Breaking My Own Rules

[codergrrl]

Hi,

I am new to this website, but I have been checking out other people's stories and I see that I am not alone with my past and present relationship problems.

 

I started seeing a guy from work (this is going back about 7 years), he was living with someone and I was in the middle of a break-up and had just moved into my own apartment with my son.

 

We snuck around for months until he told his GF that he wanted to move out. I'm not particularly proud of this, but at the time I justified it because I wanted to be in a relationship with him.

 

From the very beginning, he was selfish. It was always about what HE wanted and he never really seemed to care about what I felt. If I had to wait for him, it was on me. If I was hurt, I was overreacting.

 

Once he moved out of his ex's place, we didn't move in together because of course, he didn't want anyone to know he had cheated on his ex with me. And he wasn't sure he wanted to be a stepfather to my son.

 

At this point, we were working in different offices and besides the selfish behavior and his excluding my son from our relationship, it was going well.

I decided to be patient and give things time.

 

We went on our 1st vacation together and he slowly told his family that he was seeing someone new. I, in the meantime, was internalizing a lot of anger over my son being left out of this even though I had allowed it and not put my foot down.

 

Time went on....then I found out that he had gone on a date with someone else that his unnamed friends had hooked him up with, even though they knew he was seeing me, behind my back. This was after a year of dating.

 

Should I have been surprised?

 

Anyway, he told me, only because he thought maybe he wanted to persue a relationship with this woman and that I was pretty much being pushed aside.

 

Guess what? She never called him again. But the damage was done.

 

After this, we were out at a swinger's club (another one of his ideas) and the subject came up about STD's. I was saying that I had never had one and I asked him the same thing and he paused and said, "Uh, yes, I still do".

 

I was stunned. After sleeping with each other numerous times at this point, he had only disclosed this little tidbit of information because I brought it up. Maybe I am naive, but that is something that should be volunteered way up front. Thankfully I dodged that bullet though and I moved on and forgave him. Slightly.

 

Our "relationship" went on for 5 years, he was nice as pie, buying me nice dinners, going on trips, my son was allowed to enter our relationship. Family dinners, parties, etc. But the selfishness still went on. He operated like a man not in a relationship. His longtime friends, went out of their way to exclude me. They had group vacations and he was never "allowed" to bring me and my son, every year for a different BS reason. Yet, he still went and never stuck up for me.

 

As the years went on, I grew angrier and angrier, I cheated on him constantly as a passive aggressive way of getting even with him, but yet I kept up the facade. But one day I couldn't deal with it anymore.

 

I broke up with him, and I started dating someone else. He constantly called and e-mailed. I still hung out with him and had sex with him. Until last year, there wasn't a clean break until HE decided to date someone else. Then it was me who was told to back off.

 

Now he is contacting me again even though I have been in a serious relationship for 2 years (with only 1 backpedal to him) and supposedly he was in a relationship as well. I miss him sexually but the rest of him, I could do without. I gave him his 3 chances for a relationship. Any advice?

[norajane]

Any advice?

 

About what? Dumping your bf to be with the loser ex? Cheating on your bf so you can have sex with the loser ex?

 

After everything you wrote about you and your ex's relationship, I cannot understand why you still have any contact with him, much less why you would be considering doing anything with him.

 

And what about your current bf? Don't you love him? Is that why you're willing to either dump him or cheat on him now (again)?

[dyingtwilight]

Look at your post!! You didn't say one nice thing about him. Not one that didn't come at a price! I know your attached to him, but you deserve someone who is capable of putting you first. There are intensely selfish people in this world who just don't care about anyone but themselves and in my opinion I hope they all die single.

[nylah]

I just gotta say that I would never even consider being with a man who did not accept my child.....NO WAY!!! no d**k is that good!! your relationship with him sounds just awlful....what about your man??? Are you tired of him??....I'm not sure what to say, except you must be considering being with him again....just be careful...you may catch something that you can't shake this time....