My parents drive me mad

[Hestia]

Here it goes:

I really HATE how my parents talk to each other about me behind my back. I've caught them doing it several times and it makes my stomach feel sick when i realize what they were doing. They lower their voice but the house has a really bad acoustic and i can hear everything upstairs. They seem to always think I'm up to something when I never gave them reasons to suspect of me. Maybe it's because I keep things for myself (well who can blame me with these parents!) and I never tell anything about my life to them. I know if I did they would judge me in every possible way.

 

They also have the awful habit of criticizing my sister's fiance and my brother's girlfriend and her family. They are really mean about them, even though they have no evidence of what they are saying. Like my sister for example. She is going to marry soon and she is the one preparing all the cerimony. My parents decided that she is being explored by her fiance, that he is lazy and he wont be such a good husband because of that, not even considering that maybe it's her choice, that she wants things her own way on the wedding. I know my sister, she is very picky and Im pretty sure she forbid her boyfriend of doing anything at all. I told my parents that, but they ignored me as usual. They always treated me like a child so this is no new to me either.

 

That's why i will NEVER ever introduce any boyfriend of mine to them. And I will only get married after they die. I know its harsh but they deserve it. How would I ever make my lover suffer such an unfair scrutiny? From my own parents! I'm really angry with all of this.

 

And now I feel like all the bad things I know from my parents are pilling up on my mind. The way they ruined my teenage years when they forbid me from going out with my friends (this lasted way after I was 18 by the way, i could only go out to go to school), the way they cut all my money resourses (all the money i got from family was saved to an account i couldnt touch for being underaged (which by the way i still cant touch since its part of my fathers account), i could never afford to buy new clothes to try to fit in or even to go to the cinema, i was the very last person to own a cell phone and the list goes on... they controled all my steps)

 

I could never fit in anywhere, i lack self confidence, i have zero social skills and no self esteem at all. I've been realizing how much they screwed my mind specially since i'm trying to have a normal relation with my (first) boyfriend. I'm 23 years old by the way.

Not only i have serious emotional issues im also still being controled by my parents. I live with my parents so its very difficult to keep this relation a secret. They know something is up so they try to know things about it... This is so stressfu and hard:(

 

i blame my parents for all of it. My parents ruined my future and any hope i had to be happy in my life.

Im bitter and resentful and I'm one step away from hating them.

[Chingy]

Hestia, thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to what you are going through. When I was 18, me and my father were having a difficult time seeing "eye to eye" with each other. When I left home to attend college, it really allowed me to think about what I can do to make the best out of these sorts of situations. You have a life time relationship with your parents, regardless of its "contents."

 

I understand you may feel tempted to blame, but at the end of the day, you are still in control of your life. I speak of this from my own personal experience. Of course, this is easier said than done but believe yourself that as you grow older you will begin to see things that were obscured in the past. Remember, you are still a very very young woman with so much life ahead of you; don't let your parents ruin this. And trust me, when you learn to handle adversity with your parents, you can handle anyone else down the line! Hugs ~

[suga]

And I will only get married after they die.

 

LMAO:lmao:

[suga]

I know how you feal.

 

Its ok to hate them, you dont have to like your parents, but you do have to deal with them for now, then when you work and save up and make enough to live independant of them cut them out of your life.

 

IMHO if parents are poisonous to your mental health then they have abused their parental rights.

 

We feal we owe our parents out of guilt and they use this to manipulate us, they know that they can do that and if they are insecure people they will do it, somehow if they pick on your flaws it draws away from theirs, its called scape goating, manipulative people are typically on the offense...not defense...this means that you did nothing to deserve being treated this way, what your gut tells you is right...they want to drag you down, its called jealousy, possesing someone is not love, Im not saying that they dont love you underneath, Im just saying that their own insecurity is much stronger.

 

They were parents...they raised you...that was their job...they chose that...you do not owe them for it...dont let them get the best of you...keep your friends and boyfriend away from them until you build a very strong relationship with those people before your parents can influence them against you and move out ASAP and never go back.