tinke Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 i've seen some lighter days in the past few weeks, but having a rough time now. i was in a LTR for 10 yrs., with the last few LD(obligations). We were to marry in the near future, and suddenly N/C from him. i received a brief e-mail that he wants out of the relationship...that was it! he did not reply to my phone calls, etc. for greater than 5wks. when finally, he casually stated that he had been dating an aquaintance for 2 mo. and will wed soon. again...very brief. and that was that! no contact at all from him. i am just having a hard time accepting that someone can switch off so readily, and not have any remorse for the hurt caused. is it possible to turn to someone and marry so quickly after a LTR? No communication..nothing more from him! it is unbelievable to me how someone can leave and move on so quickly. also after all that time, not so much as a decent conversation...apology...something! I keep searching for that something that will make sense...something that will make me disdain him. at times, i am successful, today is a tough one! help.... (it's been almost 3 mo. since last contact) Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 help! somebody must have some words to share, some words to shed some light. i'm back to losing sleep! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 i'd like to add that just months before he evidently starting dating he did say he was in love with me, etc. how does one switch off from one and on to another so quickly? is it possible to really be so completely over? has anyone out there jumped from a long relationship directly into another and became engaged almost instantly? (aquaintance) what are your thoughts with the fact that he evidently didn't even consider giving me any reason, apology. just a very brief matter-of-fact goodbye, i'm engaged 5 wks later. this is not a young man, i would expect more. never another word since(3plus mo.) my head is in a whirlwind because it doesn't make sense to me. he stated a few very superficial reasons why we wouldn't work out. i now know that he was already involved with someone and looking at our negatives to justify!!!! any words to console would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 How long have you been long-distance? My guess would be they've been dating a lot longer than you think. He may have been dating the acquaintance for a while and when he finally decided to be with her he broke things off with you. That would explain the seemingly quick transition and cold shoulder treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
AngryHeartache Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Wow, hun. That is so harsh and cruel I'm sorry to see that this happend to you. I know this is going to be really annoying, and it's SO much easier said than done. But...you really need to forget about this person. They are not a nice person, no matter what you thought.Nice people don't this. Please don't contact them. Make sure you keep your mind as busy as possible, and remember you deserve better. I wish I could be more help, but there's really not much else to say. Time is a healer. I know your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 we were LD for a few yrs., (3), however, visited often. it seems he was truly invested in our relationship, i did not detect anyone else. he was consistently home when i called, etc. due to family obligations, we were apart, and to wed in the near future. i do believe, he would not hesitate to tell me if they were dating for a longer period. he showed no remorse, he certainly did not care of how things would effect me, my feelings, etc. actually, he gloated at the idea of having someone new and newly engaged. very much like a youngster who just found a new friend. (now, i can't talk to you anymore). from his coldness, i feel he would have gladly stated he was with her longer if he truly was. i do believe somehow they knew each other as aquaintances, as he said. i believe maybe she pursued him, at alas...he fled to a ready situation...easy access, etc. i just don't understand how someone can be so very cold after such a long time. with absolutely no contact!!!! i am sure he would had never spoke to me again after the original e-mail, after 5 wks, he decided to give me a quick goodbye....and that was that!!!! does this stuff really happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Tinke, my heart goes out to you. Yours is an absolutely horrible situation. First of all, please know that from an objective perspective, his behavior toward you has absolutely nothing to do with YOU. Nothing. Someone who would do as he did is not a "bad" person, necessarily, but someone who felt towards their life and themselves in such a way that they felt the only way to control their discontent was to start fresh. And what "better" way to do that then to throw yourself into a new relationship. What he did to you was callous, selfish...and just think how you'd feel if you were the woman he's now with--would you want to be with someone who bailed on a 10-year relationship with nary a scrap of remorse? Wouldn't that make you feel uneasy? Surely it would, because his action is not stable. Not the action of someone who is thinking about how their behavior affects others. Consider yourself lucky, in a way, that he showed his true colors: his commitment level, maturity, and sense of well-being all are completely lacking--not at a level you'd want in a marriage. All that said, three months is recent and I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. You're right to think you didn't deserve this; please hang on to this knowledge and don't blame yourself. I hope you'll keep posting so that you can vent the tumult of emotion and hear words of support from people who share your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 lakeside dream and tony T. are you out there???? any answers for me?? anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
wflame Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Tinke I don't have any answers for you but can relate a bit to how you must be feeling after being dumped by my ex and she moved on the week after we moved out from out place. We had been going out for 3 years and I thought we where going well. I have made a decision to just try my best to move on and have little contact with her as i can't she how she could have respected me if she can move on so quick. I found this helped me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t124519/ Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I was in similar, please dont try to figure it out, it only makes you feel worse, please try to move on. I have been in this situation and in n/c for 2 months, its done me great, first month after split, i tried to stay freinds (at her request for the kids sake) YEAH RIGHT! and get answers, it just brings you down, b/c they dont have the respect to think of your feelings, and she got a new fella days after (she must have been on sites in the end of our relationship i did have suspitions but she denied it-lier) all you are right now is an obsticle in the way of their new toy. BEst thing walk away leave them to it, go and heal, remember they are carrying baggage into the next relationship, we are not. BE strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Turquoise Waters Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Ok, why were you in a LTR for TEN years? That is too long to let yourselves be in a "relationship" that long and be long distance. It probably wasn't real to him after a while and he was dating and living his life without you. How often did you actually see the man per year in person? If this guy was in love with you, he wouldn't have let ten years go by without getting married to you and making sure that he was with you in the flesh. Look how quickly he made the ultimate commitment to someone else? That goes to show he really wasn't that in love with you, he was dragging his feet to actually commit and actually live with you. Sorry, but that is the truth. Do you think you may have been deceiving yourself as to how serious he took his relationship with you and the relationship was really a fascade? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 wrong thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 quite honestly...just the opposite. he wanted to marry, but due to his past cheating, i needed some time to be sure. i found my answer, again, as soon as things became difficult...he ran. so, i have this to lean on...he is simply a cheater, and our views of commitment differ. my situation was coming to terms with how people can become so very callous and disregard you when someone new comes along. after much thought, he may have saved me much heartache in the future, because things are not always rosey....a commitment takes work, value. the way in which he ended things was very immature, after that much time and investment a talk, explanation would have been appropriate to say the least. no contact after the initial e-mail and then 5 wks later, he casually and briefly announces he will be wed soon. coward! Link to post Share on other sites
Turquoise Waters Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Did you actually meet this man in person or was it all online? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinke Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 no, in person. we were LD for 3 yrs.,(out of 10) but visited every 2-3 mo., wknds, at times full week. very little was online, most often phone when not in person. Link to post Share on other sites
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