recently separated from wife.... ??

[Mike1966]

I said a prayer for you.

 

I don't believe you when you say you're over your wife. It's impossible to get over someone that fast Mike. I know you WANT to be over her, but I don't think you are.

 

You will be one day though and you'll be a great catch after all of this mess!

 

Thanks, Pixie!

 

You could be right...........I may not be over her yet. I suppose the possibility of someone else, like this girl I dated eases the pain? I've tried to imagine if it was just me, no dating, for awhile and I have to be honest that it probably would be harder and I would be a little lonely. Though I honestly don't miss my wife being around.

 

Funny, before my "180"...........I "thought" I missed her, but I also think it was more that I was just "not getting divorced no matter what", and that what it was doing to my kids and the "traditional family" pained me. I guess recently, having had the time to reflect back on who I was before I married, I realized that I had totally tried to change myself and what I enjoyed to please her. And, I'm to the point now where if I do get into another relationship I want it to be with someone who appreciates the same things and has many more of the same interests that I have.

 

How do you know when you are officially over someone?? Dunno..............at this point I do want to date others and have fun just because I enjoy it.

 

My attorney called yesterday, I met with him, and he will have the final divorce papers ready this morning at 10am. I reviewed them last night for a couple of minor changes. Talked to the wife last night and told her I would be dropping by today with the docs for her to sign. I "think" she will be just signing them and giving them back.......................then file with the judge, then whoopie.............a couple of weeks and it's all over.

 

Thanks.

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

This breaks my heart. You and Confuzd were the 2 main reasons I joined and posted because I had hope in both your marriages, like I do mine. I prayed for both of you and wished for the best.

 

It honestly scares me for my situation. I love my wife so much, I would not want to lose her to divorce. I will stay strong and be her friend for now. God will handle the rest.

[Mz. Pixie]

You could be right...........I may not be over her yet. I suppose the possibility of someone else, like this girl I dated eases the pain? I've tried to imagine if it was just me, no dating, for awhile and I have to be honest that it probably would be harder and I would be a little lonely. Though I honestly don't miss my wife being around.

 

 

Yes, the possibility of dating someone else is exciting and it will keep your mind off the true healing you need to have....which is one reason why I said not to do it yet.

[Mike1966]

Yes, the possibility of dating someone else is exciting and it will keep your mind off the true healing you need to have....which is one reason why I said not to do it yet.

 

 

Pixie, you crack me up! LOL.

 

I do really appreciate the concern, I do. I guess it's live and learn. You may think it's nuts, but I believe God brough this particular girl into my life for a reason..............maybe we won't end up together, who knows, that's the last thing on my mind.

 

We just have to do what we're comfortable with. In between typing this I met my wife and she signed the Divorce papers..............YES!!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

Pixie, you crack me up! LOL.

 

I do really appreciate the concern, I do. I guess it's live and learn. You may think it's nuts, but I believe God brough this particular girl into my life for a reason..............maybe we won't end up together, who knows, that's the last thing on my mind.

 

We just have to do what we're comfortable with. In between typing this I met my wife and she signed the Divorce papers..............YES!!!!

 

It's really just sad to me Mike because I really feel like you tried with her- she is just too far into her entitlement and fog to really see it.

 

My H swears he feels that God brought us into the other's life and I can see that. We knew none of the same people, didn't frequent any of the same places really, just happened to run into each other at Starbucks!!!

 

If his wife would have never cheated on him and left him for OM, and if I wouldn't have left my ex at exactly that time we might not have ever met or fell in love and got married. Wierd how things like that happen.

 

Just promise to take it slow, I mean turtle slow.

 

Keep posting here. There are some guys who will no doubt come here and need some advice from someone like you- who is making it on the other side.

 

How long does it take for the divorce to become final??

 

I cannot imagine introducing my kids to my new BF while still married to their father. WTF is she thinking??? My kids didn't even meet my H until we were talking marriage!

[Mike1966]

It's really just sad to me Mike because I really feel like you tried with her- she is just too far into her entitlement and fog to really see it.

 

My H swears he feels that God brought us into the other's life and I can see that. We knew none of the same people, didn't frequent any of the same places really, just happened to run into each other at Starbucks!!!

 

If his wife would have never cheated on him and left him for OM, and if I wouldn't have left my ex at exactly that time we might not have ever met or fell in love and got married. Wierd how things like that happen.

 

Just promise to take it slow, I mean turtle slow.

 

Keep posting here. There are some guys who will no doubt come here and need some advice from someone like you- who is making it on the other side.

 

How long does it take for the divorce to become final??

 

I cannot imagine introducing my kids to my new BF while still married to their father. WTF is she thinking??? My kids didn't even meet my H until we were talking marriage!

 

Pixie,

 

Yes..........I've been as honest as I could in all my postings and really thought I tried my very best. My wife is like a little girl in a woman's body, always has been. I was drawn to her, maybe the challenge, I don't know?? But I can tell you this, since I've been away from her I now realize how controlled I was by her emotions. If she wasn't happy, no one was, and unfortunately I think my kids have been raised to make her happy and they just don't know it. I welcome time with them now that I'm done with her and have moved on emotionally, I can focus on them.

 

That is such a cool story, Pixie, about you and your husband. You know, before I frequented these boards, I had a totally different outlook on divorce. Like I was SOOOO special and it wasn't going to happen to me. I view it as a forgivable sin like anything else, feel I can stand before God someday and say "I did my best". Your story gives me hope and thoughts of what most likely will be a happier future without my STBX. I don't hate her at all, I really feel sorry for her and hope she soon understands what it takes to truly be happy and that a person can't do it for you. Even when together today to sign, it's like God has healed me of the feelings I had for her, nothing there at all which felt great.

 

Yes, this new gal and I will take it slow. She's been divorced 1 1/2 yrs, bout my age, and was married about the same amount of time. Objectively, she's everything I want. We've seen each other twice and chatted lots........................she actually broke down and told me today that I was everything she was looking for and an amazing catch. At the same time, she was okay if I wanted to date others and get back with her, is that selfless or what?? She wants to be sure I'm sure, know what I mean?? I told her we'll just be close friends for now, have some fun and take it from there. Not sure if I will date someone else, that's just never been me, but I will promise you I'll take it slowly. We each have 2 girls so we'll be busy enough with that anyway. I'll keep you posted!

 

My attorney is filing the Divorce docs next Tuesday, after the holiday. Then will get an appointment before the judge within the next 2 weeks, it is then final, then I think he said there was a 30-day waiting period after. So I'll keep the azz kissin' going for another 1 1/2 months and be home free.

 

Yes.......I spoke to my wife about intro'ing this guy to the kids but it's out of my hands. I guess this last weekend when I was chatting with this girl I met on IM, they were curious and spied on me and told their Mom I was talking to a girl online. I was accused of being a "liar" because I didn't think it appropriate that they have any clue I was even talking to a girl unless I was serious with them. She chided me for "lying" to the girls and said I won't have a good relationship with them if I don't open up to them. Trust me, before the past 4 months, my girls and I had a GREAT relationship and I'm sure will again now that she is behind me. STBX is SOOOO self-centered it's amazing.

 

Thanks for the help!

[Mike1966]

This breaks my heart. You and Confuzd were the 2 main reasons I joined and posted because I had hope in both your marriages, like I do mine. I prayed for both of you and wished for the best.

 

It honestly scares me for my situation. I love my wife so much, I would not want to lose her to divorce. I will stay strong and be her friend for now. God will handle the rest.

 

LMDG-

 

Don't give up hope. No two situations are exactly alike. I could not have handled my situation any differently. I felt like God wanted me committed to the marriage, and I feel I was until I was left with no other choice than my wife dating other people and me being disrespected.

 

I can tell you this........................I was completely in love with my wife and crushed emotionally through this. Now, I will tell you that I feel great, like an anvil has been lifted from my shoulders................it is a highly emotional experience. Keep your faith, trust in God and make your decisions accordingly.

 

You don't want to hear this, but, even if it doesn't work your life is not over. In my case, I will likely be better off and happier with someone else than I ever was my wife. I feel like I was in a fog the whole time I was going through it.

 

I wish you the best and hope things work out for you!

[Darth Vader]

No more IMing, I know it's a double standard with the STBXW. Don't wanna make the witch angry! Anyway, it's great that she signed it. Is she able to go back on it, although she signed?

It's not going to break you for the rest of your life is it?

[Mike1966]

No more IMing, I know it's a double standard with the STBXW. Don't wanna make the witch angry! Anyway, it's great that she signed it. Is she able to go back on it, although she signed?

It's not going to break you for the rest of your life is it?

 

 

LOL............no it won't break me for the rest of my life. I should have the divorce debt paid off within 3-4 years at most, so I'll be 44-45, not too bad!

 

I'm just excited about the posibilities of the future for me and my kids and a future relationship with a woman who will love and respect me more than my STBX ever did.

[BestAdvisor1]

LOL............no it won't break me for the rest of my life. I should have the divorce debt paid off within 3-4 years at most, so I'll be 44-45, not too bad!

 

I'm just excited about the posibilities of the future for me and my kids and a future relationship with a woman who will love and respect me more than my STBX ever did.

 

How are things going with this new woman?

[Mike1966]

How are things going with this new woman?

 

 

Thanks for asking, BA!

 

Well, for now, we continue to see each other. She wants to take it slow which is great for me. Emotionally, it would be easy to start getting "hooked" on someone right now. As has been said on here before, my "Love Bank" was empty and to be with someone who cares for you at that point is pretty powerful.

 

This girl had been married 2 yrs longer than I (17 yrs) before her divorce a couple years ago. She's very cautious approaching a relationship as she has had one serious one since her marriage ended that didn't work out. She's phobic about being my "first date" after my marriage and I can understand.

 

Many people tell me to date around and all that, but, I have always had a very hard time emotionally investing in more than one at a time, it's just the way God wired me. Never could operate that way and I'm not out for casual relationships and dating around. Years down the road I'd like to be married again. Right now, I'm just approaching it trying to develop a solid friendship with this gal to find out if we each want more at some point. If not, then I'll move on. She has a many of the qualities I'm looking for and we don't live too far apart and can see each other maybe a couple times each week, depending on each other's schedule with kids.

 

On another note, my STBX called me a couple of times over the weekend. First, about my life insurance, knowing that I've changed the beneficiary and wondering what happens to child support if something happens. She was kind about it and truly concerned. Not sure why but our Divorce agreement doesn't go into..................told her I'd handle it in the trust agreement for the kids as I do want to be fair. Then, she calls again telling me since I ended up with our dogs if I want to have an overnight with the kids or need to be gone that she'll take care of them for me...................talks a little about a job she didn't get and another she may get. I'm thinking, oh crap, I sure hope you're not starting to want to talk to me 'cause I'M DONE, and, if and when I develop a serious relationship I don't want her calling me all the time, or really much at all, unless it's about the kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not vindictive and do want to be friends with her, just don't want to talk with her about other details of my life as that is over now.

[Mz. Pixie]

Ummmmm, if something happens and you pass away doesn't she get it that she won't get child support??

 

The kids would qualify for social security yes, and she would have life insurance but I don't think there is a "child support protection plan".

[Mike1966]

Actually, Pixie, I changed my life insurance beneficary already to a trusted family member with instructions for my kids. I can understand my wifes concern and am going to check with my attorney about what happens. There's no provision in the divorce paperwork, I know that for sure.

 

Good point about social security benefits for the kids. I need to check that out also. Ultimately, if something did happen to me, the kids would live with her full time and I do want them cared for so it does concern me.

[BestAdvisor1]

How are things with your wife and this other guy? The reason you might want to know is it will definately involves your kids and whom your kids will be surrounded with.

[Mz. Pixie]

Actually, Pixie, I changed my life insurance beneficary already to a trusted family member with instructions for my kids. I can understand my wifes concern and am going to check with my attorney about what happens. There's no provision in the divorce paperwork, I know that for sure.

 

Good point about social security benefits for the kids. I need to check that out also. Ultimately, if something did happen to me, the kids would live with her full time and I do want them cared for so it does concern me.

 

Well it's pretty simple- if you're not alive and working- there is no child support.

 

A friend of mine in HS lost his mother at an early age. He received social security benefits that would have been his mom's until he graduated high school. Something to check into.

 

Have you ever gotten a benefit statement from Social Security? It should tell you on the statement how much of a benefit a minor child would get in the case of the parent's death.

[Mike1966]

How are things with your wife and this other guy? The reason you might want to know is it will definately involves your kids and whom your kids will be surrounded with.

 

Good question and I don't know the answer. I don't think I want to ask at this time as anything could set her off and I dont' want to before the judgment is entered which will hopefully be within the next 2 weeks. Then, I'll talk with her about him and see how things look.

 

She's been all over the board emotionally and I don't want to push it and have WWIII on my hands. My kids would hopefully tell me if the guy was an idiot but I only think they've met him once.

[Mike1966]

Well it's pretty simple- if you're not alive and working- there is no child support.

 

A friend of mine in HS lost his mother at an early age. He received social security benefits that would have been his mom's until he graduated high school. Something to check into.

 

Have you ever gotten a benefit statement from Social Security? It should tell you on the statement how much of a benefit a minor child would get in the case of the parent's death.

 

Good point, Pixie! I have a message into my attorney now to check this out and let me know the standard. I did talk with the girl I'm seeing and I believe her decree allowed for support in case of her xhusbands demise.

 

Yes, I do have SS statements that show the benefit. I'll take a look.

 

Thanks.

[Mike1966]

Okay............I've been out of the dating game for a long time and want to toss a question out there....

 

This girl I started to see and I are getting together tomorrow afteroon/early evening, have about 6 1/2 hours to spend together before we each have to go back to our kids. We've spent a couple of evenings together talking and asked each other lots of questions, we IM online and have tons of fun, I thought it'd be nice to have more of a "fun" date and less serious since we are both wanting to go slow.

 

I thought of taking her to the driving range (golf), maybe going to the mall to see if she'd help me pick out a shirt or two, maybe going on a short walk in one of our parks since the leaves are starting to change and it's finally cooling off a bit................then going somewhere for dinner.

 

How's it sound..........any ideas?? Another aha moment for me.............i've realized my whole married life my wife picked EVERYTHING.............where to go, what to..........I now realize I haven't considered what I want for a long time. This gal wants me to choose which kind of feels good!

[Mz. Pixie]

I thought of taking her to the driving range (golf), maybe going to the mall to see if she'd help me pick out a shirt or two, maybe going on a short walk in one of our parks since the leaves are starting to change and it's finally cooling off a bit................then going somewhere for dinner.

 

 

How about putt putt?? That's fun. I also like the idea of a walk followed by dinner.

 

A nice touch would be like one flower- especially her favorite as long as it's not roses. That would be too romantic but under the circumstances I would dig a daisy or something along those lines- not wrapped in paper- just loose.

[Mike1966]

How about putt putt?? That's fun. I also like the idea of a walk followed by dinner.

 

A nice touch would be like one flower- especially her favorite as long as it's not roses. That would be too romantic but under the circumstances I would dig a daisy or something along those lines- not wrapped in paper- just loose.

 

 

Sounds good............we do have putt-putt close by, I may opt for that instead of the driving range.....dunno?? Yes, I need to think of a place for a nice walk, it's really pretty out this time of year!

A Daisy, good idea and I think I'll go with it! I'm not sure of her favorite kind of flower and agree a Rose would be a bit much.............I really appreciate the advice as I wouldn't have thought of it (though I'm not gonna tell her you told me )

 

Thanks.

[reboot]

Set the wedding date yet?

[Darth Vader]

Good question and I don't know the answer. I don't think I want to ask at this time as anything could set her off and I dont' want to before the judgment is entered which will hopefully be within the next 2 weeks. Then, I'll talk with her about him and see how things look.

 

She's been all over the board emotionally and I don't want to push it and have WWIII on my hands. My kids would hopefully tell me if the guy was an idiot but I only think they've met him once.

 

 

Is there any way you could all of a sudden get so busy that you can't see or talk to STBXW until the whole Divorce thingy gets settled!? You know :p"Something suddenly came up":p:p. Works for me!!!!!

 

By the way, under no circumstances let STBXW know about the other little lady that's take'in an interest in you, otherwise it will be WWIII!

[Darth Vader]

Set the wedding date yet?

 

 

I'm putting in my order now: Steak, Lobster, Shrimp, gotta have!!!!!!!:cool::laugh:

[Mike1966]

Set the wedding date yet?

 

LOL.............sheesh, can't a guy have some fun dating after wearing a ball and chain for 15 years?

[Mike1966]

Is there any way you could all of a sudden get so busy that you can't see or talk to STBXW until the whole Divorce thingy gets settled!? You know :p"Something suddenly came up":p:p. Works for me!!!!!

 

By the way, under no circumstances let STBXW know about the other little lady that's take'in an interest in you, otherwise it will be WWIII!

 

Funny Darth,

 

STBXW calls me now every other day...........even talking about this guy. Actually asked me about this girl I started to see also. I just play dumb.............yeah, she's nice, dunno what I'm going to do....take my time.....etc., whatever. We are getting along and, don't get me wrong, I hope it continues, but I don't need dialogue with her every other day.

 

Steak, Lobster and Shrimp...........got you down, my friend. Oh, and bring your light sabre as I want a light show at the reception!