I am thinking about seperating from and divorcing my husband .

[kobegirl]

I guess I better start by saying that I am 35 years old and my husband is 40 . we were happy for many years ( maybe 16 years) and then we had a tough year a few years back , financially and with family ( my inlaws) . Our relationship has gone through a downward spiral since then .after all that mess we argued alot ... and then we seperated for about a year.

 

we got back together earlier this year. he moved back in and things seemed to be going well but his behavior has been strange and what i mean is he is very moody , and he seems out of it . I dont get any affection from him unless I ask for it . i feel pretty neglected. even though we are not arguing it almost seems like we just dont have the connection we use to have years ago .

 

lately I have had thoughts of seperating from him permanantly. and devorcing. I know it will be hard on me but the pain i feel living with him is starting to be the same as living without him . he just seems so far away . and I really dont appreciate the bad attitude he gives me . like today I came home and he was moody and I asked what was wrong , he told me I was wating for you to come home and clean this **** up! for a long time in fact. I got angry and said ..what? dont you know how to clean ? . by the way , I clean all the time. i have kids and they make a big mess. duh.

 

I almost feel like i have to divorse him . but i dont want to put my kids through it and I am afraid to be a single mom . I have an older child that has some attitude and i just feel really confused or I dont know if it would be the right decision. I dont want to talk to my friends about it . since i am so indesisive . I guess i am afraid to be alone . financially I am ok . anyway just not sure what is the right decision. i know you cant tell me but I guess I just needed to vent somewhere.

 

I have a friend who just got married and she seems so happy . and her husband is soo sweet to her . makes me feel like crap really .

[Ladyjane14]

He sounds like a midlife crisis guy. Believe it or not, he'll probably get better. Would you still want him if his attitude improved?

 

I'm convinced, after observing my own husband during this life-stage, that there are biological changes in the chemical make-up of a man's body. These chemical changes seem to affect hormone balance and available neurotransmitters, leaving a guy susceptible to depression. Even a mild case can seriously mess up a guy's attitude.

 

Depression in men tends to manifest itself more as anger than as sadness. And since he's an "angry man" he ends up getting into trouble in his relationships. So... his home life hits the skids right about the time he's already got so much on his plate dealing with the psychological aspects of approaching middle age.

 

It's a pitiable situation when you look at it clinically. MLC guys are overwhelmed both emotionally and physically, and often searching for ways to boost dopamine, which serves as kind of a band-aid device making them feel temporarily better. Hence the "little red sports car" and "middle-aged affair" cliches.

 

If you're not really sure you want to toss in the towel yet, you might consider having him see his doctor for a depression screening. Even a low dosage of SSRI antidepressant medication can work wonders when the level of available seratonin is inadequate.

 

You might also educate yourself on midlife issues and see if you can get a dialog started where you can talk about it and get it out into the open.

MLC guys are anxious, and sometimes seem to do a little better when they're emotionally supported. Good conversation works miracles. And believe it or not, even more is accomplished when you're enjoying frequent sexual encounters together. He feels more emotionally intimate with you, burns energy he'd otherwise be feeding to his anxiety, and gets a good shot of dopamine to boot.

 

You might also consider MC (marriage counseling), or even home study to improve the marital relationship. There are alot of good references on the market. If you were to elect to study at home though, just be aware that people tend to work at different paces. It helps a little if you maybe read a chapter or two together aloud... in bed.

[Enema]

Have you talked to him about it?

 

Before you decide to divorce him you really should make an effort to sit him down and explain that you're having second thoughts about the marriage because of his aggressive / moody behaviour.

 

Also, something about mid-life crisis which I subscribe to:

 

Many believe that men go through a midlife crisis when they are in middle age. Not quite. Many middle-aged men do go through midlife crises, but it's not because they are middle-aged. It's because their wives are. From the evolutionary psychological perspective, a man's midlife crisis is precipitated by his wife's imminent menopause and end of her reproductive career, and thus his renewed need to attract younger women. Accordingly, a 50-year-old man married to a 25-year-old woman would not go through a midlife crisis, while a 25-year-old man married to a 50-year-old woman would, just like a more typical 50-year-old man married to a 50-year-old woman. It's not his midlife that matters; it's hers. When he buys a shiny-red sports car, he's not trying to regain his youth; he's trying to attract young women to replace his menopausal wife by trumpeting his flash and cash.

[angel3]

Hi Kobegirl,

I'm sorry you're having such hard times at the moment. I know how frustrating it feels to have such major marriage issues - and to need support, perhaps advice, or even just to feel heard - and yet not feel comfortable involving family and close friends. That's the reason I came to this forum, too - and I have to say, the people here are great. Lots of different points of view and opinions, of course, but that's part of what makes it so great - there seems to be all different walks of life here, all focused on coming together to support one another. So, vent away - and know that you're heard. I am sure you'll get a lot more replies with advice soon, too, if that's what you're looking for.

 

I think the replies you've already had are very good and worth considering seriously. I agree that you should at least consider exhausting all possibilities ( marriage counseling, home study, depression screening etc - anything you can think of ) before walking away - both for yourself, for your marriage, and for your kids. If there is hope, you might have to look for it - and if it IS there, if there is a way you can find one another again, it could lead your marriage to a place better than you've ever been before. Of course there are no guarantees, but surviving hard times really can bring people (in all kinds of relationships) closer together - knowing you faced the tough times and won as a team - can be a starting point for moving forward.

 

I'm not stating that you should stay no matter what - I certainly don't know your full story, only you do - but I guess what I am saying is to be careful about making such a final decision, without being sure it is the ONLY right decision for you. Maybe it is - but I think you owe it to yourself, your H, and your kids to be absolutely sure.

 

At any rate, keep posting if you can, vent it all out here - it can help you to see through all the confusing emotions and maybe find some clarity. And it can help to hear many different POVs and to consider them, and see your situation from a different angle.

 

Sending you comforting vibes, and I'm truly sorry you are suffering right now. I hope that things improve for you soon, and that you can find a way to work things out. As lonely as this feels right now, please know that you are not alone, ok? (((hugs)))

 

Angel

[Lean On Me]

I guess I better start by saying that I am 35 years old and my husband is 40 . we were happy for many years ( maybe 16 years) and then we had a tough year a few years back , financially and with family ( my inlaws) . Our relationship has gone through a downward spiral since then .after all that mess we argued alot ... and then we seperated for about a year.

 

we got back together earlier this year. he moved back in and things seemed to be going well but his behavior has been strange and what i mean is he is very moody , and he seems out of it . I dont get any affection from him unless I ask for it . i feel pretty neglected. even though we are not arguing it almost seems like we just dont have the connection we use to have years ago .

 

lately I have had thoughts of seperating from him permanantly. and devorcing. I know it will be hard on me but the pain i feel living with him is starting to be the same as living without him . he just seems so far away . and I really dont appreciate the bad attitude he gives me . like today I came home and he was moody and I asked what was wrong , he told me I was wating for you to come home and clean this **** up! for a long time in fact. I got angry and said ..what? dont you know how to clean ? . by the way , I clean all the time. i have kids and they make a big mess. duh.

 

I almost feel like i have to divorse him . but i dont want to put my kids through it and I am afraid to be a single mom . I have an older child that has some attitude and i just feel really confused or I dont know if it would be the right decision. I dont want to talk to my friends about it . since i am so indesisive . I guess i am afraid to be alone . financially I am ok . anyway just not sure what is the right decision. i know you cant tell me but I guess I just needed to vent somewhere.

 

I have a friend who just got married and she seems so happy . and her husband is soo sweet to her . makes me feel like crap really .

 

Aw, it sounds like he treats you more like a house keeper than a wife. Tell him to go get him a da** house keeper, but you better not tell her to clean this **** up, she gets paid for it, I don't. She won't take it like I did. Be funny if he said it to her too, and she put itching powder in his underwear. That would teach his smart butt a lesson. Sorry, I try to end mine with a joke to help people laugh. Did you know if a wife gets paid for what all she does..it would be over $100,000 a year.

[jmargel]

Men are not allowed to be depressed in life or their marriage? He's not acting this way because he's just a jerk. I would think the biggest reason is a lack of good communication and the way he's been treated. Men can only take so much just like you women.

 

So what if he's moody, by you showing off an attitude it just reassures him that he's going to be stuck in this type of situation. Instead of being defensive and either 'forcing him to act happy or leave' why not try to goto a marriage counselor or at least sit down and talk to him. This means to actually LISTEN to him, not jump all over him after he says his first sentence that you disapprove of.

[kobegirl]

I never really thought about that , I always thought that a midlife crisis wasnt real . .but is it like womens menopause? I just dont know too much about it . that would be good if this was a phase he was going through .

 

He's not acting this way because he's just a jerk. I would think the biggest reason is a lack of good communication and the way he's been treated. Men can only take so much just like you women.

 

with this , I have to say that I have been pretty much kissing his butt lately just so I dont get his moody mean side come out. I have always been very kind and generous to him . i was blaming myself for a while , like maybe I could do this and that differently or maybe if I got it right the first time he wouldnt be angry . I am just so tired of blaming myself for his mood swings. his attitude is just wrong.

 

sometimes I will try to talk to him and i tell him that i have concerns about his attitude and such and the only response i get is anger, or just him completely ignoring me. I feel really alone sometimes.

 

there are moments where I feel that he is trying to be nicer . but it usually doesnt last to long. if someone asked me does your husband love you? I would have to say I dont know. and that is not a good feeling. I ask him for more attention but it doesnt get anywhere . i am always the one going up to him and hugging him and not so often , just when i think he is in a good mood.

 

i really do want to stay married , but I dont want to feel this alone the rest of my life. i am still very confused about my feelings. I really do hope it is something like a midlife crisis that will pass. but it is really hard to tell.

[Hazy]

Men are not allowed to be depressed in life or their marriage? He's not acting this way because he's just a jerk. I would think the biggest reason is a lack of good communication and the way he's been treated. Men can only take so much just like you women.

 

So what if he's moody, by you showing off an attitude it just reassures him that he's going to be stuck in this type of situation. Instead of being defensive and either 'forcing him to act happy or leave' why not try to goto a marriage counselor or at least sit down and talk to him. This means to actually LISTEN to him, not jump all over him after he says his first sentence that you disapprove of.

 

The problem is, however, that he's the one jumping all over her, such as yelling at her regarding the housework. If this were a guy complaining about a woman yelling at him and being rude to him, you'd be all about divorce.

[jmargel]

I never really thought about that , I always thought that a midlife crisis wasnt real . .but is it like womens menopause? I just dont know too much about it . that would be good if this was a phase he was going through .

 

 

 

with this , I have to say that I have been pretty much kissing his butt lately just so I dont get his moody mean side come out. I have always been very kind and generous to him . i was blaming myself for a while , like maybe I could do this and that differently or maybe if I got it right the first time he wouldnt be angry . I am just so tired of blaming myself for his mood swings. his attitude is just wrong.

 

sometimes I will try to talk to him and i tell him that i have concerns about his attitude and such and the only response i get is anger, or just him completely ignoring me. I feel really alone sometimes.

 

there are moments where I feel that he is trying to be nicer . but it usually doesnt last to long. if someone asked me does your husband love you? I would have to say I dont know. and that is not a good feeling. I ask him for more attention but it doesnt get anywhere . i am always the one going up to him and hugging him and not so often , just when i think he is in a good mood.

 

i really do want to stay married , but I dont want to feel this alone the rest of my life. i am still very confused about my feelings. I really do hope it is something like a midlife crisis that will pass. but it is really hard to tell.

 

I can understand where you are coming from, my wife is the same way. I use the saying on her that 'You are as cold as a witch's tit in an iron bra'. It could be that he is suffering from depression maybe. Often depressed people lash out closest to them, but you have to realize that the depression isn't because of you. It's something that is inside of them.

 

If I were you, I would just ignore him. Don't say the 'I love you' first, don't go up and hug him or kiss him. Just tell him 'When you are ready to talk I will listen'. I went through a very bad bout of depressions a number of years ago and just having someone listen really saved me.

 

However it might not be depression, but it's something. Nagging him won't do anything. Though at some point things need to change. If you get to the point of not wanting to take it anymore I would tell him that you are going to a MC and would really like him along.

 

Was he like this all the time?

[Ladyjane14]

I never really thought about that , I always thought that a midlife crisis wasnt real . .but is it like womens menopause? I just dont know too much about it . that would be good if this was a phase he was going through .

 

I believe there are some physiological changes that occur within a man's body at this time in his life. This can affect guys as early as their late 30's but it seems the most prevalent, in terms of men f*cking up their home-life, right around their early 40's.

 

There seems to be some psychological aspects to it as well... but honestly, I believe the impetus is a change in the body's chemical balance which results in mild to moderate cases of depression.

 

Here's the problem though... they don't KNOW there's something wrong with them. They look around for some external source for their discomfort, someone else they can blame. More often than not, they blame their mate.

 

You can't "kiss butt" and make them stop. You can give them all the love and support you're capable of, but it won't be enough. They have to recognize that the problem is coming from within, and take steps to address it. After they do... you can feel free to SLATHER all the love and affection you've got all over them.

 

Sometimes Kobe, you have to be willing to destroy a marriage in order to have the slimmest of possibilities in saving it. It's scary, I know.

If you lay out The Ultimatum, you have to be prepared to enforce it, and to accept the outcome either way. There are NO guarantees.

 

If it was me, I'd probably educate myself on midlife issues and depression, I'd talk it all over with him, ask him to get a depression screening... then I'd tell him to either step up or step off. You're not this guy's emotional punching bag, and you can't preserve your love for him if you allow THAT particular dynamic to remain in place. If you do, you'll exhaust whatever supply of love you had for him, and the marriage will be doomed to destruction because YOU will no longer care about it.

[Freedom Now]

To quote Barbara DeAngelis, a famous relationship counselor and writer:

 

"Too often, legitimate self-inquiry is disparangingly labeled a "midlife crisis."

 

The midlife crisis is an experience that is misnamed. It should be called a midlife awakening. It is the emotional alchelmy that rebirths us at a crucial point in our emotional journey.

 

To dismiss a moment of great soul-searching as a midlife crisis is to insinuate that the life circumstances that came before this were "normal," and that deep self reflection and reassessment is some sign of mental instability or temporary confusion, rather than a moment of great awakening. Who's to say that our life BEFORE wasn't the crisis? Perhaps it's more accurate to suggest that it is those who never question their lives, their choices, or themselves who are in a crisis."

 

It's an amazing dilemma when one begins to discover that....you're living your life in a trance - in a dream...

 

When that occurs, there's a kind of amazing thing that takes place.

One is despair, and the other is a sudden awakening.

 

It appears that there are two ways of looking at midlife "crisis".

 

FN

 

On a side note: Kobegirl, my thoughts are with you....

[Hazy]

I can understand where you are coming from, my wife is the same way. I use the saying on her that 'You are as cold as a witch's tit in an iron bra'. It could be that he is suffering from depression maybe. Often depressed people lash out closest to them, but you have to realize that the depression isn't because of you. It's something that is inside of them.

 

If I were you, I would just ignore him. Don't say the 'I love you' first, don't go up and hug him or kiss him. Just tell him 'When you are ready to talk I will listen'. I went through a very bad bout of depressions a number of years ago and just having someone listen really saved me.

 

However it might not be depression, but it's something. Nagging him won't do anything. Though at some point things need to change. If you get to the point of not wanting to take it anymore I would tell him that you are going to a MC and would really like him along.

 

Was he like this all the time?

 

she isn't nagging him though, he's just being an ass.

[NextLevel]

From my experience, it doesn't help your children to see you miserable. Children tend to repeat what we do. You're right that it won't be easy. But, you can't stay for them. You might even end up resenting them for it. I just wish I could take my own advice, but my mom stayed. I just feel like I would be a bad mother if I didn't. Sound familiar???

[kobegirl]

From my experience, it doesn't help your children to see you miserable. Children tend to repeat what we do. You're right that it won't be easy. But, you can't stay for them. You might even end up resenting them for it. I just wish I could take my own advice, but my mom stayed. I just feel like I would be a bad mother if I didn't. Sound familiar???

I do feel like a bad mother , I feel a bit selfish choosing my own happiness over my kids happiness. but then again i havent yet . guilt is a big factor , i feel so guilty bringing my child into the world for this ? it really breaks my heart.

 

Sometimes Kobe, you have to be willing to destroy a marriage in order to have the slimmest of possibilities in saving it. It's scary, I know.

If you lay out The Ultimatum, you have to be prepared to enforce it, and to accept the outcome either way. There are NO guarantees.

 

that has been in my thoughts . greatly in fact. . I do think of divorse so much these days , i think of the day i give him the ultimatum . I am pretty sure that an ultimatum , basically means the end of my marriage. Any other conversations about my concerns I have had with him have always ended because he really reacts coldly to me and it doesnt get anywhere. only that he says to leave him alone and then I do , and that is that. I dont want to leave him alone but i do because if i dont he gets louder and meaner and then I am afraid the kids will hear so I just stop . I think he knows this that is why he raises his voice cause it will make me stop talking.

 

tonight was pretty hard on me as well . he was acting wierd again , meaning just looked a little annoyed .I asked Is everything ok ? he said "yeah" very sharply. then I left him alone . i went to the bedroom to hang out there for a while and then i felt really lonely so I came back out . I told him nicely , are you angry at me ? he said no .. so I said what is the matter? then he snapped and said "why cant you understand I want to be left the F*** alone !!" I said " why are you being so mean to me when I am just trying to be nice to you ? " he said " I am annoyed ... i am tired and tired of you " . I went quiet .. I reached for my toddler to take him into the bedroom with me. my H said .. he can stay here. so I went to my room closed the door and cried my eyes out . later I dried my eyes and got a grip. I left my H alone after that. I stayed in my room . my toddler came in and I just let my toddler sleep . my H came in about an hour later.

he was making small conversation with me . i returned the conversation but i was carefull and kept it short. .and told him goodnight , and I left the room. It almost seemed like everything was fine again but i know it surely is not alright. this really confuses me .. he acts like a real mean jerk and then later it is like nothing is wrong. back and forth . i feel really loney and confused. uuugghhh ! . I keep thinking is there something wrong with me ? am I annoying ? I just dont know , all I know is that he should not be so cold to me.

 

when i was a little girl i could never understand why girls were with the mean guys they were with . I always said I would never be with a guy that was so cold and such a jerk . but now look . here i am .. confused . i feel like a loser. sorry , dont mean to sound like a cry baby . just a little bummed out right now i guess.

[Ladyjane14]

tonight was pretty hard on me as well . he was acting wierd again , meaning just looked a little annoyed .I asked Is everything ok ? he said "yeah" very sharply. then I left him alone . i went to the bedroom to hang out there for a while and then i felt really lonely so I came back out . I told him nicely , are you angry at me ? he said no .. so I said what is the matter? then he snapped and said "why cant you understand I want to be left the F*** alone !!" I said " why are you being so mean to me when I am just trying to be nice to you ? " he said " I am annoyed ... i am tired and tired of you " . I went quiet .. I reached for my toddler to take him into the bedroom with me. my H said .. he can stay here. so I went to my room closed the door and cried my eyes out . later I dried my eyes and got a grip. I left my H alone after that. I stayed in my room . my toddler came in and I just let my toddler sleep . my H came in about an hour later.

he was making small conversation with me . i returned the conversation but i was carefull and kept it short. .and told him goodnight , and I left the room. It almost seemed like everything was fine again but i know it surely is not alright. this really confuses me .. he acts like a real mean jerk and then later it is like nothing is wrong. back and forth . i feel really loney and confused. uuugghhh ! . I keep thinking is there something wrong with me ? am I annoying ? I just dont know , all I know is that he should not be so cold to me.

 

Are you sure he's not cheating, Kobe?

 

I don't want to sound like an alarmist... but one of the "red flags" in cases of adultery is that cheating partners often treat their spouses very poorly at home and seemingly without much cause.

[kobegirl]

Are you sure he's not cheating, Kobe?

 

I don't want to sound like an alarmist... but one of the "red flags" in cases of adultery is that cheating partners often treat their spouses very poorly at home and seemingly without much cause.

The thought of that absolutly terrifies me because i dont know the reaction i would have if i did find out that was the case. I can say that at this point I do believe that he is not cheating on me . I have asked him before and he has said no, he could not do that . but of course that is what they would say right ? i mean they wouldnt say .. Oh yea ~ I am . I really dont think he is but that has occured to me . He doesnt really have the time to cheat , he works alot and I do pick him up and i do call him at work sometimes and there was never a time where i could not get in touch with him . but that thought is really scary cause it would really scar me I believe and I know it would just hurt . but at the same time If I found out he was at least it would make My decision very very easy . he would not be here with me anymore. that would be the end .

 

tonight he was good to me , making jokes and smiling at me . he confuses me so terribly , sometimes I wonder what is the matter with him . even though he was nice to me today i was still thinking if divorse . but by the end of the night i was thinking it may be ok ... see how messed up i am feeling ? i am soo messed up .

[Ladyjane14]

I actually wondered if mine had lost his mind... he was so weird during MLC. Moody, angry... I didn't know from minute to minute what would set him off. It turned out that he was emotionally involved with someone else, but I'd caught on before he could 'do the bad thing'.

 

I'm not gonna lie to you. It's rough going. In a nutshell, he wasn't willing to reevaluate his position until I saw an attorney and demanded a divorce. By that time, I meant it too.

Even then, it still took him some time, as well as some antidepressant medication, and ALOT of emotional support from me, to get it turned around.

[Lizzie60]

don't compare your M with the newlyweds...

 

I know what you're going through...my son had an attitude when I left..and it was pure hell... I don't want to scare you though... but it is very hard to separate when kids are involved.

 

If I were in your shoes, here's what I would do... I would leave him alone... I would definitely hire a housecleaning lady (you say money is not a problem)... then take care of myself.. and my kids... then treat myself whenever I want or need it.

 

Be strong, (I know it's easier said than done) and independant... he might change if he sees that you're taking your life into your own hands and you're not waiting or needing for him to be happy...

 

Plus, plan your separation.. if you think it will end up like that... I put money (cash) aside for when I moved out.... that was very useful...

 

Good luck!

[azianpride143]

I don't know what to say that hasn't been said to you already. Your in a hard spot. I was in your shoes for years. I took every blow emotionally, always hoping things will change for the better if you keep hanging in there. Or it may not. Only way to make things happen is for you to commit to a decision and just do it. You have to live with your choice for the rest of your life.

 

You know what you want out of your relationship with your husband. Issues that need to be addressed. The best way would be to assume the worst and have your ducks in a row. So you can be ready with whatever outcome. Consult a lawyer. See what your rights are. Prepare yourself mentally and then give him an ultimatum. Is he willing to go to MC for both of you? IC for him to address his depression? Does he want this marriage to work? Does he still love/care for you? Ask all your questions/concerns for once since this would be the only time he may listen.

 

Then take it from there..If this marriage needs saving then do what you have to do before it's too late. Good luck.

[LakesideDream]

when i was a little girl i could never understand why girls were with the mean guys they were with . I always said I would never be with a guy that was so cold and such a jerk . but now look . here i am .. confused . i feel like a loser. sorry , dont mean to sound like a cry baby . just a little bummed out right now i guess.

 

 

Kobegirl, I have wondered the same thing since I was a teen. In fact I still wonder! I grew up a male, and an "anti-bully". I was always big, and athletic. I was a kid with a single parent when that was unheard of in the 50's, I only met/saw my father a half dozen times. Maybe that was the reason I was quick tempered with agressive males.

 

I couldn't understand why the "attractive girls, in the good clique" always went for the sarcastic bully types. After HS in '69 I joined the Marines, and fought for four years. When I came back it was the same things, substitute (or maybe add) construction workers and hippy dope dealers for "scarcastic bullys".

 

I went to college, and worked at a local liqour store by day, and a night spot as a "cooler" at night. The gal I married was 7 years younger and obviously impressed by my defensive (of women) attitude and strength. Her Mom and Dad both croaked themselves six months apart when she was ten. Her Dad because he had a fatal disease, and later her Mom because she couldn't cope. My ex was obviously was looking for security.

 

The marriage lasted 25 year w/2 grown kids. She left me after a long term affiar... with... you guessed it, her High School Sweetheart, a sarcastic bully, turned construction worker. Good old hold a job, raise the kids, me just wasn't interesting enough once the chick's had flown the nest.

 

A year ago he fell off a ladder, broke some bones and scrambled his brain... so there is a happy ending.

[sumdude]

A year ago he fell off a ladder, broke some bones and scrambled his brain... so there is a happy ending.

 

WTF!? Whoa ... I understand you may not like the guy but reveling in such misfortune is really ... effed up.

[Gunny376]

WTF!? Whoa ... I understand you may not like the guy but reveling in such misfortune is really ... effed up.

 

Not really sumdude. As LSD's said he's a former Marine. (Vietnam era)

 

Marines see life differently than most folks, especially someone's that's seen combat.

 

To you, you see life differently than LSD and I do. You view it differently? We've been trained, condtioned, and yes we're pass being traumatized pass and beyond the visualization of death.

 

(I intially was going to post some real~life experiences but decided it was too graphic for most here on LS?)

 

Being a Marine really does "change" you, and the change is forever. It changes your outlook and perspective on life? So much so, that's there's no relative point of comparision to someone that's never been a Marine ~ which is why former Marines instantly bond ~ even though they've never meet before? Until this latest post, I never knew LSD was a former Marine ~ but I knew there was a bond between he and I. I just didn't know what it was? Now I do.

 

I understand LSD's latest post on this thread, yet I can't explain it to you. Its not so much morbid as it is poetic justice. Its not so much revenge ~ as it is Ying and Yang returning to its natural balance? Its understandable ~ yet un-explainable? Its a paradox? Its a "yes" and a "no" at the same time? Its "white" and "black" all at the same time? Its "light" and "dark" at the same time?

[LakesideDream]

That's affirmitive Sgt. For the civilians I guess I should explain a little of my reasons/feelings about the "happy ending".

 

Folks, understand that I didn't harbour hard feelings torward the guy who snatched my ex away. Hell, in hindsight he'd been trying for over 25 years. Had I known it, I would not have confronted him, I would have confronted her. He was just trying to live his dream. The reality that it would be at my expense didn't occur to him. Poor slumb never knew it either. My kids tell me he/they lived in fear that I would find out and "deal" with him, that actually made my son laugh as he knows his old man and knew I couldn't care less about the cruddud.

 

Continuing, I'm not happy that "He" was hurt in the fall, breaking bones, bouncing his dome and stroking out a couple of times. That's just the breaks. What did please me immensely was that my ex is in a world of ****. He won't be able to work again, and due to some dumb things she did right after the divorce she can't get a job in this state. Mama gave them a house in a little desert town a couple of hours away, free and clear (it's worthless) and they won't be able to get away from it. So it's live on Workmans Comp, then SSI forever, starting at 50. Or, she could bail on him.

 

I worked my ass off for 25+ years and we all had a much better than average life. I work half as hard now put my girl through college, and have a great life.

 

I loved my ex and worked at loving and respecting her more every day.. cause I was a dumb shmuck, who thought it was my responsibility to make things better every day. I actually believed I could love and give to her, until she began reciprocating in kind. It didn't work. She was never very happy.

 

Now she's back to being not so happy. That's justice. I hope true love with her "soulmate" in whatever condition he is in pleases her. That makes me smile and chuckle every time I think about it.

 

An aside Sarge.. The best man I ever knew was the company Gunny. He took me under his wing as a "sack of hair" dumb 20+ year old 2nd Lt. and kept me and most everyone alive for 19 months 'till I got blowed up in '72. He was born again hard twenty years before I met him. Thank God.

[Gunny376]

That's affirmitive Sgt. For the civilians I guess I should explain a little of my reasons/feelings about the "happy ending".

 

Folks, understand that I didn't harbour hard feelings torward the guy who snatched my ex away. Hell, in hindsight he'd been trying for over 25 years. Had I known it, I would not have confronted him, I would have confronted her. He was just trying to live his dream. The reality that it would be at my expense didn't occur to him. Poor slumb never knew it either. My kids tell me he/they lived in fear that I would find out and "deal" with him, that actually made my son laugh as he knows his old man and knew I couldn't care less about the cruddud.

 

Continuing, I'm not happy that "He" was hurt in the fall, breaking bones, bouncing his dome and stroking out a couple of times. That's just the breaks. What did please me immensely was that my ex is in a world of ****. He won't be able to work again, and due to some dumb things she did right after the divorce she can't get a job in this state. Mama gave them a house in a little desert town a couple of hours away, free and clear (it's worthless) and they won't be able to get away from it. So it's live on Workmans Comp, then SSI forever, starting at 50. Or, she could bail on him.

 

I worked my ass off for 25+ years and we all had a much better than average life. I work half as hard now put my girl through college, and have a great life.

 

I loved my ex and worked at loving and respecting her more every day.. cause I was a dumb shmuck, who thought it was my responsibility to make things better every day. I actually believed I could love and give to her, until she began reciprocating in kind. It didn't work. She was never very happy.

 

Now she's back to being not so happy. That's justice. I hope true love with her "soulmate" in whatever condition he is in pleases her. That makes me smile and chuckle every time I think about it.

 

An aside Sarge.. The best man I ever knew was the company Gunny. He took me under his wing as a "sack of hair" dumb 20+ year old 2nd Lt. and kept me and most everyone alive for 19 months 'till I got blowed up in '72. He was born again hard twenty years before I met him. Thank God.

 

 

First off ~ that's Gunnery Sergeant to you there Mister, (Naval term in referring to Ensigns, 1st, 2nd Lts of the Marines and Navy) but you can refer to me as Gunny ~ I earned the rank and title. It and twenty years in the Corps cost me a wife and a family ~ you know the drill ~ and the ditty ~ "Married a gal from an Alabama town ~ told me it was either her or tha' Corps ~ now I don't go to Alabama ~ anymore!

 

But yea! I know where you're coming from? And now I understand the bond and connection with your posts on this and other threads. (Jethro Tull ~ aside )

 

2nd U.S.M.C Lt's? LOL! Had them for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

 

Gunny's can be a 2nd Lt's best and sharpest tool in the shed or their worse nightmare!

 

My favorite line? "If I were you Lt, I'd.........................

[Gunny376]

Marine?

 

72?

 

2nd Lt?

 

All gave some but some gave all!

 

Thank you my Brother!

 

Go and live in and be with peace!

 

Let go of the past so that you may find your future!

 

SemperFi Mac! SemperFi!