girlfriend of 6 years left me

[SierraMarie]

Why don't you just be like "Will you be with me again"? If you really want her back.

[matwithonet]

I have told her that. But she says she is scared I'm going to go back to messing around with school and my job. When we first broke up her dad sat me down and said, "Mat I think i scared Dianna away from you, and I'm sorry for that." And what he meant was that he was always skipping around at jobs and he also never went to school and she had to go a winter in Illinios without heat or hot water, and she has just lived in poverty. I just don't know what to do know.

[SierraMarie]

What I think you should do...Prove to her that you won't mess up school by going all the time and getting good grades. Prove to her that you can keep a job by doing it. You can do it!

 

Also why don't you just ask her to give you another chance and you'll prove all of these things? If she really wants to be with you then she might give it a chance. If not, there may be something else behind the breakup than just that.

 

Or you could look at this a different way and spend some time away from her to try to figure yourself out, etc.

 

There is a God. I'm a firm believer. I've gone through times also when I doubted my faith as well but I always got through it and now it's stronger than ever! I just got baptized last Sunday!

[jmargel]

I have told her that. But she says she is scared I'm going to go back to messing around with school and my job. When we first broke up her dad sat me down and said, "Mat I think i scared Dianna away from you, and I'm sorry for that." And what he meant was that he was always skipping around at jobs and he also never went to school and she had to go a winter in Illinios without heat or hot water, and she has just lived in poverty. I just don't know what to do know.

 

Get your ass in gear and start setting short term goals for yourself. In terms of getting your own place, maintaining a GOOD job, and really get into school. She need security and doesn't think she has it with you. However she needs to do this for herself as well. She can't just rely on other people. Has she been in college or a career?

 

You still talk about this other chick, which just makes me believe that you are not very committed to your ex. What I am telling you is that it is time in your life now to GROW UP and to mature as a man. It's a changing time in your life but it's something that you need to accept. Otherwise you are in for a very lonely and hard life. Decisions you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. Get a good education, find a good CAREER (not a job) and treat the one that you love with respect and show her security. You will be much happier in life.

[matwithonet]

You say I should respect her and wait for her, but she hasn't. Even though she hasn't do you still think I should. If so please tell me because I thought about that. I just thought it would make everything easier if I would find someone else.

[jmargel]

Make it easier? Being mature and responsible is not finding the easy way out. It's about what you want and finding a way to get it through respectable means. Which could mean hard work.

 

Re-read my previous post I won't repeat myself. You need to start making GOOD decisions now that will have a positive effect on you 5 to 10 years down the road.

[matwithonet]

So, some bad news. I went to the doctor and they gave me an MRI and a CAT scan because I got in to a car accident last week. I've had constant headaches since the wreck, and my doctor thinks it's either a blood clot or a brain hemmorage. Well if that didn't suck already, now my ex won't stop calling me. She just keeps calling and calling and I was doing so good with NC. I don't know what to do.

[CaliGuy]

So, some bad news. I went to the doctor and they gave me an MRI and a CAT scan because I got in to a car accident last week. I've had constant headaches since the wreck, and my doctor thinks it's either a blood clot or a brain hemmorage. Well if that didn't suck already, now my ex won't stop calling me. She just keeps calling and calling and I was doing so good with NC. I don't know what to do.

 

Mat, get well soon.

 

As for the ex, until she says the words "I screwed up, I'm sorry and I want to work things out." then I wouldn't be answering any of her messages.

 

She's the one who walked away. She is the one who should have to prove that she wants to be with you.

 

Cheers.

[matwithonet]

Thanks caliguy. Found out that it is a Brain Aneurysm. I'm going in to get endovascular coiling done. So wish me luck. Man this sucks.

[Scorpio13c]

Good luck Mat, I pray you'll be O.k.

Let us know how it's going when you can!

 

Scorp

[Scorpio13c]

O.k. sorry, should have checked your last post, just realized your surgery went well, hope you crotch is o.k. too!

 

Scorp

[matwithonet]

Thanks Scorpio. Yeah I'm feeling good. Sucks I'm not in the green yet. For the next year I have a 23.7% chance of this thing popping. It's quite scary. And on top of all that my ex won't stop calling me. It's annoying. Just don't know what's going on. I'm sure she just feels that she needs to feel bad but she probably doesn't. But through this experience, I've been thinking lately that I am not going to do anything, anymore that I will regret. I'm going to live the rest of my life regret free and I know if I call her I will regret it.

[CaliGuy]

Thanks Scorpio. Yeah I'm feeling good. Sucks I'm not in the green yet. For the next year I have a 23.7% chance of this thing popping. It's quite scary. And on top of all that my ex won't stop calling me. It's annoying. Just don't know what's going on. I'm sure she just feels that she needs to feel bad but she probably doesn't. But through this experience, I've been thinking lately that I am not going to do anything, anymore that I will regret. I'm going to live the rest of my life regret free and I know if I call her I will regret it.

 

All you have to do is remind yourself of the way she treated you to help you stick with NC. You deserve to be treated better than that, don't you? I think you do.

[matwithonet]

She's messing with my head again. I had to go get another surgery because they first one didnt go as well as planned.

 

Well the day before, she asks me to come over, just incase it would be the last time I would ever see her. So i go over there with the expectations of being cold to her, but as soo as we start talking, she starts crying like I have never seen her cry before. I've seen her cry when her father had a stroke and she didn't look this bad. Then before I left she wouldn't let me go, hug wise, and said "You know I still love you right?"

 

Then when I got home she again called me saying, "You do know I still love you, don't you?"

 

What is with a woman's mind. I don't know what to do. Should I just stop answering her phone calls, or do you think she is sincere in the way she is thinking?

[matwithonet]

Any opinions on the previous post? Could really use some. It's really messing with my mind.

[jmargel]

Any opinions on the previous post? Could really use some. It's really messing with my mind.

 

Honestly, what does it take for you to LEARN? Even a brain aneurysm can't even show you what is important in life?

 

You have this girl that loves and adores you and only left because of your neglect and yet she is messing with your mind? How about you GROW UP already and be a man. Learn to appreciate the love she gives you and do whatever you can to make your life with her the best as you can. Stop just thinking about yourself and like I said start making goals for yourself that you can reach. Reach these goals with her.

 

I would also suggest counseling for yourself. If you let her go, then you are a fool.

[matwithonet]

You do know she left me 6 months ago right? I'm not with her now, she has been with another man since day one of the break up? I dont want to let go, but should I keep pushing for her if she is with this guy.

[madgun68]

Mat,

 

It's been 6 months man. Do you honestly think that just because she still loves you that she should just drop everything to be with you? Especially considering that she left because YOU neglected HER?

 

Re-train that brain of yours.. Stop thinking in terms of suddenly you'll both go right back in to the relationship you once had. Instead, give it TIME. Open up and allow the BOTH of you the time to get to know the other person as you are now.. Not who you remember. She'll need to know that you aren't going to back-step in to your old habits. You need to get to know her again because you're acting like you don't understand her. (You were together for 6 years.. You SHOULD know her better than any of us.. The best advice should be coming from within.)

 

Ease of that accelerator.. Slow down and see where it takes you. Stop thinking about what was and start thinking about what can be.

[matwithonet]

You are right, I SHOULD know her better than anyone. But sometimes it feels like I was being used the entire time she was with me, so she would have a place to live while she was in school. You have to understand, she was always saying, "There is one thing in life that I hate more than anything, and thats a liar." Then to find out she was lying to me all along.

 

And also I understand it would take time, and I know I have to show her I have changed, but I guess my biggest question is, do you think I am a fool for changing EVERYTHING about myself to try and show this woman that I love, that I love her? Don't get me wrong I know this stuff is for me too but I COMPLETELY have stopped playing games, and sometimes I miss playing them but I don't want to get addicted. I've lost 35 pounds since May and I'm almost on President's list at school.

[madgun68]

You are right, I SHOULD know her better than anyone. But sometimes it feels like I was being used the entire time she was with me, so she would have a place to live while she was in school. You have to understand, she was always saying, "There is one thing in life that I hate more than anything, and thats a liar." Then to find out she was lying to me all along.

Hmm. Well, I'd say that you should keep in mind that it is just a feeling you have.

 

If a woman is going to use a guy for a place to stay, you think she'd pick someone who was staying with their folks in a bedroom? She could have picked some guy who owned his own place or at least had an apartment.

 

It's easy to do.. We often don't see our ex suffering so we assume that they just didn't care.. And then the mind starts thinking well, if they didn't care, then how much was true? We need to keep in mind that just because we don't see them suffering, doesn't always mean they don't.. And just because they don't cope with that the same way, doesn't have to mean anything either. Some of us go it alone.. Some try to distract themselves with another person.

 

And also I understand it would take time, and I know I have to show her I have changed, but I guess my biggest question is, do you think I am a fool for changing EVERYTHING about myself to try and show this woman that I love, that I love her? Don't get me wrong I know this stuff is for me too but I COMPLETELY have stopped playing games, and sometimes I miss playing them but I don't want to get addicted. I've lost 35 pounds since May and I'm almost on President's list at school.

First of all.. No! I don't think it's foolish at all. As long as the changes were done most importantly for YOU, then it's fine. (That's important! Changing because they have inspired you to change yourself is good. Changing because you feel you have to won't work.) From the sound of it, you're covered.

 

Something else too.. Don't care what other people think. Others don't know her like you do nor do they know the love you feel for her. They think you're foolish for having done what you've done? Who cares! (Most people would, I think, find that you just realized that you needed to re-prioritize your life. Hey.. it happens.)

 

First thing is first. Start off by forgiving and letting go. That means doing so for actions on both sides. Once you've done that, start off with light contact and go from there.

[matwithonet]

Thank you so much for the advice. I can not tell you how much I apprieciate it. I think and hope you are 100% correct. I just hope that she will be able to see that I have made these changes and that I will never go back to the old me ever again.

[matwithonet]

Just a little update and was wondering if anyone can give me some incite on whats going on. I have tried to do 100% no contact, but she then goes to one of my bestfriends that works with her and asks him all the time how I'm doing. What the hell is she doing? It's annoying that my friend has to sit there and basically be like " I have no clue".

[CaliGuy]

Just a little update and was wondering if anyone can give me some incite on whats going on. I have tried to do 100% no contact, but she then goes to one of my bestfriends that works with her and asks him all the time how I'm doing. What the hell is she doing? It's annoying that my friend has to sit there and basically be like " I have no clue".

 

Just making sure you're still on a string IF she ever wants you back. Not that she does, she just likes the self-gratification it gives her to know she can have you back anytime she wants.

[vivrantflo]

Caliguy, why do women do this? Seriously...

 

Do they have no regard for ex's feelings?? If they are with someone else, or ademant (sp?) on being broken up.. why do they fish like this? It's discouraging, very selfish, and I don't understand it at all.

[matwithonet]

Just wanted to give an update on how I've been doing. It's been a little over a year and I find myself not thinking about my ex hardly ever. I have found another girl that is simply amazing. She makes me so happy and ever since I started dating her about a month ago, I have been the happiest I have ever been, in my entire life. So I just wanted to tell you all, that it does get better, and wish you guys the best of luck, because I hope you all will find somoene better than the one you are grieving over.