This will make you laugh!

[insanelyjelous]

Hi guys

 

I'm sorry i'm not looking for any advice today I just thought i'd share my latest discovery with you.

 

Well after years of trust and jelousy issues with my fiance of four years I decided to put a keylogger on our computer especially now he seems to have become a fanatic of myspace, facebook etc etc.

I have snooped on his phone on various occasions and always been very honest about it, even though we have had some major arguments about me invading his privacy and snooping well get this, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black!

I've come home tonight and had a look on the keylogger to see what he was upto last night while I was out with some girlfriends expecting to see some porn and what not but the little wretch broke into my myspace account! I left at 10pm and on the keylogger I was logged into my account well after that going through all my messages but I know I didn't leave it open.

I don't mind him looking on my myspace page as I have nothing to hide, I have always tried to be an open book but it's just the fact that he would have a go at me for going through his phone and telling him about it after and then he would have the audacity to go through my things and not tell me!

I have to laugh though because at least now I know he's only human too and curiosity can get the better of him too

Now I just wish I could tell him I knew what he did last night without landing myself in it!!!

[BlueEyedSarah]

You two make a great couple then

[woodsfield]

that's messed up ya'll have that much distrust for each other...i agree with blueeyesarah....you will either make a great couple or the distrust for each other will ruin you.

maybe i'm old fashioned, but isn't 4 years a while to be engaged? you said "years of trust and jealousy issues,"....how long did you date him before you began to not trust him?

from my recent experience (and maybe ya'll are completely different) this is not healthy for the relationship.

[bish]

He probably thought to himself....if she is going to invade my privacy, I'll invade hers.

 

Maybe he thinks you aren't up to any good when going out with your girlfriends?

 

Question, did you ever find anything out while snooping on him?

If not...why do you still do it?

 

And I'll be honest...I've never had a woman that goes out with girlfriends alot, especially if they come back really late, that could be trusted. Not saying you are messing around, but he might find it odd.

[insanelyjelous]

Hi all

 

Thanks for your reply's, in answer to some of your questions, it was my birthday so that is why I was out, I hardly ever go out as I don't have many friends and when I do it is usually to celebrate a birthday, my fiance on the other hand is a DJ he is out at least once a week if not twice or three times.

We also have children together so it means that i'm usually at home taking care of them.

As far as i'm concerned my fiance has no reason to distrust me, I have known him for 10+ years, in that time whenever I go out I always ask if he would like to come with me whereas he will never invite me with him and when I ask to come with him he either tells me he is working or he won't enjoy himself, this leads me to think that he has something to hide, which in turn leads me to snoop.

 

When I was snooping through is phone I did find that although he wasn't cheating on me in the sexual sense he was communicating with every girl under the sun, ex's and friends and quite a few of these messages to a so called friend were of a sexual nature, I confronted him about it and he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with what he was doing but he toned it down anyway. He is generally a flirty guy so I have learned to just let most things roll off my back and I no longer go through his phone, but if I thought I had a reason to I would.

 

I have never fully trusted him and I don't think I ever will but that goes for all men not just him, my mum and dad had a pretty messed up relationship as I was growing up to the tune of 19 half brothers and sisters, which was all my dads doing. Coming to think of it I was only ever cheated on once that I know of so I know that my distrust mainly comes from my childhood.

 

We've been engaged for 4 years and I do agree that we should've of got married by now but we never set a date and I am not planning to do it anytime soon only because I think if I get married it is til death do us part, so does he, I know so are children but I know that he loves his children so no matter what happens between us I don't have to worry about that.

I think that I need to sort out my trust issues and he needs to stop the flirting before we can ever seriously think about marriage and I know we both still have a lot of growing up to do.

[Zona76]

Seems you both have a problem with trust issues. You're both constantly probing to discover something wrong.

I couldn't live like this. It would be as if I were in a prison and ever watchful of the guards...

Time to break out my friend and find someone you can trust.

[Darth Vader]

Well Insane, it's been found that people who accuse the other person of cheating are the very one's who are cheating themselves. That might be what your man may have found out, so he went looking for answers for his own peace of mind, could you really fault him?

[insanelyjelous]

Hi Vader,

 

I have never actually accused my fiance of cheating on me, i've snooped and confronted him with what i've found but i've never made any accusations.

Nor have I ever cheated or given him reason to think I was.

I'm a very loyal person and I love my fiance to the ends of the earth and he knows it and I think the problem with our relationship is that from the very beginning I did all the chasing and also my lack of trust in people in general also makes things difficult.

I do have to wonder why he did it, but to be honest as I said before I dont care, I know I have nothing to hide and nothing to find out!

 

I don't fault him but put simply he's calling the kettle black when he's the pot if that makes sense! lol

[Zona76]

You don't trust! WHY? What has he done to you to take your trust?

I suggest you quit and let this go or be prepared to walk away.

[whichwayisup]

I think the problem with our relationship is that from the very beginning I did all the chasing and also my lack of trust in people in general also makes things difficult

 

Then you need to seek some counselling and deal with your trust issues. Otherwise it WILL ruin your relationship.

 

but the little wretch broke into my myspace account! I left at 10pm and on the keylogger I was logged into my account well after that going through all my messages but I know I didn't leave it open.

 

This makes no sense. You were logged in, so he broke in?

 

Either way, HE isn't doing anything wrong, YOU are snooping for no good reason. Sorry, but now you're both snooping on eachother which is only going to make it worse, you two will not trust eachother as time goes on.

 

Stop snooping, give eachother ALL your passwords for myspace, facebook, emails - IF YOU BOTH have nothing to hide, then knowing the passwords shouldn't be an issue...Should it?

[insanelyjelous]

Hello,

 

Yes he did break in to my account, but I guess it's not really breaking in if you know the password, I have not tried to hide my password from him for anything I do online but if he went through my messages without my permission or knowledge is that not snooping too?

 

As I keep saying I have no problem with what he did it's only the fact that we have had massive rows in the past over me going through his phone and I feel that it is hypocritical that he pretty much did the same thing only difference is he wasn't honest about it.

 

Stop snooping, give eachother ALL your passwords for myspace, facebook, emails - IF YOU BOTH have nothing to hide, then knowing the passwords shouldn't be an issue...Should it?

 

He has lots to hide and i've seen it with my own 2 eyes! he's not physically cheated on me but theres plenty of flirting going on. As I said there is no issue on my part of him having my passwords and he knows them all already, but i'm not sure if the feeling is mutual.

 

You don't trust! WHY? What has he done to you to take your trust?

 

I explained why I don't trust people/men, I know he is not my father and I do trust him to a point but he will never fully have my trust but I must clarify that this goes for most people in my life not just him.

 

I have tried counselling and it hasn't helped, I have tried self help too and obviously to no avail.

 

I must say that I am definitely nowhere near as bad as I was I have learnt to restrain myself from looking at his phone and haven't done so for over a year now.

 

Zona you keep saying to walk away but that isn't easy to do when you love a person or have two young children to consider. And as far as i'm concerned thats the easy way out, if you can walk away from a person you have been with for four years or known for 10+ without trying to work on whatever is keeping your relationship from progressing then you can't really have cared about that person in the beginning.

If he cheated on me then that is a different story!

 

He has his faults and I have mine the point being that we love one another despite knowing those faults, and try to work on them together.

 

I really do wish that I was able to let go of whatever it is that stops me from trusting people and if it were that easy then believe me I would have done it by now. Oh well back to the self help books I go!