Author uniqueone Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Aftre my split i did the same, went online dating. Unless your ready, it will make you feel crap. i too know no one here, freinds live in London and work etc, so i had no one but this site to talk 2. thats why im selling up, i feel i need to change stuff in my life.. I met a few girls from the sites, but none that i liked, and gave it a rest online. Now im back on, and i feel more confident in me, i have ben chatting to some real hotties, and dont think much of the ex or her kids anymore (after 2 months of n/c) It is hard on your own, but also good, as you have lots of time to think and heal. I dont belive in this keep busy stuff, till your really ready. Im a pro musician and i only work twicw a week, so you can imagine, i had loads of time on my own, still do, but now im comfy again, and happy. I loved them all very much, but its over and i had to move forward, which im doing. Belive me i know where your coming from on that. Well I don't have any hotties chatting with me. The ones who have been contacting me are all obese--as are many of the men where I live. Considering how into fitness I am, it's disturbing to find out that this is whom I'm attracting. And not only that, I require so much more than physical attraction in a person. The people writing to me can't even write correctly. And here's another thing I'd like to know....what if the person was tops in everything? Intelligence....talent....success.....how is anyone else going to come close? Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Know how you feel, but like FBP said, sometimes it's best to just be by yourself. To be alone with your feelings. It all depends on the person but that's what worked for me before I had a set back. I know what you're saying Slippy, but it's different not having anyone to date and being REALLY alone. It's compounded when you have no support system at all. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Well I don't have any hotties chatting with me. The ones who have been contacting me are all obese--as are many of the men where I live. Considering how into fitness I am, it's disturbing to find out that this is whom I'm attracting. And not only that, I require so much more than physical attraction in a person. The people writing to me can't even write correctly. And here's another thing I'd like to know....what if the person was tops in everything? Intelligence....talent....success.....how is anyone else going to come close? All i know is that we have to make our own lives, and you cant rely on anybody else. If you had a set back, you have to pick yourself up, and fight back. Thats what i do, fight back. Its not how hard you can hit, but its how hard you can get hit but keep moving forward (rocky) Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 All i know is that we have to make our own lives, and you cant rely on anybody else. If you had a set back, you have to pick yourself up, and fight back. Thats what i do, fight back. Its not how hard you can hit, but its how hard you can get hit but keep moving forward (rocky) I don't know if I can anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Why is it that he gets to treat me like dirt and yet he's got success, plenty of women and life is easy for him. Why does his life get to be so great and mine so bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Slippy72 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Why is it that he gets to treat me like dirt and yet he's got success, plenty of women and life is easy for him. Why does his life get to be so great and mine so bad? It's swings and roundabouts, if you stick to NC, you'll soon enjoy it the way you used too. Trust me, it works. You've just gotta be strict. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 It's swings and roundabouts, if you stick to NC, you'll soon enjoy it the way you used too. Trust me, it works. You've just gotta be strict. But what if he was what was giving me enjoyment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 Please go and buy the book "HELP! I am In Love....".regarding narcissistic personality disorder. It is a MUST read and will help you to put things into perspective. Your circumstances may resonate in the pages. Skindeeep, I called two bookstores near me and they were out of the book so I'll have to order it online. I was hoping to look it over first. I also inquired at my library but they didn't carry it. I've read some books on the subject already and I wondered why you liked this book especially. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 You should have other hobbies or interests that give you enjoyment so that you're not putting yourself in a position where one person makes you happy. Otherwise when he's gone you'll feel depressed with no happiness in sight. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 i dont think your ready to be friends either. your still inlove with him, you have to admit it to move on. i thought i wanted to be friends with my ex too... i would give anything to be her friend, but i know really its the relationship that i want. when im over all of this, i might not want to be her friend....at least i wont be as worried about it as i am now while im still in love. just give it time. take each day and stay in NC. hes not ready and i dont think you are either. goodluck friend. i know just where you are. jmina Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 i dont think your ready to be friends either. your still inlove with him, you have to admit it to move on. i thought i wanted to be friends with my ex too... i would give anything to be her friend, but i know really its the relationship that i want. when im over all of this, i might not want to be her friend....at least i wont be as worried about it as i am now while im still in love. just give it time. take each day and stay in NC. hes not ready and i dont think you are either. goodluck friend. i know just where you are. jmina Thanks Jmina, I guess so. It's weird...I wake up in the morning and my first thoughts are to think "why would I want someone like him?" but then as the day goes on, I remember all the good things and how good it made me feel and it brings me down. And to make matters worse, I have no other prospects lately so that just makes it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 deleted post Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 mine is opposite, i awaken with him on my mind...but throughout my thoughts, i am able to piece why i should not be thinking of him. toxic! Link to post Share on other sites
Slippy72 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 mine is opposite, i awaken with him on my mind...but throughout my thoughts, i am able to piece why i should not be thinking of him. toxic! Same, it used to be she was on my mind every second of every day. Now, there is the odd moment where I think about her and feel bad and I try as hard as I can to make those dissapear, by thinking about all the negative traits she had. It's hard to do, but I know one day, some day, it'll pay off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 22, 2007 Author Share Posted July 22, 2007 Same, it used to be she was on my mind every second of every day. Now, there is the odd moment where I think about her and feel bad and I try as hard as I can to make those dissapear, by thinking about all the negative traits she had. It's hard to do, but I know one day, some day, it'll pay off. It's possible I may talk to him again. I'm not sure when that will be. I'm not one who believes in NC forever. I may contact him but in many cases, they've contacted me. It's always after I'm over them though. It's like they suddenly know that they're off my radar. And these are relationships that have ended badly too. I haven't picked men too well. One was a cheater. One was a drunk and a player --although I'll admit we never officially established BF/GF status. One was a commitmentphobe. etc.... But my point is, even if it ends badly, it doesn't mean you won't hear from them again. Link to post Share on other sites
madgun68 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 It's possible I may talk to him again. I'm not sure when that will be. I'm not one who believes in NC forever. I may contact him but in many cases, they've contacted me. It's always after I'm over them though. It's like they suddenly know that they're off my radar. And these are relationships that have ended badly too. I haven't picked men too well. One was a cheater. One was a drunk and a player --although I'll admit we never officially established BF/GF status. One was a commitmentphobe. etc.... But my point is, even if it ends badly, it doesn't mean you won't hear from them again.Why bother allowing or re-establishing contact if you know what kind of people they are? Something like that I just don't understand. Especially if it ended horribly.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Why bother allowing or re-establishing contact if you know what kind of people they are? Something like that I just don't understand. Especially if it ended horribly.. Because I'm a fool. Because I like there to be peace between people. Because I always think that the person is good underneath it all....that they just have problems. Like I said....I'm a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
madgun68 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Because I'm a fool. Because I like there to be peace between people. Because I always think that the person is good underneath it all....that they just have problems. Like I said....I'm a fool.I've seen some of your posts here, and you're definately no fool. Maybe these people are good underneath it all, but until the day that they take a look in the mirror and realise that they need to make changes in themselves, they aren't worth your time. Sometimes it's best to just let time itself heal what has happened between two people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 I've seen some of your posts here, and you're definately no fool. Maybe these people are good underneath it all, but until the day that they take a look in the mirror and realise that they need to make changes in themselves, they aren't worth your time. Sometimes it's best to just let time itself heal what has happened between two people. Yeah...you're right.....and a lot of people don't change too much once they're older. They change a little but not a lot. That is, unless they really work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 The guys are out there. As Bruce Lee once said, ''dont look at the finger pointing to the stars or you will miss all the heavenly glory! '' Nice qoute funk, makes a lot of sense =) Link to post Share on other sites
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