Did she ever love me? now treats me like a nobody..

[Donza]

Me and my gf had been going out for 4 months. We went away to London together where we argued.

 

It got so bad i told her that when we go back that maybe we need to take a break or consider breaking up. I said it in the heat of the moment.

 

She then asked me whether we were breaking up, and i said no.

 

We got back home. She sent me a text telling me she wanted a break. Fair enough. One day later she come around and dumps me.

 

With no legitimate reason. She accused me of ruining everything. I told her we should talk about it first. But she refused and walked out of my house.

 

I tried to get her back over the past 2.5 weeks.

 

initially i grovelled, but she paid no attention and told me to leave her alone. Then we both agreed to a meeting to reconcile. She backed out and i literally thought my heart had been wrenched out.

 

Then she told me to move on and leave her alone. Which i did.

 

I though i was getting over her, until she began texting me and saying she could not believe how easily i could move on and whether i actually believed in us from the beginning.

 

I was so angry and hurt, i told her to leave me alone and that i treated her well (which i did) and that she ended it. Even though i begged her to talk about our problems.

 

The next day i swallowed my pride and setup another meeting. To which she was EXREMELY happy to do so. I even got x's etc of her on her texts..

 

The day before we planned to meet she was extremely offish and no venue was near enough as she wanted "to not stay too long".

 

So i left it in her hands, and told her i would meet her wherever she wanted. On the day we were meant to meet she cancelled once again.

 

It hurt once again. I though great at least we could clear the air. But no she once again cancelled as she had to drop her mother off somewhere..

 

i accused her of playing with my feelings, and told her in no uncertain terms it was over.

 

I then recieved a text, email and a phonecall from her. The phonecall was a surpise as she has never called me in the three weeks since we have broken up.

 

She then rang me, but then said nothing! I told her i was busy and would ring her later.

 

The call was barely a minute long.

 

It just been going on and on...

 

We had our ups and downs, but how can she treat me like something she stepped on? i never cheated on her, i told her i loved her all the time and everything.

 

Now i am nothing? Why does she not leave me alone then?

 

am sick of this coming and going back..

 

What happened in London was not worth breaking up over. Now she cant even bother to see me?

 

People told me she was cold, shallow and very concieted. But i saw a different side to her......

 

I miss her, but now i am starting to despise her.

 

It is my bday tommorrow. I dont know what to do if she contacts me.

 

My friends are telling me to send her flowers at work, but some are saying its not worth it.

 

I cant believe how she had gone about this whole breakup. She should have just left me alone.

 

I cant deal with all this drama...its very very sad..

 

This girl told me she wanted to marry me, have my children and everything...

 

If it was anyone else i would have ran, maybe i should have..

[vivrantflo]

4 months together isn't long enough for anyone to constitute a "break".. you guys are still getting to know each other.. anyway.. what I would do in your situation, is let her know once and for all, what you want out of her.. which is a second chance.. and leave it like that. Don't call her, messege her, anything like that.. if she calls ignore them. You need to put yourself first here. Every time she calls you, it gets your emotions stirred up. And the making of plans and breaking them would drive ANY nuts. She calls you, and makes plans with you, just to see if you're still on her hook. She's stroking her own ego by having you pine for her. Stop. Make her decision final, and stop talking to her. Let her think about what she's letting go. And at the same time, you're giving yourself time to heal, and get over her just incase she doesnt come back.

[funkybassplayer]

stay away from her, shes messing with your head, and playing childish mind games. Go to n/c and ignor her, cos you know she seems to have fun building up your hopes then dropping you.

[Topper]

Both of you sound immature. Your both playing games. Sounds like she may have had a legitimate reason to miss the 2nd meeting.

I would let her know that you do want to meet up and see if the two of you can work things out.

if she should get in touch for your Birthday. except it as a friendly gesture on her part. Let her know you appreciate her effort to get in touch.

[Chinook]

Me and my gf had been going out for 4 months. We went away to London together where we argued.

 

It got so bad i told her that when we go back that maybe we need to take a break or consider breaking up. I said it in the heat of the moment.

 

She then asked me whether we were breaking up, and i said no.

 

<SNIP>

 

What happened in London was not worth breaking up over. Now she cant even bother to see me?

Let me tell you what happened here. You walked away first. You may not see it. But the very moment you actually said to her "maybe we should break up" that was what started the games. At that moment, the bubble burst for her and killed what inspirational love she felt for you at the start. When a relationship starts you both hit a period of high emotions called NRE (new relationship energy). You both do and say things which fill each other with love for the other, you think the other person is the best thing that ever happened to you. Let me tell you though, it's an illusion. The relationship starts hitting low spots and when you get through those low spots and you support each other, that's how it all works out. One of those low spots will cause that NRE bubble to burst. That's what happened here with her... the NRE bubble burst and now, you're seeing her true side. Funky is right (Hi Funky!) you should stay away from each other. You're pushing each other's buttons and this cycle you're getting into is not healthy. I would ensure that you break cleanly and you avoid any contact with her - otherwise the cycle of pain you're in is just going to go on and on.

[Donza]

Yes, but if she contacts me.

 

Then should i maintain n/c and still ignore the messages etc.

 

I know what i said about us breaking up contributed A LOT to what is happening now.

 

But damn, we could have been together for much longer than 4 months..

[Chinook]

Yes, but if she contacts me.

 

Then should i maintain n/c and still ignore the messages etc.

 

I know what i said about us breaking up contributed A LOT to what is happening now.

 

But damn, we could have been together for much longer than 4 months..

Well personally, I think you guys could probably still be together a whole lot longer than 4 months. The only problem is, it will be the same cycle over and over again and it will only end where it is now. So I would be asking myself whether it is worth the pain and the hassle. Personally, I would cut contact and cut off all avenues of her being able to contact you too. This is what I did with my ex. Not that he bothered to contact me anyhow...which is quite possibly where your ex may be. She may not bother to contact you. That will then throw you into the situ where you're thinking... 'how can this person have professed to have loved me and now she can't even reply to an email or text message..?' Hate to say it but it's what happens. It sucks big time but the only way to get over it is to cut contact and move on. If you want to move on that is. If you want her back - then you have to ask her. If she refuses, you have to suck it up and go with it. That's what happened to me. No amount of begging and pleading is going to endear you to your ex and this kind of behaviour will only lose you your self-esteem and your self-respect. Take it from people who have been there. It's best to simply walk away and recover. I think she has made it clear where things are.

[Broken_Record]

Let me tell you what happened here. You walked away first. You may not see it. But the very moment you actually said to her "maybe we should break up" that was what started the games. At that moment, the bubble burst for her and killed what inspirational love she felt for you at the start. When a relationship starts you both hit a period of high emotions called NRE (new relationship energy). You both do and say things which fill each other with love for the other, you think the other person is the best thing that ever happened to you. Let me tell you though, it's an illusion. The relationship starts hitting low spots and when you get through those low spots and you support each other, that's how it all works out. One of those low spots will cause that NRE bubble to burst. That's what happened here with her... the NRE bubble burst and now, you're seeing her true side. Funky is right (Hi Funky!) you should stay away from each other. You're pushing each other's buttons and this cycle you're getting into is not healthy. I would ensure that you break cleanly and you avoid any contact with her - otherwise the cycle of pain you're in is just going to go on and on.

 

This is interesting, Chinook. Do you have a link to something describing relationship cycles?

 

As to the original poster, it sounds like an immature overreaction, and her subsequent acts indicate a less than stellar maturity level as well. I'd let it go and move on.

[Donza]

This is interesting, Chinook. Do you have a link to something describing relationship cycles?

 

As to the original poster, it sounds like an immature overreaction, and her subsequent acts indicate a less than stellar maturity level as well. I'd let it go and move on.

 

I told her on Friday i still loved her, this is after she sent me a horrible text message accusing me of telling her sister she was crazy. She told me "its to far gone now"...

 

I feel like she loves all this drama...

 

On the same email i told her all this bickering and playing me around was draining, and that its probably better if we just moved on.

 

We then began chatting away as normal on work emails. Ths was the first time we had ever both spoke to eachother like we used too She initiated the whole thing.

 

She then killed the convo by stating that the conversation was doing neither of us any good, and then told me to subsequently to "Take Care"

 

I then recieved a unknown phone call on my mobile at 12:40 lastnight (Sunday) .

 

I used to recieve these calls after little tiffs we used to have.

 

I know it must have been her, because the minute i said hello the person hung up.......

 

Why is she doing this to me? she is 25 btw..

[funkybassplayer]

In a word, as i said before shes playing games, and your falling into her trap hook line and sinker, get out now, otherwise your gonna get hurt real bad. BE strong, move on, trhere is no good relationship to be had here, only one of games.

[Chinook]

This is interesting, Chinook. Do you have a link to something describing relationship cycles?

Not a link as such. I have read a few books on the 'anatomy' of relationships. "The Truth About Love" by Pat Love describes how relationships go through the following stages:

• Infatuation - newness/NRE
  
• Post-rapture - feelings may change/conflict resolution/lull in sex
  
• Discovery - adjustment of expectations/compatability/building trust
  
• Connection - long term commitment/reconnecting

These stages are a bit like other processes in life: different for everyone and interchangeable. One thing that is clear is that everyone experiences the infatuation stage and a lot of relationships falter at the post-rapture stage, where the honeymoon period is over if you like. Sometimes in the post-rapture stage, this is where the distancing-pulling cycle starts and the head games which mess up relationships cause problems. That's what I believe seems to be happening with the OP. Once that cycle starts it's difficult to break and difficult to resolve conflicts from. I think this is what the problem was with my ex-bf. He was good at the distancing thing which kept the relationship stalled and so the adjustments of expectations and building of trust aspects in 'Discovery' could never occur. There's only one place a relationship is going to end in that case. Sometimes the movement from NRE to post-rapture takes only days, or one partner will do something which brings it slamming into reality pretty quickly (which is what happened here with the OP I think). Generally though once that happens, the parties in the relationship tend to re-evaluate and wonder whether they can progress and if it's all worthwhile. For myself this is why I'm having so many problems, because I believed we'd already passed that point and decided it was worthwhile. But then, I'm a logical person and he was NPD so who the feck knows what was going on in his head. It certainly didn't include me.

[Donza]

In a word, as i said before shes playing games, and your falling into her trap hook line and sinker, get out now, otherwise your gonna get hurt real bad. BE strong, move on, trhere is no good relationship to be had here, only one of games.

 

I cant believe she would be like this...

 

I just cant understand it. Its not my fault she went and ruined it.

 

Now she keeps me tagging along? i have been good. I have been NC for three days...

[Chinook]

I cant believe she would be like this...

 

I just cant understand it. Its not my fault she went and ruined it.

 

Now she keeps me tagging along? i have been good. I have been NC for three days...

Um, I'm sorry but I don't agree. I think you're both playing games. You were the one who mentioned 'break-up' first. You were the one who stepped over the line of what you can and can't use in the head-games and manipulation and now she's taken it further and is walking away; i.e. removing your control, you don't like it. She didn't ruin anything. You guys both ruined it. Well no actually you didn't ruin it as such, you just didn't work it out properly. Sometimes when you hit that low spot, you have to accept that it just doesn't work out. All you guys are doing now is torturing each other. Just let her go and maintain your no contact thing; it will get easier as time passes.

[Donza]

Um, I'm sorry but I don't agree. I think you're both playing games. You were the one who mentioned 'break-up' first. You were the one who stepped over the line of what you can and can't use in the head-games and manipulation and now she's taken it further and is walking away; i.e. removing your control, you don't like it. She didn't ruin anything. You guys both ruined it. Well no actually you didn't ruin it as such, you just didn't work it out properly. Sometimes when you hit that low spot, you have to accept that it just doesn't work out. All you guys are doing now is torturing each other. Just let her go and maintain your no contact thing; it will get easier as time passes.

 

But what if she contacts me..?

[Chinook]

But what if she contacts me..?

Well I can only speak from my own experience here... but I know that I am still completely in love with my ex-bf (same as you are with your ex) and I would love nothing more than him contacting me and asking me to work things out. The problem is, I also know that our relationship is not going to work out long term because of his personality and my commitment to myself not to get hurt anymore. So as much as I desperately want it to work out - I would ignore any contact he makes (although, I doubt I have that problem because he really hasn't made that effort anyhow which speaks volumes to me).

[Donza]

Well I can only speak from my own experience here... but I know that I am still completely in love with my ex-bf (same as you are with your ex) and I would love nothing more than him contacting me and asking me to work things out. The problem is, I also know that our relationship is not going to work out long term because of his personality and my commitment to myself not to get hurt anymore. So as much as I desperately want it to work out - I would ignore any contact he makes (although, I doubt I have that problem because he really hasn't made that effort anyhow which speaks volumes to me).

 

But what if he did make an effort.......?

 

I dont care i want her back...i'll do whatever it takes..

 

She told me herself when breaking up with me. She cant risk getting hurt anymore..

[Chinook]

But what if he did make an effort.......?

 

I dont care i want her back...i'll do whatever it takes..

 

She told me herself when breaking up with me. She cant risk getting hurt anymore..

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Even if he did make the effort and did contact me, I know even now that it will still not work out and he will still hurt me because of the things which have already been said and done. He isn't who he presented himself to be. Just because you want her back and want it to work, doesn't mean that it will. You both have to want it and she doesn't seem to want it now.

[Donza]

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Even if he did make the effort and did contact me, I know even now that it will still not work out and he will still hurt me because of the things which have already been said and done. He isn't who he presented himself to be. Just because you want her back and want it to work, doesn't mean that it will. You both have to want it and she doesn't seem to want it now.

 

But she never told me how she really felt.

 

She just used to make ultimatums, what am i meant to do then? It was always upto me when the tiffs happened. I was always made to feel it was my fault.

 

She never communicated with me, and then she broke it off.

 

I know she still loves me. But in all honesty we could have worked through it...

 

Dont know if she will ever come back now. She told me herself, maybe love is not enough...

 

I have apologised and apologised for anything i have said. She agreed to sitdowns, and backed out of both..

 

It was not all one way. Its just a bloody waste....

 

Her last words to me were, "i dont know what else to do"..

 

If she had actually told me how she really felt, we could have worked at it. Now its just *****..

 

i cant stop beating myself up about it..

[funkybassplayer]

mate i know this type. They are selfish, demanding, and want everything there own way. Trust me they do a good impersination of a nice person, but under it all, they are very imbalanced. I had the same, and you feel your in the wrong. Well your not. The best thing you can do is walk my freind...............and dont look back. She will not chase you, and you have to know that, but for your own sanity.....walk my friend, walk.....................

[Donza]

mate i know this type. They are selfish, demanding, and want everything there own way. Trust me they do a good impersination of a nice person, but under it all, they are very imbalanced. I had the same, and you feel your in the wrong. Well your not. The best thing you can do is walk my freind...............and dont look back. She will not chase you, and you have to know that, but for your own sanity.....walk my friend, walk.....................

 

I bought her a 300 pound purse once and she made me return it as t was the wrong one.

 

She is selfish, shallow etc, this i know. And yes she is very imbalanced. but i cant believe how cold she is.

 

When i tell her to leave me alone, she goes crazy and always replies etc..

 

Dude its been NC, and i plan to keep it like that..

 

Everyone tells me to walk...so thats what i am trying to do...

[funkybassplayer]

Well at xmas i spent £500 on a dimond ring (i thought she may have wanted to return it but of course its worth alot and the decent thing never even entered her mind) and another £500 on her kids, and you know what, when i got there LD, she went mad cos i was 3 hours late, and you know why? cos she could have gone out for a drink with her mate! Ring any bells for you? Stay that way in n/c, the hard part for m was missing her kids, but im over that one now too, and i never felt better, and happy in myself. You see they drain you with emotions in the relationship, and thats why its hard to let them go, b/c of the emotional bond that you have. After a few weeks (2 or 3 ) of n/c you will start to move forward fast, and you will not even want to hear from her. Trust me i know iv been there. all we have to go on is what you tell us, but she sounds selfish. [/sIZE]

[Donza]

She sent me a simple "Happy Birthday" via text lastnight at 11:30pm.

 

Why did she do this?

 

i think i know why. One of her sisters is getting married to my best freind, her and her sister do not get along. They argued lastnight..

 

Before going to bed, my friends fiance rang his phone, and she told him to wish me a happy bday.

 

My ex, whom shares a room with her sister must have heard this and sent me a text message.

 

Is this not immature? a phonecall between others made her send a msg to me.

 

I also found out today she has tried to come between me and my freind. She sent him an emal saying "Your freind has a dark side"

 

She is crazy...

 

I dont plan on replying to her text. Knowing that i probably recieved it out of spite.

 

She is ruining it all...