My situation as is and a little confusion.

[Devlbunny]

My ex was my best friend two years before we started dating. I fell in love with him and pursued him. After we had been together I found out that he had also had feelings for me from one of our mutual friends. We dated very passionately for a year.

 

When we were together we would get into fights and he would act like he was going to end things. This would make me apologize and things would be fine for another month or two until our next big fight. Last fight we had my mother gave me the worst advice ever and I was stupid enough to follow it. She said to turn it around on him. Make him think I was on my way out.

 

So I did. I didn't call him for a few days and was very short with him when he called. Then I called him and pretty much demanded he come over to talk. When he said he was busy I told him to pick up my stuff. I'm 30 so this is very immature for someone my age to do. When he came over he kept asking what I wanted. And I kept asking him back. Finally he said "These past few days I have missed your voice so much that I can't sleep, work, or eat" and then proceeded to break up with me.

 

I begged then. I called the next day and asked if we could meet to talk about things. He said "Not now" so I asked if we could that weekend. He said "Maybe".

 

I called that weekend and he said there was nothing to talk about. So I said I had things to say. He said "say it" and I told him how sorry I was for putting pressure on him, and how sorry I was for picking fights, and that I know I needed to treat him better and what not.

 

He said "It just won't work" I asked him if he loved me and he said "I don't know." I reminded him that he had been talking about marriage with me right before the break up. I said "you wouldn't have brought this up if you didn't love me." He said "Love has nothing to do with it. I don't want a girlfriend." I asked him when we could talk about it and he told me he didn't want to see me for a month.

 

That was on June 2nd. The breakup was on May 26th. I called him once after that because he had an msn name (in chinese) that translates to "don't exagerate my connection to you again" and I asked him if it was to me. He said no. I asked if he had a new sweety. he said no. I asked if I could go see his performance on July 27th. He said I could. I did not contact him again until that show.

 

 

The day of his show I walked in and the waitress pulled me aside to tell me has a new girlfriend and she was there. (The bar is our mutual hangout that I have been steering clear of mostly to give him his space). I had a couple beers (two but I'm a lightweight) and after the show I went up to him to get his ID so that I could have his half of our gym membership transfered into his name. I had asked him to make a copy he said he would because he had to make a copy to give to his mother that night. He gave his mother a copy but gave me his ID.

 

He said he would call me to get it back. He was very affectionate. Embraced me several times. Told me I looked great. I told him that I had been told he had a girlfriend and that I was okay with that but was afraid she would not allow us to be friends. He said 3 times that he did not. He said "There were two girls but those were mistakes"

And then I went home.

 

He came to get his ID 4 days later on Sunday. He was not as affectionate. He didn't get off his bike. he called me and I came downstairs to give it to him. He stayed there a moment and touched me a couple times. Told me he liked my ears (I added a hole) and seemed hurt when I pulled back when he tried to touch them. (No one touches fresh piercings. Ew.)

 

He msned me a few times after that. I asked him if we were still friends, he said yes. I asked if we were still best friends he said "I sure hope so"

I went up to visit friends at the bar and forgot my day planner. I had actually been planning to call him to ask him to go get icecream with him but he called me to tell me he had my day planner. That night I got a message from him that his bassist was leaving his band. Something he was upset about and he messaged me about it.

 

He was super sweet on the phone and asked if I got his message. I said "Yes, I was sleeping so I didn't respond". I asked if he wanted to get ice cream with me in a few days. He said yes and that he also needed to go to the gym with me to finish the membership transfer. I told him "I already did that. You can go by yourself" he said "oh." in a hurt voice. So I said "If you want me to go with you, I can."

 

At this point things had all been friendly. He was always friendly.

The day we had ice cream I called him to see what time. He was super friendly on the phone. And when he called to say he was on his way he was friendly. But when he showed up he was distant and almost business like. We had ice cream and I walked back to the bar and he gave me a stiff hug (as opposed to the previous embracing ones).

 

That was Monday. I called him on Friday to see when he wanted to go to the gym to transfer the membership. He mentioned that his studio was having a party on Saturday (yesterday) and asked me to come. He was super friendly on the phone. I called him Saturday morning to get directions and he was very friendly. But when I got there he avoided me. When I went up to him to talk to him he was friendly in a completely non intimate way (like a distant friend) and spent most of the party avoiding me.

 

That day the studio was having two parties. A day time opening party and a night time friends party. When I said I was leaving he asked where I was going. I said "I don't know." We went through that several times (I was trying to wait for the rain to die down before I went to wait for my bus) when I left he asked if I was going to go back for the night time party. I said I was. I didn't because I was too tired.

 

When I was at the party we made plans for him to go with me to the gym on Tuesday and also to see the new DieHard movie when it comes out on Saturday. So he is interested in at least friendship.

 

Side info:

From reading his blog he is having a horrible falling out with the girl who I am pretty sure was his rebound girl. She is his other female best friend. I am pretty sure he rebounded with her and it is ending badly. Either that or their friendship is just ending badly. But I think they had a thing and it is ending badly.

 

This leaves me confused with several questions:

1) why would he be so affectionate at first but then pull away?

2) why is he inviting me to a party or making plans to have ice cream with me to just be stuff when we meet up?

3) If he is having a falling out with his rebound girl (and they aren't just friends) than it makes even less sense to me that he was so affectionate with me when they were doing their thing but distant now that they are having an awful fallout. What's up with that?

4) Why is he so sweet on the phone but so stiff in person?

[Devlbunny]

I do wish to get back together with him.

A large part of me feels that if our friendship comes back this soon the relationship will fall back in place.