Ruby Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 This is a weird one! I have been with a guy for just over a year and when he gets annoyed over something he just disappears and then he will call and try to act like nothing has happened. Getting him to talk is like pulling teeth and when he eventually talks he doenst really even talk he just justifies himself and then agrees with what I say just to get things back on track. I have had enough of this and I finished with him mby text as he is so hard to talk to. Before I did this I sent plenty of messages saying we need to talk but he did not respond. Now he is calling daily like nothing has happened! Trying to act like he was not out of order and not even mentioning it. He just came to my house to pick up a work tool and he tried to kiss me like nothing was wrong! I turned my cheek to him and gave him a look like 'what are you doing?' He then rang me and asked me to call him when I get back in! Help .... What do I do? I dont want us to finish as apart from this problem things are fabulous with us. But I cant carry on like this! What do I do???????????????????
norajane Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 You broke up with him after a one year relationship by sending a text message?? How do you know he even saw your text? Why didn't you bring it up when he was at your place???
jcster Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 He's not taking you seriously - probably because you've been putting up with his behavior for an entire year. That, and you broke up with him by text. If you want it to be over, you need to tell him in person - especially after you've been together for so long. But - if you do get back together with him, his behavior will NEVER change, because you will have proved to him that he can treat you that way and you will take it.
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Ruby, how many times are you going to go through this...? You have already said you decided to end it. So go talk to him and tell him it's over. Text messages are the worst way to end a relationship and he doesn't deserve that. He put his time in too.
Author Ruby Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 It is so hard to do the right thing wjen you love someone! You are right alas ****!
Author Ruby Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 I wish i could turn my feelings off! I am actually too scared to finish it to his face! I dont want it to be over i want it all to be ok!
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Well if you can't end it, you have no choice but to deal with the situ as it is because he isn't going to change. You've already had a year of this.
AHIWON Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 End it. There is no dealing with reality with the one you are slowly unloving... Thats my word, I invented it!!! You are going thru it, I went thru it a few times, not nice but nobody said life was fair. My best advice is to pick up your boot straps and feel good about yourself, Learn to love yourself first, if you can't then there is no chance of loving anyone else. That can take anywhere from a few months to a decade for some folks. I hope yours is quick and keep posting here!
Author Ruby Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 I am truly scared to tell him as i love him alot what do i say to him? i know i am annoying you guys but please imput here
LoveLace Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Tell him the truth; you are tired of how he blows things off as though nothing happened...it's a communication barrier, which can make a relationship totally handicapped. Give him a choice. Either have a serious talk about this relationship and the things you need from each other, or tell him to walk and refuse to answer any of his phone calls. But all the times he called and pretended nothing happened, you didn't bother to call him on it then? In that case, you were pretending nothing happened, too. So both of you need to be face to face and try to get down to reality.
norajane Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 But all the times he called and pretended nothing happened, you didn't bother to call him on it then? In that case, you were pretending nothing happened, too. This is a hugely important point! Ruby, you are just as bad as your bf. You don't face up to issues. You lob the grenades and then run away yourself. Now I remember your other thread, the one about how your bf doesn't want to talk about issues when you bring them up over the phone, so he says he doesn't have time and hangs up and then doesn't call back. I asked you why you bring up issues ON THE PHONE, and why you don't bring them up in person so that he has to deal with them and can't just hang up. And then I gave you a bunch of suggestions on how to bring things up in person to make the situation less adversarial...you never answered WHY you don't bring things up in person, and I see now that you really won't even when it's super important to you. So, you must be able to understand your bf and how he is capable of just leaving issues unaddressed, because you are JUST LIKE HIM. You avoid direct conflict, and so does he. If you want to know how to talk to him about this, reread what I wrote in your last thread. Start with a question, "did you receive my text the other day?" And then take it from there. BUT DO THIS IN PERSON, not on the phone, not in email, not on IM, not in text.
Author Ruby Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Thank you Nora I did see your other post but lately I have been reading posts throufg a blanket of tears. You are right He is calling but not making any plans to meet up in person I guess I am as bad as him - The grenade thing hit home ... Ouch! I have never dealt with a guy like him who deals with things in these manners. He hasnt called me today and I feel awful. But when he is calling and acting like all is ok I feel awful Why am I with someone who makes me feel awful or am I making myself feel awful by my crap way of dealing with things?
norajane Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I have never dealt with a guy like him who deals with things in these manners. He hasnt called me today and I feel awful. But when he is calling and acting like all is ok I feel awful Why am I with someone who makes me feel awful or am I making myself feel awful by my crap way of dealing with things? You are two peas in a pod, Ruby. You say you've never dealt with someone like him...take a look in the mirror. If your bf was less of a conflict avoider and more direct, he would be calling YOU out on your bullsh*t. Another bf might be writing to loveshack about you..."she always says she wants to talk about our issues when we're on the phone and I don't have time, but when I'm with her, she won't talk about anything!" You chose to break up with him by text (!). Then when HE WAS AT YOUR HOUSE, you let him leave without you EVER mentioning your text. You allowed him to pretend nothing was going on because you preferred it that way. Now you are beside yourself because you don't even know WTF is going on. Stop playing these games. If you stop, he will have to stop. If you had waited to 'break up' with him for when you were together in person, you'd have had a real conversation about the issues in your relationship, instead of what you have now. If you had brought up these issues in the past in person instead of on the phone, you would have had these conversations long ago. Why are you so afraid to talk to him when he's actually there with you? I really do believe you are making yourself feel awful by the way you are dealing (or NOT dealing) with things. You need to learn to be direct.
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