Cobra_X30 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 NJ, Look at what the guy is really saying here. Maybe he's just got some creepy obsession, but I really doubt that. He is talking about passion. He is saying that he feels his wife had more passion for this other guy. It means he isnt seeing that same level of desire that he witnessed her having for the other guy. Getting dressed up was an analogy for the effort put into a relationship. Are you really looking at this from a guys point of view? Yeah, you would rather not fake an orgasm, its more meaningful when its real. Well, a guy would rather see the mirrors falling off the wall, even if its fake. Why? Cause sometimes guys cant tell real from fake. So the guy feels inadaquate and pressured to perform better. Whats he supposed to do about that? Is that really his fault? No, because whether its true or not he thinks he has concrete proof that he isnt as good. And yes she would have to go out of her way to show some passion here and there. Mostly thats where your previous post is spot on. Im not 100% disagreeing with you here, and actually my first post wasnt directed at you in any way. What I am saying is that he has a valid reason for feeling the way he does. Just think about this from a masculine perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 So what? She was more attracted to and had better sex with this other guy. So what? Life happens. It's not like most people end up in LTR relationships with the people they had the best sex with. Usually there are a lot of other considerations that factor in determining your life partner. People are spoiled, that's what I get out of this. They have huge egos and need to feel superior, because we live in a society that spoils people. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Im sure there has been questions like this but I feel mine has a twist in it. My wife was seeing my best friend right before I met her. They were have alot of sex. While they were going out my soon to be wife was talking to me one night alone in the living room. We were discussing how her boyfriend, my best friend, and my girl friend were just crap and we didnt want to see them anymore, yet alone she didnt want anymore sex with him. That night I walked her down the hallway I went to my room and she went to my best friends as normal. About 20 minutes later I heard the most incredible sex going on in the next room that I have ever heard through a wall. She was getting it good for quite some time. I heard the whole thing from start to finish and it was a finish. I didnt think to much about it and went on with life. About 2 weeks later she had a thing going for me I guess because after our talk in the living room she liked what I was about and thought I could respect a girl and I can. I had only been with 5 girls before, lots of girl friends but not to much sex. She on the other hand had alot to include my best friend. here is where I should have stopped but we started to see each other. I went to my best friend out of respect and asked him if he cared if I was to see her and he said that he was glad I asked and no he didnt care. We started seeing eachother and went on to live together and then got married. I asked her all the time because of what I heard that night if she liked it and what the hell was going on in there. She gave me crappy answers and acted like it wasnt good, he was the same size as me and that I was the best. Well she to this day still says that Im the best, dont know if I believe that. Just recently I have asked her enough that she finally broke down and told me that he was bigger than me, could last longer than me and up until me He was her absolute best in bed. It turns out they were doing it in the shower, in the bed and then he would wake up in the night and start while she was still asleep so she would wake up to sex. They were doing it 2-3 times a day for long periods of time. I was shaken. I asked her why or what the hell they have done but she acts like she has forgotten. All she knows is he was her best. It doesnt make sense to me. How do you forget if it was that good. she just doenst want to tell me. I have tried everything I can and I dont get a response out of her like I heard that night. She says he asked her to be loud but even when I have asked her to be loud it doesnt sound like that. I know this is stupid after 11 years but she just laid it on me recently and now I feel like my confidense was stripped away. I should have never married a girl after she was with my best friend yet alone after what I heard them doing but we are so damn good if you take away the sex now. After I talked to her I get that Im not as big as him and cant last as long as him so Im feeling really pathetic right now. She says it was just a sex thing and she didnt want a relationship, like that is going to make me feel better. She isnt getting at all what she is doing to me. She says that it was before me and she is right but my brain doesnt comprehend that 2 weeks before seeing me was before me. My brain sees it as it is all in the same time zone. and just as a kicker I think it was MUCH better than I can do. I know someone is going to say somthing like well she loves you but common..... you all have to know this is going to hurt a dude. So what do you all think I can do to help myself??? Im wondering if there is anything and maybe the rest of my life with her if screwed. I am wondering if I will ever have confidense now. All I hear is her moaning now in the next room in my head. I even heard the end when he was finishing in her. It is driving me nuts. Has anyone ever heard there soon to be girl getting it in the next room?? and it was was top notch. I have lived in alot of apartments and party houses and I have never heard a girl getting it like this. I cant believe I am going to say this but it was a big time turn on that night, I dont mind hearing a girl get it. But it hurts like hell now. What do I do about my sanity?? Im not a counselor type. Rude and crude tell me to let her hear me giving it to a girl but Im sure that isnt what a counselor would tell me. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks ahead of time and yes I think this is really messed up and I should have known what I got myself into way way back when I heard it going on. Have you ever told her all of this, and that you're very upset about all of this? Also how you feel you can't compare to the other guy? You gotta let her know how you're feeling about all of this, maybe let her read this thread of yours..... Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 There is little to add since many have so well answered but this is from me. Do you think you are the only guy who's wife had a better lover in the past? Are we women to be so shallow that we judge our men solely on their bedroom powers? My God man ... get over it! If she didn't remember the old boyfriend you certainly have revived those memories. It souds like you are looking for a conflict to justify your insecurities. Stop it! Stop trying to hurt her for your feelings of inadequacies. She married YOU! Even with your smallish penis and lack of endurance. That should tell you something? Right? I have no shame about my past. I grew up in the 70s. Does that make my husband any less? Heck no! Have I had better sex? By the way, I've known a 12 incher and that is no fun. <rolling eyes> Are women less enjoyable if their breast are smaller than the girl you did in high school? After twenty years, who cares?! I'm happy with my lot. Why do you insist your wife is not? Diclaimer: Been with only two men in the past 25 years. I was married to both. Until now I had never compared them! And to be honest, I cared for each and that is what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 I grew up in the 70s oh, man ... now *I* feel inferior. Talk about lots and lots of free lovin' going on. I shoulda been a hippie. Or at least a true earth mama ... Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I reread your first post, I assume that you and your friend lived in a house? If so, it sounds like she and her boyfriend used you at the time, what I mean is, if they knew you were still there in the house, and/or your room was close by, she may have gotten a big thrill from knowing that you would hear them having sex, which intensified her orgasms, making the sex incredible, this is just a theory of course, but, it does sound like you were used to get a thrill. If you can't overcome this, you may want to start looking at divorcing her. Has she read this thread yet? Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I grew up in the 70s oh, man ... now *I* feel inferior. Talk about lots and lots of free lovin' going on. I shoulda been a hippie. Or at least a true earth mama ... Hahahaha! Well I woudn't take anything I remember back but I could never run for office! Link to post Share on other sites
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