't know. the negative about alcohol definitely outweighs the positive, but that's not what i'm concerned about right now... Ideally I'd like to live a life without alcohol. but now i'm not feeling too confident. i was so sure today, but right now, it's 7:08 on a friday nite.. and friday/sat sometimes sunday nites means drinky time.... ugh. i feel pretty wishy washy right now..

 

especially since i read about your friend. i don't want to be uptight, because i sometimes Do enjoy drinking, and i may feel like i'm being deprived or i'm missing out on something. or other people are having more fun than me. wouldn't you feel the same way? i figured by the time i turn 25, i want to quit drinking.. but what if it just gets worse before then. or God forbid, what if i die from alcohol poisoning at 22. That would be such a waste of a young life. i want to go to AA but i also want to experience my young life with drinking.... hm. . like i said, i'm not even 21 yet, and i alwaaaays wanted to drink at a bar [i spent my sweet 16th in a bar and drank] but i want to do it legally, and go to football games with guys and drink.. and just grab some cold ones after school... thinking about that makes me think i would definitely be missing out things i want/ed to do.. i don't know what i should do now...

 

but anyway... you got your DUI four years ago? i'm sure the DUI laws were not as strict as they are now. well, i know they have gotten stricter in hawaii. which state do you live in?

 

good luck to you and thanks again for your reply