Is This Crazy or Is There Something Wrong with Me?

[flowergirl]

The following discussion occured at my famiy dinner table this evening. My father, who assists me in accounting and keeping track of my bank account, mentioned that I'd spent a lot out at the bar over the weekend, and he was concerned about that. My mother and her ubiquitous best friend/co-worker chimed in and repeatedly stated that it was an unwise decision to have just taken my debit card out and paid for a night of drinks and food totalling around $50 without waiting first to have someone split it with me, or subsequently ask for cash for the other person's share. I told them that I was trying to be nice and I got the point, so we could be done with it. So then my mother's friend says she's gonna give me some cash for some of the bill, and speak to my other friend about not paying her part of the bill, and at first I said ok, that would be good, then it occured to me to mention that my friend had bought me lunch to make up for me paying the bar bill the night before. After I mentioned this, they said I really needed to he made the coonection before, because it counted as a social compact and a partial payback for the night before. Is it a big deal that I didn't mention it before, or was the reaction a little overkill?

[Trimmer]

My thought is that if you're 31 and your parents are still managing your money, you should work towards a goal of becoming independent of that in the near future.

 

Maybe there's more to your story than meets the eye here, but your basic question is: is their reaction overkill? My answer is that, for me, if I'm a 31 year-old adult, old enough to go out to bars and decide who I am going to socialize with, I'm old enough to make my own financial decisions, and not have them become dinner table discussion topics with my parents, especially with family friends chiming in.

 

Do you make your own money, or does your money come from your parents, or what? What gives them a claim on control of your finances?

[flowergirl]

Well, Trimmer, very good question. I've had serious problems with my bipolar in the past including financial manifestations, and I suppose I have fallen into a comfort zone of having my parents watch over my finances. It's actually a lot better and less controlled since my father has assumed the primary responsibility. My mother was a lot stricter. My father will pretty much just mention something, not really have complete control.

[flowergirl]

Oh, I forgot to mention that I make my own money and in addition am resonsible for paying my own credit card and cell phone bill. Not much, but it's a start, I suppose.

[Elmo]

Well, Trimmer, very good question. I've had serious problems with my bipolar in the past including financial manifestations, and I suppose I have fallen into a comfort zone of having my parents watch over my finances. It's actually a lot better and less controlled since my father has assumed the primary responsibility. My mother was a lot stricter. My father will pretty much just mention something, not really have complete control.

 

 

If you ask for help that is what you are going to get. May not be your idea of help. Work toward independence and the prize will be only answering to yourself.