Feeling so messed up today over lack of contact

[uniqueone]

I'm not doing well at all today. I feel like it was my fault it's over. I shouldn't have gotten mad. People have told me that I was justified in getting mad but I know that if I hadn't reacted to him in an angry way, we'd at least still be talking. Now he won't talk to me. I really just want to talk again. The relationship part isn't a big deal...he doesn't live near me anyway. But I really miss him as a friend.

 

Apparently I've hurt him. But he hurt me and I forgave him. Why can't he forgive me?

 

Then I start to wonder if he thinks that I'd want more of a relationship with him and that's why he figures just won't talk to me anymore because that type of relationship won't work.

 

I want to tell him the just friends thing but at the same time I'm trying not to email him anymore as I've emailed him too much already (with no response).

 

I'm not sure what to do.

[Chinook]

I want to tell him the just friends thing but at the same time I'm trying not to email him anymore as I've emailed him too much already (with no response). I'm not sure what to do.

You can't do anything. You've already contacted him without any response, his silence is speaking loud and clear. If he wanted contact or a friendship, he would make an effort to respond. Just hang in there. I know it's hard but just keep breathing lady.

[uniqueone]

You can't do anything. You've already contacted him without any response, his silence is speaking loud and clear. If he wanted contact or a friendship, he would make an effort to respond. Just hang in there. I know it's hard but just keep breathing lady.

 

What I tried to say in my post was that he doesn't know friendship is an option. He could think that I just want to repeat the same old thing again.

[uniqueone]

You can't do anything. You've already contacted him without any response, his silence is speaking loud and clear. If he wanted contact or a friendship, he would make an effort to respond. Just hang in there. I know it's hard but just keep breathing lady.

 

 

And you are making it sound like he'll never talk to me ever again.

[Chinook]

And you are making it sound like he'll never talk to me ever again.

Have you considered that may be the case...? Your scenario is exactly what happened to me and I did make the friendship email case and he still didn't respond. He hasn't spoken to me since the day he dumped me....despite previously stating he loved me and despite insisting he wanted to be friends. I had given him everything I had. In the end I had to realise he was done, there was no going back and he didn't want a friendship either. The bottom line was, he cut me out of his life and he didn't need me. That was 3 weeks ago. So, write the email...send it, see what happens. But if it were me, I wouldn't want the pain of waiting for a non-response. Anger doesn't last a lifetime. He may well have been angry with you. You have given him plenty of contact - he knows where you are and how to get a hold of you, he hasn't. That's not me making it sound like anything...that's a simple fact. I'm sorry you're hurting I know it's painful but I really don't think contacting him is going to help.

[nylah]

Have you considered that may be the case...? Your scenario is exactly what happened to me and I did make the friendship email case and he still didn't respond. He hasn't spoken to me since the day he dumped me....despite previously stating he loved me and despite insisting he wanted to be friends. I had given him everything I had. In the end I had to realise he was done, there was no going back and he didn't want a friendship either. The bottom line was, he cut me out of his life and he didn't need me. That was 3 weeks ago. So, write the email...send it, see what happens. But if it were me, I wouldn't want the pain of waiting for a non-response. Anger doesn't last a lifetime. He may well have been angry with you. You have given him plenty of contact - he knows where you are and how to get a hold of you, he hasn't. That's not me making it sound like anything...that's a simple fact. I'm sorry you're hurting I know it's painful but I really don't think contacting him is going to help.

 

I'm just sitting here going thru the post; It's really sad when you're hurting and you don't have anyone to talk to.... I think it's so kind of you to share your experience in hopes of helping someone... It's great!!!

[Chinook]

I'm just sitting here going thru the post; It's really sad when you're hurting and you don't have anyone to talk to.... I think it's so kind of you to share your experience in hopes of helping someone... It's great!!!

Loveshack has helped me a lot in the past and feeling pain is part of being human. But there is no way around it, it fckin sucks big time. I'm the type of person that if I can help prevent one single person feeling the pain I have felt, I'll do it. It's painful and it's sad. But I guess really, we all make our own choices, so we're all the instigators of our own pain.

[uniqueone]

I see your point....but mine really wasn't a normal relationship so I'm not sure if it's the same. Mine is a narcissist. He's addicted to womens attention...many women. And he likes control. Right now I'm sure he really feels he has it too.

 

Maybe ignoring him would be better....unless he's beyond caring that is.

 

Apparently something or things I said hurt him deeply. I have no idea what though. From what I understand about narcissists though it doesn't take much to hurt them.

 

As for why I'm upset over losing this person......his friendship is what I want back.

[Chinook]

I see your point....but mine really wasn't a normal relationship so I'm not sure if it's the same. Mine is a narcissist. He's addicted to womens attention...many women. And he likes control. Right now I'm sure he really feels he has it too.

 

Maybe ignoring him would be better....unless he's beyond caring that is.

 

Apparently something or things I said hurt him deeply. I have no idea what though. From what I understand about narcissists though it doesn't take much to hurt them.

 

As for why I'm upset over losing this person......his friendship is what I want back.

Um, you may want to read my thread in the abuse section. I believe my ex had NPD too. Maybe. He didn't have the grandiose ideas though. So it could be he was just sociopathic. You may want his friendship back, but he's not going to give it unless you either beg him for it or he's in need of a source of his narcissistic supply. If he's getting his needs for his narcissism met elsewhere right now, he's not going to respond to you. That's what I believe happened with my ex. I think he was either already cheating and had moved on (hence being able to leave me behind without a word) or he went back to his original source of narcissistic supply, his ex-wife.

[uniqueone]

Mine liked to get as many women as he could. But I knew about it and so I was just trying to keep things casual between us. Like I said, I liked his friendship the most.

 

It was when I went thousands of miles to visit him (we're long distance) and he had to e-mail others right in front of my face that I got upset. I got upset and said things to him that "hurt" him and so that's what ended it and that's why he won't even talk to me. I still am not sure what exactly hurt him so badly. He could be insensitive to others yet very sensitive himself.

 

I don't think he likes to give up ANY of his NS though. He's not one of those that has one NS and when that one leaves he looks for another. This guy needs many NS at once. And he doesn't like to lose any of them.

[nylah]

I see your point....but mine really wasn't a normal relationship so I'm not sure if it's the same. Mine is a narcissist. He's addicted to womens attention...many women. And he likes control. Right now I'm sure he really feels he has it too.

 

Maybe ignoring him would be better....unless he's beyond caring that is.

 

Apparently something or things I said hurt him deeply. I have no idea what though. From what I understand about narcissists though it doesn't take much to hurt them.

 

As for why I'm upset over losing this person......his friendship is what I want back.

 

I know it's hard, but sometimes we just have to accept the things that we can not change.

 

Try to forget about him.

 

Hope you feel better soon..

[funkybassplayer]

I know this sounds strange, but why do you want this chap as a friend? i mean do your other frieds treat you this way? Maybe you should have a little think about that 1.

[uniqueone]

I know it's hard, but sometimes we just have to accept the things that we can not change.

 

Try to forget about him.

 

Hope you feel better soon..

 

 

Thanks Nylah.

 

I guess I'm confused on why people give up so easily though. Who says we can't change things? I've been able to change situations around before. I think there's always a way to.

[uniqueone]

I know this sounds strange, but why do you want this chap as a friend? i mean do your other frieds treat you this way? Maybe you should have a little think about that 1.

 

 

Well I expected to hear this.....really I did. I want to keep him because there are a lot of good qualities about him that I like. I like our discussions. Couldn't I keep him for that? I don't meet a lot of intelligent or interesting people.

[Chinook]

I guess I'm confused on why people give up so easily though. Who says we can't change things? I've been able to change situations around before. I think there's always a way to.

I think you're right about that. But one thing which strikes me in this situation is that he's not going to give you his friendship unless he's good and ready to do so. Like you said, he has control. For what it's worth, I think not giving up is an admirable trait and one I value very highly. I was talking like this myself three weeks ago...why did he walk away and give up so easily...? The fact was, he had no further use for me. I could have continued emailing and calling and texting until I was blue in the face, chances are though, I would have just ended up with a restraining order. So it had to stop someplace.

[uniqueone]

I think you're right about that. But one thing which strikes me in this situation is that he's not going to give you his friendship unless he's good and ready to do so. Like you said, he has control.

 

Yep, I totally agree with this. And maybe, ignoring him will make him feel he's lost control over me. I guess it can't hurt to find out.

[nylah]

Its funny you should say that because I have been wondering if I should of at least told my ex how I was really feeling before I cut him off. The way I see it is, if he really cares about me, then he will come and find out what's wrong, and at least try to make it right.

 

As far as changing situations go.... I'm sure that if you were able, you would certainly have changed your situation...right? I know you would not be going thru hell right now if you didn't have to right?

 

But maybe you know something I don't..........

[funkybassplayer]

Well I expected to hear this.....really I did. I want to keep him because there are a lot of good qualities about him that I like. I like our discussions. Couldn't I keep him for that? I don't meet a lot of intelligent or interesting people.

 

 

I think your selling yourself short, there are lots of clever, interesting and normal people who wont mess with your head. If i were you, let him go, take time out, and meet some new interesting people. I also thought at 1 point i could make things work, but you cant unless you both want it. you have made your point to him, and the more you contact him, the further away you will push him, and the more self respect you will lose. U have to chill over this and realise your worth. If he does not want your friendship, walk away, and find some1 who does appreciate you. I would'nt send anymore emails, and i would leave him alone, and start to get on with your life.

[uniqueone]

I think your selling yourself short, there are lots of clever, interesting and normal people who wont mess with your head. If i were you, let him go, take time out, and meet some new interesting people. I also thought at 1 point i could make things work, but you cant unless you both want it. you have made your point to him, and the more you contact him, the further away you will push him, and the more self respect you will lose. U have to chill over this and realise your worth. If he does not want your friendship, walk away, and find some1 who does appreciate you. I would'nt send anymore emails, and i would leave him alone, and start to get on with your life.

 

 

I wish it were that easy. You're probably a lot younger than me and have a lot of options. There aren't very many eligible men where I live and not many intelligent ones either. My city has gone downhill. And I dont have ways to meet people---especially the types of men that I like.

 

That's why losing him feels even worse.

[uniqueone]

Its funny you should say that because I have been wondering if I should of at least told my ex how I was really feeling before I cut him off. The way I see it is, if he really cares about me, then he will come and find out what's wrong, and at least try to make it right.

 

As far as changing situations go.... I'm sure that if you were able, you would certainly have changed your situation...right? I know you would not be going thru hell right now if you didn't have to right?

 

But maybe you know something I don't..........

 

 

I say tell the person what you really feel! Why does everyone think staying silent is the answer? It doesn't make it more dignified. I say everything and yes, I HAVE changed situations around. In fact, I've changed the situation around with this very person once before (although it hadn't gotten THIS bad).

 

And changing situations doesn't always occur RIGHT AWAY either. You have to work at it but it doesn't mean you'll see results instantly. But you have to know what to do and when to do it--that's the tricky part.

[nylah]

I think you're right about that. But one thing which strikes me in this situation is that he's not going to give you his friendship unless he's good and ready to do so. Like you said, he has control. For what it's worth, I think not giving up is an admirable trait and one I value very highly. I was talking like this myself three weeks ago...why did he walk away and give up so easily...? The fact was, he had no further use for me. I could have continued emailing and calling and texting until I was blue in the face, chances are though, I would have just ended up with a restraining order. So it had to stop someplace.

 

when it comes to relationships, I am quick to let go. I don't know why, but I can not bring myself to pursue a man, or to beg him for his friendship, or for him to love me.... Now, if I did something wrong, then yeah I would beg his forgiveness. But when we disagree and neither is willing to change, then what can you do except go your separate ways.

 

I don't want just a friendship with someone I'm in love with....is it even possible?... I personally think that it would be torture.

 

But what do I know...I can't even get my senior citizen ex to take me serious......(he's only 51)....I'm just mad!!!!!!

[uniqueone]

There is something that he wanted my help with (in person) which never happened due to the fight. I've found instructions for him on how he can do it himself (it's something he doesn't know much about but I do).

 

I've thought of telling him that I've gotten instructions on it. I don't really want to do that though because I don't want him to contact me for that reason. Then again, it'll definately make it more likely. It's something he wants and has no other resource for getting help with.

 

I could use it though to at least open up the door. Or I could wait awhile and then use it. I don't know....

[nylah]

There is something that he wanted my help with (in person) which never happened due to the fight. I've found instructions for him on how he can do it himself (it's something he doesn't know much about but I do).

 

I've thought of telling him that I've gotten instructions on it. I don't really want to do that though because I don't want him to contact me for that reason. Then again, it'll definately make it more likely. It's something he wants and has no other resource for getting help with.

 

I could use it though to at least open up the door. Or I could wait awhile and then use it. I don't know....

 

I don't know what else to say to you, honey.

 

It seems you have your mind made up on getting him to call you.

 

I think I read somewhere on here that he could get you for harrassment.

 

Just try to let him go on with his life. I promise you it will get better.

 

But you have got to leave him alone, its just not healthy.

[Chinook]

I don't want just a friendship with someone I'm in love with....is it even possible?... I personally think that it would be torture.

I didn't want a friendship either really, I was clutching at straws when he ended things. I wanted a partner and more importantly, I wanted the man I loved. When I realised that wasn't happening or going to happen, I had to let go. You're right, a friendship for me would have been torture so he did me a favour really.

[funkybassplayer]

I wish it were that easy. You're probably a lot younger than me and have a lot of options. There aren't very many eligible men where I live and not many intelligent ones either. My city has gone downhill. And I dont have ways to meet people---especially the types of men that I like.

 

That's why losing him feels even worse.

 

 

Hey lady im 41, (i may not look it though!!) i have not long come out of a relationship with a woman and her 3 kids that i loved,but had to let go of, and move on, i cant be friends, and the pain of not beiing able to say hi to the kids was awful, but i had to let go, and know im doing well.

 

The guys are out there. As Bruce Lee once said, ''dont look at the finger pointing to the stars or you will miss all the heavenly glory! ''