Need help getting my brother to see the truth!

[Daisy]

Ok, here's the problem: my younger brother is 17 & has been dating a girl who is 16 for close to 2 years (I think). He is a VERY shy & reserved person by nature and he is not the kind to tell people off when he gets angry. The girl he's dating is the exact opposite, she is very strong minded & isn't afraid to tell him what she thinks. My problem with her is that she constantly asks Brian (my brother)things like, where were you when I called, or the big one is "who was online/on the phone when I tried to call??" And he doesn't have many close friends, but when he does make a friend, his girlfriend finds something wrong with them & has a reason to "hate" them. Therefore Brian isn't supposed to be hanging out with them.It seems to me that Brian is constantly trying to explain his actions to her, & it's not like he's the type to cheat on her. He barely even looks at other girls. I've tried to get him to see that what she's doing is not right, but he just says that she doesn't say those things, but I know she does, because I've heard his end of the phone conversations & that's why I know that she's treating him this way. It really bothers me because she is his 1st girlfriend EVER & I don't want him to regret his high school years because he spent all his time w/ her & not w/ guy friends, but he won't listen to what my mom or I have to say. I feel like even if he does realize that the way she treats him is not right, he still won't have the guts to stand up to her & tell her to lay off. And another thing about her is that when she's around our family, she's just sweet as pie & hardly says a peep. But when she's with Brian or on the phone with him, I think she dominates everything they do.Does anyone have any suggestions at all??? Sorry this is so long, so thank you for taking the time to read it! Merry Christmas!

[Kyra]

You're a real sweetie, you know that? The love and loyalty you feel for your brother is so very, very nice. Nothing like a protective big sister, huh? I agree with everything you've said Daisy. Your brother's girlfriend sounds like a very bossy, jealous young thing. But perhaps that's one of the problems. She IS very young, and so is your brother for that matter. I think that our youth should be a time for fun, adventure, exploration and mostly, (besides school of course), friends. It's a shame your brother is, as you say, having his high school years infringed upon because of his (very immature) girlfriend. I think the only thing you can really do is what you are doing now. Keep loving him and supporting him, as I can tell you no doubt will. Maybe you could also look up amazon.com, and see if there are any good books written about teenage love, angst, jealousy, etc., and how to balance your life as a teenager with girl or boyfriend, school, friends, sports, and other activities, that might help him begin distancing himself from her. This suffocation by her is not healthy for him, and it's certainly not at all fair. He's blessed to have such a loving sister. Good luck to both of you.

Ok, here's the problem: my younger brother is 17 & has been dating a girl who is 16 for close to 2 years (I think). He is a VERY shy & reserved person by nature and he is not the kind to tell people off when he gets angry. The girl he's dating is the exact opposite, she is very strong minded & isn't afraid to tell him what she thinks. My problem with her is that she constantly asks Brian (my brother)things like, where were you when I called, or the big one is "who was online/on the phone when I tried to call??" And he doesn't have many close friends, but when he does make a friend, his girlfriend finds something wrong with them & has a reason to "hate" them. Therefore Brian isn't supposed to be hanging out with them.It seems to me that Brian is constantly trying to explain his actions to her, & it's not like he's the type to cheat on her. He barely even looks at other girls. I've tried to get him to see that what she's doing is not right, but he just says that she doesn't say those things, but I know she does, because I've heard his end of the phone conversations & that's why I know that she's treating him this way. It really bothers me because she is his 1st girlfriend EVER & I don't want him to regret his high school years because he spent all his time w/ her & not w/ guy friends, but he won't listen to what my mom or I have to say. I feel like even if he does realize that the way she treats him is not right, he still won't have the guts to stand up to her & tell her to lay off. And another thing about her is that when she's around our family, she's just sweet as pie & hardly says a peep. But when she's with Brian or on the phone with him, I think she dominates everything they do.Does anyone have any suggestions at all??? Sorry this is so long, so thank you for taking the time to read it! Merry Christmas!

[aleshm]

I saw something similar at my gf's sister. Not that I have any strong feelings for her, beside that I respect her for being my gf's sister, I still thing she is way stupid (not that she really is).

 

When she had her 1st bf, the guy worked all the time, they only saw eachother for weekends. Not that he was that bossy (perhaps 10%), but he went to church, catholic, etc. So suddenly she was all into that. My gf & me are both ateist, and yes, I admit I curse quite some (my job has alot to do with it).

 

One day she came at me with: "that I shouldn't behave like that". My eyes poped out and it was close to screaming at her. Few minutes later, the whole family heard the lines: "please don't curse so much, because my bf doesn't like that". It was like he was the god to her. He was always right, etc. We all told her, give us a break, you're being an idiot.

 

At that point I realized why she is doing all this. She loved him alot, fell for him 100%, being the 1st bf.

 

Once you have something like that, you grap around it and don't wonna let go of it. No matter what.

 

He dumped her after a month. 2nd bf, almost the same thing. The story will repeat itself with time. I'm certain.

 

Anyhow, what I'm trying to say. Is that perhaps your brother doesn't wonna let go, for the same reasons I named before?

 

I can honestly say, I had only 50% of the high school fun, before I blew it all, don't let him miss that, luckly I have such great gf, that she's helping me re-live those days, since she is high school.

 

Best wishes,

 

aleshm