Wife wants to leave, no longer "in love" with me

[wising_up]

Hi hopeful26. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Perhaps you can take some solace in the fact that it seems to be a very common scenario. Other people in similar situations have posted replies here and I am now adding mine. Some of the details of my story can be found here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123402/

 

I have picked a couple of quotes from your story below because they are similar to what I have experienced.

“Then, recently, I noticed she was always "tired" and generally withdrawn around me.”

“She told me she was tired of bottling up her feelings. She said she always had her doubts about our marriage from the beginning but was too scared to say anything. She said she was tired of trying to please others before herself. She said she was sorry for not bringing this up sooner.”

 

I have now been separated from my wife for around six weeks and although I still have bad days (like today), I am doing OK, partly because I found this place and took the advice of people here. I also bought a bunch of self-help books, including one particularly inspirational one called Getting Back Together. I highly recommend it. Reading that book and the advice on LS encouraged me to snap out of the self-pity I was been feeling for the first few days after the separation. I started to take care of myself. I began exercising daily and have set about changing other things in my life that I have been neglecting. Divorce Busters.com is another great place to go for advice.

 

One difference between my situation and yours is that my wife told me even after the separation that she loved me and many of my qualities. She has also said that she feels no connection and no attraction to me and she just doesn’t want to be married (sound familiar?). Other things she has said have been a variation on this theme. One time when we talked not long after the separation, she said that she thought she wanted the separation because she was feeling more confident now and didn’t need me any more. She acknowledged herself that this was crappy. She also said that she was curious about other ‘people’ (i.e. men).

 

One area that I am still struggling with is how to interact with my wife. When I was out of town last week I deliberately avoided carrying my cell phone so that I wouldn’t speak to her. She left me a couple of messages about practical things she needed help with and I left responses on her voicemail. This past weekend she helped me move out of the house we shared and asked me to promise to be her friend. Tears came to her eyes as she asked that. She also got upset later when we talked about things that reminded her of the plans we had made together when married. Although she is still saying that she is not sure if she wants to try to work things out, she seems more open to the idea that it might be possible than she used to be. She has said that she hasn’t told anybody that this is permanent but she also said that she doesn’t feel lonely anymore now that she is on her own. She couldn’t imagine having me back in her life everyday, she said. If that is the way she feels, that's fine, I said. She seems pretty content to be single again (having said that, we speak often, usually about something practical rather than personal and almost always because she calls me).

 

The most difficult thing for me is trying to balance being a friend at the same time as trying to show that I am moving on with my life with or without her. The former doesn’t necessarily conform to the advice being given elsewhere here about moving on but I feel that doing otherwise might push her away (is that bad?). I know that at the moment she doesn’t trust some of the changes I have made or is angered that I didn’t do them when we were together, but I understand that. It is also difficult to get used to the idea that we spend time together, but we are not together, but I am sure that it just takes time to get over that.

 

Today started off difficult because this weekend was emotional. After she helped me move on the weekend, we went to a friend’s place for dinner and we all had a lot of fun (and a little too much alcohol). When I got home alone that night I was upset because I wished we were still together. I also helped her with some stuff yesterday, but when I got back to my new place, I felt pretty lonely. Writing this has been cathartic and I am in a much better mood now.

 

Not sure if any of this helps, but feel free to respond. Comments and advice from others are welcome, too.

[jmargel]

Hopeful you are still rolling over and piddling. You need to stop this. She is using fear to dictate on allowing her do what she wants to do. Threating to leave? Screw that man. TELL HER TO GET OUT. If she is going to disrespect you and still sleep under the same roof as you then you need to step up. Tolerating her behavior is going to allow it to get worse. By you standing upto her you will NOT push her away. MAKE her face the consequences and DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME THE SAFETY NET.

 

You NEED to show confidence and you NEED to show tough love. This is how it's done. All she is doing is talk and she knows it scares you. She is acting like a teenager and so you treat her like one.

 

IMO if I were you I would either write her a letter or just say something to the effect of

 

"You know I love you but I will not allow myself to feel this way or be dragged through the mud. If you want to see old boyfriends, fine but you will not do it while I am in your life. If you want to work this out with me, then we both put 100% into it and give it an honest try with a marriage counselor. If you don't want to try then you need to pack up your belongings and make arrangements to move out. I will not sit here to be disrespected and will not allow you to go out and date other men while being in the same house with me."

 

Then just walk away, let her scream if she wants. Don't answer back. If she still is acting in a irrational way just tell her 'When you decide to talk to me about what you want to do in a rational manner, then I will talk'. Anytime she starts acting up, just walk away. You HAVE to be strong, she is using your weakness.

 

Honestly in my situation a couple years back my wife was not showing me respect and lying to me and being deceitful even on our first year of marriage. All the talking did nothing. It wasn't until I told her I wanted her out of the house and the marriage was done. She was so fast to threaten to leave before and like you I was concentrating on ways for her not to leave. In fact the whole answer was to open the cage door and tell her to leave, that was the only way that her ass woke up.

 

Don't play this game, you won't win it. This is a game that no one wins. Set boundaries and enforce them. It's time for tough love.

[hopeful26]

Well she's not dating/seeing other guys, that I know of! Holy crap! Least I hope not. She's just acting as if nothing is wrong. Today she called me before I got home from work to say she was going to meet up with her girlfriends for an hour or so. I got home just as she was leaving. I acted like nothing was wrong and said, "Have a good time." She ended up being gone for several hours; went to some restaraunt for some girls birthday. It was about 10:00pm and I was just leaving the house to go get some food and she pulls up. I told her where I was going and she asked, "Want some company?" She sat in the car, basically silent, while I picked up my food and drove home. Then she went inside, brushed her teeth, and went to bed. Not a word. This is getting old, fast.

 

I bought "Divorce Busting" and almost finished it while she was gone tonight. What you are saying seems inline with the whole 180 thing; telling her to get out would definately be a 180. Maybe I'm in denial but that seems so extreme. Seems like there should be other steps to try first.

 

Uh oh, not another night of trying to occupy my mind until I fall asleep, avoiding that bedroom until I'm so tired I can't stay awake, just because I don't want to lie awake in that bed and see her sleeping like a baby...

 

I'm going to go finish that book...

 

F*ck.

[jmargel]

Sorry, I was commenting on another post and somehow I was under the impression she was seeing an ex-bf. Guess I'm replying to too many threads.. lol

 

Anyway, my suggestion would be to just tell her that when she's ready to talk, that you will listen. But that you can't stay around forever if she really is not in love with you or doesn't love you. Those are very hurtful statements that are branded into your mind forever.

 

You two can't be doing the same things while expecting the end result to change. You really need to have a heart to heart talk to with her on why she feels this way. I would use the format of something like 'I would like for you to tell me everything that is on your mind and I promise I will not interrupt'.. and don't. Bite your tongue as hard as you can and listen to it all. Once she is done, best thing to do is to say 'I understand' and just take it in for a day and think before responding to her.

 

It just seems like a part of this story is missing. There is always a reason on why a person feels the way they do.

[hopeful26]

Ok, good. Makes more sense now.

 

I woke up this morning feeling tired of being scared, hurt, etc. It's time for a change and I'm ready to accept it whatever it is, just something different please!

 

I agree with you about part of the story missing. We've had heart-to-heart talks but either I haven't listened or she's left something out because something is still missing. But I'll give it another shot; this time without me asking for anything, just listening like you say. Then I'll sit on it.

 

P.S. When this all started happening I immediately realized I needed to change some things about myself. So, I've consistently been doing things that I always wanted to do but never did. I clean all the dishes every day and clean the kitchen (I like a clean kitchen). I talk a walk every morning when I wake up. Silly things, but they make me feel good and and that's all that matters. I can feel them becoming habits, too.

[hopeful26]

Tonight we sat down for a heart to heart talk. I listened very well and responded to everything she said with, "I understand."

 

I heard more of the same from her.

 

I came to a realization. She is dragging me through the mud left and right and I simply don't deserve it.

 

I ended our conversation with, "You already know how I feel about you. If you can't tell me right now that you want to put 100% into this relationship and give it an honest try with marriage counseling then you need to pack your belongings."

 

She nodded, went to the bedroom, packed a small bag and left.

[hope4best]

I'm sorry. I know your heart hurts right now. I wish I had words of wisdom for you or something to that would make the pain go away, I don't. I do know that others on here do and I am sure will be posting soon. Hang in there.

[whichwayisup]

Tonight we sat down for a heart to heart talk. I listened very well and responded to everything she said with, "I understand."

 

I heard more of the same from her.

 

I came to a realization. She is dragging me through the mud left and right and I simply don't deserve it.

 

I ended our conversation with, "You already know how I feel about you. If you can't tell me right now that you want to put 100% into this relationship and give it an honest try with marriage counseling then you need to pack your belongings."

 

She nodded, went to the bedroom, packed a small bag and left.

 

I'm sorry, that must have hurt like hell - But the good thing is, NOW you know what you're up against. Things are different, inside her. Something has happened, (or going to happen) that she STILL hasn't told you about.

 

Keep doing the little thing that make you happy and feel good. DO MORE of that and put yourself first, and take care of YOU now.

[hopeful26]

Well I got to thinking tonight (probably a bad idea) and realized something interesting. It's bugging me so I figured I'd write about it.

 

Right before she dropped the D bomb on me (a matter of days earlier) an old girlfriend of hers came into town after finishing college out of state. She was visiting for a couple weeks before she went back out of state to start her masters.

 

My wife, this girl, and a couple other old girlfriends went out for a "girls night out." They stayed out until 4:30am. I didn't think much of it, albeit not normal behavior for her, her old girlfriend was back in town. The next day my wife told me about her night out...

 

"We went to a club and danced until 2:00am. We met these guys in the club and they were really cool. When it closed we were all standing outside talking and a couple of us girls had to use the bathroom, so we started to go across the street to the gas station. One of the guys stopped us and said, 'No way you're going alone, it's not safe!' He went with us. In the gas station he bought us these silly plastic "bling" necklaces and camoflauge hats (she proceeded to model the hat for me). We had so much fun! This guy was spending tons of money on us and said he was in town for a few days and just wanted to have fun while he was here, so he told us not to worry about the money!"

 

Well as it turns out she hung the damn hat on the mirror in our bedroom. I'm not sure why, she'd never actually wear something so silly. I didn't think much of it at the time but now I'm thinking she had tons of fun that night and maybe that sparked her feeling like our marriage wasn't fun anymore (like buying silly hats at gas stations at 3:00am). The timeline matches up perfectly. Yeah, whatever. Maybe nothing, but I'm just writing what I'm thinking. Thanks for listening.

 

Next thought.

 

She came over to the house a couple days ago (she's staying with her parents for the time being) and we did some yard work; in her words, "In preparation for selling the house." We kept the conversation light. We ended up taking a bunch of trash to the dump and grabbed lunch on the way back. Had a fine time. No heavy talk.

 

She dropped me off back at the house and said, "I need to get home to do some laundry at my parents." She ended up inviting me to her parents house for dinner that night and I went. After dinner we just hung out and she ended up asking me if I'd like to go for a walk. I said, "Ok." During the walk she talked about how she hates living with her parents. She started explaining that some of her emotional needs were not being met in our marriage (I don't remember exactly which ones now, but she was being specific and I was listening intently!) I felt a ray of hope! However, she wasted no time in beheading that hope by going on to say that her feelings of "I'm not happy" were far more powerful than her feelings of "we can work this out" and therefor she didn't want to come back home. Ok, whatever. She asked me a bunch of stuff about my life and what I'm planning. Not sure where she was going but I answered the questions. Whatever. Oh and BTW, she still has that damn hat with her! On the nightstand by the bed at her parents house! Of the few things she took with her, some shoes, clothes, bathroom supplies, and that goddamn hat! WTF is up with the hat! Throw the hat away! For the love of Jesus...the damn hat!

 

Next thought.

 

I can't stay at our house anymore; too quiet, too strange not hearing the garage door open when she comes home. Too weird not hearing her dogs' claws tick when he trots across the kitchen tile. Too weird not hearing the sliding glass door open and her calling her dog in. I'm staying at an undisclosed location right now.

 

It kills me to think of her being interested in some other guy, or some other happier life without me. Hell, it kills me to think about any of this crap, but I can't just magically stop thinking about it. It lingers. It haunts me. It's always here. It's the last thing I think about before I go to bed, it's what I dream about while I'm sleeping (I never used to dream) and it's the first goddamn thing I think about when I wake up! F to the mother F'ing F. I never used to dream.

[jmargel]

I'm glad that you took my advice but I'm sorry that she was not wise enough in her decision. That hat is a symbol of the negative parts in your marriage, that is why you hate it so much. It wasn't this 'guy' that lured her away, she is not nieve enough to be wooed by this guy to the point to leave the marriage for him.

 

You mentioned that she went into detail about the emotional neglect, yet you can't remember what they were. Good chance it is things like that, that has driven her away. From your posts I don't believe just going out one night will make her leave the marriage. The communication between you two has probably gotten so distant, she probably got numb to what she was considering neglect. Look back and really think over the months/years and try to remember little things she has mentioned to you. Alot of times when you start to look back after a failed relationship you can pick out moments when your spouse said something to you that only now you can see as a warning sign.

 

IMO you should look up the 5 stages of grief. You will be going through them. I would suggest counseling for yourself and when you talk to her, let her know you are going.. Invite her with no expectations that she would even go, but even if she did it might not be to reconile the marriage.

 

What is scary though is the mindset that you are in right now. I know what you are feeling, at one point in time we all go through it and honestly would say it is one of the worst feelings we will experience in our life. Happened to me when my ex-fiancee left and was cheating on me with my best-friend (at the time). You slowly get into a depression.. I let mine slip into suicidal thoughts and then to the point that I had it planned out. It creeps up on you and you don't even know it. However, by talking about it I was able to convince myself that I am on this earth of other reasons as well. Make sure you keep aware of all of this and you get the help that you need.

 

This sounds like the beginning of a roller coaster ride. There are no guarantees.. No guarantee that she will come back or that she will divorce. However I believe at this point the counseling would be the best option for you, and it will show her that you are taking action, not just words. Trust me when I say that she is battling her own demons and that this isn't all fun and games for her.

[hopeful26]

Now that I think more about it, the main emotional need she mentioned that wasn't being met was an overall closeness between us. I never saw it coming, I guess I just got comfortable (lazy) and became ok with the lack of closeness. You can bet that won't ever happen again.

 

You're right, now that I look back I can see lots of times where I could have developed more closeness with her but simply neglected to do so; and I bet she did become numb, eventually bringing this.

 

I can't shake these feelings of wishing I could go back and change so many things. If only I had another chance things would be so very different.

[notspiritual]

We had so much FUN! This guy was spending tons of MONEY on us

 

Most women loves money, they can only have fun when a man spend a lot of money on them. They are attracted to rich men. It is not difficult to convince a woman to cheat on her boyfriend/husband, pretend you are rich and give her a little fun.

 

our marriage wasn't fun anymore

That’s the answer; don’t try to overanalyze it further. A wife will leave her husband for no other reason than “I am bored”. No matter how many years of marriage, she’ll leave you for a better entertainer at the first opportunity. Most women have the unrealistic expectations that you have to be a constant entertainer while working your ass off to feed her.

 

WTF is up with the hat! Throw the hat away!

This hat has more value to her than your marriage. She is ready to give it all up just because a clown show her a good time. Make no mistake, don’t hate the seducer. Have respect for him because thanks to him, you are now seeing the true nature of women.

 

[it kills me to think of her being interested in some other guy, or some other happier life without me. It's the last thing I think about before I go to bed, it's what I dream about while I'm sleeping

While you’re dreaming about the pain of losing her, she’s having sweet dreams about the guy who gave her the hat, she wished she had accepted to sleep with him on that night (maybe she has). What you are living is the very common and the almost unavoidable consequence of marrying a western women. 60% of marriage ends in divorce. 75% of divorce is initiated by women.

 

You're right, now that I look back I can see lots of times where I could have developed more closeness with her but simply neglected to do so;

 

Don't get tricked by her false reasons. If closeness was a problem, how come you never were aware of it. What did she do to develop more closeness. She is trying to make you feel more guilty while the real reason is that she wants a richer guy who can spend his money on her.

 

only I had another chance things would be so very different.

The neglect/closeness problem is easily solved when given a second chance, she won't! It's not the real reason. If it were me, I'd dump her with the trash a long time ago.

[a4a]

Most women loves money, they can only have fun when a man spend a lot of money on them. They are attracted to rich men. It is not difficult to convince a woman to cheat on her boyfriend/husband, pretend you are rich and give her a little fun.

 

 

That’s the answer; don’t try to overanalyze it further. A wife will leave her husband for no other reason than “I am bored”. No matter how many years of marriage, she’ll leave you for a better entertainer at the first opportunity. Most women have the unrealistic expectations that you have to be a constant entertainer while working your ass off to feed her.

 

 

This hat has more value to her than your marriage. She is ready to give it all up just because a clown show her a good time. Make no mistake, don’t hate the seducer. Have respect for him because thanks to him, you are now seeing the true nature of women.

 

 

While you’re dreaming about the pain of losing her, she’s having sweet dreams about the guy who gave her the hat, she wished she had accepted to sleep with him on that night (maybe she has). What you are living is the very common and the almost unavoidable consequence of marrying a western women. 60% of marriage ends in divorce. 75% of divorce is initiated by women.

 

 

 

Don't get tricked by her false reasons. If closeness was a problem, how come you never were aware of it. What did she do to develop more closeness. She is trying to make you feel more guilty while the real reason is that she wants a richer guy who can spend his money on her.

 

 

The neglect/closeness problem is easily solved when given a second chance, she won't! It's not the real reason. If it were me, I'd dump her with the trash a long time ago.

 

ooopsy somebody OD'ed on prescription of their bitter pills today.

 

 

Hope:

 

There are more fish in the sea and it is good that you are willing to take on the responsibility that is yours in this failed relationship. Eventually you will dust yourself off and find a new and true partner in life..... just make sure you are doing your share in the relationship nest time around.

[hopeful26]

Denial

I am still going through lots of denial every day. Sometimes I catch myself looking out the window expecting (hoping) to see her car pull up. Keeping busy seems to help with this a bit.

 

Anger

I haven't gotten angry yet but I'm sure that will come eventually.

 

Bargaining

I'm done with the bargaining; did that for the first few days with absolutely zero results.

 

Depression

I'm absolutely depressed. The future doesn't seem entirely bleak though. I don't want to hurt myself; no thoughts of anything that would indicate severe depression. It could be much worse. For now the denial is occupying most of the emptiness.

 

Acceptance

I simply have not accepted it yet. I doubt I will be able to fully achieve acceptance if and until a divorce was legal and complete.

[jmargel]

I went through the five stages with my ex-fiancee. It wasn't until I didn't think about her for a full day that I knew I was really coming to peace with everything and ready to move on. When she showed up out of the blue 3 years later to ask for forgiveness on what she did, I was able to do that without wanting to get back with her.

 

Right now, your situation is still fresh. Alot of things still need to be sorted out and feelings need to be dealt with. The best advice I can give you when you talk to her next is to tell her 'When you are ready to talk, I will listen. I still love you'. Then let her come to you. Treat her like you would a scared cat, if that makes any sense.

 

Also like I said her knowing that you are going to counseling would help this whole process.

[hopeful26]

Also like I said her knowing that you are going to counseling would help this whole process.

 

I am going to start counseling. Do you think I should contact her to let her know? Or should I wait for her to contact me and then tell her? That brings me to my next question.

 

As of yesterday I've resorted to no communication with her because when I do talk/see/hear her it just hurts too much. I've basically decided that unless she hunts me down to apologize and does a 180 I won't respond to anything she says/does. Good idea? Bad idea?

[jmargel]

I would wait for her to contact you, which in time she will. By you calling her and telling her about the counseling, to her it would be just a 'ploy' in her eyes that you are doing it to try to win her back, which would be it's only a temporary thing that won't have long lasting effects.

 

It's ok to be angry with her and upset, but also use this time to do soul-searching within' yourself and to try as hard as possible to make something positive out of this.

 

At this stage, she is not going to apologize or do a 180. She will be licking her wounds for awhile, while you are trying to get through your own hurt. It's a process that happens.

[hopeful26]

Thanks for the advice J, always seems spot on. I have my first counseling appointment next Tuesday.

[jmargel]

Glad to hear it.. You will have good and bad days.. If it seems just taking things day by day a little too hard, just take them hour by hour. Right now is the hardest part.. It does get easier.

[Gunny376]

Glad to hear it.. You will have good and bad days.. If it seems just taking things day by day a little too hard, just take them hour by hour. Right now is the hardest part.. It does get easier.

 

 

I've got a lot of respect for Jmargel his experiences, and advice.

 

But I akin what you're going through (via my experiences) to being in the jungle, miles and miles away from any medical help, and being bit by a viper. I'd cut my viens and bleed out. Its easeir and less painfull.

 

NOW I'm NOT saying for you to SUCIDE yourself. What I AM saying is its your best bet is to let go of this little gal ~ and get busy living your life, and on with your life without her.

 

ITS the least painful and easier path!

 

The way to your future ~ is to let go of your past!

 

SHE had her chance with you ~ its time to give another their's!

 

And hear me clear on this...............................

 

Its absolute and complete BS and nonesense....................to BEG someone to let you LOVE them!

[hopeful26]

Gunny, you are completely correct and I appreciate the response. I came here for support though this unfortunate situation and I have found exactly that. Thanks everyone.

 

It's not easy no matter how I look at it, but I am moving on. I've moved out and am going to counseling. Painful sure, but a lot less painful than waitin' around on "some girl."

 

Next thought.

 

C'mon now ladies, one at a time; there's plenty to go around!

[Scata_tat_tat]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is when a marriage you worked so hard on goes to waste. Obviously the passion and the excitement of being married has worn off as it does in all marriages, so now she's bored. She says she is not "in love with you anymore" but that's pretty much code for "I am bored with you and I want to go seek out someone who I feel exited about and when the excitement wears out with that person I am going to start all over with another and another and so on..." Trust me, you're better off without her. It's good that you don't abuse her or do drugs or anything like that and eventually when she's really ready to settle down she'll realize she should have appreciated that more, because in my experience that's a rare find (sadly) at least where I'm from that is .

 

Hang in there man, it is going to hurt for quite awhile, and it is good that there are no children involved because it would hurt a lot worse if there was, so thank goodness for that huh. It's always good to count your blessings, and remember it could have been worse (she could have been an axe murderer or something ) and as time will pass you will find a wonderful woman who will love you in return, well that is if you don't become bitter or anything and then actually start abusing puppies and doing drugs or whatever . Cheers

[hopeful26]

Thank you for the kind words. It does hurt a lot and I'm sure it will continue to hurt for a long time. I can't stop the hurt nor do I want to, I just want to let the process happen and focus on the positive things. Hard as it is, I am putting into action everyone's advice and I do feel better.

 

It's funny, I hear people say, "One day you will find a woman who will appreciate you for you." But damn, it sure is hard to think about that while I'm feeling like this, especially when I don't want some other woman. I s'pose not wanting some other woman is just part of the healing process though. Once I "fully" heal no doubt some little lady will come along one day.

[wising_up]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is when a marriage you worked so hard on goes to waste. Obviously the passion and the excitement of being married has worn off as it does in all marriages, so now she's bored. She says she is not "in love with you anymore" but that's pretty much code for "I am bored with you and I want to go seek out someone who I feel exited about and when the excitement wears out with that person I am going to start all over with another and another and so on..."

 

That is exactly what I was hearing from my WAW the other day.

 

Hang in there hopeful26. Take each day as it comes and work on yourself. Some days will be better than others, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel if you are willing to believe in it. And believe in it, friend!!

 

Gunny wrote a response my 'Recent Separation' thread the other day which was also very perceptive and had some good advice. One of the things that stood out for me was a suggestion that I should enjoy flirting with women just for the heck of it. I smiled to myself because I have found myself doing that lately and ENJOYING IT!. Like Gunny said, the purpose is not to get laid, but just to have fun and to enjoy interacting with the many lovely women out there. As hard as it might be to realise this right now, your wife is not the only woman out there that will like you. If she wants to leave, you can't make her stay. You can only look out for yourself and recognise that whether you like it or not, she has opened the door for you. Don't be afraid or feel guilty about indulging in te company of other women. Doing so doesn't mean that you wouldn't prefer to save your marriage, but as long as you don't have a choice in that matter, don't sell yourself short.

 

I have a great opportunity to put some space between myself and my [ex]wife in the next couple of weeks because I am out of town. I still feel lonely sometimes and I regret what happened, but I am happy and smiling most of the time and enjoying my days. I am also enjoying paying attention to the many attractive and intelligent women I see and flirting just a little bit. You will get there, too. In the meantime, believe in yourself and look after YOURSELF! Do things that make you feel good and keep coming here for support and advice.

 

Best wishes.

[Gunny376]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is when a marriage you worked so hard on goes to waste. Obviously the passion and the excitement of being married has worn off as it does in all marriages, so now she's bored. She says she is not "in love with you anymore" but that's pretty much code for "I am bored with you and I want to go seek out someone who I feel exited about and when the excitement wears out with that person I am going to start all over with another and another and so on..." Trust me, you're better off without her. It's good that you don't abuse her or do drugs or anything like that and eventually when she's really ready to settle down she'll realize she should have appreciated that more, because in my experience that's a rare find (sadly) at least where I'm from that is .

 

Hang in there man, it is going to hurt for quite awhile, and it is good that there are no children involved because it would hurt a lot worse if there was, so thank goodness for that huh. It's always good to count your blessings, and remember it could have been worse (she could have been an axe murderer or something ) and as time will pass you will find a wonderful woman who will love you in return, well that is if you don't become bitter or anything and then actually start abusing puppies and doing drugs or whatever . Cheers

 

I like this guy! Reminds me of my times in Itlay.

 

Where' ya'll from Bro? "Ya'll c'haint from around c'here these parts are ya!

 

Just having a little fun with Southern English! Keep posting ~ As I said, ~ just having a "poke" at you!

 

Enjoyed and appreciated your post!