recently separated from wife.... ??

[Mike1966]

Man I'm psyched..........

 

 

Here I'm rackin' my brain trying to come up with a fun date for later today which I pick this gal up. We're talkin' on the phone last night for awhile and she ends up mentioning that there's a winery where she lives and we can just go there for awhile, maybe supper later, then just hang out at her place....................Yikes! It appears she's trying to seduce me..............I could only be so lucky ........!!!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

Man I'm psyched..........

 

 

Here I'm rackin' my brain trying to come up with a fun date for later today which I pick this gal up. We're talkin' on the phone last night for awhile and she ends up mentioning that there's a winery where she lives and we can just go there for awhile, maybe supper later, then just hang out at her place....................Yikes! It appears she's trying to seduce me..............I could only be so lucky ........!!!!!

 

Calm down there Sparky!

[Mike1966]

Calm down there Sparky!

 

C'mon, Pixie....

 

Ya know deep down you're rootin' for me !

 

Don't worry.............I'll be a good boy...LOL!

 

Seriously......................intimacy has been the last thing I've been thinking about with this girl as I really like her and don't want things to move along too quickly! OTOH, I better try to keep the motor at an idle tonight and not have too much wine!

[2sunny]

take her a nice bottle of -------- perfume or something.

 

and go with your instincts.

 

but go slow... you don't need any more hurt in your life than you've already recently experienced.

[Mike1966]

take her a nice bottle of -------- perfume or something.

 

and go with your instincts.

 

but go slow... you don't need any more hurt in your life than you've already recently experienced.

 

Thanks for the tip, I appreciate it! I'll pick her up a little something before going today!

 

I do want to take it slow...........you're right, I have no desire for any more pain in my life. At the same time, there's always that risk in relationships whether it be marriage, friendship...............any sort of relationship. I'll be careful, but don't want to miss out on a potentially great relationshp due to fear.

 

Thanks again!

[Mz. Pixie]

C'mon, Pixie....

 

Ya know deep down you're rootin' for me !

 

 

Yeah, I am.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm rooting for you too.

 

Not to be a wet blanket... but, you're sounding like a guy who's rebounding, Mike.

 

I still think you need more time to resolve your feelings about the end of the marriage. The excitement of this new relationship could end up being quite a distraction, in some ways good, in some ways bad.

 

I wouldn't discourage you for all the tea in China... but I'm with MzPixie. Keep 'er to a trot there, fella.

[Mike1966]

I'm rooting for you too.

 

Not to be a wet blanket... but, you're sounding like a guy who's rebounding, Mike.

 

I still think you need more time to resolve your feelings about the end of the marriage. The excitement of this new relationship could end up being quite a distraction, in some ways good, in some ways bad.

 

I wouldn't discourage you for all the tea in China... but I'm with MzPixie. Keep 'er to a trot there, fella.

 

Thanks, LJ!

 

I am going to take it slow, don't worry, as slow as I possibly can!

 

I've read so many things about dating after divorce and heard so much talk................how much time to wait, what circumstances....etc. I don't know, I'm just trying to do what I feel is right given my situation.

 

The more I review in my mind my separation and divorce, the more I realize that my fear was more of losing the marriage and everything with it (especially what it would do to the kids) rather than being "hung up" on my wife. I'm certainly not trying to replace her. That's the nice thing about finally being "out of the fog" so to speak. I can see our marriage for what it was................I had my faults but she was immature and very, very selfish. I don't want anyone remotely like her nor would I take her back......................that gives me peace about seeing other people and developing a relationship.

 

Who knows................I hope at this age and given the divorce experience that I'm old enough to know what I want in a woman and not play games. I don't feel it's rocket science......................basically, you either are or aren't attracted to someone, they have values which you share, you enjoy and are attracted to their personality...................then, you make the "decision" that you can commit to loving them. I hope what I end up experiencing is nothing like "love on the rebound" as I don't want to hurt anyone. I pray daily that I'm heading in the right direction and ask God for his blessing and wisdom for my life and that of my kids.

 

On a lighter note................I had a killer date yesterday. Went to a winery, sat on the porch sipping wine overlooking a hillside in the country.............beautiful. Followed it up with dinner at a unique restaurant and some alone time after. It was wonderful.

 

Thanks for the input!

[Ladyjane14]

I've read so many things about dating after divorce and heard so much talk................how much time to wait, what circumstances....etc. I don't know, I'm just trying to do what I feel is right given my situation.

 

The more I review in my mind my separation and divorce, the more I realize that my fear was more of losing the marriage and everything with it (especially what it would do to the kids) rather than being "hung up" on my wife. I'm certainly not trying to replace her. That's the nice thing about finally being "out of the fog" so to speak. I can see our marriage for what it was................I had my faults but she was immature and very, very selfish. I don't want anyone remotely like her nor would I take her back......................that gives me peace about seeing other people and developing a relationship.

 

Who knows................I hope at this age and given the divorce experience that I'm old enough to know what I want in a woman and not play games. I don't feel it's rocket science......................basically, you either are or aren't attracted to someone, they have values which you share, you enjoy and are attracted to their personality...................then, you make the "decision" that you can commit to loving them. I hope what I end up experiencing is nothing like "love on the rebound" as I don't want to hurt anyone. I pray daily that I'm heading in the right direction and ask God for his blessing and wisdom for my life and that of my kids.

 

On a lighter note................I had a killer date yesterday. Went to a winery, sat on the porch sipping wine overlooking a hillside in the country.............beautiful. Followed it up with dinner at a unique restaurant and some alone time after. It was wonderful.

 

Well, it sounds like you're really doing your homework, Mike. And what an awesome idea for a romantic date, btw. Just lovely.

I'm happy to hear you're doing so well.

[Darth Vader]

Funny Darth,

 

STBXW calls me now every other day...........even talking about this guy. Actually asked me about this girl I started to see also. I just play dumb.............yeah, she's nice, dunno what I'm going to do....take my time.....etc., whatever. We are getting along and, don't get me wrong, I hope it continues, but I don't need dialogue with her every other day.

 

Steak, Lobster and Shrimp...........got you down, my friend. Oh, and bring your light sabre as I want a light show at the reception!

 

 

Yeah! I'll shead a little light on the subject!!!!:lmao:

[Darth Vader]

Man I'm psyched..........

 

 

Here I'm rackin' my brain trying to come up with a fun date for later today which I pick this gal up. We're talkin' on the phone last night for awhile and she ends up mentioning that there's a winery where she lives and we can just go there for awhile, maybe supper later, then just hang out at her place....................Yikes! It appears she's trying to seduce me..............I could only be so lucky ........!!!!!

 

 

RESIST THE DARK SIDE!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I'M SERIOUS!!!!

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

I know one thing You can do, on the way to the date, with her in the car with you.

 

Take a piece of paper, one for each letter in her name, right a letter of her name on the paper and hide each piece in different places of the car. When you guys are driving, tell her you have a magic trick. Tell her to think of a letter of her name. Tell her to think real hard. Once she does, ask her what letter she was thinking of. When she does tell you, then tell her to find the letter she thought of in your car. She doesnt need to know yo put every letter in your car, she will be amazed you knew which one she was gunna pick before she picked it.

[PWSX3]

I'm rooting for you too.

 

Not to be a wet blanket... but, you're sounding like a guy who's rebounding, Mike.

 

I still think you need more time to resolve your feelings about the end of the marriage. The excitement of this new relationship could end up being quite a distraction, in some ways good, in some ways bad.

 

I wouldn't discourage you for all the tea in China... but I'm with MzPixie. Keep 'er to a trot there, fella.

I think I have to agree with the girls on this one, seems like you are trying to find happiness from someone else. I can only use my own situation but going out with another girl was the last thing on my mind. I knew there were things that I had to work on, I needed to figure out who I was.

 

I hadn't dated much before we got married so there were things I needed to learn on my own & yes I was one of those guys needed someone to make him happy, I always had to have someone doing something with me.

 

Now I have learned I can go out & eat on my own, I can do other activities that I like on my own.

What I'm trying to get at is I feel you might be trying to rush another relationship even if it is just friends, just someone to hang out with, etc.

 

Trust me just setting at home with no TV, no music, & reading a book or doing something such as a craft if pretty cool!!!!!

 

I do wish you the best & I hope things will work out for you.

 

Like you have said; people have to do things at there speed & what feels comfortable for them.

[Mike1966]

I know one thing You can do, on the way to the date, with her in the car with you.

 

Take a piece of paper, one for each letter in her name, right a letter of her name on the paper and hide each piece in different places of the car. When you guys are driving, tell her you have a magic trick. Tell her to think of a letter of her name. Tell her to think real hard. Once she does, ask her what letter she was thinking of. When she does tell you, then tell her to find the letter she thought of in your car. She doesnt need to know yo put every letter in your car, she will be amazed you knew which one she was gunna pick before she picked it.

 

 

LMDG -

 

Very thoughful and romantic, I may give it a try. Tell you what, wherever you end up and whoever you're with, that gal is gonna have one thoughtful fella!

[Mike1966]

I think I have to agree with the girls on this one, seems like you are trying to find happiness from someone else. I can only use my own situation but going out with another girl was the last thing on my mind. I knew there were things that I had to work on, I needed to figure out who I was.

 

I hadn't dated much before we got married so there were things I needed to learn on my own & yes I was one of those guys needed someone to make him happy, I always had to have someone doing something with me.

 

Now I have learned I can go out & eat on my own, I can do other activities that I like on my own.

What I'm trying to get at is I feel you might be trying to rush another relationship even if it is just friends, just someone to hang out with, etc.

 

Trust me just setting at home with no TV, no music, & reading a book or doing something such as a craft if pretty cool!!!!!

 

I do wish you the best & I hope things will work out for you.

 

Like you have said; people have to do things at there speed & what feels comfortable for them.

 

 

I sure understand why you say that, about finding happiness in someone. I can't say say there's not an element of truth in that, but, at the same time, my main focus has really been my spiritual life and being a Dad to my kids.

 

I do enjoy this girl and she has some great qualities. For now, we enjoy seeing each other and will continue but aren't calling for the preacher anytime soon. I enjoy having the relationship with her but at the same time have friends and enjoy them, too, or various projects I have going on.

 

I guess with any future relationship there is unknown............too slow, too fast.........hard to gauge it. At my age I feel pretty confident about what qualities I want should i decide to get serious with someone. It's weird, all through my separation and divorce from my wife, I look back now and feel like I was in a fog and only in the last 3-4 weeks have I truly been able to see the marriage for what it was. I would not have chosen divorce and would have tried anything to make it work, but, it wasn't because of this ultra-strong feeling for my STBX, it was more the commitment to the marriage and to my kids. I guess this is why I feel better about seeing someone else right now, because I am in no way hung up on my STBX, and am happy for her in whatever she chooses.............I just have my kids best interest at heart and want her choices to be good for them.

 

On a lighter note.......................I had a great weekend with the girl-friend. Spent Saturday night together..............ended up taking her to the mall to help me pick out a few shirts, took her to dinner, back to her place and watched Family Man with Nick Cage, that's hilarious.........had some wine.................mmmmmm, nice evening. We'll have to do it again soon!

[reboot]

I had a great weekend with the girl-friend.

Now she's the "girl-friend".

[Chrome Barracuda]

Shhhht. let him have his fun. From what 've read he deserves it. His wife intiated the split. She cause this and he wanted to come back right. Then she filed from divorce and kept playing games.

 

And he's waiting for her because???

 

I'd say good for you mike. I'm not condoning an affair, but clearly if you are already seperated and filed for divorce, Then you could date whoever you want. Hopefully your soon to be X, knows this!

 

And with that information she can take solace that your aight and your moving on with your life.

 

Me myself I have always been alone, I go to the movies alone and eat alone. I think that if I was ever in the same situation I would pace myself and eventually start dating having sex again. If the woman leaves and your doing everything in your power to keep her and she still leaves?

 

Quit!!!!

 

I mean it takes 2 to work on the marriage and all that talk about finding space and finding myself that's a load of bull****!!!!

 

What she wants to do is run the streets and get butt pounded by dudes left and right, the only thing paramount is her happiness, Why should you care?

 

I wouldnt.

 

All of my exes who break up with me all eventually try to come back in some form or another, but my only aim is to move forward. If she wants to be with me fine but if she leaves esepcially when it's going good. my only response is:

 

Dont come back...

 

1.

[Mike1966]

CB-

 

Hey thanks.....................yes, by all means............ssshhhhhh, I just wanna have some fun!

 

You're right about my situation, wife and I have been separated about 4 months and the divorce petition has been filed and will be final Nov. 2nd..............D-Day! Yeah......maybe I should have waited on dating but I sure dont' think it has anything to do with "getting over" my STBX..............I couldn't care less who she sees, well, only pertaining to my kids anyway and that the guy isn't some perv or azzhole.

 

Yeah, Reboot, my girl-friend......................when I take the hyphen out then you'll know it's serious !!

 

Another date with her Thurs...............mmmmmmmm Good!

 

STBX calls this morning trying to change the custody schedule from Fri-Fri to Sat-Sat each week claiming it is what the kids want and will be better for them. I guarantee it that there's something in it for her. Told her forget it as I'd like to have a whole weekend with them, then a whole weekend to myself case I want to get away for a weekend. Sheesh, I've never seen anyone like her, everything is about her and whats best for her...................selfish bit@h! Wish she'd just stick to the plan laid out in the petition and leave me the heck alone!!!!!

 

Peace!

[bestadvisor]

Spent Saturday night together..............

 

How much does your wife know about this girl? Does she know that you and her are already at that stage?

[CaliGuy]

If the woman leaves and your doing everything in your power to keep her and she still leaves?

 

Quit!!!!

 

I mean it takes 2 to work on the marriage and all that talk about finding space and finding myself that's a load of bull****!!!!

 

 

...my only response is:

 

Dont come back...

 

 

Yep and yep. Good advice. If someone can walk away from you after you have loved them deeply they simply do not deserve you nor should you continue to pursue them.

[Mike1966]

How much does your wife know about this girl? Does she know that you and her are already at that stage?

 

No way! No one knows that but her and I. She knows her first name, because my kids found it out somehow and told her. She has no room to talk, however, introducing this guy she started to see to my kids on the 2nd date or so.

 

Trust me..............my STBX will know as little as possible about ANYTHING until the judgment is entered in the next couple of weeks.

 

Thanks.

[Mike1966]

Yep and yep. Good advice. If someone can walk away from you after you have loved them deeply they simply do not deserve you nor should you continue to pursue them.

 

Thanks, CaliGuy-

 

Yep.........I've come to the same conclusion. Life's too short as it is without giving to someone who either doesn't have the capacity or desire to give back.

[Darth Vader]

I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop! What I mean is your STBXW's 180 turn around, and starts to get really nasty! I hope I'm wrong! You've been warned!

[reboot]

That's what *I* am worried about also.

[CaliGuy]

Thanks, CaliGuy-

 

Yep.........I've come to the same conclusion. Life's too short as it is without giving to someone who either doesn't have the capacity or desire to give back.

 

The good thing is, after you've gone through something like this and you finally meet the right one, you'll really have learned so much that you'll make that relationship last.

 

Trust me on that one!