Wife got it good.

[iraqiholl]

Im sure there has been questions like this but I feel mine has a twist in it. My wife was seeing my best friend right before I met her. They were have alot of sex. While they were going out my soon to be wife was talking to me one night alone in the living room. We were discussing how her boyfriend, my best friend, and my girl friend were just crap and we didnt want to see them anymore, yet alone she didnt want anymore sex with him. That night I walked her down the hallway I went to my room and she went to my best friends as normal. About 20 minutes later I heard the most incredible sex going on in the next room that I have ever heard through a wall. She was getting it good for quite some time. I heard the whole thing from start to finish and it was a finish. I didnt think to much about it and went on with life. About 2 weeks later she had a thing going for me I guess because after our talk in the living room she liked what I was about and thought I could respect a girl and I can. I had only been with 5 girls before, lots of girl friends but not to much sex. She on the other hand had alot to include my best friend. here is where I should have stopped but we started to see each other. I went to my best friend out of respect and asked him if he cared if I was to see her and he said that he was glad I asked and no he didnt care. We started seeing eachother and went on to live together and then got married. I asked her all the time because of what I heard that night if she liked it and what the hell was going on in there. She gave me crappy answers and acted like it wasnt good, he was the same size as me and that I was the best. Well she to this day still says that Im the best, dont know if I believe that. Just recently I have asked her enough that she finally broke down and told me that he was bigger than me, could last longer than me and up until me He was her absolute best in bed. It turns out they were doing it in the shower, in the bed and then he would wake up in the night and start while she was still asleep so she would wake up to sex. They were doing it 2-3 times a day for long periods of time. I was shaken. I asked her why or what the hell they have done but she acts like she has forgotten. All she knows is he was her best. It doesnt make sense to me. How do you forget if it was that good. she just doenst want to tell me. I have tried everything I can and I dont get a response out of her like I heard that night. She says he asked her to be loud but even when I have asked her to be loud it doesnt sound like that. I know this is stupid after 11 years but she just laid it on me recently and now I feel like my confidense was stripped away. I should have never married a girl after she was with my best friend yet alone after what I heard them doing but we are so damn good if you take away the sex now. After I talked to her I get that Im not as big as him and cant last as long as him so Im feeling really pathetic right now. She says it was just a sex thing and she didnt want a relationship, like that is going to make me feel better. She isnt getting at all what she is doing to me. She says that it was before me and she is right but my brain doesnt comprehend that 2 weeks before seeing me was before me. My brain sees it as it is all in the same time zone. and just as a kicker I think it was MUCH better than I can do. I know someone is going to say somthing like well she loves you but common..... you all have to know this is going to hurt a dude. So what do you all think I can do to help myself??? Im wondering if there is anything and maybe the rest of my life with her if screwed. I am wondering if I will ever have confidense now. All I hear is her moaning now in the next room in my head. I even heard the end when he was finishing in her. It is driving me nuts. Has anyone ever heard there soon to be girl getting it in the next room?? and it was was top notch. I have lived in alot of apartments and party houses and I have never heard a girl getting it like this. I cant believe I am going to say this but it was a big time turn on that night, I dont mind hearing a girl get it. But it hurts like hell now. What do I do about my sanity?? Im not a counselor type. Rude and crude tell me to let her hear me giving it to a girl but Im sure that isnt what a counselor would tell me. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks ahead of time and yes I think this is really messed up and I should have known what I got myself into way way back when I heard it going on.

[burning 4 revenge]

Well I think the only way you'll fix this is if you have sex with your best friend and then youre even steven

[curiousnycgirl]

First of all in order to make your posts easier to read, please use paragraphs.

 

Secondly I for one do not really appreciate overly long sessions, at some point my lubrication dries up and the friction hurts! At times in order to end a session I feel is getting too long, and painful, I will make a big, loud deal of cumming, even though I'm not and not really enjoying it. But at leat that will end it!

 

Thirdly as you get to know a person, you know all the hot buttons to hit, so satisfaction is reached way faster.

 

I would stop wasting my time worrying about what was - and focus on what you are doing going forward. If you do not feel adequate in the bedroom - see if she will help educate you on what she likes.

 

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, perhaps reading some books. I know it sounds bizarre, but it works for me (I'm way too shy to ask).

 

Just some thoughts - I really don't think your wife is comparing you - the women I know just don't do that. And sex btw is FAR better with someone we love, vs. some stud who can last for hours.

 

Good luck.

[iraqiholl]

come on now. There wasnt one thing in this post about being gay and Im not starting now. I think the situation with my wife is really screwed up and Im having a hard time with it. Sex with a dude just isnt an option.

[burning 4 revenge]

Just some thoughts - I really don't think your wife is comparing you - the women I know just don't do that. And sex btw is FAR better with someone we love, vs. some stud who can last for hours.

:laugh: :lmao: OH MY GOD THE LIES !!!!!

[curiousnycgirl]

you calling me a liar (rolling up my sleeves, ready for a fight)?!

 

You may choose not to believe me, but at least that is this girl's opinion and reality.

[Cobra_X30]

Go to a plastic surgeon and get an enlargement.

 

You should never have asked, and honestly... why marry a girl thats been with that many guys? You need to work through this with your wife. Talk to her about how you feel and what you want.

[iraqiholl]

so what you are saying curiousnycgirl is that this is a totally normal deal?? you dont think this should get to a guy?? I never understand a womans point of view, I need to but I dont. You are acting like a woman never looks back at what has happened to her. It is just like when I explain to my wife that if a dude sees her in her panties he can get turned on. She cant understand how a guy can get turned on from panties. But yet they sell lingerie like mad so how does she not get it?? Men are visual and women dont understand.

I guess that is why I dont undertand how she is acting like it isnt a big deal and I think it is the end of the world. could have you listened to your husband and still thought the same about him curiousnycgirl?

[iraqiholl]

I thought all that plastic surgery was garbage. I wouldnt do that anyway but I thought they really chopped you up with the plastic surgeon?? Or I thought they cut some things that made it not look right?? Or lumpy or something. Was that just a wise crack?? or does it work???

[curiousnycgirl]

Just before meeting my bf 3 years ago, I went through a bit of a wild time sexually. I'm neither ashamed nor proud of myself - it is what it is - but suffice it to say in just 2 years I gained more experience than in all my prior adult years.

 

The relationship with my bf started out very hot and heavy. In time we began to fall in love, and his libido took a nose dive - to the point that we went over 2 years with absolutely no sex. During that whole time I only considered going elswhere for satisfaction once - with someone who had been especially enjoyable during my "wild" times.

 

It was a disaster! While I had previously enjoyed this person's company and "playing" with him, I just couldn't do it because he wasn't my bf and therefore he held no further interest to me.

 

My bf and I have since worked very hard on our relationship and while still not perfect, things are going much, much better.

 

I hope this very specific example shows you that for women, how we feel about the individual means way more than sexual prowess (real or perceived).

 

Your wife loves YOU - and I am fairly confident that if she found herself naked with the opportunity to be with your best friend again, she would turn away from it - simply because he is not you.

 

Does that help?

[dbtmarley]

You should have never asked questions where you would either doubt her answers or be hurt by them. For you it has resulted in both and now it is causing you despair. I am adequately endowed, and even at a tad over 8 inches and almost 6 around I still wish I was bigger. I have been told by a lot of women that I am their best, but I think it is my oral skills they refer too mostly... To be honest I can be satisfied with just performing oral on my wife, I just love doing it that much.

 

I know my wife's ex boy friend was larger than I, but I sure as hell don't want a measurement! I've only dated black women my entire life and as a white man I can tell you that it plays in the back of my mind some 12" monster robo cock pounding them before me...lol.

 

I have made women, including wife... lose their breath and even cry during and after sex. While it is satisfying... I know it has more to do with their emotions than how good I am, but then again I am a pessimist and I doubt myself inside quite often.

 

I saw where you said she does not understand what she is doing to me. She is doing nothing to you. You are doing this to yourself. It has nothing to do with her getting it good in the next room... You would have probably wondered regardless. You need to stop and stop now!

 

She married you... She gave you answers to questions that you hounded her on. She gave you different answers in the beginning because she knew it would hurt you, but you would not stop so she finally came clean with hopes it would end there. It didn't and she is probably getting frustrated with it all I am sure.

 

I know it bothers you...but in reality what can you do? This is your issue and yours alone!

 

Stop asking those questions buddy! What she did in her past has nothing to do with you.

[dbtmarley]

Just before meeting my bf 3 years ago, I went through a bit of a wild time sexually. I'm neither ashamed nor proud of myself - it is what it is - but suffice it to say in just 2 years I gained more experience than in all my prior adult years.

 

The relationship with my bf started out very hot and heavy. In time we began to fall in love, and his libido took a nose dive - to the point that we went over 2 years with absolutely no sex. During that whole time I only considered going elswhere for satisfaction once - with someone who had been especially enjoyable during my "wild" times.

 

It was a disaster! While I had previously enjoyed this person's company and "playing" with him, I just couldn't do it because he wasn't my bf and therefore he held no further interest to me.

 

My bf and I have since worked very hard on our relationship and while still not perfect, things are going much, much better.

 

I hope this very specific example shows you that for women, how we feel about the individual means way more than sexual prowess (real or perceived).

 

Your wife loves YOU - and I am fairly confident that if she found herself naked with the opportunity to be with your best friend again, she would turn away from it - simply because he is not you.

 

Does that help?

 

I agree, very well said!!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

She says it was just a sex thing and she didnt want a relationship, like that is going to make me feel better. She isnt getting at all what she is doing to me

 

You've brought this on yourself by feeling insecure and asking her questions about it. You pushed and pushed until she told you the truth and now you're upset.

 

SHE MARRIED YOU because she loves you, can see a future with you. She has a relationship with you! And it's not based on just sex like it was with the other guy.

 

You're equatting (is that a word?) her love for you by how good it is in bed.

 

Some of the hottest sex I've had was with someone I knew i wasn't going to end up with later in life. Sure, my H and I have great sex, but it's based on love, respect, pleasing eachother....Giving...NOT just pure animalistic hot sex like it was with the ex many many moons ago.

 

Seriously, stop asking her all the questions about if he's bigger or better than you in bed because if you don't, it WILL ruin your marriage!

 

Appreciate what you have with her. That she is YOUR wife. You wake up with her daily, share a life with her, NOT him.

 

And, if you can't get past this stuff, seek some counselling so you can feel better about YOU and not feel so inadequate.

[quankanne]

I'm with curious on this one ... jealousy is going to eat you alive if you allow it to fester the way you've been doing, but the fact is, this girl chose YOU. And every day for the past 11 years, has CONTINUED to choose you.

 

she's not thinking of all that wild screaming hot sex she had before unless you've done something to piss her off and it's her way of mentally "showing" you ... and I guarantee if her thoughts do meander that way, they will soon end with "but it's not iraqiholl." Because for a woman, love trumps everything.

 

I've had lovers before I married, and some quite good at things my husband just doesn't like to do, but honestly? Those guys just cannot compare to DH because of the love involved – even when things are crappy in bed between the two of us, it's a hell of a lot better than the best I've ever had, simply because he's the guy I've wanted to be with since I've known him and because there's love involved. A good **** is really, really good ... but throw in the love factor and it becomes incredible because now those humping and pumping actions are for a true purpose: Communicating those deep feelings and commitment you have toward someone.

 

it's hard to wean yourself from jealousy, but you need to start working on that. YOU won, not your best friend – YOU got the girl, you've HAD the girl, the girl is YOURS. Period. Like I said, technique is nice, but it's nothing when there's no real feelings of love involved, and for women, love is the sexiest thing about a relationship.

[norajane]

Dude, stop worrying about your friend's penis size, and get creative. There are so many ways to give your wife orgasms. Make her scream with:

 

Oral sex...can't say this enough. The tongue can be mightier than the penis if you know what you're doing.

 

Hands...your fingers can stimulate her g-spot perfectly, and you can make her scream by giving her multiple orgasms that way. Read up on how to do it.

 

Toys...if you're worried about endurance, just imagine how many orgasms you can give her by teasing her mercilessly with a vibrator.

 

Dirty talk...if she gets into that, do it.

 

Light bondage...tie her hands with a scarf, blindfold her, and then tease her in every way imaginable with your hands, tongue, feathers, vibes, ice...oh, yeah, and penis.

 

Pics and videos...if you've never done that before, you can totally get her wired by making her your sexy porn star. You have to do this for HER, not you, meaning that you make her aware how hot she is and how much it turns you on to take photos of her.

 

Fantasy...live out some of her fantasies...does she want to be dominated? to dominate? would it be fun to play act picking her up in a bar as if you were strangers who had just met? ask if there's a fantasy she'd like to play out.

 

Sex everywhere...you mentioned she had sex with your friend in the shower...well, you can certainly do that, and in the kitchen, the dining room, the car. Take a trip and rent a hotel room - hotel sex can be some of THE best sex, for some reason. Even better, make sex a part of your daily life...when you're driving somewhere in the car, stroke her thigh. When you're out to dinner, look at her across the table as though SHE is what you want for dinner and tell her you can't wait to get her home...send her an email during the day and tell her a few things you'd like to do her after work...when you pass by her in the kitchen, stroke her butt and kiss the back of her neck and nibble on her earlobe before you go to take the garbage out...BE CREATIVE and build up the tension - that sexual tension is what gets a woman crazy for sex.

 

Instead of focusing so much on something that happened a zillion years ago, focus on what you can do for her today.

[Cobra_X30]

Norajane,

 

You need to start an advice column. This is such a great suggestion.

 

iraqiholl, I think that there are many different types of enlargement surgery.... you should do a little internet research. If women can get boob jobs, I can't see what would be wrong with fixing some things you are insecure about.

 

I can understand where your coming from though. Basically it feels like with this guy it was "just sex" and with you its "just love". You want to be both to her.

 

Take Norajanes advice.... and good luck.

[quankanne]

when you're driving somewhere in the car, stroke her thigh. When you're out to dinner, look at her across the table as though SHE is what you want for dinner and tell her you can't wait to get her home...send her an email during the day and tell her a few things you'd like to do her after work...when you pass by her in the kitchen, stroke her butt and kiss the back of her neck and nibble on her earlobe before you go to take the garbage out...BE CREATIVE and build up the tension - that sexual tension is what gets a woman crazy for sex.

 

damn, NJ ... you're making ME sizzle at your suggestions. I'd give my right arm for my husband to do these things, because as you say, sexual tension just heightens those feelings for him

 

*pant, pant* cold shower, anyone?

[Cobra_X30]

Hmmm... I wasnt going to post this but I went back and read some of the responses to your story and it upset me a little. To say the situation is all your fault and that you should get over it... is in my opinion stupid. So I am going to maybe sound out why you may be feeling the way you do.

 

First you state that your wife has been with alot of men, and go on to further describe her relationship with your best friend as pretty much just sexual. Fine, so this means she has no problem with other men thinking about her as a sexual object, and using her as such. Yeah, that should bother you, because now your the one guy dumb enough to respect someone who doesnt care about being respected.

 

Second, you decribe her relationship with your BF as bieng more passionate and sensual than your current marriage. So, she isnt willing to give that part of herself to you. What are you supposed to be happy because she is willing to be your lifetime roommate?

 

Sounds like she had other guys when she wanted fun, and now she settles for you because you are willing to take care of her. Thats right! Your second best. She traded in edgy and fun, for safe and boring.

 

Dont let anyone tell you to just "get over it". You shouldnt have to settle! She should be busy making you feel like a king!

[quankanne]

boy, you're not doing anything to help this poor guy stave off his paranoia!

 

look, what's in the past should remain in the past. If not for all of IH's questions about her old sex life, he wouldn't be eaten alive by this jealousy.

 

it's normal to wonder, but do you really need to know this stuff? Is it going to help or hinder your relationship once you do find out these things? Does it really make you feel better knowing?

 

as I've said before, people may trip down memory lane from time to time, but realize that those things are in the past for a reason. If she was so hung up on the sex with his friend, IH never would have had a chance with her. His insecurities are being blown out of proportion because he refuses to let the past go. Telling him that she's to blame only adds fire to the flame, so to speak.

[Cobra_X30]

I think his feelings are valid. Maybe its because I believe the guy can demand a little more out of life than sloppy seconds. I think he should be able to be the fun, edgy guy rather than the safe-bet, paycheck. Why can't she treat her husband as well in the bedroom as her X? Seriously, if she did he wouldnt be here posting!

[norajane]

I think his feelings are valid. Maybe its because I believe the guy can demand a little more out of life than sloppy seconds. I think he should be able to be the fun, edgy guy rather than the safe-bet, paycheck. Why can't she treat her husband as well in the bedroom as her X? Seriously, if she did he wouldnt be here posting!

 

Whoa - sloppy seconds? WTF are you going on about? If he had issues with his wife's sexual history, the time to be worried about how many men she slept with was before he married her. Now, after she's been faithful to him for 11 years and loving him and creating a life with him, you're going to insult her by calling her used goods???

 

Why are you blaming his wife?? For what? He didn't say a single word about his wife not treating him as well in the bedroom as she did her ex. In fact, she had been telling him all along that HE, her husband, the guys she loves and married, is the BEST she ever had, including her ex.

 

And by the way, just because a woman makes a lot of noise doesn't mean it's the best orgasm ever. She could have been putting on a show - she may have faked the noise that night he heard her. You want her to fake the noise just to ease her husband's ego?? That's really all he's basing his fears on - the noise he heard through the wall.

 

For a woman, LOVE and EMOTIONS and INTIMACY and feeling like her partner thinks she is the hottest thing ever, goes a long, long way in the bedroom. It adds so much to sex that it makes all the other sex she's ever had pale in comparison. When added to a great physical experience, it makes sex mindblowing (even though it doesn't mean she's going to scream about it!!!).

 

Man MEN actually understand that intimacy component to sex, because they themselves feel it when they are with the partners they love. His wife is telling him that she has that with him. He can't hope to hear any better than that, because there isn't any sex better than that.

 

And yes, it's easy to forget about past escapades. I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday, much less the sex I had 11 years ago. And if that sex was just physical and had nothing more going for it, I probably forgot about it shortly after the guy was history.

[quankanne]

I think he should be able to be the fun, edgy guy rather than the safe-bet, paycheck.

 

at which point, I would ask, how do you know he's not the fun, edgy guy in truth? Or are you basing all of this on his hang-up of hearing her scream for sex more than a decade ago? Do we even know that he has attempted to bring that level of freakiness to the relationship, as well? Nope ... all we know is that he can't get that image out of his head that she's already abandoned because she's found a better thing in life: Him.

 

backing up what NJ says: he doesn't have to be a freak in bed, or make her scream in ecstasy to be the best damn screw she's ever had, because when a woman feels love, that sex is going to automatically be the best she's ever had because they're connecting on more than just a physical level.

[Cobra_X30]

Your right. He is 11 years too late in complaining, but that doesnt make his feelings any less valid. Actually its even harder for him because it was right there in his face.

 

And yes it is her problem. Her past actions have caused current insecurities for her husband, and her only response is talk? Gimme a break SHOW ME dont tell me. I know what words are worth. And yes sometimes that takes things.... like effort. A woman dresses up for her boyfriend, but wont even put on make-up for her husband. And we blame him for that? Tell him to just "get over it"?

 

Its great and wonderful that her emotional needs are getting met. Sounds to me like his are not. Men 101 - Men feel loved through sex.

 

You dont just flip a switch and forget your past. And a guy would rather be Just that Physical fling than just some emotional connection.

[quankanne]

A woman dresses up for her boyfriend, but wont even put on make-up for her husband.

 

beg pardon? He's obsessing over a sex noise, and admits that everything in their relationship OTHER THAN the sex is fantastic. Not that she doesn't try to please him otherwise:

 

I asked her all the time because of what I heard that night … she just doenst want to tell me. I have tried everything I can and I dont get a response out of her like I heard that night … and now I feel like my confidence was stripped away … just as a kicker I think it was MUCH better than I can do … . All I hear is her moaning now in the next room in my head. I even heard the end when he was finishing in her. It is driving me nuts.

 

she's damned if she's honest about the sex being way better because of the love involved in her marriage, and she's damned if she tries to please her husband by shrieking away to please him. Maybe he just needs to get the heck outta Dodge and leave her because he's never going to be satisfied sexually ... all because he refuses to move past her past.

[norajane]

And yes it is her problem. Her past actions have caused current insecurities for her husband, and her only response is talk?

 

What is she supposed to do? She can't erase her past. And it's not like she hid the fact she was with that guy. He married her knowing she had other lovers besides him. When does the statute of limitations run out on creepy obsessions?

 

Gimme a break SHOW ME dont tell me. I know what words are worth. And yes sometimes that takes things.... like effort. A woman dresses up for her boyfriend, but wont even put on make-up for her husband. And we blame him for that? Tell him to just "get over it"?

 

WHERE are you getting this stuff from? Where did he say ANYTHING about her dressing up or make up or anything??? All he said was that he's been obsessing about this for 11 years and that everything is terrific with his wife, besides his obsession about her ex.

 

You dont just flip a switch and forget your past. And a guy would rather be Just that Physical fling than just some emotional connection.

Then why did he marry her if he'd rather be just a physical fling?

 

And he's not being asked to flip a switch. He's had 11 years of married life to see his wife as a whole person, rather than just a pussy getting banged on the other side of a wall. She's the one who should feel insulted that he can't see the totality of their marriage and is focusing on something that happened in another decade in another century with someone she doesn't give a damn about. And NOW HE is RUINING their sex life together because he can't relax and enjoy the woman who has been loving him for 11 years.