Done everything wrong

[lula37]

My boyfriend & I have been together for 9 years, I recently moved 1000 miles to be with him. In the process of getting a job & starting a life in a new place with only him I had no financial resource. I could have asked him, but I didn't, I took what I needed out of his pocket. I know it was wrong, I just couldn't deal with his comments. He is from a different world than I am, he doesn't know what it's like to live pay to pay or to worry about groceries or anything like that. He asked me about it, I was open & honest. He was furious & broke it off. I know he's upset & rightly so, but to go to such extreme. He says he need time to think about this & maybe we can work it out, but not for a while. He's been my best friend for 9 years. I'm so mad at myself fo doing this to him, I keep replaying it in my mind. I've been over to his apartment 3 times & called to many times to count just apologising & crying and trying to rectify the situation. After him being the only I go to for anything and now I cannot call him or go over its nearly unbearable. I know what I did was wrong, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't feel I had to, I will never do it again (I've expressed this to him as well) offered to pay him back. This is the worst pain of my life and the fact that he has to go through just as much pain is killing me. I can't eat or sleep, everything reminds me of him, after 9 years there is very little that doesn't remind me of him. How could I have messed up this bad? I just want my lover & best friend back....I just hope he is willing to work through this with me. It's been 3 days & it's not getting any easier, does it ever? Will we ever be able to get past this? Will he ever want to marry me if we do get past this?