Am I just being paranoid???

[a81688]

So. Me and my bf are giving our relationship a second chance.

But like always, i am a bit.. hesitant. I really want to be with him but at the same time I am paranoid that, what if he doesnt mean it? I have been hurt and betrayed by men in the past so its really hard for me to trust someone or take them seriously. I always think people are playing games with me. =/

 

Anyways. I broke up with him in June. I did it pretty badly too. I told him it wasnt working out and that we needed to go our seperate ways. It was a rash impulsive decision. I was just thinking about how different we were and I let it go to my head. And I regretted it immediately.

 

After we broke up, he kept calling. We talked. But not much about 'us'. I finally admitted to being sorry. And we both admitted that we didnt want to call it quits. yadada. Anyways, its been a month. And we have been talking alot. At first I was kinda ignoring his calls and txts. But we finally talked this week. And well, we decided to give it another try. We both really love each other and want it to work. But he of course, is still hurt that I broke up with him in the first place. So he says he wants to take it really slow. And that eventually we can go back to the way thinsg were again.

 

However. I found out he has been with another girl. =/ We argued about this today and he told me that what he did while he was not with me is none of my business. Which i suppose, is true. I hate to admit it.

They were kinda 'dating'. He told a friend of mine, who of course turned around and told me, that he said he has alot more fun with me than with her. That he doesnt like her. And is trying to get 'rid' of her beacuse he only wants to be with me.

 

 

One of the reasons I really do believe him is that being with me and us being in a relationship would cause him more 'drama'. Why? Cause his room mate and friend M LOATHES me. We are enemies. He has been trying to break me and my bf up since we got together. Told him I was cheating.. and just did ALOT to try and break us apart. And the girl my bf had been talking to his one of M's best friends. So now my bf has to tell this girl he isnt intrested anymore, and is going to get **** from M for 'hurting her' and most of all, for going back to me.

And for him to go through that kinda surprises me.. since I would never expect anyone to do that much for me. so him doing this gives me a lot more.. hope? i suppose that he really wants this as much as i do.

 

So I am trying to just 'forget' that he was ever with her. Especially since it happened when we werent together. but its kinda hard. =/ Am I just being stupid? Should I believe him when he says he really wants to be with me and make it work?

 

I am going to believe. I really want to. And I feel like he is being sincere. But again, after so many broken hearts and lies its hard to trust!

[a81688]

i decided... i cant do this.

 

even though we have been talking, a little. and everything is okay.

its ****ed up he cant answer my calls when i do call him.

which is the first time i have tried to call him in a month.

and i dont understand why he cant answer one ****ing phone call when we are supposed to be talkig more.. makes no sense.

 

so i sent him a txt saying 'why the hell are you ignoring my call? how are we supposed to fix anything? im sorry i just cant do this anymore, bye."

 

=(

i dont know what the **** to do now.