Turquoise Waters Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Even if he leaves his wife/fiancee/girlfriend for me, I'd always be anxious and insecure that he wouldn't think twice about cheating on ME, given the chance. I believe that a MM who cheats would have no problem picking up the first pretty woman who notices him at the bar no matter what. I don't understand why a woman would put herself in that position as OW, it's crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Even if he leaves his wife/fiancee/girlfriend for me, I'd always be anxious and insecure that he wouldn't think twice about cheating on ME, given the chance. I believe that a MM who cheats would have no problem picking up the first pretty woman who notices him at the bar no matter what. I don't understand why a woman would put herself in that position as OW, it's crazy. You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. I agree. Thing is, people are people and if they think they can cheat without consequence they will. It all depends on their moral code and their honour. The same applies to women. I have quite a number of guypals who have had their hearts broken by women who cheated on them. One guy right now is being literally tortured by his ex because she swears she didn't cheat and he has evidence to prove she did. It's just a nightmare no matter who does it. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 One guy right now is being literally tortured by his ex because she swears she didn't cheat and he has evidence to prove she did. It's just a nightmare no matter who does it. Why is he being tortured? Why hasn't he shown her the evidence and completely cut off all contact? Or just cut off all contact regardless? I agree, though. Cheating isn't limited to married people. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Why is he being tortured? Why hasn't he shown her the evidence and completely cut off all contact? Or just cut off all contact regardless? He's being 'tortured' because unfortunately he still loves her very much and she has basically had him dangling on a string. He confronted her with the evidence and she blatantly lied to him and denied it. Yesterday he finally reached a point where he couldn't take any more and he wrote her a mail asking her not to contact him any longer and to leave him be. I'm hoping he can at least start the process of healing now. I received an SMS from him last night saying it was the first time in 5 years he has cried. I've never seen him so wrecked by anyone. People don't appreciate the destruction they cause when they cheat on someone they supposedly love. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is... It comes across like you are saying you are so superior that you would never be the OW... If that's the case, why would you come to the OW forum and post about it? Isn't it enough that you know it? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 He's being 'tortured' because unfortunately he still loves her very much and she has basically had him dangling on a string. He confronted her with the evidence and she blatantly lied to him and denied it. Yesterday he finally reached a point where he couldn't take any more and he wrote her a mail asking her not to contact him any longer and to leave him be. I'm hoping he can at least start the process of healing now. I received an SMS from him last night saying it was the first time in 5 years he has cried. I've never seen him so wrecked by anyone. People don't appreciate the destruction they cause when they cheat on someone they supposedly love. No, they don't get it, do they? It's one of those pains you have to experience to fully understand. I hope this is the step helps your friend get started on his healing process. Dangling is the worst, but once you know that there's just nothing to hope for, it does help to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 He's being 'tortured' because unfortunately he still loves her very much and she has basically had him dangling on a string. He confronted her with the evidence and she blatantly lied to him and denied it. Yesterday he finally reached a point where he couldn't take any more and he wrote her a mail asking her not to contact him any longer and to leave him be. I'm hoping he can at least start the process of healing now. I received an SMS from him last night saying it was the first time in 5 years he has cried. I've never seen him so wrecked by anyone. People don't appreciate the destruction they cause when they cheat on someone they supposedly love. He felt stong yesterday... maybe he will contact her in a few days, when he gets weak and lonely... When people are so wrecked like him, they need tremendous amount of support from friends. But, not to be nasty, but this guy will eventually get stronger, he'll survive... and maybe, just maybe, he might be the cheater one day... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 He felt stong yesterday... maybe he will contact her in a few days, when he gets weak and lonely... When people are so wrecked like him, they need tremendous amount of support from friends. But, not to be nasty, but this guy will eventually get stronger, he'll survive... and maybe, just maybe, he might be the cheater one day...Yeah he was feeling pretty self-assured of what he needed to do to heal yesterday. He has good friends around him. I'm only one of around 4-5 girls and guys taking care of him right now. I think what you wrote there is what I most fear for him (not just me, a couple of other of our friends too). He has a lot of anger right now and I think the guys around him (us) are worried he'll do the tit-for-tat thing in the future, almost like he will be unconsciously hurting someone else because he has been hurt. It's a shame too because he's actually a nice guy. It just amazes me how people end up so screwed up and then in turn, go on to screw other people up along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Even if he leaves his wife/fiancee/girlfriend for me, I'd always be anxious and insecure that he wouldn't think twice about cheating on ME, given the chance. I believe that a MM who cheats would have no problem picking up the first pretty woman who notices him at the bar no matter what. I don't understand why a woman would put herself in that position as OW, it's crazy. I do very much agree with the insecurity that come's from beign the OW. Especially since I live nextdoor to the mm and see just how much of a flirt he is with any attractive woman that is over his house. So funny because he does this right in front of the W. Where's the respect there? Guess I am glad that I'm not in a long term R with MM for he probably would turn around and do the same to me. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 I think what you wrote there is what I most fear for him (not just me, a couple of other of our friends too). He has a lot of anger right now and I think the guys around him (us) are worried he'll do the tit-for-tat thing in the future, almost like he will be unconsciously hurting someone else because he has been hurt. It's a shame too because he's actually a nice guy. It just amazes me how people end up so screwed up and then in turn, go on to screw other people up along the way. So true, they never drive out the devil, they never forgive. In fact, problem is IN themselves, not the people who hurt them. why? because they are too clingy to the people who hurt them, they not only angry with the people who hurt them but also angry with themselves. In a word, they rely their happiness and love on others TOO MUCH. Hope I stay on topic:o Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 And they lack of the unconditional love for themselves, they didn't have it IN THEMSELVES. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. Some truth to that....but if you had the choice between jumping in a backyard with a snarling pit bull and a yorkshire terrier...which would you choose? Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 Some truth to that....but if you had the choice between jumping in a backyard with a snarling pit bull and a yorkshire terrier...which would you choose? Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. What's this has to do with the OP and my post????? Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 A person that would leave "his wife/fiancee/girlfriend for me"....is just not the type of fellow to be looking for IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. Excellent point Lizzie!! That is my thought exactly. EVERYONE is in a position to feel unsure that their partner "could" trade them in for someone prettier, younger better etc. AND no one has a crystal ball to say their partner would NEVER do it even though they didn't do it so far. On a side note: what's the point of this thread? I will NEVER try deep fried buffalo testicles, I think I'll start a thread on that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lean On Me Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 A person that would leave "his wife/fiancee/girlfriend for me"....is just not the type of fellow to be looking for IMO. Yeap, that's true. Got to think, if they do this to these girls, they can do it to you. I watch something about this type of thing on tv once. This guy left his wife for another woman that he was out having sex with. Only for that girl to come back to his ex wife and say how sorry for what she did to her. She told her.. I now know how it feels. He has done the same to me too. The ex wife didn't say anything and shut the door in her face. It's like a what goes around .. come back around type of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 EVERYONE is in a position to feel unsure that their partner "could" trade them in for someone prettier, younger better etc. AND no one has a crystal ball to say their partner would NEVER do it even though they didn't do it so far. What a sinful world! Does anyone ever think about "before he cheat on me, I will cheat him first?" Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 What's this has to do with the OP and my post????? I really have to explain it to you?.....sigh. You said a nice guy can screw you over too, just like a bad boy. So I said, you have two choices....jumping in the backyard with a snarling pit bull(bad boy) and a yorkie(nice guy).....which would you think has a better chance of biting you in the ass? Clearer now? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 I really have to explain it to you?.....sigh. You said a nice guy can screw you over too, just like a bad boy. So I said, you have two choices....jumping in the backyard with a snarling pit bull(bad boy) and a yorkie(nice guy).....which would you think has a better chance of biting you in the ass? Clearer now? It's not clearer.. My post: You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. Your post: Some truth to that....but if you had the choice between jumping in a backyard with a snarling pit bull and a yorkshire terrier...which would you choose? Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. Your explanation: You said a nice guy can screw you over too, just like a bad boy. Then this snide remark: Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 It's not clearer.. My post: You don't have to be an OW to put yourself in that position... Any woman is ALWAYS in that position, whether she is a gf, a W, or the OW. There is simply no garantee that the guy won't cheat ever. Your post: Some truth to that....but if you had the choice between jumping in a backyard with a snarling pit bull and a yorkshire terrier...which would you choose? Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. Your explanation: You said a nice guy can screw you over too, just like a bad boy. Sorry there...got my posts mixed up...but the statement still stands. You compared being an OW to being a gf....meaning someone who is with someone unattached, or with a MM.. So the MM is the pitbull, and the bf would be the yorkie. Sure you can get bit by both....but you're more likely to get used by the MM than the bf. Make sense now? Then this snide remark: Well..never mind...we all already know you'd choose a MM. You have no sense of decency. WTF? snide but true. you make no bones about enjoying sleeping with other women's husbands on this forum....so whats the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingMyDreams Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 My father and mother were married for about 20 years before they finally divorced. My mother spent most of those years as a nasty, mean, cruel, vicious wife, and a pretty uninvolved mother. I can remember thinking in my late teens that if my father had ever fooled around on her I would have totally understood it. He wasn't a prize to live with either, but he was a good man who worked hard to support his family, and she never had to work. She worked because she chose to, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know that he ever had an A, but I wouldn't have been surprised by it at all if he had been. A human being can take only so much rejection and meanness. There are those who will screw around just because they lack moral character and are huge pieces of dirt. And then those who persevere through years and years in a marriage that finally have been beaten down enough by their spouse that they do look to another for what they want and need. When it comes to the second kind I can't necessarily fault them, and I sure as hell won't judge them. A former brother-in-law was the first type. He screwed around on his W starting BEFORE they married. She had no idea. Ten years and three kids later, she found out and ended her marriage. My MM has been married for nearly 20 years, faithful to her only up until last year. He adored her from the time he was 13. Promised to always take care of her and always has. Always will, too; she'll never have to worry about being provided for. He was a multimillionaire by his early 20s, and was able to retire before 30. A good thing, as he had been responsible for all four children in every way for years at that point. He has a relationship and closeness with his kids that most fathers AND mothers would love to have with their kids. She's wanted nothing to do with any of them, him or the kids, for over ten years. She refused individual counseling and marital counseling. Her words to him when he would beg her to do something were, This is how it is; deal with it. Well, he did deal with it as best he could for 17 years. The kids know me and like me a great deal. They have confirmed that certain things I've been told are true regarding both parents, so I know I haven't been getting a lot of the manipulating BS that can go on in these relationships. I keep hoping she wises up regarding these kids; I don't want them to hate her. I have always heard that when a spouse strays it is never the other spouse's fault in any way. I have never completely believed that. It really does depend on the situation and circumstances. I have no expectations of him to leave her because of me. If he ever did leave her for me I would lose all respect for the man. As I've said before, ending a marriage for another person is the dumbest thing one can do. You end the marriage because it's just not going to work, ever. And yes, preferrably before entering another relationship. So for the wounded spouses on here, I would hope that for your own sakes and growth that you have really thought about the why's. If he/she has been lower than dirt since day one without any discussion from them before about problems, then I feel sorry you've been treated this way and I pray for your healing. If your spouse was faithful and loving for years and years and you treated THEM like they were lower than dirt, then you need to think on this and be accountable YOURSELF before demanding accountability of others. It's more for your sake than anyone else's. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 If your spouse was faithful and loving for years and years and you treated THEM like they were lower than dirt, then you need to think on this and be accountable YOURSELF before demanding accountability of others. It's more for your sake than anyone else's. You speak a lot of sense. I'm sorry about your Mom and Dad. That happened with my Mom and Dad too, except my Dad treated my Mom badly. She never had an A but she ended things as soon as she could. My Dad thereafter bad-mouthed her as a whore and a bad mother, so much so that she ended up in a mental asylum for a month to be treated. My kid sister and I were put into the care of my Gramma (my Dad's Mom) and even she was ashamed of the way he had treated her. My Mom is now married to my stepdad and has been for a long time and he's a good man. Neither of whom would have an A because they don't need to - they each care for, love and respect the other. My ex (the one who dumped me 3 weeks ago who I think was cheating) told me that his ex-w had an affair and their marriage was never the same afterwards. If you've seen any of my postings and threads, after the way he treated me, it doesn't surprise me that she had an affair. I can imagine she spent years of being belittled, manipulated, having no voice in her relationship and feeling devalued and unloved. My ex did me a favour. But you're right, sometimes the BS has as much responsibility for what happens. That doesn't include those people where they just do the infidelity thing because they can. Also, I don't buy the line of 'it just happened'. Stuff never just happens. I've been in an affair... not by choice. I didn't find out the MM was actually married until a month after I started (what I thought) dating him. The moment I knew, I ended it and walked away. There is always a choice. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 If your spouse was faithful and loving for years and years and you treated THEM like they were lower than dirt, then you need to think on this and be accountable YOURSELF before . Why does a man marry a woman who treat him like dirt? interesting, why? In spite of this question I agree that wife should work on self as well. But if the MM walk out of the marriage, he will never face the problem in him, he will never have chance to improve himself. what he do is escape from his own problems. he will never grow up. One hand can never make a sound, it takes two Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 Why does a man marry a woman who treat him like dirt? interesting, why? Because usually, she doesn't treat him like dirt until AFTER they're married (or him treating her like dirt). Link to post Share on other sites
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