supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 she came to my town to attend my other sister's baby shower (we live together) and she decided to go to san antonio to meet one of her "girlfriends." she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. every time i would ask to talk to her "friend," my sister would claim she was in the shower or standing in line at a video rental store. i didn't believe a word of it. when she came back to our place, i looked inside her suitcase and found condoms. i pretty much knew what had happened. i really like my sister's husband, but i think my sister used him just to have kids and start the "perfect family." what would you do if you were in my situation?
FireandIce Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I would stay out of it. First of all, she's your sister and telling her husband would cause problems with your whole family. Secondly, you don't know if anything really happened. Why don't you try just asking her? Plus, why were you asking to speak to her friend anyways? Do you know the person she was supposed to be going with? I just thought that sounded strange. 1
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Are you out of your mind??? This is absolutely none of your business... stay out of it... Why would you do that? 1
Love is Tragic Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 she came to my town to attend my other sister's baby shower (we live together) and she decided to go to san antonio to meet one of her "girlfriends." she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. every time i would ask to talk to her "friend," my sister would claim she was in the shower or standing in line at a video rental store. i didn't believe a word of it. when she came back to our place, i looked inside her suitcase and found condoms. i pretty much knew what had happened. i really like my sister's husband, but i think my sister used him just to have kids and start the "perfect family." what would you do if you were in my situation? Yikes.. sticky situation. Im sure she is expecting you to keep your mouth shut because she IS your sister. I would have a talk with her and see if you can get her to give you some real info. Even though it seems obvious what she is up to, you really only have potential lies that she told you and condoms in the suitcase. Wait til you have solid proof that she is cheating before you do anything. Are you the type of sisters who are super close and tell each other everything? If she wont give you any info and swears that nothing is going on, i would tell her that you will not be babysitting her kids so she can go out and have her affair. You can tell her you dont want to be involved in it and just stay out of it. If it was me, i wouldnt necessarily tell her H, i think that is their business as long as you stay un-involved. But if you really feel like you should get involved, i would make subtle hints to the H, ask him about the 'friend' she supposedly went to see, find out how much he knows aboutt the situation.
Author supertouch Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 i never thought about providing "hints" to him. that seems like the best way to go about this. p.s. i'm a guy =) 1
Love is Tragic Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Lol, whoops-sorry bout that.. Ok, then are you and the sis really close? Does she tell you details about her life/family? I would really personally stay out of it unless she continues to pawn off her kids on you so she can go be with her lover. Thats definitely not cool. Stay un-involved unless she keeps trying to drag you into the whole mess. Only then would i let hubby know.
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 she came to my town to attend my other sister's baby shower (we live together) and she decided to go to san antonio to meet one of her "girlfriends." she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. every time i would ask to talk to her "friend," my sister would claim she was in the shower or standing in line at a video rental store. i didn't believe a word of it. when she came back to our place, i looked inside her suitcase and found condoms. i pretty much knew what had happened. i really like my sister's husband, but i think my sister used him just to have kids and start the "perfect family." what would you do if you were in my situation? No, you tell your sister that you know she is cheating, so SHE is aware of your eyes watching her... But, until you have actually 'seen' her in action I wouldn't say a word. Yes, the condoms are a sign of 'something' but you really don't have proof.
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I read your post again...and finding condoms in her suitcase is not a 'proof'... unless you actually catch her, you have absolutely no proof...and her husband will hate you for destroying their marriage. First of all, you had no business in her suitcase.... geezzz
Tyra Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I would personally mind my own business. Now, if the shoe was on the other foot and you knew he was cheating on your sister, then of course tell her. But that isn't the case. So stay out of it. That's your sister, you don't do things like that.
Darth Vader Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I would say something, she's playing with her husbands life by possibly spreading STDs to him! 1
Lynna Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Talk to your sister first. Ask her what is going on. Tell her what you suspect. Tell her that it bothers you and why it is wrong. Lay boundaries with her, make sure she knows that she loves you but then tell her that you do not condone and will not support such behavior. Tell her that you will not be party to such deception. Let her know that she is welcome to come and visit you provided that she is actually coming to visit you and not using it as a convienient excuse. If she cannot do that then she is not welcome. What does your other sister think? Does she know/suspect? I would talk to her before you talk to your brother-in-law. Yes, he would probably want to know, but give your sister the chance to make things right first. She should own up to the problems in her marriage and make attempts to rectify them either through divorce or counseling. If she shows no signs of changing after you talk to her, then consider dropping hints. Maybe he already is suspicious and that will give him what he needs to figure things out on his own.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Wow, I could have written your post (all the way down to being used to watch the kids under false pretenses) except it was our best friends. He travels a lot on his job and his W confessed to my spouse that on a night she asked us to sit while a "old friend" was in town, she instead met and slept with her ex H. I agonized for days over what to do and finally decided that, since my friend was blissfully happy in their M, I wasn't going to drop the bomb on their life together. However, I did do this - I told my W to tell her that I knew. And to tell her that if I ever suspected anything similar was happening, I'd blow the whistle right away. Shortly after that, they moved to another city. Coincidence? I don't think so... Mr. Lucky
shakenandstirred Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 There is something shady going on. Why leave the kids? and why have condoms when you are married. Not to say that married people don't use condoms, but why have them when you're husband is not there. I know, I know, you might say she had them there before from previously travelling with her husband and they bought condoms or something. That's sounds too far fetch. Your sister is up to no good. You have no proof and believe me she is not going to tell you. Just lay low and eventually, if she is cheating, the truth will come out.
quiet1one1 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I agree w Lizzie (for once!) that you have no proof. I also agree you don't say a word to her H (I'm a guy too). Talk to her sister-to-sister about what you suspect and add that "if I suspect it he easily could too". Encourage her to be honest - I assume he deserves at least that. I also wouldn't be her babysitter while she's out playing around - if she is .
dbtmarley Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I would have taken some of the condoms and threw them under her seat or something... SHE IS A CHEATER AND SHOULD BE HANGED... ooops I mean busted. 1
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. I don’t know whether you’re comfortable revealing to your sister what you found in her suitcase, but the best person to answer your question would be her. I agree with the others that her life is her life to screw up which ever way she sees fit, but one should not take advantage of, use or trick family members and friends into becoming co-conspirators in the betrayal of another family member or friend. Once someone chooses to involve you like this, than it does become your business and you have every right to ask questions and even voice your disapproval. If she doesn’t want you “in it” ... than she should be considerate enough keep you out of it. Period.
Cobra_X30 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 You need to get in her face, tell her that you dont know whats going on but if she can't explain the situation 110% to your satisfaction that your going to tell her Husband everything you have seen and heard. Nothing but the facts. Come on, this is your sister you should know if this is something she is capable of. If you really love her then you have to confront her on this.
KindBlindConflicted Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 ...but bring it up with her. Don't tell her you looked in the suitcase. Address it casually, like, "so who was this friend you went to see in SA?" If she hem-haws around, tell her that you suspect she is not telling you all and that is she expects you to be her baby-sitter, she needs to at least be truthful with you. Make it clear that whatever she tells you is in strictest confidence unless she ever puts the kids in harms way--and then keep your promise. THEN, and this is the important part, if it is true, have a conversation about what is wrong in her marriage that she would choose this route. Be a shoulder to lean on, not the enemy. While cheating is never the right path, there are underlying reasons why normally straight-up people go there. What if her hubby has cheated and she is getting even. Not the right choice, but if you told hubby, you give him the upper hand over your sister. Remember, she will always be your sister. If you betray her rather than trying to help her, the wedge between the two of you could become a forever thing. Life is too short for that.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 she came to my town to attend my other sister's baby shower (we live together) and she decided to go to san antonio to meet one of her "girlfriends." she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. every time i would ask to talk to her "friend," my sister would claim she was in the shower or standing in line at a video rental store. i didn't believe a word of it. when she came back to our place, i looked inside her suitcase and found condoms. i pretty much knew what had happened. i really like my sister's husband, but i think my sister used him just to have kids and start the "perfect family." what would you do if you were in my situation? There's far more going on inside you, than the need to tell or not. What in the world would make you, as a brother, go through your sisters suitcase? Are there historical resentments that you harbour against your sister?
GreenEyedLady Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 There's far more going on inside you, than the need to tell or not. What in the world would make you, as a brother, go through your sisters suitcase? Are there historical resentments that you harbour against your sister? That's what I'm saying...Why on earth would someone demand to talk to the friend their sister's with anyway?! You're her brother, not her dad...
Cobra_X30 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Well, my sister has gone through all kinds of addictions and bad men. So I have to admit I do this kind of stuff. Dad isnt really a forceful guy. With all honesty, she needs to be protected from herself. Super, may be in a similar situation.
FireandIce Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 That's what I'm saying...Why on earth would someone demand to talk to the friend their sister's with anyway?! You're her brother, not her dad... That's what I found strange as well. Why keep asking to talk to her friend? I don't know, it's just not something I would do I guess...
KindBlindConflicted Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 STouch hasn't responded to the lingering question of talking to the friend she was with. I sort of assumed that the friend was an old friend whom he knew well, he wanted to say hello, and there were strange and convenient excuses by the sister why she could not put her on the phone. If that was the case, then it isn't like he is trying to be her Dad, that would be a plausible reason to talk to the friend. If that is not the case, then I am on board with the why want to talk to her and why dig through the suitcase. With no answers from STouch, I am left to believe there is more to the story and history that has gone untold to give him suspicions or he is controlling and jumping to conclusions. We'll see...I guess...
bish Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 she came to my town to attend my other sister's baby shower (we live together) and she decided to go to san antonio to meet one of her "girlfriends." she left her kids at my place while she went out of town and would call to check up on us. every time i would ask to talk to her "friend," my sister would claim she was in the shower or standing in line at a video rental store. i didn't believe a word of it. when she came back to our place, i looked inside her suitcase and found condoms. i pretty much knew what had happened. i really like my sister's husband, but i think my sister used him just to have kids and start the "perfect family." what would you do if you were in my situation? Your sister's husband deserves to know what a wh0re he is married to. 1
bish Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 There's far more going on inside you, than the need to tell or not. What in the world would make you, as a brother, go through your sisters suitcase? Are there historical resentments that you harbour against your sister? How about the fact that this woman makes her sister watch her kids while she goes off to fornicate with someone other than her husband. When her sister's story just doesn't add up and she avoids things like telling her who she was with...that is what made her suspicious enough to look for something. Otherwise, the next time this tramp decides she wants to go off with condoms in her suitcase to another city....she can find someone else to watch her kids.
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