Why do MM's so easily kick their OW's to the curb when they get caught?

[annabelle75]

Because most people click "New Posts" and click on a thread's title.

They don't "come into" the forum. They go to a thread.

 

i don't buy that. why keep clicking on the same thread if she knows what it is about?

 

she just likes to come in here and put down the OM/OW that post here. maybe it boosts her ego or something. i just ignore her.

[luvmy2ns]

Oh now luv....they don't want to hear that. They think their hurtful ACTIONS are much more decent than your honest assessment of what they are doing to other people.

 

You're right, Bish. They all keep conveniently skirting around that part of my post.

[Cliche]

Oh now luv....they don't want to hear that. They think their hurtful ACTIONS are much more decent than your honest assessment of what they are doing to other people.

My honest assessment is that a certain handful of posters who are not OW/OMs come here because they are bitter and simply can't move on.

[Cliche]

You're right, Bish. They all keep conveniently skirting around that part of my post.

 

What are you talking about? Seriously. There is an entire thread of OWs talking about the lies their MMs told them. Of course we're prepared that they are lying to us. Hell, that's the crux of the issue for many of us...I know it has been for me, how do I know what is the truth.

 

Not all of them are lying, though. There are MPs who have affairs to exit their marriages. So we go back and forth wondering what category out relationship fits into. That is why we come here, to compare notes, support one another, keep ourselves on our toes and hug each other when we're down. There is no skirting around here. We analyze it all. And so far, most OPs I've seen on this board eventually do okay one way or another. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that. I've found the regulars on this board (including some BS') to be a very special group of individuals.

[luvmy2ns]

My honest assessment is that a certain handful of posters who are not OW/OMs come here because they are bitter and simply can't move on.

 

"...who are not OW/OMs..." While that may be true, the rest... :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

And I just read on another thread an ex OW say, "Well I'll tell you what my guy thought for a fact because he told me this" when talking about her ex-MM. Of course the cheating MM had to be telling the truth.

[annabelle75]

My honest assessment is that a certain handful of posters who are not OW/OMs come here because they are bitter and simply can't move on.

 

Exactly. Sitting her picking fights with the OM/OW only feeds the bitterness. At some point they just need to move on with their lives and let it go. Why let some person that didn't have enough repsect to be faithful to them have so much influence on their lives? The fact that they spend so much of their time here every day shows that they haven't gotten over it. Why continue to wallow in it?

[Cliche]

Exactly. Sitting her picking fights with the OM/OW only feeds the bitterness. At some point they just need to move on with their lives and let it go. Why let some person that didn't have enough repsect to be faithful to them have so much influence on their lives? The fact that they spend so much of their time here every day shows that they haven't gotten over it. Why continue to wallow in it?

It's actually not healthy. At some of my lowest points during the A, I had to step away from here for awhile because the constant pain and reminder of this was keeping me from doing some thinking/healing/self observations I needed to go through. It can be an unhealthy distraction to both sides to keep knocking their own heads against this cyberspace wall without taking time for some introspective work on our/theirselves.

[annabelle75]

It's actually not healthy. At some of my lowest points during the A, I had to step away from here for awhile because the constant pain and reminder of this was keeping me from doing some thinking/healing/self observations I needed to go through. It can be an unhealthy distraction to both sides to keep knocking their own heads against this cyberspace wall without taking time for some introspective work on our/theirselves.

 

Completely unhealthy. Especially when you are put in a position where you have to constantly defend or justify your actions. It just pushes you farther into the mess. The constant attacks around here have the opposite affect. But to be honest I don't think that those that attack us are really looking to change our minds. They just want to be mean and spiteful because it gives them some small sense of satisfaction. And that kind of makes me feel sorry for them.

[luvmy2ns]

"...feel..." ?????

[annabelle75]

"...feel..." ?????

 

and what are you infering by that?

[East of Jupiter]

My last post was not hateful - just honest. I feel a lot of empathy for the child of a womanizer, or the woman who feels compelled to stay with him "for the sake of the children" or whatever reason she has for doing so. Cheaters and those who cheat with them? Not so much. And no - I'm not a BS.

 

I've ready many posts, especially by OW, who claim their MM is so wonderful, kind, giving, loving, blah, blah blah. They don't know these men in their "real" lives, yet they believe they are really who they portray themselves to be in order to get into the pants of a side f. Unbelievable.

 

 

In affairs, you just can't generalize.

 

My husband is a great guy. He is loving and kind and all of those things. The OW knew that too. As I have always said I can't blame her for wanting to be with him.

 

It's just so hard to understand. Better stated, there is no understanding. After many years of thinking and talking and pondering and researching and ... to exhaustion, I have come to just one conclusion that everyone (at some point or another) agrees on ...

 

Affairs are about selfishness. It is about getting what you want no matter what it will do to those around you. It puts your needs above those of everyone else.

 

And while I do believe there is love in some rare cases, I don't believe that disrespecting a wo/man by risking their family is a loving act. Love is selfless. Love is kind ... you know the rest.

 

If a wo/man truly in their soul loves you, they want what is best for you. (may be why some wife's stay, it is a selfless act of love -- I count myself among these). It will never be good for a wo/man to hurt those who love them. It will never be good for the children to lose their stable home as a result of cheating. It will never be good for children to question their parent's love due to their actions toward one parent ( and they do, I count myself as one of these children).

 

So if you really love that MM? You would tell him to go home and try to work things out with his wife. If he feels that it is a lost cause tell him to get a divorce and call you when he is free to love you while not hurting others. This is the most just and fair way to treat those that love and depend on you. This is what I did. And I was right. I feel very good about that and I live happy that the MM I care about is being the man he needs to be to his wife and the father he should be to his children. It does hurt at first but eventually that pain turns into an even deeper love. One that demands nothing and needs nothing to exist. It simply is.

 

Sorry for the lengthy I'm having a heck of an emotional day.

 

Pitty party over.

[bish]

i don't buy that. why keep clicking on the same thread if she knows what it is about?

 

she just likes to come in here and put down the OM/OW that post here. maybe it boosts her ego or something. i just ignore her.

 

Well that may or may not be her. Me, I never click into a particluar forum. I browse the New Posts and see the topic.

[bish]

My honest assessment is that a certain handful of posters who are not OW/OMs come here because they are bitter and simply can't move on.

 

You may be right. I'll admit it...I'm bitter. Its getting better, but hell yes I'm bitter. We have a right to be.

 

But again, I don't come into the OM OW forum, I always click New Posts

[Lizzie60]

My honest assessment is that a certain handful of posters who are not OW/OMs come here because they are bitter and simply can't move on.

 

Exactly what I think... they just want to remain in that bitterness and they don't want to move on... their choice.

 

They keep poking and poking...

[Tomcat33]

"...who are not OW/OMs..." While that may be true, the rest... :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

And I just read on another thread an ex OW say, "Well I'll tell you what my guy thought for a fact because he told me this" when talking about her ex-MM. Of course the cheating MM had to be telling the truth.

 

 

Yeah I said that in a thread titled, "what do you think your MM thinks after NC is initiated?" I heard it from his mouth it wasn't my speculation that's why I said what I said, because he told me VS me answering the question for him. But of course if you take my comment out of context as you have here....

 

But hey you don't see me going into the Infidelity forum and laughing at all the $ht the BS eats up by the spoon fulls from the cheater do you? But then again I have a little more tact than that. So you wouldn't see me do that.

 

here's an interesting fact I read today on the homepage for Yahoo, they always have little articles featured and one of them was "find out what type of fighter your man is and avoid arguments"

 

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

 

 

you know Luvmy, I wouldn't be so quick to laugh at everyone else if I were you...you're stuck withe the liar NOT us!

[Tomcat33]

Exactly what I think... they just want to remain in that bitterness and they don't want to move on... their choice.

 

They keep poking and poking...

 

 

i know they sound like a barrell of fun! makes you wonder why their spouses would EVER prefer to spend time with OP?!?

[East of Jupiter]

Exactly what I think... they just want to remain in that bitterness and they don't want to move on... their choice.

 

They keep poking and poking...

 

I think it is true that BW's do get bitter and lash out. I add only that OW also get bitter and lash out. It can be said of both that they don't want to move on.

 

But I don't judge either for going to a forum to work out their feelings. I take a different view and think it is healthy for both. I think it takes a willingness to get better to find a support system to talk things over with. Each is looking to better their sitiuation.

 

Perhaps something said now may not turn on the lights, but you never really know what is down the road and how what you learn here may in fact help you cope.

 

Been there, done that.

[East of Jupiter]

Yeah I said that in a thread titled, "what do you think your MM thinks after NC is initiated?" I heard it from his mouth it wasn't my speculation that's why I said what I said, because he told me VS me answering the question for him. But of course if you take my comment out of context as you have here....

 

But hey you don't see me going into the Infidelity forum and laughing at all the $ht the BS eats up by the spoon fulls from the cheater do you? But then again I have a little more tact than that. So you wouldn't see me do that.

 

here's an interesting fact I read today on the homepage for Yahoo, they always have little articles featured and one of them was "find out what type of fighter your man is and avoid arguments"

 

About a quarter of men admitted in the survey that they will say "I love you" to get themselves out of arguments. It's a good, charming move -one that can work, and one that he most likely uses when he knows he's wrong. He uses adoration to substitute for confession.

 

 

you know Luvmy, I wouldn't be so quick to laugh at everyone else if I were you...you're stuck withe the liar NOT us!

 

This is a no win tit for tat.

 

If the OW is married, then her husband is tuck with a liar too.

 

I don't think that of you TC or anyone else here. Except for my husband because he actually IS a liar.

 

People lie while they are chearing. DOH! If they aren't lying, it's called an open marriage or a divorce.

[GreenEyedLady]

Because most people click "New Posts" and click on a thread's title.

They don't "come into" the forum. They go to a thread.

 

Well, then I guess they shouldn't be surprised since the title is "Why do MM's so easily kick their OW's to the curb when they get caught?"

[luvmy2ns]

...you're stuck withe the liar NOT us!

 

Apparently, you, don't read too carefully. I booted the liar loooong ago, and he was crying as he sailed off the toe of my shoe out the door of MY house. I have a wonderful man now who treats me with respect, love, courtesy, and caring, and he gets the same from me. He, too, abhors cheaters.

[luvmy2ns]

In affairs, you just can't generalize.

 

My husband is a great guy. He is loving and kind and all of those things. The OW knew that too. As I have always said I can't blame her for wanting to be with him.

 

It's just so hard to understand. Better stated, there is no understanding. After many years of thinking and talking and pondering and researching and ... to exhaustion, I have come to just one conclusion that everyone (at some point or another) agrees on ...

 

Affairs are about selfishness. It is about getting what you want no matter what it will do to those around you. It puts your needs above those of everyone else.

 

And while I do believe there is love in some rare cases, I don't believe that disrespecting a wo/man by risking their family is a loving act. Love is selfless. Love is kind ... you know the rest.

 

If a wo/man truly in their soul loves you, they want what is best for you. (may be why some wife's stay, it is a selfless act of love -- I count myself among these). It will never be good for a wo/man to hurt those who love them. It will never be good for the children to lose their stable home as a result of cheating. It will never be good for children to question their parent's love due to their actions toward one parent ( and they do, I count myself as one of these children).

 

So if you really love that MM? You would tell him to go home and try to work things out with his wife. If he feels that it is a lost cause tell him to get a divorce and call you when he is free to love you while not hurting others. This is the most just and fair way to treat those that love and depend on you. This is what I did. And I was right. I feel very good about that and I live happy that the MM I care about is being the man he needs to be to his wife and the father he should be to his children. It does hurt at first but eventually that pain turns into an even deeper love. One that demands nothing and needs nothing to exist. It simply is.

 

Sorry for the lengthy I'm having a heck of an emotional day.

 

Pitty party over.

 

EOJ, I'm sorry for the pain you've gone through at the hands of cheaters, your dad and your husband both.

 

As for the part I bolded above, that is my problem with cheaters and those who cheat with them. They think of nobody but themselves.

[bish]

Well, then I guess they shouldn't be surprised since the title is "Why do MM's so easily kick their OW's to the curb when they get caught?"

 

Not at all surprised. they see the title and it interests them because they have something to say about it.

[East of Jupiter]

EOJ, I'm sorry for the pain you've gone through at the hands of cheaters, your dad and your husband both.

 

As for the part I bolded above, that is my problem with cheaters and those who cheat with them. They think of nobody but themselves.

 

 

Thank you very much. It's taken me a long time to feel okay in the world but I still have moment where I'm full of self-pity. Why me? What did I do to deserve all that has happened to me?

 

But I consider myself very, very lucky. And I do believe it is a matter of luck. I was born with a good brain and a strong character.

 

I like to say I'm a "Lemonader."

 

I have three beautiful sisters who are all afflicted with low self-esteem and who have had a difficult time with relationships. I have to clarify that on top of having a dangerous, womanizing, emotionally negligent father, we were all sexually molested as children (different times, different circumstances for my older sister and me -- same uncle for my two younger sisters.

 

Rather than winding up like my mom the doormat, they become my dad, the cheater.

 

I was no different. But somewhere along my life I learned something. But up until then, I was a "lil bish" (I love that name LB!) And in looking back I really don't have a clue who I was back then. I thought of nothing and no one. But in my defense, I never cheated while in a relationship -- I always got cheated on!

[Tomcat33]

Apparently, you, don't read too carefully. I booted the liar loooong ago, and he was crying as he sailed off the toe of my shoe out the door of MY house. I have a wonderful man now who treats me with respect, love, courtesy, and caring, and he gets the same from me. He, too, abhors cheaters.

 

 

It's not so much that I don't read too carefully, it's more that I carefully chose not to read your past story.

 

good for you for not staying with a liar.

 

Not sure why you hold so much anger inside still though...!?!?

[fisherfool]

Because the OW is a fantasy. Many know that even while having the affair. Some don't know it until the affair is exposed, but realize it when they find what they have risked.