Why do MM's so easily kick their OW's to the curb when they get caught?

[luvmy2ns]

It's not so much that I don't read too carefully, it's more that I carefully chose not to read your past story.

 

good for you for not staying with a liar.

 

Not sure why you hold so much anger inside still though...!?!?

 

The story about me and the liar was a recent post on a thread you and I both participated in. And I do get a little harsh sometimes - sorry about that - but in some recent posts from some of the OW on this forum - GEEZ, NO WONDER! Some of these gals are so blase about the hurt they are participating in. and so smug and snotty. I mean, can't a woman find a man who isn't already in a committed relationship? I know, I know. If he's a cheater, he's just going to cheat with someone else. Then why would any gal want him?! Really, it doesn't always boil down to a poor man in a bad relationship. Most of the time it's some guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too, all the while lying to the OW about how bad he has it with the W, and some of these gals are serving up their extra slice of cake on a silver platter. WTF?!

 

I guess in the end the OW is, more often than not, going to end up sad and alone, at least until they smarten up and find a single guy. Believe me, I don't revel in the thought, but when it does happen, they've gotten what they asked for if they knowingly got involved with a MM. However, in the process, an entire family is crushed when the A is discovered. If more people would put a potential cheater in his/her place instead of playing along with the game, maybe it would help - if even just the tiniest bit. But some people just have to have their own selfish wants satisfied at the cost of whoever happens to be in their way. That does, yes, kind of piss me off.

[Tomcat33]

Some of these gals are so blase about the hurt they are participating in. and so smug and snotty. I mean, can't a woman find a man who isn't already in a committed relationship? I know, I know. If he's a cheater, he's just going to cheat with someone else. Then why would any gal want him?! Really, it doesn't always boil down to a poor man in a bad relationship. Most of the time it's some guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too, all the while lying to the OW about how bad he has it with the W, and some of these gals are serving up their extra slice of cake on a silver platter. WTF?!

 

I guess in the end the OW is, more often than not, going to end up sad and alone, at least until they smarten up and find a single guy. Believe me, I don't revel in the thought, but when it does happen, they've gotten what they asked for if they knowingly got involved with a MM. However, in the process, an entire family is crushed when the A is discovered. If more people would put a potential cheater in his/her place instead of playing along with the game, maybe it would help - if even just the tiniest bit. But some people just have to have their own selfish wants satisfied at the cost of whoever happens to be in their way. That does, yes, kind of piss me off.

 

 

I think GEL made an excellent post in another thread last night. Prob one of the best posts I have read so far. She succinctly expressed what a lot of OW in this forum feel/think. I think what you experience is the constant badgering that some people come to inflict here , and eventually it eats away at the OPs willingless to truly express how they fee. It forces a lot of people to put up walls to protect themselves from further getting hurt. I can understand you don't feel pitty for OW, I GET IT FINE, but you have to understand that a lot of people come here in fragile states. They are confused, messed up, experiencing a LOT of pain and quite frankly sometimes completely lost.

I know. I was there, so I speak from experience.

 

When a person stumbles upon this site they feel like they finally found a place where they can safely turn to in their time of need. But after a while of being here they encounter a very ugly nasty side to this environment, that can prove to be very intimidating to a lot of people especially if they are not in the right frame of mind to deal with it.

 

A lot of the callous comments that are brought forth by the OP are just a defence mechanism against this environment. They would wish nothing more than to be able express all the shame and guilt and regret that they feel, the insecurties and really let their guards down but when faced with truly ugly people who are only going to use that information to further push them deeper in the black hole of despair, the wall begins to erect. I am not saying people who are in the opposition should excuse or accept anything, I would just ask that they understand since the true reason for this forum is to help people who are invlolved with people who are already involved with someone else. The deal is done there is no point harping on the rights and wrongs of everything people here are kneee deep in it, so rather than play the blame game, how can we make this situation better?

How can we take something bad and make it good again?

 

 

So really we should respect the forum's initiative even if we disagree with the moral choice of the situation that brought us here.

 

Not to mention that we are ALL looking for answers, we are all looking to settle something within and the only time we really learn from other human beings is when we exchange ideas in a calm manner, not in anger. Nothing gets resolved with anger. You may never open your mind to another human being's way of thinking and that's fine, but it can be done in a respectible manner, even if we stand on the opposite polar ends of the isssue we can disagree in a such way that does not shut people out.

 

I guess in the end the OW is, more often than not, going to end up sad and alone, at least until they smarten up and find a single guy

 

people end up sad and alone because of the choices they make not because of some mythical punishment handed by the universe to chastise those who were "bad people" involved with a married person. The universe doesn't chastise, our decisions do. There is no reason why a human being cannot make a mistake and recover from their past and grow in a way that is going to bring a lot of good energy and people their way. Life is all about obstacles and growth. We would stagnate and be stunted if we did not have forks in our paths and decsions to make that could prove to be truly bad ones, we would not grow if we were not faced with temptation and temptation is all around us, one way or another we will succumb to it and they are all to further our charactersm to further our spiritual and emotional growth.

 

But some people just have to have their own selfish wants satisfied at the cost of whoever happens to be in their way.

 

Well everyone is guilty of that even you Luvmy, when you make your angry outbursts at women who have nothing to do with you, you are also out to satisfy your own selfish wants at whatever cost it takes, in this case the cost is hurting someone who you don't know and who is also reaching out in pain.

 

I mean think about it in life someone always gets hurt no matter how hard we try to do things right, even when we do the right thing somewhere someone can get hurt.

[TogetherForever]

TomCat33,

Applause to you!!!!

You are able to see all sides of a situation. Empathy. Pure Empathy.

Thank You!!

TF:)

[OpenBook]

Not to mention that we are ALL looking for answers, we are all looking to settle something within and the only time we really learn from other human beings is when we exchange ideas in a calm manner, not in anger. Nothing gets resolved with anger. You may never open your mind to another human being's way of thinking and that's fine, but it can be done in a respectible manner, even if we stand on the opposite polar ends of the isssue we can disagree in a such way that does not shut people out.

 

Once again, my hat's off to you, Tomcat!

[luvmy2ns]

Sorry, but I've seen GEL lash out at a BS with no provocation whatsoever, with her smug, superior, "I've stolen someone else's husband" attitude. And I should care how she feels? And others like her? Any hurt that is brought on is due to their choice to cheat with a married man.

 

On this thread, I said what I felt was the answer to the question. OW's got shi**y 'cause they didn't like what I said. It was the truth as I see it. I'm not going to sugar coat it so it coincides more closely with what people want to hear.

[OpenBook]

Sorry, but I've seen GEL lash out at a BS with no provocation whatsoever, with her smug, superior, "I've stolen someone else's husband" attitude.

 

Really? Can you cite an example of this?

 

I don't interpret GEL's posts the way you do, at all. She doesn't strike me as either smug or superior. Although she's certainly defended herself, as we all have.

[whichwayisup]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126118/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126077/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126016/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126015/

 

Why not put the energy into helping other OW here, instead of creating some threads which just ask for trouble, causes heated discussions, and turns into an OW vs BS debate, who hurts more, who is right, who is wrong...etc...

 

The posts above NEED your help and support.

[GreenEyedLady]

Sorry, but I've seen GEL lash out at a BS with no provocation whatsoever, with her smug, superior, "I've stolen someone else's husband" attitude. And I should care how she feels? And others like her? On this thread, I said what I felt was the answer to the question. OW's got shi**y 'cause they didn't like what I said. It was the truth as I see it. I'm not going to sugar coat it so it coincides more closely with what people want to hear.

 

Hmm, ok, I always lash out with no provocation---NOT!

 

And I've NEVER had a I've stolen someone else's H attitude---I didn't even freaking know he was married! And even if I did, it's kind of the OW forum, would that really be that surprising?

 

But I will defend myself and OW on this forum...It's kind of like the OW code...

 

And I think you got s***** (your words) because you didn't like what OW said...

 

Thanks everyone for the defense! :bunny:

[OpenBook]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126118/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126077/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126016/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126015/

 

Why not put the energy into helping other OW here, instead of creating some threads which just ask for trouble, causes heated discussions, and turns into an OW vs BS debate, who hurts more, who is right, who is wrong...etc...

 

The posts above NEED your help and support.

 

Are you saying that I've created this thread just to ask for trouble? And God Forbid that it caused a heated discussion (gasp!).

 

I'll continue to post my comments (and create threads) when I feel strongly enough about the subject matter to do so, thank you very much.

[whichwayisup]

No, I'm not directing this at you at all. I'm just talking about the fighting, arguing going on that everyone (I'm guilty of it too, I admit that, no problem) does on many threads in this section.. Discussions are discussions, but alot of the posts in the past few days are not discussions, they're pissing matches, put downs, pot-shots and rudeness. All ego based, who is right, who is wrong, etc...

 

Everyone wants it to stop, yet noone is doing their part into making it stop.

 

That is all I am saying.

[Cliche]

GEL, don't let her bother you. You are a better person than her by leaps and bounds, and you know it.

[OpenBook]

No, I'm not directing this at you at all. I'm just talking about the fighting, arguing going on that everyone (I'm guilty of it too, I admit that, no problem) does on many threads in this section.. Discussions are discussions, but alot of the posts in the past few days are not discussions, they're pissing matches, put downs, pot-shots and rudeness. All ego based, who is right, who is wrong, etc...

 

Everyone wants it to stop, yet noone is doing their part into making it stop.

 

That is all I am saying.

 

Yeah, well, there are going to be pot-shots, etc. I look at it as part of the territory. These are very personal and sensitive subjects we're discussing, and this is, after all, a public forum where all are free to post.

 

Like another poster's words I saw today - I have a lot of faith in the LS Moderators to keep it under control. They know what they're doing.

[East of Jupiter]

Even today I realized that while pointing my finger at my husband, three others were pointing back at me.

 

<sigh>

 

When does the storybook ending beging anyway?

[silktricks]

I think GEL made an excellent post in another thread last night. Prob one of the best posts I have read so far. She succinctly expressed what a lot of OW in this forum feel/think. I think what you experience is the constant badgering that some people come to inflict here , and eventually it eats away at the OPs willingless to truly express how they fee. It forces a lot of people to put up walls to protect themselves from further getting hurt. I can understand you don't feel pitty for OW, I GET IT FINE, but you have to understand that a lot of people come here in fragile states. They are confused, messed up, experiencing a LOT of pain and quite frankly sometimes completely lost.

I know. I was there, so I speak from experience.

 

When a person stumbles upon this site they feel like they finally found a place where they can safely turn to in their time of need. But after a while of being here they encounter a very ugly nasty side to this environment, that can prove to be very intimidating to a lot of people especially if they are not in the right frame of mind to deal with it.

 

A lot of the callous comments that are brought forth by the OP are just a defence mechanism against this environment. They would wish nothing more than to be able express all the shame and guilt and regret that they feel, the insecurties and really let their guards down but when faced with truly ugly people who are only going to use that information to further push them deeper in the black hole of despair, the wall begins to erect. I am not saying people who are in the opposition should excuse or accept anything, I would just ask that they understand since the true reason for this forum is to help people who are invlolved with people who are already involved with someone else. The deal is done there is no point harping on the rights and wrongs of everything people here are kneee deep in it, so rather than play the blame game, how can we make this situation better?

How can we take something bad and make it good again?

 

 

So really we should respect the forum's initiative even if we disagree with the moral choice of the situation that brought us here.

 

Not to mention that we are ALL looking for answers, we are all looking to settle something within and the only time we really learn from other human beings is when we exchange ideas in a calm manner, not in anger. Nothing gets resolved with anger. You may never open your mind to another human being's way of thinking and that's fine, but it can be done in a respectible manner, even if we stand on the opposite polar ends of the isssue we can disagree in a such way that does not shut people out.

 

 

 

people end up sad and alone because of the choices they make not because of some mythical punishment handed by the universe to chastise those who were "bad people" involved with a married person. The universe doesn't chastise, our decisions do. There is no reason why a human being cannot make a mistake and recover from their past and grow in a way that is going to bring a lot of good energy and people their way. Life is all about obstacles and growth. We would stagnate and be stunted if we did not have forks in our paths and decsions to make that could prove to be truly bad ones, we would not grow if we were not faced with temptation and temptation is all around us, one way or another we will succumb to it and they are all to further our charactersm to further our spiritual and emotional growth.

 

 

 

Well everyone is guilty of that even you Luvmy, when you make your angry outbursts at women who have nothing to do with you, you are also out to satisfy your own selfish wants at whatever cost it takes, in this case the cost is hurting someone who you don't know and who is also reaching out in pain.

 

I mean think about it in life someone always gets hurt no matter how hard we try to do things right, even when we do the right thing somewhere someone can get hurt.

 

What a completely wonderful post. Every word of it is true. This is worthy of being pinned!

[Tomcat33]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, but as I said before it was Green Eyed LAdy who inspired me with her post of last night because she said what I had wanted to say in a long time but probably didn't have the guts.

 

Sorry, but I've seen GEL lash out at a BS with no provocation whatsoever, with her smug, superior, "I've stolen someone else's husband" attitude. And I should care how she feels? And others like her? Any hurt that is brought on is due to their choice to cheat with a married man.

 

On this thread, I said what I felt was the answer to the question. OW's got shi**y 'cause they didn't like what I said. It was the truth as I see it. I'm not going to sugar coat it so it coincides more closely with what people want to hear.

 

 

I''m sorry Luvmy I disagree on your comment re. GEL. I think it's an unfair comment. She is not one of those women who flaunts her conquest or posts anything in an intentionally mean spirited way. I have been here for quite some time and can honestly say she plays fair. But that's my opinion.

We all end up saying crappy things one time or another I certainly am not excempt from that...guilty as charged! I'll tell you it usually takes a bit to get that reaction out of some of us we don't come here with that goal in mind. But I can name you a few posters (but wont) that are one track mind, their demeanor first is to hurt and insult, and second they may or may not come around..

 

I agree with the second part of this post that you are entitled to your opinion and you should not have to candy coat your answers, agreed. But there are ways to say things that are less hurtful and you can still convey your point across. There was a BS that got banned (pretty sure because she disappeared one day) that could not refrain from calling Ow skanks, every other word was skank this and skank that and the dirty two bit skank my H was with etc. I mean we get it, you think the OW is a skank, the town whore, the city trollup, the neighbourhood strumpet, the COUNTY HO, WE GET IT. is there any need to keep talking like that though? And to refer to women here as that as well?

 

Personally I ended up imagening her like someone you would see on th JS show. LOL

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126118/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126077/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126016/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t126015/

 

Why not put the energy into helping other OW here, instead of creating some threads which just ask for trouble, causes heated discussions, and turns into an OW vs BS debate, who hurts more, who is right, who is wrong...etc...

 

The posts above NEED your help and support

 

See this is really unecessary. The nature of this thread is not the problem. If you notice OpenBook started this thread with a concern that probably a LOT of OP wonder how could it be...we have a million questions that WE have to answer ourselves, we don't have the luxury of getting the answers from the people who did this to us and we rely on each other's experiences/comments to make some sense of our own. I just don't see how you could say this thread is made to start crap up.

 

Did you even read the first post Open Book really put herself out there she made herself extremely vulnerable to the responses. It takes a lot of guts to do that in a lion's den.

 

Besides WWIU don't you know there is no such thing as a stupid question?

 

And to post links to threads where people SHOULD be posting is a bit out of line don't you think? You can't tell people where to post!?!? Just like you cannot tell someone when you are giving advice YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OR THAT, when they clearly don't want to do it. It's extremely authoritative and imposing ones views to change another's mind is not the way to go about it. A lot of women who are here other than the ones who are still OW and actively seeking answers, are on their road to recovery or may already be recovered it doesn't mean they can't still have unanswered reminants of their experiences.

 

Every post is educational as long as we make it that way. Even the heated debates are educational we can all learn from opposing views.

 

Quite frankly what I think doesn't help and this is directed at you specifically WWIU and I'm sorry but I have to say this, is when you egg someone like Bish on it does NO ONE a favour. I understand you feel a kinship towards him and his problems, at some points we sort of felt for him too but you honestly do him a diservice by supporitng him when he gets beligerent and insults women here, you kind of make me wonder if you don't get some removed subliminal enjoyment out of it??

Sort of like he says what you wish you could say. Sorry my speculation not saying it's how it is.

 

 

anyway everyone will do as they wish and who am I to tell someone to do this or that...but since we all have opinions there is mine.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, but as I said before it was Green Eyed LAdy who inspired me with her post of last night because she said what I had wanted to say in a long time but probably didn't have the guts.

 

 

 

 

I''m sorry Luvmy I disagree on your comment re. GEL. I think it's an unfair comment. She is not one of those women who flaunts her conquest or posts anything in an intentionally mean spirited way. I have been here for quite some time and can honestly say she plays fair. But that's my opinion.

We all end up saying crappy things one time or another I certainly am not excempt from that...guilty as charged! I'll tell you it usually takes a bit to get that reaction out of some of us we don't come here with that goal in mind. But I can name you a few posters (but wont) that are one track mind, their demeanor first is to hurt and insult, and second they may or may not come around..

 

I agree with the second part of this post that you are entitled to your opinion and you should not have to candy coat your answers, agreed. But there are ways to say things that are less hurtful and you can still convey your point across. There was a BS that got banned (pretty sure because she disappeared one day) that could not refrain from calling Ow skanks, every other word was skank this and skank that and the dirty two bit skank my H was with etc. I mean we get it, you think the OW is a skank, the town whore, the city trollup, the neighbourhood strumpet, the COUNTY HO, WE GET IT. is there any need to keep talking like that though? And to refer to women here as that as well?

 

Personally I ended up imagening her like someone you would see on th JS show. LOL

 

 

 

See this is really unecessary. The nature of this thread is not the problem. If you notice OpenBook started this thread with a concern that probably a LOT of OP wonder how could it be...we have a million questions that WE have to answer ourselves, we don't have the luxury of getting the answers from the people who did this to us and we rely on each other's experiences/comments to make some sense of our own. I just don't see how you could say this thread is made to start crap up.

 

Did you even read the first post Open Book really put herself out there she made herself extremely vulnerable to the responses. It takes a lot of guts to do that in a lion's den.

 

Besides WWIU don't you know there is no such thing as a stupid question?

 

And to post links to threads where people SHOULD be posting is a bit out of line don't you think? You can't tell people where to post!?!? Just like you cannot tell someone when you are giving advice YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OR THAT, when they clearly don't want to do it. It's extremely authoritative and imposing ones views to change another's mind is not the way to go about it. A lot of women who are here other than the ones who are still OW and actively seeking answers, are on their road to recovery or may already be recovered it doesn't mean they can't still have unanswered reminants of their experiences.

 

Every post is educational as long as we make it that way. Even the heated debates are educational we can all learn from opposing views.

 

Quite frankly what I think doesn't help and this is directed at you specifically WWIU and I'm sorry but I have to say this, is when you egg someone like Bish on it does NO ONE a favour. I understand you feel a kinship towards him and his problems, at some points we sort of felt for him too but you honestly do him a diservice by supporitng him when he gets beligerent and insults women here, you kind of make me wonder if you don't get some removed subliminal enjoyment out of it??

Sort of like he says what you wish you could say. Sorry my speculation not saying it's how it is.

 

 

anyway everyone will do as they wish and who am I to tell someone to do this or that...but since we all have opinions there is mine.

 

This isn't about OB, and her thread title or what's being discussed, it's about the rude comments, digs and low-blows. THAT was my point.

 

And me putting the other links in, was just a little hint that instead of the pot-shots that keep going on, that energy could be better served in helping others, AS WELL as OpenBook.

 

you kind of make me wonder if you don't get some removed subliminal enjoyment out of it??

Sort of like he says what you wish you could say. Sorry my speculation not saying it's how it is.

 

You're wrong there. Speculation is speculation but my train of thought is not what you're saying I feel. That is not how it is.

 

Anyway I will stay out of it all because noone seemed to understand my posts, or see that I was just trying to stop the bickering that continues to go on here. Getting kind of sick of it all.

 

[Lookingforward]

I've been reading for a while now, even before I registered (finally) and I notice a lot of posts from OW/OM and from the BS, but where are the posts from the WS ?(apart from those WS trhat are also OM/OW)

 

Perhaps the WS are the only ones that don't feel the need for a support forum ?

 

Wonder why or is that kinda self evident ?

 

After reading this thread, not too sure I'll ever want to post MY story either

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Well, I was lookingforward to your return lookingforward! I was just wondering today when you might reappear. Welcome back.

[Lookingforward]

How very kind of you

[OpenBook]

I've been reading for a while now, even before I registered (finally) and I notice a lot of posts from OW/OM and from the BS, but where are the posts from the WS ?(apart from those WS trhat are also OM/OW)

 

I wondered the same thing myself, when I first got here. You're right, the WS posts are very rare. I suspect because they know they'd get slammed from ALL sides.

 

I remember responding to one guy, back in May, who was contemplating an A. He ended up abandoning his own thread, it got so full of vitriol and morality-slamming from outraged BS's.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I suspect because they know they'd get slammed from ALL sides. I suspect its cause they "aint got nothin to cry about"!

 

Actually, the few times that they have shown up the OW are more vicious OR just as vicious as the BS's!

[Tomcat33]

You're wrong there. Speculation is speculation but my train of thought is not what you're saying I feel. That is not how it is.

 

Anyway I will stay out of it all because noone seemed to understand my posts, or see that I was just trying to stop the bickering that continues to go on here. Getting kind of sick of it all.

 

Well then I may very well be wrong and I apologize if my speculation was off.

 

Misunderstandings are bound to happen here I mean look at how we are communicating, there are a lot of pros and cons to this environment and we have to take that into account. While it's great and safe that we can hold our anonimity we are all strangers at the end of the day. There is no body language to accompany our words and things are bound to get misinterpreted. This is the driest form of communication if you will.

 

So sometimes it's just a matter of explaining a little better what was meant. If we want to be understood...that's up to each individual.

 

Just yesterday I thought someone was posting something in response to something I said and I interpreted it as insulting my intelligence, sort of like being unecessarily sarcastic at what I had asked. But it could have been very well a case of not understanding the motives. But it lead to the person contacting me via PM and very quickly escalated to calling me names and laughing at me accusing me of being paranoid amongst other things. OF course it ended in me telling them off, something I can't say I had to do with anyone here until yesterday. I don't have to put up with that. I wouldn't in real life why would I here? But instead of using the PM fucntion to clarify the situation it just turned into something really ugly. And I still don;t know exactly what was meant because the other person was busy mocking in stead of clarifying what was was intended.

Not like I lost any sleep over it but it does make me wonder what is the point of so much arguing.

 

I think we all need to contribute to make it an open channel of communication otherwise it just doesn't work.

[whichwayisup]

I probably should have put this on Cliche's thread 'disappointed' as it's more fitting on that one...not OpenBook's thread, so I am sorry OB.

 

Not like I lost any sleep over it but it does make me wonder what is the point of so much arguing.

 

If anyone gets upset offline about stuff that is flung around on LS, they have issues.

I think we all need to contribute to make it an open channel of communication otherwise it just doesn't work.

 

Woo hoo! We agree on that one.

[Tomcat33]

 

 

If anyone gets upset offline about stuff that is flung around on LS, they have issues.

 

 

 

 

Not sure what you meant by that, but my point was that if you are going to take the time out to PM someone about something discussed on a thread you would think it would be to shed some light on the misunderstanding not to perpetuate it.

 

I dunnow seems like a logical and fair assessment if you ask me...but heck some people get off on that kind of stuff so...Can't say I am really into a bickering session off line with a complete stranger so when in doubt a good ol'flip of the bird sends the message loud and clear. :lmao:

[whichwayisup]

I meant losing sleep over stuff posted on LS. You said you didn't lose any sleep over it.