Not_That_Innocent Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Me and this guy went to a few bars for a couple of drinks. We aren't really dating, just seeing each other now and then. We like each other a lot, though. That's all the info I'm going to give right now 'cause I want your unbiased opinions ... So we go to this one bar and while he's in the bathroom a guy walks up to me and introduces himself. In fact, he held his hand out for a shake. I shook his hand, he told me his name, I told him mine and he walked away. Apparently, the guy I was with saw the exchange. He asked me what the guy said and I told him we introduced ourselves. He was pissed!! We had planned to go to another bar but he wanted to go home immediately. The whole way to his place he was bitchin' me out about flirting with that guy. I tried to tell him I wasn't flirting, the guy introduced himself. I asked him what I should have done and he said I need to start being more stuck up instead of so friendly. He said I disrespected him and in a roundabout way called me stupid for not realizing the guy was flirting with me. He yelled at me the entire way home. It really upset me 'cause I honestly was not flirting with that guy!! :mad: I'm being completely honest when I say that is all that happened. We introduced ourselves and that was it. What do you think - was I flirting and or disrespecting him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lean On Me Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Me and this guy went to a few bars for a couple of drinks. We aren't really dating, just seeing each other now and then. We like each other a lot, though. That's all the info I'm going to give right now 'cause I want your unbiased opinions ... So we go to this one bar and while he's in the bathroom a guy walks up to me and introduces himself. In fact, he held his hand out for a shake. I shook his hand, he told me his name, I told him mine and he walked away. Apparently, the guy I was with saw the exchange. He asked me what the guy said and I told him we introduced ourselves. He was pissed!! We had planned to go to another bar but he wanted to go home immediately. The whole way to his place he was bitchin' me out about flirting with that guy. I tried to tell him I wasn't flirting, the guy introduced himself. I asked him what I should have done and he said I need to start being more stuck up instead of so friendly. He said I disrespected him and in a roundabout way called me stupid for not realizing the guy was flirting with me. He yelled at me the entire way home. It really upset me 'cause I honestly was not flirting with that guy!! :mad: I'm being completely honest when I say that is all that happened. We introduced ourselves and that was it. What do you think - was I flirting and or disrespecting him? You didn't do anything wrong. If you wink at him, brush against him, or leaned over and let him have a look see, that to me is flirting. As for the guy, if he saw you with another man, he should have respected that and not come over. He really didn't do that much either only said hi..my name is __. No you didn't disrespect the guy you were with. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Chestnut Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 No its isnt flirting. The guy shake hands and said his name and you yours. Thats not flirting. Thats salutations. thats what you do if you go soemwhere ina firm and new people are in or if you are invited ina conference and have to be introduced to new people, or are at a garden party and meet with new people, maybe neighbourgs firends or their extended family, oyu shake hands, say hello and give your name and them theirs. Your guy is a nut case. You can tell him. He is freaking out cause he is jealous and unsure about himself. he completely exagerated and his reaction is out of line. You shouldnt pull up with htis and ask him for apologises. You deserve it, and he was very wrong to yell at you. Next time he shake hands with a friend or some one else bitch him and tell him he was flirting, even if it is a male friend. Confront him with his wrong doing, force him to see how stupid he was and not you. Link to post Share on other sites
rumours83 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 How long have you been with the guy that took you to the bar? If it is not a serious relationship you might want to take his massive, massive overreaction into account. If that is his reaction to a quick and polite introduction what will happen say if you get a new male coworker? or a male family friend? will he make an embarrassing scene then? plusthe way he talked to you and implied you were "stupid" for allowing that to happen - you didn't ask the other guy over, and you were simply polite to him when he did come over- may mean he has a very controlling nature. Was it really that serious enough to have to stop your evening? doubtful. I get jealous as my other half has two female single friends that are too overly familiar with him, but he now recognises that and the issue has now been resolved but i would never get jealous of him speaking politely to someone we meet at a party or bar. Flirting maybe, but flirting involves physical contact, laughter - if you were seriously flirting it would have been a lot closer than a handshake! Would you have reacted that way if he had a brief conversation with a female that approached him? probably not. If you want to continue with the relationship be very wary that he may be very controlling and abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Thanks for your thoughts. I agree with all of you in that he overeacted, flipped out and that its a RED FLAG since we technically aren't dating. I'm going to put the brakes on things for a while. His behavior really scared me and perhaps once he has a chance to think about it, he will realize that he was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 He sent me the crudest text this morning. It said ... "Can I get some?" I text him back asking him what he was talking about (even though I knew) and if he meant to send it to me. My thought was surely he was not asking me to sleep with him after the way he treated me - and to ask me in such a crude manner I thought for sure the text was meant for someone else. He text back about an hour later saying yes the text was meant for me, but "forget it now." As if I was supposed to be all heartbroken or something. WTH? He must have a split personality, or something. I text him back telling him that he is quite the piece of work to send me that text after the way he treated me. I said I know you think I'm STUPID and all, but 'cmon!! He text me back saying that I showed no respect for him and that everybody is not like me. Whatever that means.??? I chose not to respond. Arguing about it back and forth does no good. He has his opinion and I have mine. As far as I'm concerned he can forget knowing me. I know for sure that I will never contact him again!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 What a nasty guy - serious lack of confidence or something going on there. My take on this is that the "other guy" came over and introduced himself, and you were polite, but you obviously didn't give him any signs that he should stay around because he left. If you had been flirting, or if you had even been receptive to his approach, he would have stayed and kept up the conversation. The fact that he left tells me that you communicated to him (politely, it sounds like, but clearly) that you were not welcoming him staying around. Whether it was body language, or what you didn't say, or whatever, you got the point across, everyone saved face, and life goes on. Not only were you not flirting, you were not even receptive to his sticking around, but you were polite, and that's not something that you need to change by being more "stuck up..." Incdentally, on behalf of us guys when we get our nerve up to approach a woman, thanks for being polite and not stuck up... He text me back saying... that everybody is not like me. Whatever that means.??? I'm sure he meant it as an insult somehow, but it did kind of backfire, didn't it? It sounds like he needs to be with one of those "other" girls - you know, the stuck up ones who are "not like you." I chose not to respond. Certainly your most graceful option at this point... Link to post Share on other sites
figuremeout Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 First, I think his response was sort of out of line, but seriously here, all of you bashing the guy for being isecure isn't very decent. You are in a relationship and lvoe this guy, it's your job to protect his heart and I mean like a marine. If a guy approaches you, it will always be appearing as flirting, and in a relationship, you cannot assume your man is going to see it the same, because he is a guy, and he probably knows that all guys are stupid with women. Introducing and shaking hands isnt just being a friendly person as a guy, it's trying to start something. Seriously. You don't need to back hand the guy, but you shoudl redirect him by saying something like, nice to meet you and all, but I'm going back out with my boyfriend and all so bye, something that points out you know your man matters and warning off this over fireidnly a-hole. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Me and this guy went to a few bars for a couple of drinks. We aren't really dating, just seeing each other now and then. We like each other a lot, though. That's all the info I'm going to give right now 'cause I want your unbiased opinions ... So we go to this one bar and while he's in the bathroom a guy walks up to me and introduces himself. In fact, he held his hand out for a shake. I shook his hand, he told me his name, I told him mine and he walked away. What just happened is the guy that introduced himself and walked away thinks he is god's gift to women and figured you'd be intrigued and follow him for more info. I bet his ego was bruised when you didn't follow him. Apparently, the guy I was with saw the exchange. He asked me what the guy said and I told him we introduced ourselves. He was pissed!! We had planned to go to another bar but he wanted to go home immediately. The whole way to his place he was bitchin' me out about flirting with that guy. I tried to tell him I wasn't flirting, the guy introduced himself. No, that wasn't flirting. Now if you and this guy carried on a long conversation and you touched each other alot or you constantly batted your eyes at him...then maybe. I asked him what I should have done and he said I need to start being more stuck up instead of so friendly. He said I disrespected him and in a roundabout way called me stupid for not realizing the guy was flirting with me. He yelled at me the entire way home. It really upset me 'cause I honestly was not flirting with that guy!! :mad: I posted on here that I dated someone who was a major flirt and I dumped her. I don't like flirts one iota. But what you did was nowhere near it. Like you said, all you did was be courteous...nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 The guy your dating is insecure as hell if you ask me. Yes, maybe the guy was trying to flirt with YOU, but for you to be nice and shake his hand back is definitely not flirting with HIM in return. Your guy was just pissed that another man was trying to talk to you...he probably feels more disrespected by the guy than you, but still wants it to be your fault. It's also concerning that your only "seeing each other once in a while" and he reacts to this with such hostility. It's ignorant to call you stupid or tell you how to be with other people. I know you didn't ask our opinion about the guy your dating, but for him to get this upset over something so meaningless, it's not a good indicator for what kind of serious boyfriend he'd be...potential for a controlling, overly possessive kind of thing. He wants you to be the way HE wants, instead of just being who you are and that's pretty unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 He sent me the crudest text this morning. It said ... "Can I get some?" I text him back asking him what he was talking about (even though I knew) and if he meant to send it to me. My thought was surely he was not asking me to sleep with him after the way he treated me - and to ask me in such a crude manner I thought for sure the text was meant for someone else. He text back about an hour later saying yes the text was meant for me, but "forget it now." As if I was supposed to be all heartbroken or something. WTH? He must have a split personality, or something. I text him back telling him that he is quite the piece of work to send me that text after the way he treated me. I said I know you think I'm STUPID and all, but 'cmon!! He text me back saying that I showed no respect for him and that everybody is not like me. Whatever that means.??? I chose not to respond. Arguing about it back and forth does no good. He has his opinion and I have mine. As far as I'm concerned he can forget knowing me. I know for sure that I will never contact him again!!!! Ugh, this guy is a piece of work. Originally I was going to say, "Ah, c'mon now, did you literally just shake hands with the other dude and then he walked away...that's it??...bc that's odd to just walk up and say "Hi, I'm Star" and then walk away..." But now, even if you WERE flirting with the other dude, this guy's behavior after the fact is moronic, at best. That text would have been enough for me to never see or talk to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Oh I just read about the text...what a royal d*ck...I'm glad your through with him... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Strange behaviour over a meet and greet. Perhaps he wants you to wear a burqa? Link to post Share on other sites
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