dauphine Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 This may sound odd to some, but I came to the realization that I am in the last major relationship of my life. A few weeks ago I made a life decision.. one of which was quite a surprise to me and I know that some will find quite bizarre. First let me say... the decision is not based on anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. I am a 37 year old woman in my second marriage. My first marriage was filled with deceit as I married a con man. I sought therapy right away and continued until I was done. I still continue to this day working on my issues from that. Also, I come from a single parent family as my mother divorced my father when I was two. She never remarried and has claimed to this day that she is very independent and "doesn't need a man to take care of her." She has always pumped this idea into my head growing up... "always take care of yourself and never depend on a man for your happiness nor for him to take care of you" I always listened to this and sometimes, I took it to an extreme. My first husband would get angry because I would never let him buy me anything. Even when I was putting myself through college, I insisted that I pay for my portion of living expenses. This sometimes put me in debt but I was willing to pay the price. After my divorce, I lived on my own and loved it. In fact, I REALLY loved it. I came to the realization that I LOVED TO BE ALONE. I have good friends and family so I am not a loner in the true sense. In fact, I consider myself to be a very social person. I guess I just really love to be alone. I worry that I am just like my mother... because she is exactly the same. I dated some people and sometimes I did get lonely but it was never severe. Sex was never too far away either. I have remarried and I really love my husband. Most days are good although he has that syndrome.. You know the one where if we haven't fought for a few days, he has to start conflict? Not sure what that is.... I guess these are the days I question myself and my relationship. I know there is conflict in every relationship and well.. frankly.. that is all a part of marriage but these are the days where I wonder if I would be better off on my own. I just realize that committed relationships are probably not for me. I lack the intent to work things out in conflict. I am not the same person I was before I married my first husband. While, I have learned that I can love again (because I do love my husband) I have also learned that one should never see themselves with one person for the rest of their lives. Life can change on a moments notice.. and one should always be prepared for that. I work for the future... I save very hard for my retirement because I don't know what the future will hold. I understand that people... life... circumstances change.. and someday.. I might find myself alone in this world. I know that you can never rely on anyone but yourself in the end. If this relationship should end.. this will be my last one. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Life can change on a moments notice.. and one should always be prepared for that. If this relationship should end.. this will be my last one. Don't these statements contradict each other? Life (at least for me) is a humbling experience, often teaching us that many things we are certain about can turn out to be untrue. So I think that a statement like "this will be my last one" - especially when made at age 37 - may not have the best chance of withstanding the test of time . Besides, what is the value of that declaration? One of two things will happen - either your statement will be true or it won't. Either way may lead to joy or heartbreak and there's no way now to know which is which. Why not leave yourself open to any possibility? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author dauphine Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 awwww.. Mr Lucky. I am open to both and the fact that I was.. led me to find my husband... who has taught me to love again. This is one of the greatest lessons I have learned since my devastating divorce. For that I am grateful. I will always be open to anything but knowing yourself is quite liberating. I have learned so much in such a short time on this planet. Certainly another relationship could come along its just that I have the hindsight now to know that "they" aren't for me. Isn't that saying something? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Certainly another relationship could come along its just that I have the hindsight now to know that "they" aren't for me. Isn't that saying something? Yes, it's saying something, it's just that I don't believe it . 2000 years of Western Literature - from Shakespeare to Harry Potter - is built on the theme that love is unpredictable and fickle. So you'll have to forgive my lack of faith in your attempts to predict the future... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 You state that you now H will start a "conflict" every few days if there is none. I get the impression (could be wrong, just the vibe I got from reading your post) that you are rather withdrawn, emotionally, from your current M. Is you H starting conflict because it is the only way he can get an emotion out of you? If there is any truth to that...then maybe you are not finished with the IC yet... Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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