After many years of friendship is it difficult to break the barrier?

[Mydish1]

I've been friends with this girl for a long time on and off and the worst part is not knowing what each other is thinking, and she keeps to herself a lot too. So for being friends with someone for a long time, i think it is hard on both sides...what do you guys think?

[Yamaha]

I've been friends with this girl for a long time on and off and the worst part is not knowing what each other is thinking, and she keeps to herself a lot too. So for being friends with someone for a long time, i think it is hard on both sides...what do you guys think?

 

 

Only if you want the friendship to change. If you've been friends for a long time you should know her well enough to take a guess on what she is thinking.

 

What is it about your friendship that is lacking?

[blue16]

I've been friends with this girl for a long time on and off and the worst part is not knowing what each other is thinking, and she keeps to herself a lot too. So for being friends with someone for a long time, i think it is hard on both sides...what do you guys think?

 

It's not necessarily time as the biggest barrier but to what degree you are friends with someone and how many opportunities you have missed. For instance, do you hang out with her constantly listening to her bf problems and being her girlfriend? Or do you just get together occasionally and do fun stuff? Have you ever escalated anything beyond just platonic friends?

 

If you answered yes to the first question then you might be doomed to be in the friends zone. I know so many guys that are always 'there' for their female friend only for it to go nowhere romantically. On the other hand the guy who isn't there for emotional support and only spends time occasionally could still have a shot.

 

Just my opinion...but what good is it being 'just friends' with a girl if you want more? I don't get the infatuation with wanting to stay friends with a girl even if you feel differently about her. How would you feel if you saw her hook up with some guy while you're out? If you're interested but not getting any...you should probably choose one path (either go for it or nothing at all) and stick with it.

[Mydish1]

Only if you want the friendship to change. If you've been friends for a long time you should know her well enough to take a guess on what she is thinking.

 

Although we've been friends for a long time we dont always talk that often. I find that often she's very quiet in person...not the type of "i dont want to talk to you quiet", but the shy kind of quiet. On the matter of what she's thinking, she keeps to herself a lot...but in a strange way she admires me.

Generally she's much more talkative online.

 

The only time we've met up so far is with our other mutual friends. She sort of freaks out if she gets the remote idea i want to meet only her.

 

What is it about your friendship that is lacking?

A lot i think. We're not as close as we could be, but only because she holds back a lot..but i do a lot too. Not that i have much complaints, worries or problems in life i have to talk about.

 

She has an easier time cracking demeaning jokes or making fun of another mutual guy friend of ours ... she does not dare do it to me oddly enough.

 

It's not necessarily time as the biggest barrier but to what degree you are friends with someone and how many opportunities you have missed. For instance, do you hang out with her constantly listening to her bf problems and being her girlfriend? Or do you just get together occasionally and do fun stuff? Have you ever escalated anything beyond just platonic friends?

There were several big opportunities I missed when we were younger..the reason was I was emotionally distant. And then a year ago it was my bday and she sent an SMS and left me another opening. But pretty much every any time she leaves me an opening im just oblivious about it.

 

If anything I rarely ever hang out with her. Usually we dont talk about personal stuff/problems to each other...she never tells me about her bfs unless i meet him in person (which i have a couple of times), when we were younger she was much more open with me and would tell me if/when she broke up with her bf..you know now im living my life and so is she, but we have more in common than we're willing to admit.

 

We get together once in awhile, but i think this summer we're aiming to hang out more..not just me and her but also the gang. No we've never escalated past platonic friends. In fact there were a couple of things that struck me when were out at a restaurant the other day (with our friends), we were sitting next to each other and we bumped legs..I guess she was a little self conscious and pointed her leg the other way as to make sure it wouldnt bump again, another time she bumped her hand into my arm and apologized.

Anyway i thought it was weird, we've been friends for so long i dont see why she has to be uncomfortable. She's always been somewhat of a tomboy so she could have issues with her self-esteem.

 

If you answered yes to the first question then you might be doomed to be in the friends zone. I know so many guys that are always 'there' for their female friend only for it to go nowhere romantically. On the other hand the guy who isn't there for emotional support and only spends time occasionally could still have a shot.

Well, im not that guy. I dont have interest in being someone's doormat or being someone's girlfriend for that matter - it just isnt in my nature.

 

Just my opinion...but what good is it being 'just friends' with a girl if you want more? I don't get the infatuation with wanting to stay friends with a girl even if you feel differently about her. How would you feel if you saw her hook up with some guy while you're out? If you're interested but not getting any...you should probably choose one path (either go for it or nothing at all) and stick with it.

 

Hmm I dont necessarily want more. There's plenty of fish in the sea i dont have to go and destroy a perfectly good thing, especially since she's a link in our circle of friends. But if the opportunity arose again (or if she presented an opening), I might take it into consideration after all these years and open a can of worms...or at least have a real talk about it instead of avoiding the topic...but back to the header of this thread, it will be hard with all those years behind us.