brokenbutstrong Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 hullo all, thought id try this as another means of coping a bit better, im in the army and was told by phone from my wife it was over, i got compassionate leave, travelled back and after soooooooooo much coaxing and practically begging went to see a marrige counciler, (which was my idea), this has sort of worked, and at the 55th min of a 60 min session she eventually, agreed to 1 last chance-she has said she will make no atempt 2 try to make it work, but will allow me to runaround ( as she says for 2 years she tried and is now exhausted) we have talked amicably on the phone , my idea is too very slowly begin 2 first build our friendship, then step by step our relationship, i love her deeply - shes hit me with the usual i love u but am not in love speech-any 1 got any tips for this gradual approach???????????- i thought in a couple of weeks a drink, if we enjoy a couple of weeks later a meal etc. to add to the melting pot, we have 2 young children, she suffers from an illnesss, and has had some very bad bouts of depression.......mmmmmm an awesome recipe for failure, but i intend to battle it regardless, thanks in advance for your help brokenbutstrong Link to post Share on other sites
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I'm so sorry....and I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but when a woman tells you "that they love you, but are not in love with you"....i think that is pretty much saying that it's over and that they are just not emotionally connected to the relationship anymore....I'm so sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
dyingtwilight Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 No I disagree. The very fact that she agreed to go to counseling and continues to agree to talking to you extra tells me that while she may not be romantically attached, she does have deep rooted feelings for you. Luckily, deep rooted feelings are the hardest to get and the hardest to get rid of. I think your approach is great...but I would also build romance too. However there is a point where your just digging yourself a hole and you need to let go. You need to know where that point is. Link to post Share on other sites
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 By all means do listen to dyingtwilight's advice; she may understand your wife's way of thinking alot better than I; from the post I just read, it seems they may have a few things in common..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenbutstrong Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 firstly thank you dyingtwilight and nylah for replying, your kind words and advice are help.............some of my friends are angry that ive taken the hit on this and say that she dosnt deserve me but i decided to try my best with this last chance.................the marriage has been rocky..........believe it or not me being sent to iraq actually helped us, she realised what it was too love and we moved on.........it seems strange ........we tend to hit cycles of this, im no physco analyst but i believe she is a bit unbalanced......appraoaching this subject is very hard especially at the moment where our relationship is on a knife edge, again i would say straight communication is our main problem,i love her and too win her over again will be like a marathon (painfull but well worth it in the end), ive learnt that being and showing desperation dosnt not attract...it repells, and i now have a happy and quietly confident approach. from the bottom of my heart...i hope it works bless you all for your advice and for any1 else reading....i hope u find ur happiness Link to post Share on other sites
Devlbunny Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 The most important thing is going to be to listen to the therapist and DO NOT play the victim. If she is willing to try and you resist the therapy or play the victim you might lose your chance. If she is willing to try and you go in without bitterness and with an open mind, your chances are high. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenbutstrong Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 fair point devlbunny, i do seem to give off a whiff of ''au du victim'' ( a rather cheap perfume available at all major emmotional encounters )-i didnt mean to come across that way...but you are right, we both must have an open mind Link to post Share on other sites
Brokensoul Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Remember if someone has fallen out of love with you...that does not mean they can't fall back in love with you. That is what I am hoping for anyway. My advise....become your wife's best friend...ask her about her day and tell her all about yours...and yes be romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
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