I am thinking about seperating from and divorcing my husband .

[LakesideDream]

Gunny, couldn't sleep. My Gunny went down from ALS in '88 from ALS. To many years sleeping in the stinking veg. I guess. From Chosin to the end, never a scratch.

 

I made 1st, Congress gave me another grade on seperation, and a 45% disability. Something I should be thinking about upgrading. I know a guy, an Air Force puke who just rated 100% from asbestosis! He cleaned out the pipes on fast movers.

 

The world is truely upside down. Have you read the ROE's the brothers are straight jacketed with in the sand? JAG and NCIS in every HQ.. Marines in prison for doing their job? I KNOW I'd be in prison now if I was there. All we can do is send money and pray.

 

I cannot understand why any C.I.C. would treat the tip of his personal saber the way he does.

 

Tull? Man you are young. Aqualung, Locomotive Breath, Cross Eye'd Mary, My God, Stand Up... on the speakers every day.

 

'Night. Sleep. Semper Fi, do or die.

[sumdude]

Maybe it was the way it was worded ... I don't know.. I GET the idea of balance of Justice. Hell a part of me ... my darker side perhaps understood and even snickered. I try to keep that side under control.

 

Actually it makes my think of my XW. See she used to be into horseback riding. At one point in her life she was in a bad car accident and broke her back or neck and it was amazing she healed (that is if her story was accurate).

 

Anyhow soon after we met she kept getting hurt riding those horses. With that damaged back etc. it worried me. I never told her NOT to ride but I made it known it concerned me. Well she's thrown that in my face as me stopping her from doing what she loved. Now she's riding again ... last time I saw her she was barely moving and couldn't sit down. Broke her tailbone again... so I get it.

[LakesideDream]

Sumdude, I'm just a man. Good and bad. I don't believe I have a "dark side". I don't feel good or bad for the guy. I don't know him. I do know that he willfully tore up his family, and participated in tearing up mine, which isn't very nice, but he couldn't have done his deeds without a willing accomplice. I'm just not wired to "feel sorry" for someone like that, anymore than I can feel sorry for Kobegirl's husband.

 

This situation is amusing to me because of the effect it has on my ex. All her future happiness and plans she threw in my face six years ago aren't so rosey these days. As I posted on a "forgivness" thread. I'll never forgive, I don't have to. I'm not in contact with those who wronged me.

[Gunny376]

The world is truely upside down. Have you read the ROE's the brothers are straight jacketed with in the sand? JAG and NCIS in every HQ.. Marines in prison for doing their job? I KNOW I'd be in prison now if I was there. All we can do is send money and pray.

 

Like one of my Gunny's always said ~ "Better to be a live Private than a dead Gunny!"

 

Yea its all BS, and its time to pull out and let them have their civil war, that way when we go back in ~ they'll be less of them for us to have to kill.

 

Back on point, I don't wish the OM ill, the XW gets older, uglier, and from what I head meaner with each passing day ~ but hey? He's got her, so I guess that makes him the Winner! :laugh:

 

I would like to see him up and have an affair and leave her high and dry in her 50's for another woman. I think I'd die laughing ~ :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

But, in hindsight its like the old saying goes, "That which doesn't kill you, serves to only make you stronger!" There's not a woman on the planet that I can't turn my back on and walk away from ~ now!

 

I'm not saying I will never love one as much as I did the XW, but it won't ever be in the same way. I will neverbe as guliable. As the song by Vern Gosdin (Alabama boy) says "This ain't my first rodeo, this ain't the first time the old cowboy's been thrown!"

 

And, I'm not saying I'll kick some gal to the curb at the first sign of trouble, but I won't be played a fool, and I have my "standards" There are minor offenses, major offenses and intollerable offenses ~ and you can bet I'll call her on them. Tha' Gunny don't play ~ I roll with Mr. Reality and he and I keep it real.

 

I don't hand out any BS, don't take any BS, don't stand for any BS ~ I ain't in the BS business.

 

But for the OP, you got to let go of your past, before you can embrace your future, and if I were you? I'd get busy ~ getting busy! Life's too freaking short to be wasting your time on flakey ass people that don't know what they want in life? The ones that just can't get it "right", that can't be pacified, satisfied, happy no matter what you do.

[ilmw]

 

But for the OP, you got to let go of your past, before you can embrace your future, and if I were you? I'd get busy ~ getting busy! Life's too freaking short to be wasting your time on flakey ass people that don't know what they want in life? The ones that just can't get it "right", that can't be pacified, satisfied, happy no matter what you do.

 

This is so true!... Get out there and find yourself. Be on your own.. it's the best way to truly get to know you again.

 

For me... it has been hard.. never.. well ever lived on my own all my life, until now.. and guess what... it's not that bad at all. Once you get used to the deafening silence..

 

Get out and enjoy yourself... meet new people... do stuff you have always wanted to do... and do it. It's good therapy.... helps round you off... and gets ride of the edges..

 

ilmw

[sumdude]

This is so true!... Get out there and find yourself. Be on your own.. it's the best way to truly get to know you again.

 

For me... it has been hard.. never.. well ever lived on my own all my life, until now.. and guess what... it's not that bad at all. Once you get used to the deafening silence..

 

Get out and enjoy yourself... meet new people... do stuff you have always wanted to do... and do it. It's good therapy.... helps round you off... and gets ride of the edges..

 

ilmw

 

 

That's the best idea. Takes a while to get there and you kinda fake it till you make it. Now the hard part for me is remembering to get enough sleep. I'm almost never home and also forget to do the little things like take out the trash.. Then again by myself i don't make much trash so it can wait a couple weeks. LOL...

[sumdude]

He sounds like a midlife crisis guy. Believe it or not, he'll probably get better. Would you still want him if his attitude improved?

 

I'm convinced, after observing my own husband during this life-stage, that there are biological changes in the chemical make-up of a man's body. These chemical changes seem to affect hormone balance and available neurotransmitters, leaving a guy susceptible to depression. Even a mild case can seriously mess up a guy's attitude.

 

Depression in men tends to manifest itself more as anger than as sadness. And since he's an "angry man" he ends up getting into trouble in his relationships. So... his home life hits the skids right about the time he's already got so much on his plate dealing with the psychological aspects of approaching middle age.

 

It's a pitiable situation when you look at it clinically. MLC guys are overwhelmed both emotionally and physically, and often searching for ways to boost dopamine, which serves as kind of a band-aid device making them feel temporarily better. Hence the "little red sports car" and "middle-aged affair" cliches.

 

 

I've been thinking about this post LJ... Right around the time I married my XW I think I was in the middle of something like this... I didn't go the angry route or the affair route but into some other thing with drinking too much and just being generally down on life. Just this feeling that all the best stuff of youth is past and is this as good it gets? Add the wedding stressors, losing my mom to cancer trouble conceiving a child and it was a potent combination.

 

I thought I was ready for the next stage of life with a wife and kids but that didn't work out either. So here I am at 40 starting all over in way... Kind of back where I was 10 years ago yet different.

 

Still I I think it all started with that kind of crisis or whatever it was. Whether it was pysiological or purely in my head I have no idea.

 

My XW said at one point she was having her MLC and that was part of our marriage ending. I was willing to work through it but she wasn't so here we are divorced...

[kobegirl]

wow , some really good conversation in here while i was away . I can understand Justice LSD. I have other situations where I dont want anyone hurt but i do want justice .

 

As for my situtation with my husband , i am not sure what has been going on , but he seems to have flipped the nice switch to "on" . I am not complaining , but i do have this feeling like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am trying not to think about things negatively right now , i have even noticed that he is starting conversations with me , which has been a rarity lately. he doesnt chat away but the fact that he looks as though he is engaging me in conversation makes me very happy . there have been awkward moments where i feel tense , just wondering where his mood is going to go , but so far he hasnt lost his temper . but then again it hasnt been too long since he did .

I really hope I dont jinx myself, really . hmmm ... maybe I am being too optomistic?

[Ladyjane14]

I've been thinking about this post LJ... Right around the time I married my XW I think I was in the middle of something like this... I didn't go the angry route or the affair route but into some other thing with drinking too much and just being generally down on life. Just this feeling that all the best stuff of youth is past and is this as good it gets? Add the wedding stressors, losing my mom to cancer trouble conceiving a child and it was a potent combination.

 

I thought I was ready for the next stage of life with a wife and kids but that didn't work out either. So here I am at 40 starting all over in way... Kind of back where I was 10 years ago yet different.

 

Still I I think it all started with that kind of crisis or whatever it was. Whether it was pysiological or purely in my head I have no idea.

 

I dunno, SD. I've heard that men can have trouble with this as early as their late-30's. (Damn, I wish I could remember where I saw that. ) So, I guess it's possible. But you had so much other stuff going on at the time too... I don't think you can rule out anxiety as the primary cause.

 

Lots if people self-medicate with alcohol when they're anxious or for extended periods of time. And of course alcohol is a.... yep, a depressant. Just the worry you would've had for your Mom might have been enough to cause you to question 'the meaning of life'. Add in a wedding and the prospect of parenthood... it's not unnatural that you'd have been a fairly worried and depressed guy.

 

I do think that the male body makes a bit of a chemical adjustment at right around your age. Some guys seem to breeze right through it without a hair out of place. Others derail their whole lives.

 

There are natural ways to boost serotonin though. An increase in exercise and a sunny disposition will carry a man a long, long way. You seem to have developed a fairly healthy lifestyle and outlook. What's more you're much more self-aware than probably at any earlier point in your life. I very much doubt you'll be troubled by any of this sort of thing in the future. But if you are... you'll know to see your doctor and get it addressed.

 

I don't agree that you're back where you were, SD. I see you more as I see ILMW... poised to make the plunge back into a world which is no longer quite as chaotic as it once was, a world where you are a commanding presence among your peers, and eventually... the light in some lucky woman's life.

[Ladyjane14]

As for my situtation with my husband , i am not sure what has been going on , but he seems to have flipped the nice switch to "on" . I am not complaining , but i do have this feeling like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am trying not to think about things negatively right now , i have even noticed that he is starting conversations with me , which has been a rarity lately. he doesnt chat away but the fact that he looks as though he is engaging me in conversation makes me very happy . there have been awkward moments where i feel tense , just wondering where his mood is going to go , but so far he hasnt lost his temper . but then again it hasnt been too long since he did .

 

Try typing into your browser, "big boys don't cry, reader's digest" and read the article you find there.

 

This is just one little magazine article, but it helped me sooooo much to realize that sometimes my husband just needs a little extra time to process emotional data. So... yes. He still gets angry and flies off the handle. Anger is his 'go-to' emotion when he's jammed. But... no. I'm not reactive to that anymore.

 

If I give him time, he usually sorts himself out. More often than not, there's something else entirely going on with him underneath it all, and yet confronted with some small-ticket nuisance, he tends to vent off his frustrations in anger. And because he knows in his heart of hearts that he flew off the handle, he then feels guilty and has to process THAT emotion as well.

 

We've talked about alot of this stuff, and he's come to understand that he does sometimes needs more time to sort it all out. He's also come to understand that I'm NOT sitting around judging him all the time, which was his inner fear.

 

These days, it's usually not long after a meltdown before he comes to me and tells me what the trouble actually was and then we can talk about it. If it's something I'm doing wrong, I own it and fix it. If it's not, then I have to address that too. (Although I usually stew on it for a day or so to make absolutely sure, conflict avoider that I am. )

[sumdude]

I dunno, SD. I've heard that men can have trouble with this as early as their late-30's. (Damn, I wish I could remember where I saw that. ) So, I guess it's possible. But you had so much other stuff going on at the time too... I don't think you can rule out anxiety as the primary cause.

 

Lots if people self-medicate with alcohol when they're anxious or for extended periods of time. And of course alcohol is a.... yep, a depressant. Just the worry you would've had for your Mom might have been enough to cause you to question 'the meaning of life'. Add in a wedding and the prospect of parenthood... it's not unnatural that you'd have been a fairly worried and depressed guy.

 

I do think that the male body makes a bit of a chemical adjustment at right around your age. Some guys seem to breeze right through it without a hair out of place. Others derail their whole lives.

 

There are natural ways to boost serotonin though. An increase in exercise and a sunny disposition will carry a man a long, long way. You seem to have developed a fairly healthy lifestyle and outlook. What's more you're much more self-aware than probably at any earlier point in your life. I very much doubt you'll be troubled by any of this sort of thing in the future. But if you are... you'll know to see your doctor and get it addressed.

 

I don't agree that you're back where you were, SD. I see you more as I see ILMW... poised to make the plunge back into a world which is no longer quite as chaotic as it once was, a world where you are a commanding presence among your peers, and eventually... the light in some lucky woman's life.

 

Whatever it was it started before my mother was diagnosed and before I proposed to my XW. I really started climbing out of it when I asked her to marry me. Then the next day my mom made her diagnosis known.. After that it seemed hard to manage in general.

 

Yeah I've learned a lot and feel like I'm about to bust out into ... something.. Such a shame it took so much loss to get here but that's life.. I sure don't take as many things for granted anymore.

 

 

Kobegirl ... just be patient and let his storms blow over you. Watch them as an observer as if it were the weather channel. He may not know what's wrong or feel like there's a good way to talk about it. Asking over and over will just irritate. It may not be that he doesn't want to confide in you but just doesn't want to be seen a weak or confused. It's guy stuff. It will test your patience ... step back a little, work on your own happiness and wait for him to come back around. He's likely communicating on a really wierd level you can't understand and maybe he can't either. He has some serious something on his mind... he's brooding and doesn't want to be bothered. It's probably not you though you may be part of it.

[kobegirl]

Kobegirl ... just be patient and let his storms blow over you. Watch them as an observer as if it were the weather channel. He may not know what's wrong or feel like there's a good way to talk about it. Asking over and over will just irritate. It may not be that he doesn't want to confide in you but just doesn't want to be seen a weak or confused. It's guy stuff. It will test your patience ... step back a little, work on your own happiness and wait for him to come back around. He's likely communicating on a really wierd level you can't understand and maybe he can't either. He has some serious something on his mind... he's brooding and doesn't want to be bothered. It's probably not you though you may be part of it.

 

I have been starting to learn that his anger usually blows over, you make alot of scense there. i like the "watch it like the weather channel " comment LOL ... I loved the weather channel before so i know just what you mean .

 

I have been working on my own happiness with my own goals and such but he is a big part of my happiness or was.but i do know what you mean . I think he does have trouble expressing himself. his upbrining wasnt really that great . there was alot of anger in his family . when he is cranky , he says he is tired and I know that is when he gets cranky . but then that is when i feel the most uncomfortable , like i am walking on eggshells at that time. and I worry that the kids will make him angry although that has not happened yet .

 

when he is "tired" i usually just shut myself off in my bedroom untill I feel comfortable coming out again . But just the fact that I have such high anxiety when he acts this way is really concerning to me. shouldnt i feel comfortable all the time in my own home , it is bad enough I have a crazy teenager that pushes my buttons but I have my husband that makes me feel really uncomfortable at times. I do still love my husband though . I just want to be happy . maybe this is just a phase in my life, maybe this anxiety I am feeling will pass. i guess i am trying to blame myself again and I really dont want to do that.

 

Try typing into your browser, "big boys don't cry, reader's digest" and read the article you find there.

I'll definitly check that out . thanks .

[Ladyjane14]

I But just the fact that I have such high anxiety when he acts this way is really concerning to me. shouldnt i feel comfortable all the time in my own home , it is bad enough I have a crazy teenager that pushes my buttons but I have my husband that makes me feel really uncomfortable at times.

 

You've got to talk about that stuff, Kobe. I've learned the hard way that conflict avoidance creates more problems than it solves. It's the path to resentment, and built-up resentment blocks the free flow of love within the relationship, leaving both partners feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.

 

I think the best way to handle conflict though is to choose your battles wisely, and then choose the best time to confront, hopefully when you're more likely to communicate in a healthy way rather than argue. But if it does come to arguing... hey, there are some things which are worth fighting for, right?

[kobegirl]

You've got to talk about that stuff, Kobe. I've learned the hard way that conflict avoidance creates more problems than it solves. It's the path to resentment, and built-up resentment blocks the free flow of love within the relationship, leaving both partners feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.

 

I think the best way to handle conflict though is to choose your battles wisely, and then choose the best time to confront, hopefully when you're more likely to communicate in a healthy way rather than argue. But if it does come to arguing... hey, there are some things which are worth fighting for, right?

 

yes , you are definitly right , avoidance doesnt do anything but make me bitter. although i try not to let my bitterness get in the way , it still does.

and yes , i have started to realize that i have to like you said choose my battles and choose the appropriate time to talk about it . I just dont want me to be the one to be the peacemaker , I really wish he would approach me for a change, like maybe come up to me and say sorry or even come up to me and say what happened earlier really bothers him or makes him sad or even angry . but he never does. it is like he is fine with the way and argument or good conversation goes bad . he is fine with leaving it there. i think he holds it all in or he just doesnt care. and when i did ask before I get no response. I have a teenager already and now I feel like I have 2 of them , one being my husband.

[Ladyjane14]

I really wish he would approach me for a change, like maybe come up to me and say sorry or even come up to me and say what happened earlier really bothers him or makes him sad or even angry . but he never does. it is like he is fine with the way and argument or good conversation goes bad . he is fine with leaving it there.

 

I don't know your exact situation, Kobe. You're the "man on the ground" so you can assess it better than I can.

 

I can only tell you what was going on in MY sitch... and to be absolutely honest, there was a point at which I had to realize that I had been observing my husband's behavior through a female lens. IOW, what would make perfect sense to me and ANY OTHER WOMAN ON THE PLANET... was completely alien to him.

 

One of my biggest pet peeves, for example... was how he could "go for the jugular" in an argument, leave me pissed past the point of REASON... and then role over and go to sleep.

 

HOW does a guy do that??!! I mean, literally, I'm pissed enough at that point he doesn't have any REAL guarantee of waking up! :p:p

 

The only advice I have for you tonight is that guys have a different "lens" they look at the world through. And even though we don't always understand, we can't apply a female mindset to them. It's like getting a dog, and treating him like a cat. Nobody's happy.

 

To tell the truth, I just stopped wringing my hands over it. THAT seemed to help quite a bit.

[kobegirl]

I was pretty positive even though I was frustrated but I just got the shock of my life just now ! . my husband and i had a small disagreement about something not so serious and then all of a sudden he said . "I dont know what I am still doing here " I was like what? I said are you saying you dont want to be here with us ? he said he dont know . I was absolutely devistated. even though i have been thinking of divorsing him I really wanted to give it a shot and work things out even though i havent been happy with this marriage.

since he had left before I said If you want to leave then you need to just say so . I told him , I want us to work even though i havent been happy but i want us to be together , I wanted to try to work on things somemore. he said he doesnt know if something is wrong with him , he also said sometimes just looking at me annoys him ~ where the hec did this come from ?? he says he is just tired and misses his own time , he is like the riddler he cant spit up adirect comment or idea it is like i have to guess at what he is talking about . i told him we dont spend time together so it isnt that i am taking your time , he spends time with the kids alot so is he sick of that .. of course he gives me no answer. I feel somewhat relieved that we may seperate ( sounds strange I know) .

 

At the same time I feel so hurt , but this isnt me , this is him ,because i have been doing everything posible to keep things positive and i feel like i cant do it anymore. I am devastated for my toddler and i dont know how to explain this to him. my teen has no idea what is going on right now. I am wondering if my husband leaves me , how do I raise my teen on my own . i am really scared and I feel really alone .

he wont say when he will leave or if he is leaving , he just said he will probobly leave after that .. ( our talk) but wont say when . i am so confused and hurt .. i know i am babling . i just feel so shocked and sad and scared. I hate this. why cant he just be straight up with me . I deserve to have someone in my life that wants to be with me .

I am going to try to take this and deal with it . I mean I was thinking about seperating from him anyway but why does it still hurt me so badly . i just dont want to hurt anymore. also my toddler caught some of the conversation and he just had a horibly sad face ... i feel absolutely horrible. I feel like i am such a bad mother , I let this hapen . I wanted my toddler to have father in his life. he still will i guess but i know it will hurt him that dad is not going to be living with us . and i still dont know what is happening .

[Ladyjane14]

That's a pretty big reaction to a small disagreement. Honestly Kobe, I still suspect depression, or something going on he hasn't told you about.

 

When 2+2 don't equal 4... there's missing information. A small disagreement shouldn't result in threats of divorce.

[kobegirl]

That's a pretty big reaction to a small disagreement. Honestly Kobe, I still suspect depression, or something going on he hasn't told you about.

 

When 2+2 don't equal 4... there's missing information. A small disagreement shouldn't result in threats of divorce.

I agree Ladyjane,

This morning his attitude was different.. he said he didnt want to lose us .. I am thinking huh ?? but i didnt say anything. later today we went to a movie together , his idea to go out together .. this is too strange, so i tell him , what is wrong with you ? you want to leave me and now your like you want to stay ? why cant you just tell me what it is that you want to do here..? his answer was he dont know , he wouldnt leave me to raise the kids alone , i said so you want to stay with us ? he said , i would live nearby .. then i said ok ... wait , you want to move out ? he said NO< FOR THE LAST TIME NO I DONT.. please tell me people ..am I going crazy ? I feel like I live in a wierd alternate universe where nothing makes sense. I looked up online depressed men , he does show signs of it . i told him maybe your depressed? he said he don't know what he is . I told him he should maybe go talk to someone , he said no .

 

so i am taking it that he is staying , i dont want to ask him again , but I am going to go out on a limb here and say i dont really believe what comes out of his mouth . my gut is saying leave him ! leave him now ! , he is nuts , but then there is that side that says well , maybe like you said he is depressed or something. I dont know what to make of this but this just feeds my issues of feeling like he doesnt love me . I mean , he wants to leave but he dont ? I am thourougly confused now. my kids were all happy today ,my husband was making conversation with them like nothing was wrong , and i was just spaced out in shock at everything and feeling really surreal about everything .

 

I really dont know what is going to happen now.

[Gunny376]

His ass is depressed! Suffering from depression! He needs IC and you need IC to understand his depression and how to deal with it, cope with it, help help him deal with it. He may even be Manic-depressive, and need meds to help him.

 

A lot of depression comes about in trying to reconcile with the way things are and they way we think they're suppose to be. In Western society, there are too many people trying to live the "American Dream" of doing it all, being all, having it all ~ when most of us just need to chill the f**k out! And learn how to be satisfied with what we've got, and with what we have.

 

A lot of depression comes from that you've "failed" to measure up, that your best isn't good enough, that you're not trying hard enough, giving enough.

 

The two of you need to pull back and re-group, and re-priortize your marriage and your relationship. Re-define why your azz is married and got married to begin with. Re-define your goals and objectives.

 

Marriage? Marriage is like draning a swamp!

 

Your intial objective was to drain the damn swamp! But when your azz is up to your neck in Indians, alligators, snakes, snapping turtles, and mosquitos , you tend to forget that your intial objective when you started out was to drain the damn swamp!

[LakesideDream]

Kobegirl, LJ may be right. Your husband may be deep into depression, maybe worse. He sounds like he is not in control of his thought processes. He may not have the coping skills he needs to hold onto reality for more than minutes at a time. This can be dangerous for you in all modalities. Financial, saftey.. the whole gamut.

 

I would suggest getting him to a doc or hospital to have him checked out. Appeal to his selfish interest. Let him know that the anxiety and pain he is feeling may be easily treated.

 

If he refuses, and you are brave (and still care enough) you can even have him committed on a 72 hour hold which can get the process of healing started.

 

Nobody should be required to suffer the maddness he is projecting at you. Period. Either get this guy some mental health attention or run, run, run.

[LakesideDream]

Kobegirl, another thought. I suffered from a real serious depression for a couple of years back in the 90's About the time of the Simpson trial, I remember watching it mindlessly on TV instead of working, I went to work at 1pm and worked till 9pm instead of my usual 9am-9pm. Thank Gawd I had a reasonably established business with good staff.

 

I also read voraciously as an escape. Hundreds probably thousands of books, History, Fiction, everything.

 

I coped by isolating myself. I never felt the need to hurt others or draw them into my mess.

 

Things got better as I built more coping skills. I also had "unoffical" help from three good friends, an older mentor, my Doctor (*note Gunny he was my corpsman for 9 months, we reunited totally accidentially) and a good customer/friend who was a psycologist. All were willing to spend time talking (really talk therapy) at all hours.

 

Being a "macho" guy I never went the chemical route, but frankly I wish I had tried it. I understand now that it's often a much quicker, and less painfull road to health.

 

Good Luck K-girl.....

[Gunny376]

Kobegirl, another thought. I suffered from a real serious depression for a couple of years back in the 90's About the time of the Simpson trial, I remember watching it mindlessly on TV instead of working, I went to work at 1pm and worked till 9pm instead of my usual 9am-9pm. Thank Gawd I had a reasonably established business with good staff.

 

I also read voraciously as an escape. Hundreds probably thousands of books, History, Fiction, everything.

 

I coped by isolating myself. I never felt the need to hurt others or draw them into my mess.

 

Things got better as I built more coping skills. I also had "unoffical" help from three good friends, an older mentor, my Doctor (*note Gunny he was my corpsman for 9 months, we reunited totally accidentially) and a good customer/friend who was a psycologist. All were willing to spend time talking (really talk therapy) at all hours.

 

Being a "macho" guy I never went the chemical route, but frankly I wish I had tried it. I understand now that it's often a much quicker, and less painfull road to health.

 

Good Luck K-girl.....

 

 

Yea! I've been on the back forty, alone, spitting whiskey in tha' fire

~alone Just me myself and I, trying to make sense of it all?

 

Semper Fi Mac! Semper Fi! Go Easy, ~ go easy!

 

It doesn't mean a thing!

 

It doesn't mean nothing!

 

It doesn't mean anything!

 

That's what I kept telling myself! All gave some. But some gave all! Surivor's guilt? But for the Grace Of God ~ there go I!

[kobegirl]

wow , things are getting scary now , the more i read the more worried i get . whatever mental issue my husband is going through he is surely trying to handle it himself. I am still not sure it is all depression , but probobly so , like i said before he does have alot of the signs. I heart says just stick it out , my brains says leave his ass , so i am fighting a war within myself not to mention that my children are routing for the stay for the long haul factor I asume.

 

when i was depressed for a few months after my second child i had to get on meds for 3 months and then i was alright . but I remember that when i had company or if I felt someone really cared about me I felt better. this does not sound like it works the same way for guys . my husband , if he is depressed which is most likely now , seems to reject intimacy and talking it out . he hates it in fact. he prefer to be left alone . this really hurts my feelings but i dont tell him so . even if i did tell him I doubt that he would blink an eye.

 

so , i really dont know how to support this other then to tell him he needs to talk to a doctor or psycologist or something. but he gets really angry , so I back off. i actually brought up that i blog online about it ( i dont tell him it is here) and i tell him that i get feedback from guys on there saying they have been through it . i guess that wasnt a good idea. he basically told me I was thinking too much . yea ~ whatever . gee~ he is going to leave me then no he isnt then he is telling me he dont know what is wrong with him and he then after all that he says I am thinking too much. am i supposed to just be like oh yea , he said those things but it doesnt bother me a bit and i am just going to put it aside and be happy and leave him alone . good grief..

 

i havent gotten angry at him , no loud arguing so far. just talking but only untill he is done with it . it is really one sided with him . He wasnt always like this . he used to be nicer I guess you could say . I was never really bitchy or anything like that. I always try to think if i did something to cause him to be this way and I can honestly say no i did not. I know i am rambling again .. i better stop . I guess i dont say these things to him so it is coming out in my typing , the frustration and such that i feel .

 

i wonder how i can help him , i dont even know how to help myself at this point . talk about stress overload. this is where i always ponder and get no where... would i be happier rasing the kids alone and being lonely at the same time or would i be happier living together and staying married with this emotional roller coaster i go through on a daily basis . the answer right now is i just dont know .

 

well sorry , i am blabbing i know . so I will stop now . my brain is scrambled right now. I may have to commit myself if this keeps on ..lol .. just kidding .. i'm a mess.

[Ladyjane14]

He doesn't have to go for any head-shrinking, Kobe, if that's what he's worried about. All he has to do is to be honest with his regular medical doctor. His MD can assess him for depression, prescribe medication, and refer him to counseling if s/he feels it's warranted. A depression screening only takes about ten minutes. And all that's required of him is that he answer the doctor's questions HONESTLY.

 

The problem you're going to have is that unless he truly wants the help, he's liable to go in there and blow a bunch of sunshine up Doctor's ass

 

Sometimes it's not until they KNOW you're seriously not willing to live with any more of their bullsh*t that they're will to get it addressed. People who are depressed enough for needing treatment don't always see it in themselves. Alot of the time though, once they accept a little bit of help, they're over the hump in short order. After that, they're in a better position to self-assess and manage it on their own. A sunny outlook, good healthy habits, and a supportive family go a long way. But when a guy is really down, he can't initially get there on his own.

[kobegirl]

He doesn't have to go for any head-shrinking, Kobe, if that's what he's worried about. All he has to do is to be honest with his regular medical doctor. His MD can assess him for depression, prescribe medication, and refer him to counseling if s/he feels it's warranted. A depression screening only takes about ten minutes. And all that's required of him is that he answer the doctor's questions HONESTLY.

 

The problem you're going to have is that unless he truly wants the help, he's liable to go in there and blow a bunch of sunshine up Doctor's ass

 

Sometimes it's not until they KNOW you're seriously not willing to live with any more of their bullsh*t that they're will to get it addressed. People who are depressed enough for needing treatment don't always see it in themselves. Alot of the time though, once they accept a little bit of help, they're over the hump in short order. After that, they're in a better position to self-assess and manage it on their own. A sunny outlook, good healthy habits, and a supportive family go a long way. But when a guy is really down, he can't initially get there on his own.

 

wow , well coincedentally he had an appt with the his doctor today , she was with him for an hour and afterward I asked him if he talked to her about his mood swings and temper and such ? and he said that he did . they were in the office for like an hour. he said that she told him that it sounds like he has a combination of being overly stressed and depression . she gave him some medication . he took the first one today . I am relieved that he actually talked to his doc about it . I am happy about this. now i can see if he is a real jerk or if he is really depressed. . he has been really calm today but i dont know if it was the meds i dont think they work that fast lol.