Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 13, 2007 Share Posted July 13, 2007 Quite obviously I have a crush...We work in the same corporate tower and every day "accidentally" walk by each other...He came to my office twice on business and we totally clicked and the chemistry, sustained eye contact, teasing/flirting, you name it, we had it... (This was about a month ago) My coworkers noticed this of course and immediately were interested One of my coworkers who is also one of my good friends casually inquired about his personal life and turns out he has a girlfriend for 6 months but nothing serious...[i am currently separated from my husband ( for 6 months now) and soon to be divorced...] About a good week ago from "casually" talking and flirting he totally cooled off...and now he's avoiding me...If he walks by me he just waves and moves on... He is a gentleman so he's not rude just cold compared to how he was... My friend bumped into him on lunch one day and she truly and innocently said my name in relation to something and he just looked away, repeated my name 3 times then fell silent for about half a minute and then asked her where am I by the way? Just so he could answer his own question and proved that he knew my shift and that I would be in the office... Meanwhile I can't get him out of my head!!!I dream about him, think of him 24/7, I've become sloppy (I'm a perfectionist so this is quite worrisome), keep on finding reasons to go out of the office to get a coffee just so maybe we run into each other... And I keep obsessing about the whole repeating my name 3 times and kinda' blanking out part...and try to find reasons as to why the sudden coolness... I've tried not thinking of him as well but really can't stop it...and when I'm not thinking of him, I see him!!! And to make matters worse I've looked his name up on Hi5 and found his profile...This all would be fine if I wouldn't have discovered how much we have in common...we're almost a carbon-copy of each other!!! Which really doesn't help in my matter of trying to get over him... I seriously have no idea what to do anymore...My pride is saying "Just move on!If he's cold to you then move on!" but then I keep coming back to chemistry and the whole name thing and I'm thinking maybe he likes me too and then I shouldn't move on because we have so much in common that it would be a loss... PLEASE HELP ME because I have no clue what to do anymore... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 13, 2007 Share Posted July 13, 2007 I have been in your same situation. I had this chemistry w/ a man, we flirted (him mostly), we seemed to click, it was perfect, etc. Then I found out he has a gf who lives 8 hrs away that he's been with a yr. I was crushed...but figured I still had a chance. I obsessed about it, analyzed his every move. He even got closer to me and started accidentally brushing up against me, staring at me. making suggestive comments etc. I mean, all the signs were there. But then I overheard him talking (with an aquaintence of mine )about shopping for engagement rings (I was in the other room) and I got a big wakeup call. This man was just being friendly and probably just enjoyed flirting. (I hardly EVER flirt.) Anyways, I read it all wrong... Just another crush. But, the sooner I got on with my life and didn't dwell on it, the better. I think in your case, this guy maybe realized he was pushing the limit w/ flirting with you and maybe didn't want you to get the wrong idea. So, he's backing off. It sucks though doesn't it? It's like you seem to find the perfect guy(or your idea of one) and he's taken already. Anyways, at least there is still hope(he's not getting engaged or anything). But, I wouldn't wait around for him. IF he is interested in you, he will find a way to ask you out. (Also hopefully be single when he does.) So, all you can do is just move on for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 Thank You! And yeah, it does feel like he's the right one, you know, "The" one...And now i'm stuck here trying to find flaws and to convince myself that he's not the one...I seriously can't find anything wrong with him though Heheh I know it sounds retarded because I could just pick at stuff but I can't find stuff to pick at :-( Unless I pick at the fact that he backed off ... But that's realy not accusable since it only means he's not a jerk...He totally could've led me on and then who knows when I could've found out that he actually hasn't left his GF so it's best that he backed off...It's just highly inconvenient...For me :-) And I'm almost at the desperate point where I'd message him to ask him to tell me something horrible about himself Hehhehe My pride probably won't let me do it so I should be safe :-) On the other hand I see him every day and when I don't see him I'm always on the look-out in case I might see him... I just wish I could tap into his brain to find out what he ment by the triple name thing...And then maybe I'd get over it...or maybe not Anyway! Thanks for the advice and I will pick my brain to find negative stuff :-) Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I think maybe because you didn't make a move on him he thought that you didn't like him. Ask him out on a date to make sure you know where you stand with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 Hehehe Asking him out on a date is out of the question because if he would've wanted a date i am and was pretty approachable so he could've asked for one or just could've said "Wanna grab a coffee?!" without making it obvious or anything so Me asking Him out is not applicable... :-) I just need to get over him and thanks to LN99 i'm on the right track :-) Link to post Share on other sites
rockon Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 hi, I had a crush on my married friend and it turned in to an obsession. The best thing to do is walk away. Now listen to me sweethearts out there: IT WILL BE HARD trust me.. it hurts like a MOFO.. I am just starting the no contact today with this women. I couldn't handle being just friends because I wanted more. I knew I wanted more and I wanted it badly..... here is everything I lost: - My self respect - $1500 - Secrets that now she knows too - My brain - One starbucks coffee certificate - Cigarette ashes in my new mustang leather seats Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 When you're separating, it's easy to fixate on someone because you have a void within you. Go slow with dating and anything that requires the heart. He's got a g/f, therefore he's off limits. This should be turning you off. It's probably what's turning him off. He's aware that he's going to cross the line if he's not careful. Don't poach. If he's honest with himself and does feel the same strong attraction, he will ensure that he's free first. If he cheats with you, how can you respect someone like that? I most certainly wouldn't be interested in the crumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 Well since I last posted we bumped into each other and when I thought everything was going great and I was on the right track HE came along... I went into the bank and he was there, the only one in line :-) we both were surprised to see each other and I certainly tried not to flirt with him but it just came without my will and he certainly started it...then we did our banking and he left before I did but made sure to touch me and say "bye" on his way out... It's totally weird, because he never touched me before and in a North American, Western society you don't get into someone's "bubble" just like that...Not that I minded that he "upped the scale"... He has this one day warm, next day cold behavior...and of course that everything I thought I had resolved came plummeting back... My conscious mind knows that he has a GF and all I want is to know him better to burst this bubble that I have where everything is euphoric and perfect... But I also know, and I think so does he, that if we do get to know each other better the inevitable will happen, and that would just complicate things even more...At least in the state we are now...Better said the state he is now... I would never agree to him cheating on his GF though because it's against my standards...And asside from my standards...let's say he would cheat on her with me...Then Hey! He might just as well cheat on me with someone else...Or if this wouldn't happen then he could have a "what if..." "syndrome" and I wouldn't go for that...so at least for these 2 reasons I wouldn't agree to him cheating on his GF with me... I just need to get over him but it's kinda' hard when I see him every damn day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 And another thing I forgot to add...This guy is not a rebound because I'm separating... I already am separated and that chapter in my life is more than closed :-) I was in an unhappy marriage for 2 years and wanted to get out of it for the last year, and finally did 6 months ago :-) so believe me I'm not the hurting, wounded, damsel in distress that is seeking a rebound guy to fixate on :-) Frankly I wish I wouldn't have seen him and that way I never would've had a crush to begin with and all would've been just fine ... Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 I agree its tough when you "bump" into your crush on a daily basis. It's also tough when you develop feelings for someone out of nowhere that aren't gonna lead anywhere. (at least for now while he's in a relationship.) But, you need to focus on the fact that he has a gf. Next time you see him and he flirts with you, why not ask him how his GF is doing? See how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 22, 2007 Author Share Posted July 22, 2007 Hehehe...That's an awsome idea! Seriously It's great! I'll totally do that and hopefully move on :-) Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 Hehehe...That's an awsome idea! Seriously It's great! I'll totally do that and hopefully move on :-) Thanks! Sometimes if you hear them talking about their gf, it helps makes things more realistic. It might hurt, but it just might give you the dose of reality to help you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hmmmm ... girl Posted July 22, 2007 Author Share Posted July 22, 2007 Yeah! It definitely should wake me up to reality and make me acknowledge the fact that he has a GF with whom he might actually be happy and that he just likes to flirt :-) I just hope and keep my fingers crossed that he won't say "Oh...I don't have GF" looooooooooooool Anyway...thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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