Feeling so messed up today over lack of contact

[Aliddy]

My relationship, broke up a month ago, I finished it because I didn,t feel loved and told him so, he walked out !!!!! after 3.5 years. I thought like you, and in my head, he must be hurting so...I sent a text .... he ignored it .....I sent a letter .... he told me " that was unfair and too late " I sent an email .... he didn't respond ............and then I found this place.......

Since I have had n/c for 18 days now, I feel so much better, I am not continually thinking " will he reply to me or not " .....

I know he is incapable of feelings, as you do not treat someone you once loved, with such disrespect......

It is true, that he knows where you are and what to do if he wishes to speak to you. Would it not be so much better, if he did contact you off his own back..............then you would know for sure......

I know it's hard ...... but relationships are based on mutual understanding and RESPECT ......

To not give a s**t that someone is in pain, to me is a person, I would rather not share the same air with....

[funkybassplayer]

To not give a s**t that someone is in pain, to me is a person, I would rather not share the same air with....

 

very well said. its amazing how some people only need people while they dont have a toy to play with.....how well they can fool us into thinking they really care! But having the strenth to walk away is not something that they counted on.

[nylah]

My relationship, broke up a month ago, I finished it because I didn,t feel loved and told him so, he walked out !!!!! after 3.5 years. I thought like you, and in my head, he must be hurting so...I sent a text .... he ignored it .....I sent a letter .... he told me " that was unfair and too late " I sent an email .... he didn't respond ............and then I found this place.......

Since I have had n/c for 18 days now, I feel so much better, I am not continually thinking " will he reply to me or not " .....

I know he is incapable of feelings, as you do not treat someone you once loved, with such disrespect......

It is true, that he knows where you are and what to do if he wishes to speak to you. Would it not be so much better, if he did contact you off his own back..............then you would know for sure......

I know it's hard ...... but relationships are based on mutual understanding and RESPECT ......

To not give a s**t that someone is in pain, to me is a person, I would rather not share the same air with....

 

I agree..........

[Slippy72]

very well said. its amazing how some people only need people while they dont have a toy to play with.....how well they can fool us into thinking they really care! But having the strenth to walk away is not something that they counted on.

 

So true, I made the mistake of trusting my ex with what she said about 'missing me' etc not too long ago and whilst I'm not completely sure she was lying, I wouldn't put it past her.

[Chinook]

So true, I made the mistake of trusting my ex with what she said about 'missing me' etc not too long ago and whilst I'm not completely sure she was lying, I wouldn't put it past her.

We forget two things about our ex-es.

1. They are the people we opened ourselves to and shared how we felt. They are the people we are close to emotionally. That makes us vulnerable to their words and emotions. They know this.
   
2. When you have shared yourself and your emotions with someone and opened up to them and apparently received the same response, it is human nature to miss this kind of contact. This applies to them as much as it does to us. They miss us as much - even if they don't admit it. But they're good at avoiding it and moving on. When they're not good at avoiding it, they come back to play with us and that's where 1 above comes in to play.

No contact works because it removes the vulnerability in 1 above and so if 2 does occur, it doesn't make any difference. No one hurts more than they should.

[uniqueone]

To not give a s**t that someone is in pain, to me is a person, I would rather not share the same air with....

 

I guess I wonder if he's not contacting me because he thinks if he responds, I'll push further. What I'm saying is that I wonder if he thinks he's doing me a favor or something.

 

The thing is, I did write him about some stuff of mine that is missing in my things from when I visited there that I want to have back and I asked him to look for it. He could have at least have told me if he if he couldn't find it. I mean, I went to the trouble of doing something for him. I made some calls to get his money refunded on something he paid for (for me). I e-mailed him about this to let him know but he didn't acknowledge it. I didn't have to do what I did because what he paid for was not something I ever asked him to do. (I don't like to give too much information on here in case you can't tell....sorry for being so vague).

 

So you would think that at least he could return my stuff or let me know he couldn't find it. Why would someone not even do that?

[uniqueone]

I don't know what else to say to you, honey.

 

It seems you have your mind made up on getting him to call you.

 

I think I read somewhere on here that he could get you for harrassment.

 

Just try to let him go on with his life. I promise you it will get better.

 

But you have got to leave him alone, its just not healthy.

 

Harrassment for e-mails? Could you give me more information on that because I have never heard of that. I suppose if someone were saying certain things in e-mails maybe, but someone just babbling? I'd like to know what court would hear that. And if I am asking for some of my stuff and I'm not getting an answer, how is it not justified?

 

I'm not trying to give a reason to contact him further. I'm just making a statement on what you said about harrassment. I'm hoping not to contact him.

 

And what is wrong with having my mind made up on having him contact me? Do *you* like to stay at odds with people? I know I don't. In fact, I just wrote to a friend who tried to make up with me (via email) recently. When he first tried to, I responded a bit abruptly to him. After a few weeks of thinking about it, I think I'd like to make peace with him. So I wrote him tonight. According to what you say, we should have stayed quiet forever. I disagree. I've seen what speaking up can do and it CAN change things around....maybe not right away but later on. And I'm not necessarily talking romantic relationships here.

[uniqueone]

Hey lady im 41, (i may not look it though!!) i have not long come out of a relationship with a woman and her 3 kids that i loved,but had to let go of, and move on, i cant be friends, and the pain of not beiing able to say hi to the kids was awful, but i had to let go, and know im doing well.

 

 

Well if you're saying that you have an easy time finding people that you want to date, then you might live in an area that has more of the people that fit who you're looking for. Or you might be someone who clicks easily with people and someone who gets out and about a lot. But for me, it's rare that I find people that I like.

[hithere]

Do *you* like to stay at odds with people? I know I don't. In fact, I just wrote to a friend who tried to make up with me (via email) recently. When he first tried to, I responded a bit abruptly to him. After a few weeks of thinking about it, I think I'd like to make peace with him. So I wrote him tonight. According to what you say, we should have stayed quiet forever. I disagree. I've seen what speaking up can do and it CAN change things around....maybe not right away but later on. And I'm not necessarily talking romantic relationships here.

 

Don't worry I'm just like you. I have a hard time staying angry at people too. In fact I'm always the one who reaches out to make things better.

 

I think its a personality thing. Like you I don't want to feel like I'm causing pain or suffering in someone's life. It makes me feel real guilty if I do.

 

Thats one of the reasons why I have a hard time maintaining no contact with my ex. Even though she dumped me - whenever she calls I still always pick up the phone or else return her calls within a reasonable amount of time.

 

Yeah it would be cooler I guess to play the "no contact" or "let me make you wait a day or two before I return your call" game but the reason I won't do that is because I know how it feels (like most everyone) to be waiting by the phone for someone to contact you back. Its not a fun feeling. Therefore I have a hard time doing that to someone else. It would make me have a guilty consicous.

 

On that subject I think its really dumb that an ex won't call, email or text back. I mean if someone genuinely needs to talk to a certain person to feel better (or come to grips with the break-up), how much effort does it take just to talk or reply to someone's email? NONE.

 

Whatever happened to treating people with class? Just cause a certain person isn't your bf/gf anymore doesn't justify being rude and uncaring. We are all human beings after all. We do have feelings.

 

Oh well I'm under the belief that when an ex treats another ex like dirt by not returning their phone calls or emails then one day that ex is going to have the same thing happen to them. Then justice will be served and they will understand how it feels to be ignored.

[funkybassplayer]

Well if you're saying that you have an easy time finding people that you want to date, then you might live in an area that has more of the people that fit who you're looking for. Or you might be someone who clicks easily with people and someone who gets out and about a lot. But for me, it's rare that I find people that I like.

 

 

 

Well im in an area where i know no one, but i do get on with most people. I met her on a dating site, and was long distance, and to my horror, after i was hooked, she brought all her marriage problems and other issues into this relationship...........so its not all nice as pie! She was very selfish, and that was for starters.

[funkybassplayer]

Don't worry I'm just like you. I have a hard time staying angry at people too. In fact I'm always the one who reaches out to make things better.

 

I think its a personality thing. Like you I don't want to feel like I'm causing pain or suffering in someone's life. It makes me feel real guilty if I do.

 

Thats one of the reasons why I have a hard time maintaining no contact with my ex. Even though she dumped me - whenever she calls I still always pick up the phone or else return her calls within a reasonable amount of time.

 

Yeah it would be cooler I guess to play the "no contact" or "let me make you wait a day or two before I return your call" game but the reason I won't do that is because I know how it feels (like most everyone) to be waiting by the phone for someone to contact you back. Its not a fun feeling. Therefore I have a hard time doing that to someone else. It would make me have a guilty consicous.

 

On that subject I think its really dumb that an ex won't call, email or text back. I mean if someone genuinely needs to talk to a certain person to feel better (or come to grips with the break-up), how much effort does it take just to talk or reply to someone's email? NONE.

 

Whatever happened to treating people with class? Just cause a certain person isn't your bf/gf anymore doesn't justify being rude and uncaring. We are all human beings after all. We do have feelings.

 

Oh well I'm under the belief that when an ex treats another ex like dirt by not returning their phone calls or emails then one day that ex is going to have the same thing happen to them. Then justice will be served and they will understand how it feels to be ignored.

 

 

Its sad but with some people who have there own problems, they are too selfish too think that a call or whatever will help, instead they move to there next toy, and leave the ex behind without a care. These people are better off left and you should just walk away. They dont deseve a min of your time, and they are the ones who carry crap around with them. They are not happy in themselves, so when you walk away, dont feel bad, and dont chase, its there chioce. One day they may want to contact, but would have burnt there bridge, or be to ashamed to for the crap way they treated you. They no that their doing it too, but they are too wraped up in their new toy to give a ****. Best thing walk away, and leave him alone. Thats what he wants you to do, its way too early to think of contact, and after n/c you may not even want this person in your life again

[skindeep]

Please go and buy the book "HELP! I am In Love....".regarding narcissistic personality disorder. It is a MUST read and will help you to put things into perspective. Your circumstances may resonate in the pages. Recognizing and excepting that while we may think that we are unique( as human beings) and our situations are unique; things like our behaviors develop patterns and are actually very predicable........... As is your recovery from this heartbreak. You will see that, without a doubt, the healthiest alternative for you is to back off and give him some space. You need time to get yourself to a place of strength; strength you will need it to get through this tough period. There are some people who come into our lives and it is with a heavy heart that we let them go-others leave and we are relieved........ If he misses you and desires friendship at all, he will seek you out after he's had time to process how he feels. In the meantime, I would read,read,read!

[nylah]

Please go and buy the book "HELP! I am In Love....".regarding narcissistic personality disorder. It is a MUST read and will help you to put things into perspective. Your circumstances may resonate in the pages. Recognizing and excepting that while we may think that we are unique( as human beings) and our situations are unique; things like our behaviors develop patterns and are actually very predicable........... As is your recovery from this heartbreak. You will see that, without a doubt, the healthiest alternative for you is to back off and give him some space. You need time to get yourself to a place of strength; strength you will need it to get through this tough period. There are some people who come into our lives and it is with a heavy heart that we let them go-others leave and we are relieved........ If he misses you and desires friendship at all, he will seek you out after he's had time to process how he feels. In the meantime, I would read,read,read!

 

This bit of advice (although not intended for me) is very well taken. I'm on my way to buy the book:p..thanks for the tip!

[uniqueone]

 

On that subject I think its really dumb that an ex won't call, email or text back. I mean if someone genuinely needs to talk to a certain person to feel better (or come to grips with the break-up), how much effort does it take just to talk or reply to someone's email? NONE.

 

Whatever happened to treating people with class? Just cause a certain person isn't your bf/gf anymore doesn't justify being rude and uncaring. We are all human beings after all. We do have feelings.

 

Oh well I'm under the belief that when an ex treats another ex like dirt by not returning their phone calls or emails then one day that ex is going to have the same thing happen to them. Then justice will be served and they will understand how it feels to be ignored.

 

Ok, here's the thing. Recently I told a guy that I just wanted to be friends. He said something pretty cruel to me after that and I don't want to talk to him now. So I can see how it can happen.

 

But with this guy I don't know what I said that was *that* bad. I went over in my mind everything that was said and I can't find anything *that* horrible. Not only that, but in my e-mails to him I've mentioned it numerous times. I've mentioned that I'm sorry if I've hurt him and that maybe he misunderstood something that I said. I've told him that I can't think of anything that I said that was *that* bad that he'd be this angry. I've asked him to tell me.

 

With the guy who I told I just wanted to be friends....he hasn't tried to apologize or done any of what I've done with the guy I'm trying to get back. With mine, I've tried for awhile now...so why won't he tell me? Why does he want to stay angry?

[uniqueone]

Please go and buy the book "HELP! I am In Love....".regarding narcissistic personality disorder. It is a MUST read and will help you to put things into perspective. Your circumstances may resonate in the pages. Recognizing and excepting that while we may think that we are unique( as human beings) and our situations are unique; things like our behaviors develop patterns and are actually very predicable........... As is your recovery from this heartbreak. You will see that, without a doubt, the healthiest alternative for you is to back off and give him some space. You need time to get yourself to a place of strength; strength you will need it to get through this tough period. There are some people who come into our lives and it is with a heavy heart that we let them go-others leave and we are relieved........ If he misses you and desires friendship at all, he will seek you out after he's had time to process how he feels. In the meantime, I would read,read,read!

 

 

Thanks. I'll check that book out. I really appreciate what you've said in your post. It helps.

[nylah]

Harrassment for e-mails? Could you give me more information on that because I have never heard of that. I suppose if someone were saying certain things in e-mails maybe, but someone just babbling? I'd like to know what court would hear that. And if I am asking for some of my stuff and I'm not getting an answer, how is it not justified?

 

I'm not trying to give a reason to contact him further. I'm just making a statement on what you said about harrassment. I'm hoping not to contact him.

 

And what is wrong with having my mind made up on having him contact me? Do *you* like to stay at odds with people? I know I don't. In fact, I just wrote to a friend who tried to make up with me (via email) recently. When he first tried to, I responded a bit abruptly to him. After a few weeks of thinking about it, I think I'd like to make peace with him. So I wrote him tonight. According to what you say, we should have stayed quiet forever. I disagree. I've seen what speaking up can do and it CAN change things around....maybe not right away but later on. And I'm not necessarily talking romantic relationships here.

 

Honey, I know you're going thru it. I was just making a statement about constantly contacting someone who is not responding to you. I thought I read from one of the post that it is harrassment... I'm not saying it is, but if it is, you might not want to keep doing it. that's all I was saying.

 

And..... again, I was just saying that it sounds like your mind is pretty much made up in regards to getting him to acknowledge you... In other words, none of the advice you are getting here, is going to stop you from pursuing him...

 

There is not a thing wrong with you wanting to contact him. I think the problem lies in the fact that he obviously doesn't want the contact with you, and it's hurting you more, and more when he doesn't respond.

 

I was under the impression that you were looking for advice from your post, and I was just trying to help. sorry if I rubbed you wrong.

 

I hope he calls you very soon..... take care

[funkybassplayer]

Honey,

 

I was under the impression that you were looking for advice from your post, and I was just trying to help. sorry if I rubbed you wrong.

 

I hope he calls you very soon..... take care

 

 

People have been through what your going through, you should listen to them. In your mind your being loyal and nobal, but to him, he wants you to leave him be. Every email will push him further away, and you have already lost (i suspect) much respect from him, which is not a good place to be. I know its blunt, but its true, every1 here will agree with me. Best thing back off, give him space, he will respect that from you. If you carry on the only responce that you will get will be **** off, or something similar. If you give him space you will feel better about yourself too, and if you approch him in 6 months, then you know you have been respectful to his wish, and he will appriciate that from you.

[uniqueone]

I think the problem lies in the fact that he obviously doesn't want the contact with you,

 

Don't be silly.....narcissists love the contact. His ego is probably flying. But I'm not going to anymore. At least for now.

[uniqueone]

People have been through what your going through, you should listen to them. In your mind your being loyal and nobal, but to him, he wants you to leave him be. Every email will push him further away, and you have already lost (i suspect) much respect from him, which is not a good place to be. I know its blunt, but its true, every1 here will agree with me. Best thing back off, give him space, he will respect that from you. If you carry on the only responce that you will get will be **** off, or something similar. If you give him space you will feel better about yourself too, and if you approch him in 6 months, then you know you have been respectful to his wish, and he will appriciate that from you.

 

 

I agree with you and am backing off. Six months though?

[nylah]

Don't be silly.....narcissists love the contact. His ego is probably flying. But I'm not going to anymore. At least for now.

 

The advice you give is great, and I think you're funny too.... I always check out your post.... keep up the good work!

[funkybassplayer]

I agree with you and am backing off. Six months though?

 

 

Yep, it s not that long, and i bet by then you wont even think about being his mate! Now your gonna back off, think of yourself.

[Chinook]

Yep, it s not that long, and i bet by then you wont even think about being his mate!

I'm hoping by 6 months not to even think about him, let alone think about being his friend (which I'm not being by the way). He doesn't deserve the steam off my pee, let alone friendship.

[uniqueone]

Yep, it s not that long, and i bet by then you wont even think about being his mate! Now your gonna back off, think of yourself.

 

But the problem is that I have no one to take my mind off of him. It's not like I have people there for me who can cheer me up and make me forget. I've had a pretty hard life as far as having people there for me which is why I turn to forums like this.

 

In the past, I'd get back online and try to meet new people. It would take a long time though to meet someone that I really clicked with but I'd still be getting a lot of interest. I got back online after this whole ordeal and I hardly got anyone contacting me at all. The few that I got were so unattractive that it made me feel even worse because I felt that that's all who that found me attractive.

[funkybassplayer]

Aftre my split i did the same, went online dating. Unless your ready, it will make you feel crap. i too know no one here, freinds live in London and work etc, so i had no one but this site to talk 2. thats why im selling up, i feel i need to change stuff in my life.. I met a few girls from the sites, but none that i liked, and gave it a rest online. Now im back on, and i feel more confident in me, i have ben chatting to some real hotties, and dont think much of the ex or her kids anymore (after 2 months of n/c) It is hard on your own, but also good, as you have lots of time to think and heal. I dont belive in this keep busy stuff, till your really ready. Im a pro musician and i only work twicw a week, so you can imagine, i had loads of time on my own, still do, but now im comfy again, and happy. I loved them all very much, but its over and i had to move forward, which im doing. Belive me i know where your coming from on that.

[Slippy72]

But the problem is that I have no one to take my mind off of him.

 

Know how you feel, but like FBP said, sometimes it's best to just be by yourself. To be alone with your feelings. It all depends on the person but that's what worked for me before I had a set back.