yanks26dmb Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Despite all the i love you's and probably forced nice gestures over the years ive come to the realization that my father probably doesn't love me..probably doesnt love my mother either for that matter... He's not a drunk, or physically abusive...I just don't understand his personality....If you are familiar with the unloving father archetype this describes him to a T. Tonight was the final straw....I can't even begin to describe his behavior because I could write a novel...but bottomline, he seems so disconnected, so willing to argue and fight and pick and nag at everything I do....I ask for his advice after a brief fight and he wont speak to me...out of the blue for no reason... I am in the process of moving out of my home, i just graduated college, and apparently he doesnt like what im doing...He says..."my mother and I do not think like him therefore he cant talk to us"..."do what I want, he has nothing to say".....things like this constantly wear on a person...He is constantly yelling or giving snide comments to my mother and myself..been this way for as long as I can remember and im 23 years old....Tonight was it...im sorry if this is a ramble....I feel awful given the circumstances and didn't know what really to do..just thought id post this and see if someone would respond...im in a bad place right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Hi. Sorry to hear about your cold-hearted dad. I don't really know what to say. I hope you know you're not bad. He's the one at fault. It sounds like he doesn't even know how to communicate. I'm surprised your mom put up with it all these years. Once you move out, you'll probably feel better. I have two daughters. My mom was abusive in lots of ways. After I had my kids, I took stock of my mother's parenting skills and realized how screwed up she is. If you have kids, you will no doubt come to the same realization regarding your dad. Again, it's not you, it's him. Somebody really needs to call him on his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I forgot to add that your dad probably loves you in his own way. Everybody is different. Love is different. He sounds like he just does not like intimacy or vulnerability. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yanks26dmb Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 thanks for the responses.... I don't know how my mother dealt with it either...i distinctly recall her talking to me about the possibility of divorcing him....maybe 10-12 years ago....shes one of those types that feels she made a commitment and wont let it down....stay with it till the end.. its just hard to fathom how my dad can be so cold and rude to the people hes supposed to love..my mother especially..i cant stand how he talks to her... to make matters worse he was diagnosed with cancer in february albeit he is making a recovery and should recover...i feel guilty for feeling so awful about him right now..but like i said, i am at wit's end...he has been this way his whole life.... controlling, critical, his way or the high way....with my dad its not so much the stuff he says but the stuff he doesn't say......we've never had a great relationship...i guess the older i get the more i realized how screwed up a relationship we have had.....i feel like ive missed out on so much when i look at my friends fathers and what theyve been able to do together.....like i said...a sad realization......i dont mean to start a pity party for myself bc that is not what I am about...i am just at wits end and frusterated to tears at this point.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 I write plays. And one of the questions I have to ask myself when I start a new story is: Why today? What makes today different than any other day for this particuar character? Real life can be like that, too. We have crises because something is different today than it was yesterday. You might ask yourself that question. Why is your father's behavior bothering you so much today? Is it because you're moving out? Link to post Share on other sites
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