I told wife of man I had affair with about us, now he wants to end it. I want to die. Help!!

[Susan]

I was having an affair with a married man and I knew his wife as well. Actually, he invited me over for dinner several times with the two of them and we even went out to the movies together. I thought he was trying to give his wife a subliminal message that we were involved, and the wife was really friendly to me.

 

This went on for about six months. I would come over to the house while the wife was gone and would be together with me lover. It was okay for a while, until I started suffering because I wanted to be with him more and couldn't bear seeing him with his wife.

 

Last week he treated me with indifference and told me he could only be with his wife right now. At dinner the wife saw I had been crying, asked me what was wrong, and the two of us went out and I ended up telling her the whole story.

 

She was sympathetic, but my lover was furious at me. He told me he never wanted to see me again, and that he had told his wife that I had lied.

 

Now he won't even talk to me when I call, won't have anything to do with me, and he says he doesn't love me at all. I am just so torn by this. Can't get him out of my mind, especially after we had been so close. I am only 20 and he is 32.

 

What should I do? I just want to make peace with him (them)before the New Year. Why can't he forgive me?

 

What should I do?

 

(the wife thanked me for telling her the truth and she says that her husband lied, but she believes me and that I can come to her if I need help with anything.)

 

Please tell me how I can make things right so he doesn't hate me. This hurts so much. I've been crying for six days, have lost my appetite, and wake up really early in the morning with the feeling of dread in my stomach because I realize the horrible reality of the present.

[Hmm...]

Susan...he was married!! Have you not heard the expressions, we reap what we sow? We get back what we give out? What goes around, comes around? You're 20 years old; surely you know that married men almost never leave their wives. And seriously, if it hadn't been you, it would have been some other young woman. When all is said and done, you would really not matter to this man. You have been used... But this is what happens to ANY of us when we do the WRONG THING. I'm sorry, but I cannot find it in my heart to sympathise with you. I also think that this man is a major creep, because I cannot abide adultery of any kind. If a person's relationship is supposedly so unsatisfying, one should do the only decent thing there is to do...and LEAVE!! However, I think the wife, though noble, is being a martyr. How she didn't tell you to @&$#off after she had befriended you, I'll never know. And how she can stand to have that lying, deceitful, selfish SOB living anywhere near her...well, I'm absolutely flawed by it. Where is her, in fact, where is everybody's self-respect here?? By the way, I'm no prude. I just believe that there are certain behaviours that are appropriate, and some that are not. Adulterous affairs of ANY kind, are in my view, definitely the latter. Just hope and pray Susan, that when you get married, if you ever do, that some young thing doesn't do it to you. It will only be then I sadly believe, that you will fully recognise how horrible, how hurtful, and how destructive infidelity is. Perhaps, at least, you've learned something. Don't mess with what isn't yours.

 

I was having an affair with a married man and I knew his wife as well. Actually, he invited me over for dinner several times with the two of them and we even went out to the movies together. I thought he was trying to give his wife a subliminal message that we were involved, and the wife was really friendly to me. This went on for about six months. I would come over to the house while the wife was gone and would be together with me lover. It was okay for a while, until I started suffering because I wanted to be with him more and couldn't bear seeing him with his wife. Last week he treated me with indifference and told me he could only be with his wife right now. At dinner the wife saw I had been crying, asked me what was wrong, and the two of us went out and I ended up telling her the whole story.

 

She was sympathetic, but my lover was furious at me. He told me he never wanted to see me again, and that he had told his wife that I had lied.

 

Now he won't even talk to me when I call, won't have anything to do with me, and he says he doesn't love me at all. I am just so torn by this. Can't get him out of my mind, especially after we had been so close. I am only 20 and he is 32. What should I do? I just want to make peace with him (them)before the New Year. Why can't he forgive me? What should I do? (the wife thanked me for telling her the truth and she says that her husband lied, but she believes me and that I can come to her if I need help with anything.) Please tell me how I can make things right so he doesn't hate me. This hurts so much. I've been crying for six days, have lost my appetite, and wake up really early in the morning with the feeling of dread in my stomach because I realize the horrible reality of the present.

[michael]

Listen,,I am 24 yrs old and have been hurt terribly. The first mistake you made is having an affair with a married man.Bad move.as much as this might hurt,I gotta tell you anyways.You need to realize this man was having SEX with you.Not making love to you.He does NOT love you.He is married and wanted a little action outside os the same old same old.He used you.Enough said.Your second mistake was telling the wife and expecting some sort of resoloution to happen.Give me a break.What did you think would happen? The wife would be angry and leave the jerk forever,leaving you toi have Romeo all to yourself? Come on,,you are a big girl and know better.I dont mean to sound un-sympathetic,beacause I do know what it is like to love and lose,but you asked for this one.Say it with me,a MARRIED man.There is one other sick twist in this story,the wife told you to come to her for help and support??!!! Pa-lease!

 

What kind of woman would nurture the woman who had an affair with her husband.This is just a sick mess that you are better off without.You are only 20.You dont need a sugar daddy.You can and will find someone closer to your age who is not married.Everything happens for a reason,maybe this is to teach you the sanctity of marriage.This man will not disrupt his life for you.It over.No matter what move on.For yourself.Time does heel all wounds.I lost my love and two unborn children almost one year ago.She did terrible things to me.It hurt really bad for a long time,I went through phases of different feelings.It was bitter-sweet.However,things arent hurting quite so bad now.I see new horizons.You WILL love again.Only it will be two-way the next time.please stay away from the married men.It will not work.I think you are looking for a father figure.Search yourself deep down and fix whats wrong with you first.Good luck with everything,you are better than that man who took advatnage of you.Stay away from that whole mess.

I was having an affair with a married man and I knew his wife as well. Actually, he invited me over for dinner several times with the two of them and we even went out to the movies together. I thought he was trying to give his wife a subliminal message that we were involved, and the wife was really friendly to me. This went on for about six months. I would come over to the house while the wife was gone and would be together with me lover. It was okay for a while, until I started suffering because I wanted to be with him more and couldn't bear seeing him with his wife. Last week he treated me with indifference and told me he could only be with his wife right now. At dinner the wife saw I had been crying, asked me what was wrong, and the two of us went out and I ended up telling her the whole story.

 

She was sympathetic, but my lover was furious at me. He told me he never wanted to see me again, and that he had told his wife that I had lied.

 

Now he won't even talk to me when I call, won't have anything to do with me, and he says he doesn't love me at all. I am just so torn by this. Can't get him out of my mind, especially after we had been so close. I am only 20 and he is 32. What should I do? I just want to make peace with him (them)before the New Year. Why can't he forgive me? What should I do? (the wife thanked me for telling her the truth and she says that her husband lied, but she believes me and that I can come to her if I need help with anything.) Please tell me how I can make things right so he doesn't hate me. This hurts so much. I've been crying for six days, have lost my appetite, and wake up really early in the morning with the feeling of dread in my stomach because I realize the horrible reality of the present.

[Jane Doe]

Dear Susan,

 

I am taking the opposite side as all the rest of your responses, bear with me here.

 

I do feel for you. I am 18 years old and am having an affair with a 27 year old married man. Your problem dear, is that you let it go too far. If you are going to have an affair with a married man, you can't become emotionally attached to him. You did the right thing by telling his wife, but for the wrong reason. You are naive in thinking that this was going to bring you two together, because it won't. He will always be enraged with you for ruining his marriage (by the way, she won't stay with him long after he had an affair and then lied to her about it, it will get to her eventually.)

 

She, on the other hand seems like a genuine caring soul. It's sweet of her to offer her assistance, most people wouldn't do that. After she breaks off the marriage, I'd look to her for a friend.

 

My advice to you is to let this go at what it is. It was an affair, and affairs aren't meant to last. The guy sounds like a jerk anyway. If you are going to have an affair, as a rule, keep out of the family circle. I've never even seen my man's wife and don't want to become anymore a part of his life than I have to.

 

Remember what you are there for, to have fun.... Don't go out expecting to pick up a married man for keeps. From my experience I know that they will always be the same, whether it is with you or someone else. Take it for what it is worth and nothing more, it was a good experience right? You learned something right?

 

Affairs aren't a good idea, but sometimes they happen. Accept that. Accept that he is married. Accept that it was mere fun but nothing more. Refuse to accept that you were used, but think instead that you used him. It's not a weak man that has an affair, but a strong woman that convinces him to have one. Next time you see him, laugh in his face. Let him see that you don't care anymore. Become friends and go shopping with his wife. It will infuriorate him. Don't let this get to you dear, in time it will all seem like a bad joke.

[Lisa]

I think you need to write this off and move on now. You are too young to be involved with a married man. You have your whole life ahead of you. I, too was involved with a married man for 4 1/2 months (we were friends for 2 years prior to our affair). I issued him an ultimatum and he decided to stay with his wife, so I called her and told her all about us! Stupid, stupid move. It got me nowhere but alone. And I deserved that. Put yourself in the wife's position; it is soo unfair to her what he is doing and more unfair to you. Any man who will cheat onhis wife will also cheat on you.

You are better than this; cut your losses and leave this loser alone!