dyingtwilight Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Okay so we're back together-sort of. I told him how I felt (which he already knew of course) and he told me he still liked me and he still cared about me after these five months. Woot! The problem is is that he's scared of committment. He told me that, quote, "I have had so many of those (meaning girlfriends) already." He wants to be my friend, my friend with benefits. At this point I know that I need him and that nothing can stop me from loving him. I'll take what I can get. The problem is, is that the conventional meaning for "friends with benefits" is that its a sex only non commital thing. We won't have sex, because I haven't given that away yet and I'm pretty sure I want to save it for "the guy," but I know we'll fool around. Am I digging myself a hole? Is he really asking for what he's asking for? Link to post Share on other sites
fray718 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 You'll take what you can get? Oh gosh girl you deserve more than this! Do NOT take his offer because he just wants to use you. I know from personal experience. This guy told me the same thing. He likes me but is scared of commitment right now. Just think of it this way....once he gets over his fear he is gonna dump you and find some other girl. You are just a transition for him until he can get past that fear of commitment. Please don't let yourself be used like that. Eventhough you wont have sex with him, just the fact that u fool around you're giving him what he wants from you without him returning to you what you want. Now that doesnt sound fair does it? Link to post Share on other sites
fray718 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Let me add one thing, he might even not just use u for sex and may even take you out on dates and all...but do NOT fall for it. It doesnt matter, cuz he's prob just lonely right now, if he's really into you he'd want you back as his gf, if not then he's just using u until he finds someone else. Trust me on this one, don't settle for anything less. Lose the guy! Don't even be friends. Just cut him off. If he doesnt want u as his gf, then you're not really 'together again'....dont' fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 We won't have sex, because I haven't given that away yet and I'm pretty sure I want to save it for "the guy," Are you saying you are a virgin? If so you may regret just giving in to a guy that doesn't even want to be your boyfriend We won't have sex, ... but I know we'll fool around. You love him, he "likes" you (read: doesn't love you) but if you fool around sooner or later you are probably gonna give it up. Am I digging myself a hole? Yep. Your mama should have taught you what you are worth (no disrepect to her I'm sure she did her best). You sound young, too young to set the bar so low so soon. You should value yourself more. Never, NEVER settle for less than you really want - learn that lesson now, early, and it will serve you well. Is he really asking for what he's asking for? No, chances are he wants to have sex with you and doesn't want to have to be ONLY with you in that way. Ever heard the phrase "having your cake and eating it"? Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 hah, I am actually in your exact situation right now! I love my ex boyfriend, and I think he loves me too, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. We're in this "friends with benefits" type of relationship, but I am a virgin as well, so we just fool around... I have to say, I think both of us need to get out of this situation. YOu are going to get hurt in the end, I can almost guarantee it. Usually becoming physical again with an ex can spur feelings of attachment, and when he finds someone else and drops you, you will be crushed. It may seem fun right now, but you don't want to get hurt again, do you?? You should move on and find someone who's actually worth your time and who will be your fully committed boyfriend. Don't settle for anything less! (I am going to take my own advice) Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 he told me he still liked me... The problem is <snip> I know that I need him and that nothing can stop me from loving him. I'll take what I can get. I rewrote the problem for you, because I think this is your REAL problem. He merely likes you and wants to invest very little of himself in the relationship, while you are very heavily invested in him and the relationship. That is a huge mismatch in desire and will ultimately leave you feeling neglected and hurt when you see that you are giving much, much more to him emotionally than you are getting. You will end up heartbroken - and it will feel worse than the first time because you will be that much more emotionally involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike1966 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Like some have mentioned............sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! If you can handle being friends with him (and it doesn't sound like you can) then I suppose continue as you are. However, friends don't fool around intimately and sooner or later your emotions will get the better of you and you may lose your virginity to someone who appears does not have a clue about what commitment in a relationship is. If I were in your shoes I think I'd move on. I had many girlfriends before getting married at age 25 (I'm now 40) and a few seemed to have the attitude of this guy. What ends up happening is you get your hopes up that there will be more but IME it doesn't work..........that person either is looking for someone else to meet their needs or just can't handle the commitment of a relationship. The old addage "there's plenty of fish in the sea" comes to mind. Best of luck to you, Link to post Share on other sites
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