I don't understand her, what does this all mean??????

[montereyjack]

Hi guys,

 

I know that compared to some other people the issues i have are pretty insignificant, but it still doesn't stop it hurting like hell and i'm tearing myself up about the whole situation and could really do with some advice.

 

I hooked up with a girl early this year and things were great, we had loads in common, never had a cross word in all our time together and everything was fantastic, couldn't have been better. Then 3 weeks back i met up with her on the Monday night, everything was just as it always had been. We had things on the rest of the week so weren't able to meet up but had arranged for her to come and meet a group of my friends on the weekend, chilling out by the river. Thursday came along and i got a really nice email off her saying how she was looking forward to the weekend by the river and wanted to get a really nice photo of the two of us for her office desk. Then on Friday and Saturday she seemed to go a bit quiet, I put this down to work stress, hormones (it was PMT week) and possibly some new medication she was on for a bad stomach. Then on Sunday morning she texted me to cancel coming and meeting my friends, with a pretty lame excuse, but when i called her she said we could meet up the next evening. We met up the next evening, and the first thing she said was that she thought it was best in the long run if we were just friends, it came 100% out of the blue to me, there was no quarel or anything to cause it. I pressed the issue of why she felt this was best and she couldn't give me any reason, only that she'd "felt wierd" since the middle of the previous week.

 

To be honest the whole thing's still tearing me up, we have quite a few mutual friends (who are more her friends than mine) and i don't want to cause any issues there and lose any friends, i can tell they're a bit torn. I still can't work out why it all happened.

 

For a day or 2 after i got a few texts saying how i'm a really important friend for her etc etc, but now 3 or 4 weeks on i still haven't seen her since and she's texting me most days just asking how i am, what i'm up to, being really friendly and wanting to meet up now soon. It's wierd, i hadn't heard from her for 3 weeks, but we were due to go away for a weekend with some mutual friends last weekend but after we broke up i bailed out as i didn't want an athmosphere or any issues for my, and everyone elses sake. Our break up will obviously have been spoken about over the weekend and it seems strange to me that as soon as they got back she was getting in touch asking to go to the cinema, go for a drink etc etc. The other thing that seems funny is that she's been keeping an eye on my facebook account because she keeps mentioning things that are being put on there, not sure what, if anything that indicates.

 

Any ideas anybody has on this whole situation, i'm not sure what her intentions are, friends reconciliation etc etc. views on what her intentions are, how i should handle things etc etc would be most appreciated. Thanks for getting this far and reading the whole lot.

[Mike1966]

I've been married for the past 15 years and out of the dating game but I'll give you what advice I can. It would be great for one of the gals on the site to respond who may have a better prospective of what a woman can mean by doing this.

 

Sounds like for some reason she just feels more toward you like a friend versus someone she could love or be loved by. When people date, IMO, they are trying to figure out whether this is someone they would like to eventually marry.................or at least spend their lives with even if they don't put much stock into marriage. So, at the end of the day, they want to see if they can or will love this person and obviously whether or not this person can or will feel the same way towards them.

 

Did she ever give you more of a reason that you stated here as to why she just wanted to be friends?? A little perplexing to say the least since you felt it had been going great. Obviously something changed her mind as originally it sounds like she was feeling for you the way you were feeling for her (from your prospective, anyhow).

 

I suppose if I were in your shoes I may want a little more of an explanation. If she wants to be your friend and really cares about you, she'll be honest with you even if it hurts a little................yes, the truth can hurt sometimes. You may try asking if she'd be interested to get together and talk sometime..........dinner....walk....whatever, just so you can better understand why she made her decision.

 

Many people look at love as this feeling they have and, yes, I suppose you need to have some attraction or feeling for a person you want to end up spending a great deal of time with in a relationship. From my prospective, love is really a decision and commitment toward someone. Again, there usually needs to be an attraction, but beyond that, relationships only work if each person looks at the other and really tries to care for them..........not really 50/50............more like 100/100 with each person giving 100% toward the other.

 

Maybe more than you wanted, but at the end of the day if I were in your shoes I'd try and find out the "why". Of course, as I've learned recently going through a separation from my wife............you can't tell people how to feel about you nor can you control them. At the end of the day you need to have it within yourself to enjoy the life that you have.

 

Hope some of this makes sense, best of luck!

[jmargel]

You sure she doesn't have a husband, bf etc?? Sounds like she is in that in-between stage with that and is not being honest with you. That or she likes head games and drama. Either she gets her crap together and be honest with you, or just find another chick.

 

Sounds like this one is going to put you on a roller coaster ride, and trust me that is something you don't want.