Help! New twist to ongoing problem!

[Ali]

I know this is very long but I am so confused and need serious help. I only hope someone can read and get through some of this to help me. I tried to shorten it but it was just too hard. First of all... thanks for all the advice everyone! In case you don't know my story I also posted the below posts entitled "My boyfriend just broke up with me and I want him back" and "Is there any chance." I took in all of the advice and even purchased some of the books you requested. It has been about two months since my bf broke up with me. I need some serious help now though. I tried to take some of your advice and let him go completely. We spent the whole weekend together. I didn't even know if he wanted me to come up but I did. I planned it on being our last weekend. I was going to tell him we needed to move on. Things just got weird. I got very upset on Sunday when I found a shirt he gave me. He used to say that if it was ever really over between us for me to give him the shirt back, well... now it was in his room. I cried and cried, but I did it alone. Well, he came upstairs and saw me holding the shirt and crying. He immediately came over and hugged me. He asked me to go back out and said he would take care of me. I said no. Later I asked him if he really wanted to go out when he asked me. I said exactly "I guess so." What the hell does that mean. Then yesterday was the killer. He was joking a bit about having a baby and marriage. It even seemed at times that he was begging me to go back out. When we broke up he said it was because he wanted to see if he could have feelings for someone else... basically see other people. He told me yesterday that he actually went out with someone else on a "date" when I was at the beach last weekend. He said it was just like a friendly get together and not much. He said the whole time he thought about me and wished I was there instead of her. He also told me that there are a couple of girls at work that want to go out with him. Some girl even asked him to go out on his birthday. He says he told her no. She said she is very pretty and nice but he was not interested in her, and that it was enough just to know that he was wanted. For some reason this seems weird to me. But, he says that he loves me and wants to be with me. He is not interested in any of these girls, only me. We are going to Atlantic City on Friday for his birthday... and we are going to spend the whole night there. This made me feel great, especially since he told me that this other girl asked him out for his birthday even before we thought about going to Atlantic City. He even mentioned going on vacation just the two of us in December. It is like he wants to try again. But I am still so confused... he seems to changed his mind a bit from day to day... from Saturday's "I guess so" to Sunday. The weirdest thing is that when he said he would take care of me he also said a bunch of other sweet stuff including how he knows I am a wonderful person and that I will be successful. He jokes that I would be so successful that when we get married I can do all the work and he would stay home with the kids. Does that sound like the weirdest thing to say or what? I know it was a joke because he is a workaholic, but it just confused me even more. Why would he joke about marriage like this? As you can see I am more confused than ever. When he asked me back out I threw up my hands and said that it was so weird. I told him that this weekend was supposed to be the last that we would see each other. I was going to completely cut off all contact. Now, I don't know what to do. I am not sure if he is regressing because he is afraid to lose me, or if he just feels some sense of responsibility towards me. I want him to ask me out because he loves me. I left his place quickly last night because I was upset. I kept saying no and he kept saying we were going back out. I was so confused. He followed me and we sat on the porch and talked more. He said that he wanted to go back out. I said no because I wasn't sure he was being sincere, or just doing it to make me happy. I told him I wanted him to want to be with me... that I wanted to be number one, and that I wanted someone who would love and cherish me. He said he did... can you believe it. Well, now I had no clue what to do. I wanted so bad to take him back, but I am not sure why he is asking. Like I said above I want to know for sure he wants this, and not doing it just because. What do I do? AHHHH! I am going more crazy than ever. I wish he could just give me a sign... flowers, a song on my answering machine... something. Why can't guys do this... Asking is one thing, but showing they mean it is another. Why would he act one minute like he doesn't want me around and the next like he can't live without me? I think I can handle either, but I just wish I knew which one it was? How can I know what he wants? He knows I want to go back out with him. If he wants to go back out with me why doesn't he show me?

[LoveAngel]

I know this is very long but I am so confused and need serious help. I only hope someone can read and get through some of this to help me. I tried to shorten it but it was just too hard. First of all... thanks for all the advice everyone! In case you don't know my story I also posted the below posts entitled "My boyfriend just broke up with me and I want him back" and "Is there any chance."

We'll try our best! And thank you for visiting us!

I took in all of the advice and even purchased some of the books you requested.

Are you sure about this? We don't recommend books nor literature very often -- in fact, I can't think of a single time when we might have. This is a non-profit organization run completely by volunteers. We don't endorse nor are we sponsored by any publishing company, etc.

It has been about two months since my bf broke up with me. I need some serious help now though. I tried to take some of your advice and let him go completely. We spent the whole weekend together. I didn't even know if he wanted me to come up but I did. I planned it on being our last weekend. I was going to tell him we needed to move on. Things just got weird. I got very upset on Sunday when I found a shirt he gave me. He used to say that if it was ever really over between us for me to give him the shirt back, well... now it was in his room. I cried and cried, but I did it alone. Well, he came upstairs and saw me holding the shirt and crying. He immediately came over and hugged me. He asked me to go back out and said he would take care of me. I said no. Later I asked him if he really wanted to go out when he asked me. I said exactly "I guess so." What the hell does that mean. Then yesterday was the killer. He was joking a bit about having a baby and marriage. It even seemed at times that he was begging me to go back out. When we broke up he said it was because he wanted to see if he could have feelings for someone else... basically see other people. He told me yesterday that he actually went out with someone else on a "date" when I was at the beach last weekend. He said it was just like a friendly get together and not much. He said the whole time he thought about me and wished I was there instead of her. He also told me that there are a couple of girls at work that want to go out with him. Some girl even asked him to go out on his birthday. He says he told her no. She said she is very pretty and nice but he was not interested in her, and that it was enough just to know that he was wanted. For some reason this seems weird to me. But, he says that he loves me and wants to be with me. He is not interested in any of these girls, only me. We are going to Atlantic City on Friday for his birthday... and we are going to spend the whole night there. This made me feel great, especially since he told me that this other girl asked him out for his birthday even before we thought about going to Atlantic City. He even mentioned going on vacation just the two of us in December. It is like he wants to try again. But I am still so confused... he seems to changed his mind a bit from day to day... from Saturday's "I guess so" to Sunday. The weirdest thing is that when he said he would take care of me he also said a bunch of other sweet stuff including how he knows I am a wonderful person and that I will be successful. He jokes that I would be so successful that when we get married I can do all the work and he would stay home with the kids. Does that sound like the weirdest thing to say or what? I know it was a joke because he is a workaholic, but it just confused me even more. Why would he joke about marriage like this? As you can see I am more confused than ever. When he asked me back out I threw up my hands and said that it was so weird. I told him that this weekend was supposed to be the last that we would see each other. I was going to completely cut off all contact. Now, I don't know what to do. I am not sure if he is regressing because he is afraid to lose me, or if he just feels some sense of responsibility towards me. I want him to ask me out because he loves me. I left his place quickly last night because I was upset. I kept saying no and he kept saying we were going back out. I was so confused. He followed me and we sat on the porch and talked more. He said that he wanted to go back out. I said no because I wasn't sure he was being sincere, or just doing it to make me happy. I told him I wanted him to want to be with me... that I wanted to be number one, and that I wanted someone who would love and cherish me. He said he did... can you believe it. Well, now I had no clue what to do. I wanted so bad to take him back, but I am not sure why he is asking. Like I said above I want to know for sure he wants this, and not doing it just because. What do I do? AHHHH! I am going more crazy than ever. I wish he could just give me a sign... flowers, a song on my answering machine... something. Why can't guys do this...

They do. You haven't met the right guy. Sexism isn't tolerated here.

Asking is one thing, but showing they mean it is another. Why would he act one minute like he doesn't want me around and the next like he can't live without me? I think I can handle either, but I just wish I knew which one it was? How can I know what he wants? He knows I want to go back out with him. If he wants to go back out with me why doesn't he show me?

My advice to your previous postings still stands. This isn't a relationship anymore -- it's an addiction. You need to break it off cold-turkey. No "last weekends." No "putting it off till tomorrow." If you decide to continue pursuing this relationship, you're only going to get hurt even more than you have already. You need time off from each other. Leave it at that. Whatever happens happens.

 

If he's so committed as he says he is then he should be willing to give you a break. But you can't play mind games with him either. Telling him it's over forever and then coming back in a month isn't the right course of action. Leaving it open is. Tell him how you feel. You either want to end it or you don't. And if you're not really sure then you need to sit down and really think it through. What is it that you love about him and what is it that makes your relationship as it is now something that you want to continue with. You need time away from him to make that decision. This isn't something you should be pressured into doing. More than likely he needs to do the same thing, and it just might be that both your decisions are similar or both your decisions have different goals. Take a "vacation" from each other to really judge what it is you want, not only from a partner, but in life, and from there make an educated decision on how to procede. No one can stand in your shoes and say what's best for you other than yourself. If you feel that this is the right thing for you right now then go ahead and go for it. Hiding/masking your feelings isn't going to get you anywhere. Be open and honest not only to him, but to yourself. Best wishes to you.

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel