Why do MM's so easily kick their OW's to the curb when they get caught?

[IWALH]

well speaking strictly from the other side of the spectrum, I knew it was bad to get involved with a married man a man who was not yet fully available and who wanted to lie to his W to be with me. I knew that full on, and it ate away at me yet not even that stopped me. Why? Because when you fall in love with someone your need to be with them, the pleasure you feel from being with them is so strong that it surpasses any voice of reason. I didn't wake up one day and decide "hm let's see if I canf snatch me up good ol married guy today!!" the attraction to this man happened gradually it happens when you least expect it, it happens in the most innocuous manner one can think of. It is somethig innocent that starts off as something totally unrelated to anything romantic and then a friendship develops which you still see as innocent enough I have quite a few male friends whom I woulnd't dream of getting inviveld with romantically, and before you know it you find yourself thinking about this person all the time.

so judging by how off guard the whole thing caught me, and MY HEART was 100% open to falling in love though I was not really looking for love, I can see how it may have happened for him as well.

 

I still hold strong that he had a lot more to consider when gettinng involved with me than I did, I was single and not hurting anyone I loved, not the same for him.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

[Trialbyfire]

Have you ever tried to walk away from someone who you feel you love? who you are completely head over heels for, whom you admire enjoy their company, love the way they make you feel?

I'll tell you first hand it is not the easiest thing in the world to do, even if you know that person is wrong for you, it's not an easy thing to do. I know it wasn't for me, I was weak and didn't have the strength to walk away even though I suspected I could get hurt.

That's it in a nutshell. The only problem is, he was separated at the time, so you allowed yourself to feel for him. Many OW/OM allow themselves to fall for someone who is knowingly committed elsewhere. That is once again a personal choice and I have no sympathy for this type of situation.

 

As for walking away from someone I loved, yes, I've done it, more than once but not as an OW, because I will never get into that situation unless it's unknowingly. If it happens unknowingly, I will walk again. My personal choice because I know I have the strength to do it. I won't listen to the devil on my shoulder and crumble from weakness. No one is worth that kind of grief to me.

[InfinitySymbol]

As for the OP. I dont think all MM kick the OW to the curb. I believe its shock and confusion. Only time will tell if they kicked them to the curb or if there are true feelings there.

[TogetherForever]

And I am proof that the ow doesn't always get kicked to the curb.

[Tomcat33]

That's it in a nutshell. The only problem is, he was separated at the time, so you allowed yourself to feel for him. Many OW/OM allow themselves to fall for someone who is knowingly committed elsewhere. That is once again a personal choice and I have no sympathy for this type of situation.

 

As for walking away from someone I loved, yes, I've done it, more than once but not as an OW, because I will never get into that situation unless it's unknowingly. If it happens unknowingly, I will walk again. My personal choice because I know I have the strength to do it. I won't listen to the devil on my shoulder and crumble from weakness. No one is worth that kind of grief to me.

 

I know. My guy was seperated but really the act of what I did was no different than what an OW does when getting involved with a man who is still with his W living at home. I suppose my green light was they had no children, and that he assured me he was ending his marriage which had been on the rocks for a long time, and I waited for him to move out to start the rel. Still though all this calculation of what would happen when, happened after the fact. I mean yeah sure we actually consumated the A or rel or whatever it was once he moved out and after two months of him living on his own, but the EA started a few months after we met and started working together. So it was at that point that the love feelings started to set in. I walked away four months in and I told him this can't happen like this...but fully hoping he would come for me because at that point I was in over my head..but I managed to walk away. well he did come for me, he moved out and came for me.

 

Now the thing is that we all have walked away from people we loved at some point in our lives, the question is have you walked away in the early stages from someone you loved, when it all seems perfect and you feel like you have finally found your other half the person you were meant to be with the person that makes you feel unlike anyone before. Have you walked away in the middle of the "falling in love" process where nothing is wrong and each day you are with this person it just gets better and better and more intense by the moment? have you ever tried to do that? That is what is so hard, breaking away from the possibility that this person could be your soul mate, that this is the the person destiny made you wait all this time to meet and now had offered him to you in the worst way possible.

 

That is VERY different from walking away from someone you love but had lived out the rel with them and now are faced with "ok I love this person but things are not working out I gotta stay or go...and you choose go" that is a completely different thing. You are not irrationally in love by that point, in the beginning stages you are.

[Trialbyfire]

I know. My guy was seperated but really the act of what I did was no different than what an OW does when getting involved with a man who is still with his W living at home. I suppose my green light was they had no children, and that he assured me he was ending his marriage which had been on the rocks for a long time, and I waited for him to move out to start the rel. Still though all this calculation of what would happen when, happened after the fact. I mean yeah sure we actually consumated the A or rel or whatever it was once he moved out and after two months of him living on his own, but the EA started a few months after we met and started working together. So it was at that point that the love feelings started to set in. I walked away four months in and I told him this can't happen like this...but fully hoping he would come for me because at that point I was in over my head..but I managed to walk away. well he did come for me, he moved out and came for me.

 

Now the thing is that we all have walked away from people we loved at some point in our lives, the question is have you walked away in the early stages from someone you loved, when it all seems perfect and you feel like you have finally found your other half the person you were meant to be with the person that makes you feel unlike anyone before. Have you walked away in the middle of the "falling in love" process where nothing is wrong and each day you are with this person it just gets better and better and more intense by the moment? have you ever tried to do that? That is what is so hard, breaking away from the possibility that this person could be your soul mate, that this is the the person destiny made you wait all this time to meet and now had offered him to you in the worst way possible.

 

That is VERY different from walking away from someone you love but had lived out the rel with them and now are faced with "ok I love this person but things are not working out I gotta stay or go...and you choose go" that is a completely different thing. You are not irrationally in love by that point, in the beginning stages you are.

I've only ever once allowed myself to be irrationally in love with someone and in the end I still walked away, even though I was deeply in love. Blind trust especially with someone married, a known liar and cheater, has got to be the easiest path to self-destruction.

[luvmy2ns]

You missed the point, the love feelings come first everything else happens after due to those feelings.

 

I know it's a hard pill to swallow but that's what it is. Had I not felt in love with my ex man I would NEVER had gotten involved with him. I had attractive and charming married men come on to me before, yet there was not a hope in hell they would get me to even entertain a friendship with them let alone start an A. But my situation developed the other way around. The love happend first and then all the bad choices due to the strogn feelings I had I did not know what to do with them. I am sure the MM in my sit, felt the exact same way.

 

So you're saying you just looked at him and just KNEW he had the type of integrity, values, and everything it would take for you to be happy with him? Seriously doubt it. Cheaters fall in love with the idea of sticking their "thing" into that luscious looking girl over there, or "man, I wonder if he's as good in bed as he looks." They strike up conversation and, over time and via lots of lying, someone may fall in love. You don't fall in love and THEN go find the MM you're in love with, or go find that OW or OM you fell in love with sight unseen and THEN cheat with them. There is a decision-making point.

 

And as for someone who's been with their MM/MW for years, has he or she left his wife or husband for you yet? Are you going to family functions with him/her? Or are you left on the sidelines every time the family thing is going on. How's that curb feelin'?

[bish]

And I am proof that the ow doesn't always get kicked to the curb.

 

Well how proud you must be to have snagged yourself a cheater.

[Tomcat33]

I've only ever once allowed myself to be irrationally in love with someone and in the end I still walked away, even though I was deeply in love. Blind trust especially with someone married, a known liar and cheater, has got to be the easiest path to self-destruction.

 

In the end? you mean once you figured out this was not good for you, or in the end as in you didn't let it progress beyond the intense feelings you were having?

 

I agree on all counts re. blind trust, I never thought I would be weak enough to oversee all that, but I was.

[InfinitySymbol]

Well how proud you must be to have snagged yourself a cheater.

 

 

Now , now...I believe that was alittle uncalled for.

[Tomcat33]

So you're saying you just looked at him and just KNEW he had the type of integrity, values, and everything it would take for you to be happy with him? Seriously doubt it. Cheaters fall in love with the idea of sticking their "thing" into that luscious looking girl over there, or "man, I wonder if he's as good in bed as he looks." They strike up conversation and, over time and via lots of lying, someone may fall in love. You don't fall in love and THEN go find the MM you're in love with, or go find that OW or OM you fell in love with sight unseen and THEN cheat with them. There is a decision-making point.

 

And as for someone who's been with their MM/MW for years, has he or she left his wife or husband for you yet? Are you going to family functions with him/her? Or are you left on the sidelines every time the family thing is going on. How's that curb feelin'?

 

 

No of course not! That doesn't even make sense. Are you not reading what I've explained or am I just not explaining it right?

A lot of affairs don't start off in that cheesy melodrama made for tv movie strereo type you just pointed out. it's not as simple as "man wants member in hole, stupid woman offers hole for man". C'mon!

 

A lot of As start of as a work relationships or as friendships, or innocent companionship. Two people spending time together working on the same goal, or enjoying the same activity (if you meet through a hobbie or sport) and an affinity develops whereby the two become interested in each others pasts lives and past times....when you seem to connect on these levels the rest happens naturally and without even knowing it. Once you realise there is a sexual attraction underlying all these pleasant plutonic feelings it is at THAT point that you determine whether to walk away or proceed. In my case once I determined how this man made me feel when he looked into my eyes, I was in way over my head. Too many shared commonalities that added to the intense physical attraction.

To tell the truth when I first met this man I thought nothing of him physically, don't think it was the same for him as he assured me he found me extremely attractive from the second time we met up for work. So maybe it was different for him, maybe the choice was made for him early on I can't speak for him.

 

To answer your questions:

 

I had not been with him for years. I was with him for a year, he did leave his W and moved out and we started dating. he assured me he did not leave for me, he did it because he had to but now I have my doubts. I always said to him I don't want you to leave for me, I just don't want that kind of burden, you should do it for you. I never once pushed him to leave or to be with me. He did it on his own will and came to look for me when he moved out.

He met my family, I met his and his friends, I was never secondary to his plans was a priority the entire time I was with him. So I can't relate to spending a b-day alone or christmas or whatever wondering what he and his W were doing.

 

and anyway what's your point in asking those questions? so what if he had been with his W and I had been with him for 3 yrs?

 

Or are you left on the sidelines every time the family thing is going on. How's that curb feelin'

 

The curb feels no different than what his W must have felt when he chose to ignore her and deposit his love elsewhere: it feels $hitty I suppose.

[bish]

Now , now...I believe that was alittle uncalled for.

 

If someone proudly announces they successfully slept with and got a MM to leave his family....its very called for.

[InfinitySymbol]

If someone proudly announces they successfully slept with and got a MM to leave his family....its very called for.

 

So what do you say to someone. Who is involved with a MM. Went through the whole D-Day. And knowing the MM is going to leave.

[FireandIce]

So what do you say to someone. Who is involved with a MM. Went through the whole D-Day. And knowing the MM is going to leave.

 

 

Becareful because karma is a b!tch.

[TogetherForever]

If someone proudly announces they successfully slept with and got a MM to leave his family....its very called for.

 

Correction Bish,

I didn't get him to do anything. He left on his own accord & it was before we slept together.

How's that grab ya?

[Tomcat33]

Becareful because karma is a b!tch.

 

 

Oh gimme a break, no one set out to hurt anyone, maybe Karma was falling in love with someone who would end up hurting us. And maybe Karma for the MM was finding someone he really wanted to be with after he already committed to someone else, and maybe Karma is what the BS had to go through when her H left to go be temporarily with another woman. Maybe the whole A was Karma for all three of the participants in the triangle, for all of our past wrong doings.

 

Karma. What the heck is Karma anyway if not self inflicted pain?

I have seen hideious people lead great lives and have all sorts of good things happen to them and they are still rotten people, where is Karma there? People make their own Karma.

[luvmy2ns]

Correction Bish,

I didn't get him to do anything. He left on his own accord & it was before we slept together.

How's that grab ya?

 

Then how is it that you are an OW? Is he still a MM?

[Tomcat33]

Then how is it that you are an OW? Is he still a MM?

 

She's not anymore they are together and that's that.

[InfinitySymbol]

I think it is very hard for people to understand the dynamtics ( sp. sorry) of an affair. Not all are typical.

 

For some reason or another two people are thrusted together. But I should clarify. I am not speaking for the affairs that are of just a sexual nature. I am in fact talking about the ones that are RELATIONSHIPS.

[TogetherForever]

Then how is it that you are an OW? Is he still a MM?

 

Yes he is still married. In the beginning, before he left his wife, I guess you can say I was the ow. But now, with the wife being out of the picture for all these years, I do not consider my self the ow but his one & only woman.

[luvmy2ns]

Yes he is still married. In the beginning, before he left his wife, I guess you can say I was the ow. But now, with the wife being out of the picture for all these years, I do not consider my self the ow but his one & only woman.

 

:lmao::lmao: Consider yourself whatever you choose, I guess. LMAO

[whichwayisup]

Yes he is still married. In the beginning, before he left his wife, I guess you can say I was the ow. But now, with the wife being out of the picture for all these years, I do not consider my self the ow but his one & only woman.

 

So, they are legally separated in EVERY SENSE? No $$ between them, no entwined family gatherings that he has to attend to on his wife's behalf? No contact between them at all?

 

Why aren't they divorced yet?

[Tomcat33]

:lmao::lmao: Consider yourself whatever you choose, I guess. LMAO

 

I don't see what is so funny?!?! Furthermore, I don't see why your posts are so rude in nature and condescending!?!? What do you gain from that exactly?

[TogetherForever]

:lmao::lmao: Consider yourself whatever you choose, I guess. LMAO

 

To each her own!!!

[TogetherForever]

So, they are legally separated in EVERY SENSE? No $$ between them, no entwined family gatherings that he has to attend to on his wife's behalf? No contact between them at all?

 

Why aren't they divorced yet?

 

 

Because I asked them not to get divorced.