I'm a drunken ho

[Joanna]

I'm an attractive, 21 year old law school student from Sydney. I have great friends and a graduate offer and a rosy home life. Unfortunately I like to party way too hard, and I don't know how to stop! I would go out every night of the week if I could afford it, but I usually just hit the bars and clubs on Thursdays through to Sunday. I stay out all night and never usually get home before 6am. I love drinking and dancing and making out with hot strangers. I also do the occasional party drug - hell I do anything that is offered to me. Although I always have an awesome time, I hate this seedy feeling I have in the pit of my stomach the day after. It's like I'm "dissapointing" myself or something. When I drink I do stupid things and have messed up a few friendships, and I'm sure I've made an idiot out of myself at some of the regular bars that I go to. Sometimes I get paranoid that the bartenders and staff there think I am nothing but a cheap party girl. It hasn't affected my studies - I am extremely time effecient. But I did realise yesterday that all the money I had earnt over the summer working full time had gone on clothes, alcohol, and drugs. I always tell myself that "this weekend I am staying in" but I get seriously cranky stuck at home or at some boring dinner or movie - I always want to be out experiencing new things (and new people!).

 

I don't have any psychological issues I am trying to "suppress" with artificial stimulants or whatever - maybe if I had a boyfriend that would calm me down but I'm extremely picky and find it hard to maintain a healthy relationship. What also frustrates me is that we all go back to university soon and that means less people who will be willing to come out with me - most of these nerds at the law school can't handle studying and partying at the same time, so I have to hang out with idiots like my neigbours (tradesmen) just in order to go out. It's Sunday now and I know I'm going to be stuck next weekend because of money issues - and already I am pissed off about it!! I think I have a problem.

[Joanna]

I am feeling particularly down today because I flirted with (and got rejected by) my sister's ex boyfriend last night, and made up some stupid lie to my best friend who now isn't talking to me. All drunken stupidity.

[Tony T]

You sound like an attorney I'd love to have representing me in the future. Let me know when you graduate frm law school!!!

 

Oh, yeah. I think you have a problem too. Let's have a few drinks and talk about them.

[Just A Girl2]

I wonder if your post is really for real because if it is, this would definitely be the first time I've read a post by someone who seems to be so proud about getting wasted, pissing money away, killing brain cells, slutting around with "hot strangers", putting themself at risk for AIDS, Herpes, Genital Warts, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Crabs and Hepatitis C, unwanted pregnancy, getting your head bashed in by the jealous girlfriend or wife of these strangers you screw, overdosing and dying, etc. A law student? Wow, where i come from, one has to have some brains to get into law school. Are the standards that low down under?

 

This really cracked me up (not):

 

"most of these nerds at the law school can't handle studying and partying at the same time, so I have to hang out with idiots like my neigbours (tradesmen) just in order to go out."

 

Yeah, such nerds. Imagine that, putting their education dollars to good use so that they can actually really make something of themselves...imagine that, people who find more constructive things to do in life than get wasted 4 nights a week. What's with the dig about your neighbors? (those lowly tradesmen..wow, they must be just tickled pink to have the honor of being able to go out with the uppity drunken ho law student).

 

Um, yeah, you do have a problem. Apparently so do your girlfriends because you can't even be trusted around their men.

 

No psychological issues? You have a sh*tload of them girlie.......for making up this silly post, or if it's true, for having already killed more brain cells than you can spare.

[Joanna]

JAG you made a lot of assumptions in your post (did I say I "slept" with strangers? That I hit on my "friend's" boyfriends??) You seem to lack basic comprehension skills. In any case, I wouldn't say I'm "proud" of my behaviour - obviously I know it's unproductive and that's why I posted, because it bothers me, even if only on a subconscious level. I don't know why you were so harsh to me, my behaviour is mostly SELF destructive, I'm not pushing my skewed priorities on anyone else. And Tony's post was pointless. I am actually at the top of my class in most subjects and as I said I have an early grad offer at a top tier law firm already - my social life does NOT affect my work, so it has no bearing on my future career as a solicitor. In fact it could help, given the percentage of time lawyers spend on networking - most of the kids in my classes couldn't carry a conversation if they tried because their always too busy at the library rather than LIVING.

 

Well I didn't want to get defensive at all but I don't think that either post was helpful, in fact they seem hostile. Any real advice on helping me get some perspective would be appreciated.

[clia]

When I was 21 I went out and got wasted at least 5 nights a week, and I turned out okay. I think we need to keep in mind how old joanna is. (Not to talk to you in the third person or anything!)

 

But:

 

I think I have a problem.

 

If you are saying this, then you *know* you have a problem, at least on some level. I'm unclear on what exactly you think the problem is though. Alcoholism? Wasting money? Losing friends? Loss of dignity? Not having anyone to go out with?

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with going clubbing three nights a week, but if you are losing friendships and losing your self respect over it, it's obviously not a 100% positive experience for you.

 

Have you tried going out without drinking, or only having one or two drinks? It really isn't hard. As long as you keep a glass of water or a Coke in your hand, it feels like the same thing. And you won't waste the money, act like a fool, say stupid things, or have that feeling in the pit of your stomach the next day.

 

Have you considered that there are other fun places to meet people other than the clubs? Art gallery openings are a blast, as are some of the parties/events going on at local museums.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Joanna

JAG you made a lot of assumptions in your post (did I say I "slept" with strangers? That I hit on my "friend's" boyfriends??) You seem to lack basic comprehension skills. In any case, I wouldn't say I'm "proud" of my behaviour - obviously I know it's unproductive and that's why I posted, because it bothers me, even if only on a subconscious level. I don't know why you were so harsh to me, my behaviour is mostly SELF destructive, I'm not pushing my skewed priorities on anyone else. And Tony's post was pointless. I am actually at the top of my class in most subjects and as I said I have an early grad offer at a top tier law firm already - my social life does NOT affect my work, so it has no bearing on my future career as a solicitor. In fact it could help, given the percentage of time lawyers spend on networking - most of the kids in my classes couldn't carry a conversation if they tried because their always too busy at the library rather than LIVING.

 

Well I didn't want to get defensive at all but I don't think that either post was helpful, in fact they seem hostile. Any real advice on helping me get some perspective would be appreciated.

 

You have some very serious issues. You need help - AA is a good place to start. Once you gain some true self confidence, you can stop trying to put others down to make yourself feel better. Arrogance is no substitute for a true feeling of self worth.

 

Get some professional help to get to the root of your problem. This "drunken ho" lifestyle is a symptom, and "symptom" means illness or disease. If you don't get help now, it will get worse before (or if) it ever gets better.

[quankanne]

there's a time and a place to try different things, and it's called college!

 

seriously, though, if you're getting closer to entering the "real world" it's probably in your best interest to start settling down some, because the lifestyle you have now is not going to be compatable with the one you'll be forced to live in once you begin lawyering (or whatever real-world job you take). At some point, you're going to realize that hitting up on guys, partying and generally having fun at everyone's expense is going to hurt you professionally, and reality is going to come as a big, big shock when you realize you've got to choose between what you're doing now and what you do for your future. Get help so that you won't be at a loss when the time comes to settle down ... unless you plan to try to burn the candle at both ends even then?

[pinkroses]

and you already have that active a social life? Unless this is just a phase, I'd definitely advise you to start tapering off. You're young and it sounds like you have an endless amount of energy right now, but that changes. Studying law, if you're serious about it, is going to take a little more dedication than it sounds like you are giving it. What's wrong with clubbing one or two nights a week instead of four? Or cutting back on drinking and cutting out these experimental drugs altogether? If you think you have a problem, you probably do. I'd suggest trying to come up with some alternatives to drinking and ho-ing for entertainment and passing time.

[clia]

I don't even know if Joanna is still around or not, but partying, for some people doesn't necessarily have an effect on their grades if they know how to manage their time effectively. She sounds like she is doing so. I still don't think that at 21 it's a bad thing to be clubbing 4 nights a week.

 

Hell, I'm in law school, and I go out probably 4 nights a week (not to clubs necessarily, though, but still, I'm often out until 3 or 4 a.m.), and I'm in the top 10% of my class, so...some people may be better at managing it than others.

 

But I still stand by that if she thinks she has a problem, she does.

[Doggedgaz]

i smoke weed and that works for me

[Ally Boo]

I find illegal activity is ALWAYS the better alternative....at least ya get your excercise bc you're always running.

[guest]

My gosh everyone should back off!

 

Alcoholic--please?!

 

Joanna--

 

I was right there with you as a high school student, and a college

student and then I straightened up and worked really hard.

 

I too had no consequences from my behavior--popular at school, fantastic grades, varsity sports, class president, homecoming queen--whatever. I drank at school, during sports practices and in front of my family members. No consequences.

 

When I got bored, I stopped. If I was an 'alcoholic' I would not have been able to stop.

 

I was and still can be a 'party girl.' I am 33 now, and have gone in and out of this lifestyle. Mostly because of getting bored with the scene and wanting to really focus on goals and see other aspects of life.

 

I own my own corporation and rental property, run marathons and triathlons, am in a relationship I love with a very beautiful, ambitious man, and by all external standards my life is sweet and lovely.

 

I am STD free (always have been), AIDS free, accident free, death threat free, and friends (and business associates) with many of those past 'lovers'. I have some memories people only dream about. You can create some powerful connections that last a lifetime with your 'bad-girl or bad-boy' friends and one-night stands. There's nothing like that one look that says it all--'Remember that night?'

 

Nonetheless, I know that pit in your stomach. That feeling of dread "what did I say?" or "oh, God, I've made a fool of myself". I do think there is a lot of self-destructiveness in the behaviours, and I do think it's worth pondering those difficult questions. "What am I avoiding?" or "Am I doing justice to my true self?"

 

Ultimately it's possible to integrate your bad and good selves. It does not work to shelve that part of you or go straightedge.

 

I am now choosing REAL energy sources--running, weight training, water, veges, time management, disability insurance and driving the speed limit. I feel like the character on Saturday Night Live called "Middle Age Man!" with Mike Myers.

 

There is REAL power in creating these reserves of strength and energy--and you really do become (and sustain) the power-house that you know you are, except there are no peaks and valleys. It takes discipline, but as a Law student, that should be easy. After trial-and-error, you may find yourself making different decisions too.

 

Have fun--and be safe and responsible!

 

Soul Sista in Seattle

[guest]

From Soul Sista in Seattle--

 

As far as the 'prices' you're paying with relationships--I might add that there are P L E N T Y of people who never indulge in their shadow sides who have LOADS of relationship problems, or other self-destructive behaviours like anorexia or workaholism.

 

Even super shy, super responsible people have adversity and relationship problems. So I would caution against making a direct link between your party-girl self, you behaviours and these incidents.

 

Geez--for that matter, think of extreme athletes, race car drivers, or stuntmen---do people put their puritanical, stoic morality onto that stuff? Hell no.

 

You do pay consequences and prices, but so does everyone, and it's ALL TOTALLY worth the experience. Yes, that standard of evaluation has been my friend always. In the dark of night, I could say, "Yeah, but was the reward worth this pain?" And 90% of the time my answer was HELL YEAH!

 

My other standard was "If I do this, can I run for President of the USA?" If the answer was no, I didn't pursue the opportunity.

 

Ultimately--Life is a buffet, and you get what you put in. I choose to go to the edge with all my temptations, and then the pendulum swings back to a moderate place of choice that I can live with forever.

 

Everyone giving you a hard time here is (dare I say?) jealous that you have the BALLS and the AUDACITY to take yourself on and be real.

 

Go for it and don' t look back.

 

Soul Sista again !

[Recklessrick]

Seems to me like u have the me me me illness, which could be bipolar, maybe look it up and see what u think. My wife has biplar and we found out about it almost 2 yrs ago when she was 42.

[Soul Sista]

Ms. Drunken Ho!

 

I do not mean to lead you down a path of denial. It is very valid to question yourself and seek health.

 

Any kind of dependence on external substances or situations can be fatal at worst, or seriously mess up the trajectory of your life at best.

 

So--if you have the wherewithall and strength of character now to identify those choices and behaviors, you can save yourself years of trauma, angst and pain by making healthier and more prosperous choices.

 

Or--if you're like me, and you have to learn the long and hard way, you can still turn out ok--just maybe with more wrinkles and gray hairs and emotional triggers--than if you were strong enough to find the good road and get the help you need earlier!

 

GOOD LUCK to you--my basic message was 'question yourself--but don't SHAME yourself--and don't be down on yourself for mistakes.'

 

Go sista!

 

[Afriend!!!!]

The answer to your problem is a personal relationship with Christ.

You need peace and contentment and both can be found in Him.

[Lila]

Hey, if you have the money and the energy...do what makes you happy. Most people don't go out four nights a week simply because they can't afford it.

 

Maybe you do have a problem, but you are only 21. Enjoy your lifestyle while you can!

[barlse]

Joanna,

 

YOU NEED TO DISSECT YOUR CURRENT SITUATION AND TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME.

 

POSITIVE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU,

 

1. I'm an attractive, 21 year old

 

2. law school student from Sydney.

 

3. I have great friends and

 

4. a graduate offer

 

5. and a rosy home life.

 

POTENTIAL PROBLEMS,

 

Unfortunately I like to party way too hard, and

MANY PEOPLE LIKE AND ENJOY PARTYING HARD BUT AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHEN TO PARTY AND WHEN TO DO OTHER MEANINGFUL THINGS WITH YOUR LIFE YOU ARE OK. YOU SAY THAT CAN HANDLE THE PARTYING AND THE STUDIES, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? YOU ALSO SAY THAT YOU ARE TIME EFFICIENT, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? SO LONG AS YOU CAN HANDLE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS IN THEIR OWN TIME, YOU ARE OK

 

I don't know how to stop!

THIS SEEMS TO BE A CONTRADICTION. IF YOU CAN HANDLE THE ABOVE WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? OR IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO STOP PARTYING COMPLETELY AND YOU CAN'T? YOU SEEM TO BE ABLE TO STOP PARTYING WHEN YOU HAVE TO IN ORDER TO HANDLE OTHER THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. PARTYING COULD BE AN OUTLET IN YOUR LIFE TO HANDLE THE TERRIFIC PRESSURES THAT YOU MUST BE UNDER.

 

I would go out every night of the week if I could afford it, but

ITS A GOOD THING THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD GOING OUT EVERY NIGHT FOR NOW. TO FILL THE VOID, MAYBE YOU COULD START A WEBSITE ABOUT PARTIES AND TELLING PEOPLE WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR FREE TIME.

 

I usually just hit the bars and clubs on Thursdays through to Sunday. IF YOU CAN HANDLE GOING OUT WITHUT AFFECTING YOUR OTHER WORK THEN DO IT, ITS THAN STAYING HOME AND GET BORED, WHAT YOU HAVE TO CONTROL IS YOUR HEAVY DRINKING.

 

I stay out all night and never usually get home before 6am.

SAME AS ABOVE

 

I love drinking and dancing and

CONTROL YOUR DRINKING KEEP DANCING

 

making out with hot strangers.

MAKING OUT MEANS KISSING, HUGGING AND TOUCHING AND DOES NOT INCLUDE INTERCOURSE (IN THE USA) IF MAKING OUT IN AUSTRALIA MEANS FULL SEX AND INTERCOURSE, BE CAREFUL WITH DISEASES.

 

I also do the occasional party drug -

hell I do anything that is offered to me.

OCCASIONAL SOFT DRUGS DOES NOT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT, HOWEVER, DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ITS DEFINITELY A MAJOR PROBLEM.

 

Although I always have an awesome time, I hate this seedy feeling I have in the pit of my stomach the day after. It's like I

ANALIZE AND GET RID OF GUILTY FEELINGS BY WORKING AND SOLVING YOUR PROBLEMS. TAKE MORE CONTROL OF YOUR ACTIONS.

 

I'm "dissapointing" myself or something.

When I drink I do stupid things and have messed up a few friendships, and

WHAT'S DONE ITS DONE, YOU CAN NEVER ERASE YOU PART ACTIONS, YOU APOLOGIZE SINCERELY AND MOVE ON, ITS THEN UP TO THE OTHER PERSON TO ACCEPT IT OR REJECTED AND DO NOT DWELL ON YOUR MISTAKES, JUST LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES.

 

I'm sure I've made an idiot out of myself at some of the regular bars that I go to. WE ALL DO AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER, FORGET IT, MOVE ON. WHAT'S DONE ITS DONE.

 

Sometimes I get paranoid that the bartenders and staff there

think I am nothing but a cheap party girl.

SO WHAT, MY WIFE WAS A CHEAP PARTY GIRL AND I STILL MARRIED HER (22 YEARS OF MARRIAGE) TIME ERASES WHAT THEY THINK, ESPECIALLY AS TIME GOES BY YOU'LL BECOME A MATURE PROFESSIONAL

 

It hasn't affected my studies - I am extremely time effecient.

THIS IS IN YOUR FAVOR.

 

But I did realise yesterday that all the money I had earnt over the summer working full time had gone on clothes, alcohol, and drugs. LEARN TO HANDLE YOUR FINANCES BETTER.

 

I always tell myself that "this weekend I am staying in" but I get seriously cranky stuck at home or at some boring dinner or movie - I always want to be out experiencing new things (and new people!). SO KEEP GOING OUT, JUST LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR PROBLEMS

 

I don't have any psychological issues I am trying to "suppress" with artificial stimulants or whatever - maybe if I had a boyfriend that would calm me down but I'm extremely picky and find it hard to maintain a healthy relationship. NO ONE IS GOING TO DO FOR YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF., SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS, TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR MIND AND YOUR LIFE.

 

What also frustrates me is that we all go back to university soon and that means less people who will be willing to come out with me - most of these nerds at the law school can't handle studying and partying at the same time, so I have to hang out with idiots like my neigbours (tradesmen) just in order to go out.

FIND THINGS TO DO, GO OUT, MAYBE DO A WEBSITE ABOUT PARTIES AND PEOPLE, VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME AND WORK TO SOME FUN ORGANIZATION.

 

It's Sunday now and I know I'm going to be stuck next weekend because of money issues - and already I am pissed off about it!!

USE THE TIME TO PLAN THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU LACK THE MONEY TO GO OUT.

 

I think I have a problem.

YES, YOU HAVE THREE PROBLEMS

1. DRINKING AND MIXING OCCASIONAL DRUGS WITH ALCOHOL

2. POTENTIAL HEALTH HAZZARDS, IF YOU ARE HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH STRANGERS (THIS COULD KILL YOU)

3. BETTER CONTROL ON YOUR FINANCES.

 

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS,

CONTROL YOUR DRINKING AND DO NOT MIX DRUGS , BE CAREFUL

USE CONDOMS, BE MORE SELECTIVE WHEN HAVING SEX

BUDGET YOUR MONEY.

 

 

Al

[Jamie31]

God, you remind me of my sister!!! She parties like every night, and I dont see how she does it! Hey, I am all for the occasional drunken fest - there's nothing like a good buzz - and I also think that smoking a doobie every now and then is ok too, hell, I prefer that to drinking, but every night? Now, I can see where that would become a problem, not to mention expensive.

 

I think you just need to prioritize. Think about what is important. Get a hobby. Start dating someone. Maybe a good christian guy! I mean, I have tried to talk to my sissy about this too. I am worried about her becoming an alcoholic. But there is nothing that I can say, or that anyone else on this forum can say, that will make you change your behavior. It is up to you. You don't have to stop going out and drinking completely. Just limit it to the weekends or something. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a good time, but there comes a time when you have to get serious about life and start thinking about where your life is headed and what your goals are in life. And whatever they may be, I doubt they can be achieved my going out and drinking every night. Unless your plan is to become a sloppy drunk that noone wants to be around. I mean, you just need to practice self control. YOU control your life, don't let the alcohol control your life. It's a sad situation when that happens.

 

Good luck.

[moimeme]

I'm guessing Joanna is long gone since her post was in March!

 

Interesting, though, that a person thinks that drinking, taking drugs, and messing around with strangers (and then regretting it all the next day while puking their guts out) constitutes, in her words, " LIVING". Same with people that equate 'fun' only with alcohol. There is so much more to life and so many more things to enjoy that I can't imagine a person who seeks entertainment that way can actually believe that they are 'LIVING'!!!

 

I've never been drunk - I hate the 'buzz' feeling completely. I find people who drink to be utter, crashing bores. Oh, they might think they are having fun, but to the observer they act stupid and behave like slobs. Oh yeah, that's fun! People with their faculties intact are much more enjoyable to be around, IMHO.

 

It just boggles the mind that people think 'partying' is THE way to enjoy themselves. Boggles my mind, anyway.

[daisyprincess188]

i know this was sent in march, but iv been flicking through the old stuff and found this.

 

i can totally relate you though, i used to be totally crazy getting smashed every weekend, only on booze at this point, and hooking up with a different, if not more guys everytime. i was on top of the world and always had so much fun, in comparison to my freinds who were already tied down with boyfriends and life.

 

even though people used to say that i was a slut, which hurt, i didnt really care that much because i loved the person who i was. yeah i did things that i regretted, but thats just part of life, u just have to face the consequences of ur actions, i guess its the price to pay.

 

then after about 1 1/2 years i met this guy in the pub, and started seeing him, no-one could belive that i was sith someone and no-one thought it would last fter my track record of men. but he was amazing, and this was when i discovered drugs, a whole new party experuience, but the problem was that the things you do on them at as easy to forget, or shake off. i stayed crazy for a couple of months and just got wrecked on E's instead of booze. but i was always chasing that feeling that i just couldnt find.

 

iv been with my fella for almost a year now, and i feel like a completely different person. i do love him, and a part of me knows that iv never been this happy with a man, and that this is better than sleeping around etc. but i feel that im not that crazy extrovert person i used to be. and i wish i could just go out and pull etc. but then i stop and think about it, and realise that im looking at my past through rose-tinted spectactles, and it wasnt that great, i was only hapopy when i was wrecked and the rest of the time i was longing for a bit of comfort that my weekend guys just didnt give me. and maybe this as what i needed to grow up and take control.

 

i guess what im trying to say is that i think i needed that part of my life to realise what i really wanted. if ur still like this , then dont stop until the the time is right, ul know when u meet someone, who u can get wrecked with, but also have a relationship with, id have love before parties anyday.

 

xxxx Julia xxxx

[The Velvet Vixen]

Originally posted by daisyprincess188

dont stop until the the time is right

Hmm. The sort of lifestyle she's living can really take its toll over time. You may have been lucky, but by the time she's ready to stop, she could be afflicted by any or all of a myriad of long-term health problems, such as liver and heart disease, cancer, permanent brain damage from--or death from an overdose. And that's just from the alcohol alone.

 

Maybe you want to rethink that bit of advice?

[daisyprincess188]

Originally posted by The Velvet Vixen

Hmm. The sort of lifestyle she's living can really take its toll over time. You may have been lucky, but by the time she's ready to stop, she could be afflicted by any or all of a myriad of long-term health problems, such as liver and heart disease, cancer, permanent brain damage from--or death from an overdose. And that's just from the alcohol alone.

 

Maybe you want to rethink that bit of advice?

 

to be honest with you i think that this sort of lifestyle can only last a few years at the most and yeah you can push yourself too much, but this girl knows her limits, just like i do, sometimes you do test them, but its ok, but if u look at how many people live like this and how many get serious health problems, i dont think its a big issue.

 

i dont think its a case of luck, just knowing the score, and havin good mates.

 

i can see where you're coming from Guidette82 but no-one can teach you how to find the balance between totally f***ed and just p!ssed, u find it yourself, everyone goes a bit crazy sometimes, and most of us learn from it. i didnt care what people thought because i am my own person and i wont live up to anybodys expectations.

 

i wanted to fly forever, but everybody's got to come down someday

 

xxx